by J. R. Ward
"Do you know what I am?"
Nigel wheeled around. Colin was standing just inside the tent, his eyes remote, his body filling the entrance.
"I-I-I . . ." Nigel required a moment to contend with his surprise. "I'm sorry, whatever do you mean?"
Colin entered and did a little turn, holding his strong arms out from his body. "Do you know what I am?"
You are the love of my existence, Nigel thought.
"You are Colin," he said instead.
The other archangel made a non-committal sound in his throat--such that there was no telling whether the inquiry had been answered correctly. "There is a saying, down upon the earth about one such as myself. I'm certain you have heard of it?"
"I'm afraid I am not a mind reader." Nigel touched his own head. "This does not work as well as it used to."
Colin came a little closer, and closer still. And then he did the most miraculous thing. He reached out and touched Nigel's face, brushing down his cheek. "The saying that is so often tossed about among the souls down below is . . . 'To err is human, to forgive is divine.'"
Nigel's heart began to pound. And then his head became dizzy. "Yes, yes, I have heard this."
Please do not break my heart, he thought. Even though I broke yours.
"And what am I," Colin prompted.
"You are . . ." Tears made things go wavy. "You are an archangel. You are God's favored warrior, protector of Heaven and earth. You are . . ."
He couldn't get the last word out. So Colin finished for him. "I am divine." Colin leaned in and kissed him. "I am divine. And I forgive you."
Nigel was not gallant at all as he threw himself into his lover's arms. He knew not to question the gift of this reunion. He did not care what conclusions Colin had wrestled over and come to terms with. He didn't dwell on what precise realization had changed everything.
In the past, he would have insisted on knowing the particulars.
Now? He took what he was offered and held on for dear life.
There were other human sayings that came to mind, ones involving gifts and horses and mouths, even one involving "happily" and "ever" and "after."
But as he eased back in Colin's arms, he went with the most powerful human saying of them all.
"I love you," he said softly. "I love you . . . forever."
As Adrian let himself into the back of the old house, he had about thirty-five thousand calories of Dunkin' Donuts between the three bags and the box of twenty-four assorted that he'd just bought. It was around four in the afternoon, and even though some might have considered the load breakfast material only, he was far less judgmental--and because he was a good guy, he'd even tested the lot for poison, eating two jellies and a chocolate-covered on the way home. Talk about whetting the appetite. He was so looking forward to noshing a dozen more, drinking his coffee, and so then crashing with Eddie to recover from the night before.
"You got my java?" he said over his shoulder.
Eddie looked at him stupidly for a second. And then got with the program. "Yeah, um . . . yeah. Yeah, I do."
Yup, Eddie had had his brains fucked out.
Ad smiled and headed right for the table. They'd done a trio of women throughout the course of the evening--or had it been four? It was the good ol' days back again--made all the more intense because of the almost-lost-it's that had happened.
Now? For once in their immortal lives, he and his buddy were going to take a vacay. Maybe head somewhere warm, where the ladies wore thongs and nothing else, the beer was cold, and the fishing was spectacular--
The sound of something scratching at the back door brought his head around. Eddie opened things back up and the little scruffy dog that limped in was a welcome sight.
Dog had disappeared during this last round.
But now the little guy had returned, running in circles around Eddie's ankles, jumping up into Ad's lap.
"Hey, you wanna share?" Ad asked. When he got a bark in return, he popped the top of the box and hunted around for something that didn't have nuts. Although considering that Dog was not actually a dog, it probably didn't matter--
"What's that smell?" he said, recoiling.
And that was when he saw the smoke rising from the surface of the table. Dog had jumped up and out of his lap and was putting a paw down . . . under which a pattern was burning.
Ad slumped in his chair. "No. Uh-uh. No way. We need a break--"
"Oh, fuck me," Eddie breathed.
When Dog finished with his little picture, the "animal" shuffled back and barked twice. Then planted his paw down again like he was pointing.
Ad leaned over and felt all the blood leave his head. "No. Anyone but him."
"Where is he?" Eddie asked. "I thought he was in Purgatory--"
Dog cut that off with a bark.
"Well, shit," Ad said, putting the lid on the box down. "No doughnuts for you."
Crossing his arms over his chest, he pouted and didn't give a fuck if that made him an asshole.
"Please," Eddie implored. "Not Lassiter. Anybody but Lassiter--he could be anywhere on the planet, doing anything."
Dog just leveled his eyes at the two of them.
"Can we take the weekend off, at least?" Ad muttered.
"As opposed to what?" Jim said from the doorway.
As the savior came into the room, he was freshly showered and for once didn't have massive black circles under his eyes. In fact, he actually looked about a quarter of a century younger than he had the night before--but that was what twelve hours of good loving could do for a guy.
Ad should know.
Dog leaped off the table and into Jim's arms, tail going a mile a minute, tongue licking, looking every bit the canine showing adoration. And Jim returned the shit, ducking his head, talking softly, petting.
