Eve chuckled. “That might be difficult. As I said, he can be pretty tough.”
“Not so much. I could ambush him. He’s staying at this hotel. I called MacDuff last night and checked where Jock was registered. That’s why I asked the St. Jude people to set up the fund-raiser here.” She tried to keep the lightness in her tone. “All this intrigue and planning just to get one man to meet me face-to-face. You’d think I’d have more pride, wouldn’t you? There are people who actually like to have me around. Did I tell you my grandfather wants to set up our meeting in Arizona this year?”
“No, you did not. Probably because you knew I wouldn’t approve. I was hoping that Kaskov would just gradually fade out of your life. He’s a dangerous criminal. You need to stay away from him.”
“I made him a promise,” Cara said simply. “He gave us what we needed to keep you and Michael alive when my mother gave you that poison injection while you were carrying him. But I always knew there would be a price.”
“Then I should be the one to pay it.”
“Why? It was my mother who tried to kill you. You were trying to save me. It was only right that I be the one to pay the debt.” She added quickly to ward off any arguments, “Besides, my grandfather doesn’t ask much. One month a year, and I choose the place. It’s not as if he’s throwing me into some opium den. He keeps me entirely separate from his activities.”
“Until he decides differently. Jock hates it.”
“But then Jock has no business having an opinion when he’s trying to opt out of my life.” She added gently, “Eve, Kaskov saved you and Michael. You’re my family now. These little trips are nothing in comparison to what he gave me.”
“It’s not nothing to me,” Eve said grimly. “Whenever you’re around Kaskov, you’re in danger. If not from him, from his enemies, who think killing his granddaughter would be great sport.”
It was time to get off the phone. Cara should have known that simple sentence would lead to this upset. She was usually more careful, so smooth it over so Eve wouldn’t dwell on it. “As I said, the only reason he wants me around is to play for him. Those concerts every night after dinner are the only thing he requires of me. I’m very safe when I’m with him.” Then she straightened on the couch and swung her legs to the floor. “But now it’s time I hit that shower. And I’d like to practice for thirty minutes while I’m waiting for room service. I’ll call you when I get up in the morning and tell you when I’ll—we’ll be there.”
“You do that.” She added softly, “It will be good to have you home, Cara. We’ve missed you.”
Cara could feel tears sting her eyes. “I’ve missed you. Screw this touring. I could get a job with the Atlanta Symphony. I don’t have to be some kind of star. It’s only the music that matters.”
“You are a star, Cara. I’ve known that from the first time I heard you play. There’s no way you can get away from it.” She chuckled. “You just have to be the kind of star who writes her own ticket so you can come home more often. That will satisfy all of us. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” She ended the call.
Cara inhaled shakily. Talking about her mother and her grandfather had brought back all the pain and fear she’d gone through as a young child. But it had also made her remember how lucky she’d been to have Eve and Joe become part of her life. She’d never dreamed that she would be as accepted and loved and protected as she felt now. Why couldn’t Eve realize what a treasure she’d given her? Cara had always tried to show her and give back from the moment Eve had taken her into her home as a young girl. Not that it had been easy. Eve seldom would admit that she needed help, and it was often necessary to—
What could be wrong?
She was suddenly remembering Eve’s reply when she’d asked her if anything was wrong.
A silence, then a noncommittal question instead of an answer. And then a quick change of subject.
Eve would never lie to her. But an evasion of the truth couldn’t be called a lie. Not when she’d said she would see for herself tomorrow that everything was all right.
Was she being overimaginative?
Maybe. But she was still uneasy. Had she been so absorbed with her own emotional upheaval that she’d been blind to Eve’s problems?
Tomorrow. If there was a problem, she’d get to the bottom of it tomorrow. Heaven knows she had enough to worry about tonight.
Jock Gavin was here. She smothered the jolt of excitement the thought brought. Her best friend, her savior, the man who made everything right just by smiling at her. And so much more. Don’t be afraid to say it, to think, to hope.
