I walked for several blocks with no destination. I just needed to get out of that motel room for a minute and think about what Madeline had just asked me. She was asking me to move to Italy with her. I loved her and wanted to protect her, but I couldn’t just move to Italy for her.
It was too soon for a move like that for the both of us, even if I did love her and needed to move out of the back building. She was young and full of ambition. She needed adventures like that in her life to have experiences. She also needed to get the heck out of dodge, even with the Riccis and their stupid criminal friends out of the way now. There was no need for her to stay here and possibly become the target of a new unknown enemy.
And what would she want me to come to Italy with her for? She had much more sophistication and education than I had in my entire being.
Then again, I loved her so much it almost killed me. Both figuratively and literally speaking. This was a tough one to chew on for me. I never thought that when I came to work for Mr. Bianco, I would end up loving his only daughter. I never imagined that I would kiss her and have sex with her and have her make me feel good about myself. I had never felt good about myself.
I had always relied on myself and never let anyone in. Sure, I’d shared nights with women, but I never kept them around. Because everyone I’ve loved or been close with was taken from me. I couldn’t risk getting so close with Madeline and losing her. I had already felt what that might be like, and I couldn’t put myself through that.
And what the hell would I do in Italy? I only had experience in two things, Navy SEALs and working security for a mobster family. That’s where all my networking connections were too. And there was no way I wanted to become a cop. They would laugh in my face if I even stepped into the precinct. My head began to reel uncontrollably.
I was nine years older than her and I’d served as a SEAL for eight years. I had been to so many countries on tours, and I had been to Italy once. But I never traveled on my own abroad. It was a beautiful country, but I had no desire to go back.
But I also knew that it would be very difficult for me to be here while she was off making a star of herself in design school in a city full of handsy Italian men. The men worried me. After seeing her in the position she was in last night, it made me worried that I wouldn’t be able to protect her from afar. I wouldn’t be able to.
On the other hand, I didn’t want to relocate myself to another country, learn a new language, and what would I do for the time that she was working? She was asking a lot for me to come with her. I was old enough to know how situations like that usually worked out. They usually didn’t.
And if it ended up not working between us, then I would be stuck in another country with an angry fiery little Italian woman hating my guts. It was too intense a thought for me to process. I had just admitted to myself and to Madeline that I loved her and was always going to protect her.
And now I felt like she was jumping the gun way ahead and asking me to move to Italy with her. I wanted to have a little time to enjoy her as my Maddie, the girl I was madly in love with. And I wanted to be by her side as she was about to bury her parents. And I wanted a little time to spend with her as just us. I could take her upstate and we could spend some alone time in the woods with nothing but trees and owls.
I didn’t want to go from living under the same roof just because it was safer for her to get on a plane and go to Italy forever. That was just crazy to me.
Before I realized it, I had walked at least ten blocks away from the motel, and I checked my phone to see that Madeline had called me several times and texted me. I turned around and called her back and said I was headed back. As I hung up and walked back to the room, I started to work out in my head what I would say to her.
I also saw that I got a text from my contact telling me it was safe for us to return to town and to the Bianco estate as soon as we could. That was quick.
When I got back to the motel room and saw Madeline all dressed and ready, she was smiling at me expectantly. I told her that we needed to get going before checkout and she understood that I wasn’t ready to talk about Italy just yet. She picked up her stuff and I helped her load it into my car. When I turned around, I saw her heading for the offices. I asked her what she was doing, and she said she was going to pay for the room.
I was a little insulted that she wasn’t going to let me pay for the motel room. But I figured this was her annoyed reaction at me for not giving her the response she wanted from me. She had to learn that you can’t get everything you want. And so, I let her pay and waited in the car for her.
As we drove, we both talked about absolutely nothing. I could tell that she was trying to push all her stressed-out feelings out of the way so she could deal with the fact that she had to go back to her house and pack up her stuff. Her aunt had called her and said that the house was going on the market soon. It would probably sell fast once it was listed, and she needed to hurry back and pack all of her belongings up and anything else she wanted to keep that wasn’t being taken out of the house.
There was a lot of stolen art in the house, and to resolve many issues before they were discovered, all the mobsters who had been protected by Mr. Bianco were going in and out of the house to clear it before potential buyers walked through. Her aunt was telling her that the ‘home stagers’ were coming through the house. I watched Madeline roll her eyes as she knew they weren’t home stagers. Bless her aunt.
“Home stagers, huh? How are they dressed?” I tried to listen in as I could hear her aunt try to apply her improv skills on the spot through the phone to her niece.
“Okay, I’ll have to take your word for it. We are on our way back and we would love to have a dinner with you before I leave.” As she emphasized the I leave part, she turned to me and gave me an evil look. I looked at her and gave her an expression that begged for her sympathy. She decided to ignore me and continued to talk to her aunt. Her mood lightened with me once she hung up.
The only home she ever knew suddenly had more regular foot traffic than a mall. That had to be a tough thing to deal with, so I humored her by going along with her conversation about trivial topics. I could tell she was trying to distract herself.