When Jim put him down, the two stared at each other for the longest time, and then Dog let out a soft whine . . . before turning around and heading for the door as if he'd said a difficult good-bye.
On his way past, the SOB glanced at him and Eddie as if to say, Chop, chop, boys . . . go get me that fool I just burned into the table.
With Dog gone, Ad traced the face. The lines that had been made were still hot.
"Who is that?" Jim asked.
"A nightmare," Ad muttered.
"Our next assignment," Eddie cut in.
"That fast? Really? Don't you get some vacation or shit?"
Ad nodded to the box he'd closed. "We get doughnuts. Yay."
There was a moment of silence. And then Eddie said softly, "You're leaving, aren't you."
Ad looked up in time to see Jim's eyes go to the window over the sink. He seemed to be picturing things as he stared out there, things that were not actually in the backyard.
"It was all about her to begin with," the guy said. "And I don't mean Sissy."
"Yeah." Eddie nodded. "I know, but what about--"
"All taken care of." The savior's stare swung around to the two of them, and he was quiet for a time. Then he said, "You know, when this whole thing started, I didn't want the pair of you involved. I'd always been a solo operator"--he glanced at Ad--"and your singing really fucking got on my nerves."
"Annnnd my job is done," he replied with a nod.
"But you know, when we were trying to get the evil out of Sissy, and I couldn't do it alone . . . you two were there. If you hadn't been? I'd have lost her. You two . . . saved her with me."
Okay, now Ad was the one ducking his eyes. It was just too much, and he did not do misty. He just . . . did. Not. Do--
Fuck, his eyes were watering.
Jim was still talking, mentioning things like sacrifice and putting the common good first, all of which in his opinion, Eddie and Ad had apparently done.
Oh, man, the motherfucker had to stop. He really had--
Ad went into one of the bags and took out some paper napkins--and at least Eddie had to snag one to mop up as well, so he didn't feel like he was the only pussy in the room.
"So thank you," Jim said roughly. "I owe you my life."
Ad burst up from the table and enjoyed the total lack of pain that came with the sharp movement. "Enough with the talk. You keep this up and I'll end up growing a set of ovaries or some shit."
Ad hugged Jim hard, so hard. And then stepped back so Eddie could do the same.
"Hey, what's going on?" Sissy said as she came in. "Everything okay?"
Ad stared down at the woman. She was glowing from head to foot even though she was dressed in the simple clothes he'd gotten her from Target. She was just . . . such a beauty with her no-makeup and her straight, no-fuss hair.
"It's time to say good-bye, Sis," he heard himself say.
"You're going somewhere?"
No, he thought sadly. You are.
Chapter
Fifty-two
For some strange reason, watching Sissy embrace each of the angels was hard.
Then again, Jim didn't like to see his woman get teary, and it was clear she really loved the guys, even though she hadn't known them all that long. War, however, had a way of bonding people tight and quick.
"Will I ever see you again?" she asked as she took one of the napkins that Ad offered her.
"I don't know. Maybe," Ad murmured as she patted her eyes.
"Never say never," Eddie said with a sad smile.
There was a long pause, and Jim knew he had to get the fuck out of here before he lost it, too. "Come on," he said roughly as he tugged on her arm.
"Where are we going?"
"Just . . . come with me."
He led her out toward the front of the house, pausing only to offer one last wave at Eddie and Adrian as they stood in that kitchen with all those doughnuts.
"Jim? I'm kind of freaking out here."
As they emerged into the foyer, the grandfather clock started to chime, and he closed his eyes. Don't count . . . it doesn't matter . . . don't count . . .
One, two, three . . .
"Jim, are you okay?"
...four, five, six . . .
"Jim?"
...seven, eight, nine . . .
"Okay, it's official," she said. "I'm totally freaking out."
He held up his forefinger.
...ten, eleven . . .
"Jim . . . ?"
...twelve.
After a moment of nothing but pure, beautiful silence, he popped his eyes back open and saw only her. "Oh, thank God."
"What?"
"I'll tell you later."
Drawing her out in the warm spring sunlight, he took her over to the steps and sat her down, exactly where they'd been before. God, he thought, what a long distance they'd traveled, just so they could be here side by side again.
"Jim?"
"You remember when we went by your house last night on my bike?"
She nodded, and brushed her hair back. Her eyes were a complicated mix of sadness and peace. "Yes. And thank you for that. Did I tell you thank you?"
"Yeah, you did."
"It was good to see my family sleeping so soundly, you know? It gives me a little hope that maybe as time passes--"
"I want you to spend eternity with me."
The smile he got in return was wide and instantaneous. "Are you asking me to marry you in the immortal sense? Because if you are, my answer is yes." She leaned in and kissed him on the lips once. Twice. "Very much yes."
"Even if it means . . . maybe you don't see your family?"
"You mean, like, go out west with you?" Sissy took a deep breath. "Well, the truth is, I can't really see them now, can I. It's not like I can . . . be with them. In fact, it's almost more painful to stick around Caldwell. So yes, even though I can't believe I'm saying this . . . yes, I think I would like to get out of town."