Her lover.
She suddenly couldn’t breathe. Not yet. What if he didn’t want her? It was all very well to tell Eve she knew that he did, but he could have changed. He was very strong, and he might have been able to cast her out of his life.
As Cara’s parents had done when she was only a child. The thought came out of nowhere. Cast her out in the darkness, where there was only panic and death.
But Jock had helped save her from that terror. Why would she remember that now?
It was nonsense. Don’t even think about it. That comparison had hurt too much. She couldn’t allow it. She got to her feet and headed for the shower. She was feeling a restless, driving urgency now. She had to hurry through all these preparations so that she could get to her violin.
No matter what darkness, pain, or unhappiness was in store for her, the music would save her.
CHAPTER
2
MARQUIS HOTEL ATLANTA, GEORGIA 12:35 A.M.
Cara closed the door of her hotel suite on those last two officials of the St. Jude fund-raising committee with a sigh of relief. She’d thought they would never leave. They’d only wanted to express their appreciation and get autographs for their kids, but she’d just wanted them to go. The evening had been totally worthwhile, and she wasn’t sorry she’d volunteered, but she was glad it was over. She’d been on edge since the moment she’d played her first selection tonight.
It was stupid and impossible, but she had imagined she could actually feel Jock here. Not likely in this palatial skyscraper of a hotel. It was just that she’d wanted it so badly. And she was so ridiculously nervous that she’d scarcely been able to make conversation with those nice people who were going to open their wallets for those kids who needed it so desperately.
But he was here. MacDuff had told her he was going to be here. And Michael, for some weird reason of his own, had made sure of it. All she had to do was phone Jock … and then go to him.
But that seemed to be a gigantic task at this moment. Her heart was beating so hard that she could hardly breathe. Her palms were damp and cold.
Stop being a coward. This was what she had wanted. Just do it. She drew a deep breath and reached for her cell. She hesitated as she started to dial. What if he was still avoiding her and didn’t answer a call from her? She called the desk, and the next moment, she was hearing Jock’s room phone ring.
“Hello.”
His voice … It had been so long … Yet she could see him standing before her. She’d always thought he was the most handsome man she’d ever seen, as beautiful as a concerto. All lithe grace and muscle, fair hair, those silver-gray eyes, the lean face that was almost classically perfect in contour.
“Hello?” he said again. He paused. “Cara?”
She drew a deep breath. “Expecting me? I suppose MacDuff called and warned you that I’d asked where you were staying.”
“Not warned,” he said quietly. “He just wanted to make sure we didn’t miss each other. He was a little surprised that I hadn’t already told you myself.”
“And I’m not surprised at all. I want to see you. What’s your room number?”
“Not a good idea, Cara.”
“That’s what you tell me. It’s a matter of opinion. What’s your room number?”
“It’s 1417.”
“I’ll be there in a few minutes. I’d appreciate it if you don’t try
to duck out through the hotel kitchen. You’ve tried everything else to avoid me in the past year.” She pressed the disconnect.
She swallowed and braced herself. First contact over, it hadn’t been that bad.
The hell it hadn’t. Then why was she shaking? And it would get worse the longer she delayed.
She should probably change clothes before she left the suite and went to him. She was still in the white lace gown that she’d worn for the fund-raiser. She knew how she looked in the damn thing. It would give the entirely opposite impression than the one she wanted to convey.
It would have to do. She grabbed her evening purse and headed for the door. She couldn’t wait any longer.
Three minutes later, she was knocking on Jock’s door.
He swung the door open. “Hello.” He smiled. “I decided to wait for you. Slipping out that kitchen exit would have lacked dignity.” He stepped back and waved her into the suite. “You do realize you’re being very melodramatic, Cara.”