We finally reached the old Bianco estate. I watched as Madeline looked at her childhood home with deeply sad eyes. I couldn’t even imagine what she was feeling, but I read on her face that she needed a little space to deal with all of her emotions as she packed. I told her if she needed anything, I would be in the back building. I knew she wouldn’t call me, but I wanted her to know that I was still there for her. There was no one around the house at the moment that I could see.
I watched her walk slowly through the front doors and shut them hard behind her. I went to the back building and decided I should really look into those apartments I had bookmarked. After what happened earlier, I wouldn’t need to save any of the apartments that would make Madeline happy. They were my just in case something changes for her plan. That thought made me feel heavy as I walked toward the back building.
And as I did, it didn’t feel like home to me anymore, and that made me feel even heavier. As I continued to walk, I started to feel lost, like I first felt when both of my parents passed away. Even then, I never felt like I was part of a happy home. This was why I loved working for the Biancos. They made this place feel like a real home for me. It almost felt like they were my family. Even though I mostly kept to myself, it was the first place I felt any kind of warmth.
And now the first place I could call home and the one woman I had ever truly loved were disappearing. I was beside myself by the time I reached the front door. It felt heavy as I turned the door knob and dragged myself in. I closed the door behind me and looked around. It all looked dead and dull on the inside. Kind of like how I felt at the moment. I let out a deep breath and walked into the kitchen and threw my duffle bag on the counter. I grabbed a beer and my laptop and slumped down on the couch. I turned the TV to the first channel that had a
game on. I set my phone in front of me and zoned out.
A little bit later, I was so relaxed and chill that I barely noticed that Madeline had let herself in and was sitting down on the couch with me. I smiled at her and lifted my arm for her to lean in. She cuddled into me and began pawing at my pecks while I kissed the top of her head. We stayed like this for a while until she brought up Italy again.
I inhaled and exhaled and then we met eye to eye. “Maddie, I think you are talented, and you will get into that design school in Italy and become an amazing designer. But I just don’t think it’s a good idea for me to go with you. You need to go and focus and have your experience in Italy without me.” I thought that I was smiling encouragingly at her, but I don’t think I actually was.
“What will you do?” she asked in a soft voice.
“Don’t worry about me.” As soon as I said this, I regretted it.
Madeline got up and started pacing back and forth in front of the coffee table. “We love each other,” she said, almost crying.
I leaned forward and looked at her. “Our loving each other isn’t going to change things. But I want you to hear me when I say this. You need to go experience being on your own. I will figure out something for myself here. This is all new between us.” And I knew the minute I said it that it wasn’t true.
“That’s not true. There have been so many loving feelings between us long before either of us said it to each other.” She was waving her arms dramatically now. I got up and went over to her and held her.
“I know,” I said, and then I squeezed her.
“Then what’s the problem?” she asked as she began to paw at my pecks again. I loved when she did that.
“It’s complicated right now, Maddie. I need time to think about it. Can you give me time to think about it?” I could feel her nodding her head against my chest.
We then sat on the couch together and Maddie ordered food. She asked if she could spend the night with me. It was too eerie for her to stay in that house. I kissed her and said yes, and we spent the night just holding each other.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Madeline
It was an overcast day at my parents’ funeral. I got dressed into my loosest black dress and my only two-inch heels. I was trying to look respectable, the way my mother used to dress me before I fought her about dressing myself. I also knew that the amount of cleavage on all the trophy wives today would be too much. I was holding my Burberry trench coat and stared out of Blake’s living room window at the clouds.
My aunt had taken care of all the funeral preparations. Due to recent events, I was in no place to prepare their funeral. My aunt was happy to do it and she was just happy I was safe and under Blake’s protection.
I felt absolutely nothing today, and I hoped I could shed tears at my parents’ funeral today. I really missed them. But I had so many things on my mind, and all I could hear in my head were my dad’s words of encouragement. ‘Eyes on the prize, my little Mandolin.’ It annoyed me back then, but now it was really helpful to me.
I also never understood why his nickname for me was Mandolin. I never thought to ask because I always knew what his business was and the thought of asking him freaked me out. I saw Blake walking out of the bedroom and adjusting his tie. He looked so handsome and a small tear came out. I wiped it away before he could see me crying. He came over and put his hand on my shoulder and asked if I was ready to go. I nodded slowly and we walked out of the back building.
My aunt had arranged for the closest relatives to ride in a limo to the funeral. I held on tight to Blake’s hand as we walked to the limo parked in the front driveway of the estate. He sat next to me and put his arm around me as my relatives did their best to be silent on the way to the church.
When we pulled up, there were so many mob families, my extended family, and locals outside the church to pay their respects. My aunt asked me before we got out of the limo if I wanted to say anything during the funeral. I told her that it would be too painful, but I would try to say something. It was pretty much expected of me to say a few words.