"You sure?"
She fell silent for a while. Then looked at him. "I can get through anything as long as I'm with you."
For a long moment, he memorized her face, from the way the afternoon light fell across her forehead and her cheeks, to the beauty of her blue stare, to the curve of the mouth he had kissed for hours.
"Okay," he murmured. "Close your eyes and hold my hand. . . ."
A big spin, and a second later he said to her, "Now open them up."
Her lids slowly rose and she recoiled as if the fact that the landscape had completely changed was a shocker. "Where are . . . is that a castle?"
"Yeah, it is. Come on."
He pulled her to her feet and led her across the bright green grass of Heaven, steadying her as she craned her neck to look up at the brilliant blue sky.
"This is the most beautiful place I've ever seen."
Funny, he hadn't really noticed that . . . until he'd come here with her.
They came to a stop at the moat that ran all around the ancient fortification, its water so clear that you could see the koi fish that lolled around, their butterfly fins waving back and forth in the invisible currents.
There was a resounding ker-chuck up above and then the rattling of great chain links going through a pulley system.
The bridge across the water came down slowly, as if it were giving them time to reconsider. And he figured he should let her know what they were about to do--except when he glanced over at her, she had tears rolling down her cheeks.
"This is Heaven, isn't it," she choked out.
"Yes. Once we cross over . . . there's no going back. You'll have to wait for your family to come to you."
She brushed her hands over her cheeks. "But I thought I wasn't allowed."
"Nigel said you were welcome. You're pure now--we got the evil out of you. Out of me, too."
Sissy started to laugh through the crying. "Are you serious? Are you . . ."
"Yeah." He smiled down at her. "So what do you say? You want to take the plunge with me?"
She looked up at him. "I love you."
"I'll take that as a 'yes.'" As the bridge landed with a thunk of heavy weight, he indicated the way over with a gallant hand. "Ladies first."
Sissy hesitated for a moment. And then all but exploded in laughter and dance, her spirit soaring as she skipped across the ancient, well-worn planks with such joy, she lit him up from the inside, too.
Jim shook his head and had to smile as he took his first step. His second. A third.
This was so not how he had pictured any of it ending, but, man, he'd take this over whatever he could have dreamed up.
Walking steadily a couple of yards behind his woman, he discovered that the farther you went across the bridge, the farther the destination seemed to become, like a funhouse kind of distortion was at work. Except all of a sudden, he looked back and the green grass and the blue sky and the trees seemed a hundred miles away.
Turning around, he--
Stopped dead.
Sissy had slowed . . . and then halted, too, some kind of lighted fog threatening to eclipse her. With a sudden burst of sheer terror, Jim bolted over the planks to catch up. . . .
Except she wasn't in any danger.
And in fact, she'd stopped because there was a figure standing in the swirling, thick air in front of her.
A woman.
And Jim knew exactly . . . who . . . it . . . was.
Shutting his eyes, he sagged in his own skin, his bones all but caving in. When he opened his lids again and discovered that the presence was still there, he felt as though he couldn't walk. And yet he did.
He had to slap his palm over his mouth to keep himself from weeping.
Finally, he, too, was in front of the figure.
Dropping his hand, he said in a choked breath, "Momma."
His mother was not crying. She was smiling bright as the sun that he and Sissy had left behind . . . she was smiling, and she was whole and healthy, her body repaired, her hair gleaming, her eyes sparkling.
"I've been waiting for you, Jimmy." With that, she wrapped her arms around him and held him tight, even though his was the bigger body. "Oh, son . . . it's all right. You're okay . . .
everything is okay."
He totally. Fucking. Lost. It.
But she held him up off the ground, and Sissy was there as well, stroking his back, supporting him.
And then the most miraculous thing happened.
All at once, all the suffering was gone, all the sadness and the pain was taken from him, and he became light and buoyant as the mist around them.
Easing back, he touched his mother's face, her shoulders, her hands . . . just to make sure she was real. And she was.
Then he turned to Sissy and pulled her in against him. "Ah, Momma, this is my Sissy."
"Hi," Sissy said offering her hand. "I'm so--"
His mother was just the same as she always had been, pulling Sissy in close and hugging her. "I know you're separated from your kin, but when you realize this is waiting for them? It makes the distance so much easier to bear."
For the first time in about thirty years, Jim took a deep, easing breath.
"Come on, you two," his mom said, falling in on his other side. "Let's get you settled. You're going to love it here."
At his mom's urging, he and Sissy walked forward into the mist. And as they went along, he glanced over at his woman, giving her a squeeze before kissing her on the mouth--and when she smiled back at him?
Well, now, as they said back home, that was just proof that God truly existed.
"It's all about love," his momma was saying. "No matter what side you're on, it's all about love."
Amen, he thought as he entered Heaven with the two people who mattered most to him.
Amen to that.