He was just the same. She stood there staring at him. Black trousers, white shirt, open at the throat … and that smile that she had never been able to forget. “But that’s who I am.” She brushed him aside as she entered the suite. “What else did you expect? I feel things. I’m not cool and controlled like you.” She whirled to face him. “I don’t hide away and think everything will sort itself out. I know it won’t.” Her hands clenched into fists. “So when I feel myself coming apart, I have to come to the one person I know who can put me back together.”
His smile faded. “And are you coming apart, Cara?” he asked thickly. “That alone should show you that I was right when I told you that you had no place with me.”
“No, it only tells me I have to work this out.” She lifted her chin. “And since you didn’t run away this time, you must have decided that it’s only fair to give me my chance. Were you waiting for me to call you?”
“I was actually waiting for you to finish your concert tonight so that I could call you.”
That took her by surprise. “You knew about the concert?”
“I make certain that I know pretty much everything about what you do, Cara,” he said quietly. “I was tempted to get an invitation from the St. Jude organizers so that I could come down and hear you, but I decided the venue was a little too intimate. You would have seen me.”
“And heaven forbid I’d know that you actually wanted to listen to me.”
“But you’ve always known that. I’ve been your biggest fan for years. That will never end, Cara.”
“Stop it. You’re being so gentle and careful not to hurt my feelings. I could just slap you.”
He suddenly chuckled. “And I thought I was doing so well.”
“You’re trying too hard.” She took a step closer to him. “You want to get rid of me? I’ll make it easy for you.” She looked him directly in the eyes. “Just say that I’m wrong, that you don’t love me, that you’ll never love me the way I love you.”
He went still. “My God, Cara,” he said hoarsely.
“Say it. I’ll believe you. Because you’ve never lied to me.”
He was silent.
“You can’t say it? Then will you be as honest with me as I am with you?” Her voice was shaking. “Because it feels very lonely out here by myself.”
“We wouldn’t want that, would we?” he said huskily. His eyes were glittering as he looked down at her. “Though God knows I should do it.” He reached out and touched her hair with exquisite tenderness. “You’ll never be alone in that, Cara. Not for as long as I live.”
Intense relief. She had thought she was sure, but it had meant so much. “That’s what I thought. That makes everything much simpler.”
“No, it doesn’t.” His hand dropped away from her hair. “Look, you were born with everything against you. You were hunted and terrorized and lucky to get through your childhood without being killed. No one should have had to go through what you did.” His eyes were suddenly blazing into her own. “You deserve a fresh start, and now you have it. You have the whole world before you. Go for it, dammit.”
“It doesn’t work that way. How many times do I have to tell you?” She moistened her lips. “Four years ago I let you persuade me that I should walk away from you for a while. Though you really meant forever, didn’t you? You thought I was too young. Wrong. You thought that the man you’d been all those years ago was so evil that it would hurt me in some way. Wrong. You thought that if you stayed away from me I’d forget you. Wrong.” She had to stop to steady her voice. “All wrong, Jock. All these four years have done is make everything harder for me because you weren’t there. You said we could still be friends, but you even took that away.” She lifted her chin. “And you made me come running after you when I didn’t even know if I was all alone in what I was feeling. That’s a terrible thing to do to me. Because I haven’t felt alone since that night when you walked toward me across that courtyard in Scotland and I thought that you looked like a prince from a Disney movie. And then I didn’t care what you looked like because the only important thing was that you were always there for me.” She took another step toward him. She had to make him understand. “Ever since that night there have only been two things that have been important to me, two things that made up for everything bad that had gone before. One was the music.” She swallowed to ease the tightness in her throat. “The other was Jock Gavin.”
“Cara.” His voice was husky. “Don’t do this to me.”
“Why not? You deserve it. Because you’re stupid and stubborn, and I’m tired of hurting. I won’t have it, Jock.” She suddenly couldn’t stand not touching him. She ran the last few steps. “So do something about it.” She laid her head on his chest, and whispered, “Make it stop hurting, please.”