As soon as I got out of the limo, I put my sunglasses on and Blake never left my side. Everyone’s eyes were on me with sympathy in their eyes. I walked straight into the church and walked right up to the closed caskets. Blake and I stood there in silence as we looked at the bright glossy pictures of my parents by each casket. They were once full of life and now they lay still and in pieces. I didn’t shed a single tear.
I walked away and Blake offered his arm for me to hold. I held him close to me as I saw the church fill up quickly, and then I received a few head nods and hugs from my family members. I walked to my seat with Blake and we sat at the front of the church. I could feel everyone’s eyes on me. I still didn’t shed a tear.
The funeral began and I couldn’t hear a thing until my aunt tapped my shoulder that it was time for me to go say something. The priest announced me, and I swear I heard a silent gasp from everyone in that church. I walked up to the podium and took off my sunglasses. “Thank you for coming, everyone. This just shows that my father was loved in life as much as he is now in death. My parents were the most supportive and loving parents a girl could ask for. They gave me encouragement and love every day of my life until the last day we were together. I will always love them, and I know they will support any future decisions I make for myself.” I looked directly at Blake.
He was looking at me with loving eyes. I turned to my parents’ caskets. “I love you, Mom and Dad. Give ‘em hell in heaven.” Quiet laughs could be heard throughout the church. Even Blake got a kick out of it. My aunt scowled. I left the podium and stood between the caskets and blew kisses to them. I put my sunglasses back on and turned around and returned to my seat. Blake put his arm around me and the funeral continued.
After the caskets were carried out to the hearses, I stood at the front of the church with Blake and shook everyone’s hand. Good thing I wore my black leather gloves. I wasn’t sure how clean those old mobsters were with their hygiene.
On the limo ride to the burial site, I was completely silent. And even after they were both lowered into the ground and I dropped dirt on top of both of their graves, I still didn’t shed a tear.
There was a gathering at my aunt’s house, and I kept to myself. Even Blake couldn’t get a word out of me. I wasn’t thirsty or hungry and everyone was trying to force food and drink down my throat. I went upstairs to one of the guest rooms and sat on the bed for some privacy.
A few minutes later, Blake came in and asked me if he could sit with me. I nodded my head and he sat beside me. I hadn’t shed any tears. The only thing I could think of was that the man I loved didn’t want to go to Italy with me.
Blake said nothing to me, but he began to rub my shoulders, at first comfortingly, and then it turned sensual. I could feel that sensation I felt when he touched me like this. Then he began kissing my neck and licking me from behind my ears. I let out a moan.
Blake got up and locked the door. He came back to me and I faced him. He kissed me and he caressed my breasts. I wrapped my arms around his neck and then his hands moved up and down my back. He undid my dress and I took his jacket and tie off. I began to undo his shirt and the whole time, we were kissing.
He undid my bra and then he kissed my breasts and then laid me down on the bed. I undid his pants and stuck my hand down his boxers and encouraged his growing erection. Before I knew it, all our clothes were off and he put layers of blankets over us.
There was no hardcore thrusting or biting or licking. It was me wrapped up in his arms, and he pushed in and out of me gently while continuing to kiss me on the mouth. It was so sweet and intense and perfect that I felt like this was Blake’s way of saying goodbye to me.
He moved from kissing my mouth to my neck, and I began to cry silently. I stopped myself and focused on Blake. I reached orgasm and then the tears began to flood out. Blake just held me close to him, under the covers in the guest room, while all o
f my relatives and my parents’ friends were downstairs eating, drinking, and mourning the loss of a very powerful and influential couple.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Blake
I called up my security friend to come hang out with me while Madeline was packing up the last of her stuff with the help of her aunts and cousins. Since we slept together at the funeral, she hadn’t said a word to me. All I did was hold her and kiss her while she cried after we had sex.
I didn’t know what else to do for her because I knew she didn’t want to be around anyone except for me. She didn’t want to talk, and it was all I could do to comfort her in that moment. I originally intended to just sit with her, but I felt she wanted more from me and I wanted to give her something she wanted. I had hoped it would make her smile. It definitely didn’t.
My friend came in with a case of beer and we sat and watched the game. He kept asking me about how Madeline was at the funeral and I told him that I just tried to stay by her side the entire time.
“There was a moment where I couldn’t find her at her aunt’s house, and then when I did find her, she was just sitting by herself in one of the guest rooms and . . .” I began to scratch my head and then my friend sat up and looked at me. I tried to awkwardly avoid his gaze, but he guessed it.
“No way! Funeral sex?” He whispered the last part. I shook my head and took a long sip of beer.
“Well, I’m sad for Madeline, but good for you.” He nudged me encouragingly. I looked at him and told him that she cried during it. “You’re that bad, huh?”
I looked at him with an annoyed expression. “She’s applying for a design school in Italy and she asked me to go with her,” I explained.
“When? Before or after the funeral?” When I told him before, he started to understand why she might have been crying.
SEALed To Protect (Omerta Series) Page 10