“Oh, shit.” His arms went around her. “What the hell am I supposed to do with you?”
“Anything you want,” she said unsteadily. Dear God, it was going to be all right. This was her Jock, familiar and yet always a mystery. He felt so good. She could feel his heart beating fast and hard. “I thought I’d made that clear.” She nestled closer. “The one thing you can’t do is send me away or go off on your own and forget about me again.”
“I never forget about you.” His hands were gently rubbing the nape of her neck. “Not that you’d let me. I’ve never seen such a determined woman.”
“Woman. Not girl. At least that’s an improvement. Have we at last established the fact that I’m an adult woman and not the young girl you’ve been protecting all these years?”
“So established.” His hands cupped her neck and tilted back her head. “I’d be a complete lech if I didn’t go along with that considering my present condition.” He smiled teasingly. “But how can I separate the two. You’re the complete package.”
“I see.” She hesitated, then said in a rush, “Then would you like to unwrap the package? I think it would be a great idea.”
He stiffened. His gaze narrowed on her face. “Are you trying to seduce me, Cara?”
“I think I am. The idea just popped into my head, so I’m not really sure.”
“Then I believe you’d better be certain before you do it again. Why did it just pop into your head?”
“Because I thought how terrible it would be if I couldn’t please you. I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately. I admit you’re a little older than I am. You’ve had all those zillions of women through the years, and it will take me lots of time to catch up. I hate the idea of your having to put up with me while I—”
“Zillions?” His lips were twitching. “My, it’s a wonder I ever managed to get out of bed, isn’t it?”
“Well, maybe I exaggerated a little.” She was also smiling. “When I was younger, I didn’t think about it at all. But when I was older, and I realized I wanted to go to bed with you, I thought about all the other women who would want that, too.”
“But not zillions, I assure you.”
“Stop laughing.” She met h
is eyes. “Because I’ve decided that I do mean it. I think I have to catch up. What about it?”
His smile faded. “Catch up? I think you’re way beyond me, and you don’t even know it. You’re clean and glowing and ready for life. There’s nothing more beautiful or complete. If anything could convince me that I should get the hell away from you, this could.”
“No!” She grabbed hold of the front of his shirt with both hands. “If I said the wrong thing, forget it. I’m not letting you go after I went to all this trouble. You don’t have to go to bed with me.”
“Oh, I don’t?” He leaned forward and kissed the hollow of her throat. “What a relief.”
Heat. Electricity. A door opening that would never close …
“Unless you decide you want to,” she said breathlessly.
He drew a long breath. “That’s already decided. That’s what this is all about.” He lifted his head and pushed her gently away. “But that would be dangerous for me. I still haven’t given up the fight, you know.”
“I’m not letting you back away from me again,” she said flatly. She tried to smile. “You’ve always tried to protect me. Sometime you have to realize that I have to choose who and what I want to be protected from. You’re definitely not on that list, Jock.”
“I should be.” He held up his hand as she started to speak. “But we’ll call a truce temporarily. Is that okay with you?”
“It depends on the terms.”
“Would you be satisfied if I no longer try to avoid you? If we go back to what we had before. Friendship is a wonderful thing, and ours was very special.”
“Yes.” It had been the most special thing she had every experienced. “But it won’t be enough.” She suddenly smiled. “Are you still hoping I’ll change my mind? It won’t happen. But it’s a very good truce you’re offering me. Because I found out something tonight. You do want me very much. If we’re together enough, that should tip the scales for me.” She whirled away from him, suddenly brimming with hope and heady exultation. “But I have to be sure that those terms are spelled out and beneficial. You said you won’t avoid me, that’s not good enough. I know you’re a busy man, but I want you to come to some of my concerts. I want you to call me on the phone and talk to me at least once a week. If I get some free time, I want you to meet me and spend some time with me.”
Dark Tribute--An Eve Duncan Novel Page 3
