by Sandi Lynn
“Umm. Yes, we met down at the Coffee Pod the day of her interview. Nice to see you again. I hope you’re enjoying your work here.”
“I am. Thank you,” I spoke as I took my bottom lip between my teeth.
Andrew walked into his office. Lucas followed, and as I was about to step inside, I heard Maria’s voice from behind.
“Andrew, your wife is on the phone and she says it's urgent.”
I froze in the doorway, my legs feeling like lead trying to register what Maria had just said. Andrew quickly turned around and looked at me. He could see the pain on my face as well as I could see the panic on his. He stood there, not knowing what to say or do.
“I…I…I'll meet you downstairs, Lucas. I'm not feeling well all of a sudden and I need some air.”
Lucas looked at me and then at Andrew. He knew in that moment what was going on. I turned and pushed the button to the elevator frantically before someone could reach me. My heart was pounding as if it was trying to escape my chest. I felt like I had taken a blow to the abdomen and I couldn’t breathe. Andrew grabbed my arm and spun me around.
“Addison, wait. Let me explain,” he spoke as he pulled me into an empty office and shut the door.
“Explain? You want to explain now, Andrew?” I shouted. “Too little too late, you bastard,” I said as I pushed him away, sobbing.
“You don't understand. I have to explain.”
I grabbed the door handle and flung open the door.
“Fuck you, London. Fuck you!” I shouted as I ripped the necklace he gave me off my neck and threw it at him.
The elevator door opened, and I stepped inside and pushed the buttons before he could reach me.
Thank God I was the only one in the elevator, but not for long. As the elevator stopped on three floors, people crowded in. I stood back in the corner and composed myself as best I could. I got off on my floor, ran to my office, grabbed my purse, and then ran down the stairs and out of the building.
I ran down the streets of New York in the pouring down rain. My heart was shattered, and I felt numb. All I could hear in my head was, “Andrew, your wife is on the phone. She says it’s urgent.” I ran and ran until I reached my apartment building, opened the door, and fell inside, collapsing on the tile floor in the hallway, crying hysterically and curled up in a fetal position. Emma came running from the bedroom.
"Oh my God, Addison, what's wrong?" she asked as she got on the floor and hugged me. “You’re shaking. What happened?”
I managed to look up at her as she grabbed my face.
“Did something happen to you? Did someone hurt you?”
The words would barely come out, but I finally managed to speak, “He's married, Emma. Andrew is married.”
I put my head down and sobbed in her arms.
“I knew something was off with him, that motherfucker,” she yelled. “You’re soaked. Let’s get you out of these wet clothes and into a hot tub. You’re going to be okay, Addy.”
She helped me up and took me in the bathroom, where she stripped me of my clothes and helped me into the bathtub. My phone was ringing nonstop with calls from Andrew. Emma finally grabbed my phone and answered.
“You two-timing motherfucker. You leave Addison alone. Do you understand me?" she yelled as she set the phone on the counter.
Once I settled down and got my crying under control, Emma went into the kitchen and poured me a glass of whiskey.
"Here, honey. Drink this. It will take the edge off,” she spoke.
Whiskey was always her go-to drink when she had a broken heart.
She grabbed a washcloth and soaked it with water. Bringing it up to my face, she began to wipe away the mascara stains from my eyes.
“Jasper just went to the store to pick up some things he needed to cook dinner tonight. He'll be back soon.”
I threw back the whiskey and the tears started flowing again.
“How could he do this to me?” I cried.
“I don’t know, Addy. He’s obviously fucked up. This explains everything.”
“I have to quit. I can’t work for him. Oh my God, what am I going to do?” I cried harder.
“Just calm down. We’ll figure it out. You have us.”
She helped me out of the tub and into my pajamas. After she pulled back the covers, I climbed into bed and curled up in a ball. About an hour later, Jasper walked through the door of the apartment and set his bags in the kitchen. He came flying into my room and sat down next to me, pulling me into his arms.
“Shh, baby girl. It's going to be okay,” he spoke as he stroked my hair.
“He's married, Jasper. How can he be married?”
I sobbed into his expensive polo shirt.
“He's an asshole for not telling you from the start. But, Addison, there were signs. Something wasn’t right, and you knew it.”
I sat up and blew my nose with the tissue Emma gave me. Suddenly, it all started to make sense, not going to public places together, not entering the LAC building together in the mornings, or casual visits to my office. The calls he ignored every time his phone rang, the trip to Chicago, which was safe because no one we knew would see us. It was right in front of me the whole time and I was too blinded by him and love to see it.
“I love you guys and thank you, but I really just want to be alone right now.”
Jasper got up from the bed.
“I'm cooking dinner tonight and you're going to eat it, understand?”
I gave him a nod as I blew my nose.
“If you need us, just holler,” Emma spoke.
I lay in my bed, wrapped up in my favorite chenille blanket, unable to move. It hurt to move. My heart was shattered into a million tiny pieces. I stared at the wall as tear drops fell from my eyes and down my face, soaking my pillow where I laid my head. I closed my eyes and somehow managed to fall asleep.
A couple of hours later, I heard Jasper calling my name.
“Dinner’s ready, Addison.”
I opened my swollen eyes and looked at him as he stood there holding a tray.
“Thanks, Jasper, but I don’t think I can eat.”
“Just try, baby girl. Emma and I are going to eat in here with you.”
I sat up with my back resting up against my pillows and the headboard as Jasper placed the tray over me.
“I’ll be right back.” He stroked my hair.
In my deep despair, I heard my phone ding. I picked it up from my nightstand and there was a text message from Andrew.
“Addison, please, I'm lost and I'm dying here. I need you to please let me explain.”
I couldn't respond. I wouldn’t respond. Just looking at his words made me sick. All I wanted to do was curl up in a ball and block out the world.
“Lucas called me,” Jasper spoke. “He’s very concerned about you.”
“Tell him I’m fine, but I won’t be into work tomorrow.”
“He already figured that and said to take as much time as you need.”
“You’re going to get through this, Addy,” Emma spoke as she took a seat on the bed with her plate full of food.
“I don’t know about that.” I picked at the chicken Jasper cooked. “I’m such a fool.”
“No, you’re not, sweetie. You were blinded by love. It happens. You’re human. How were you to know?” Emma spoke.
“All the signs were there. Every single one of them and I blatantly ignored them.”
***
I stayed locked in my room for three days. Lucas texted me every day to make sure I was okay. He didn’t ask any questions and I was grateful for that. I hadn't heard a word from Andrew. No calls, no texts, and no voicemail. Maybe he was already over it. He had his wife after all. But where was she all this time? As much as I wanted to cry, I couldn’t. I was all cried out. No tears could come even if I wanted them to.
I emerged from my bedroom and walked to the kitchen. No one was home but me. Emma was at work and Jasper was training a new chef at the restaurant. The f
ront desk called and said there was a flower delivery for me. I asked them to please bring it up and set it outside the door. I heard my phone ringing and when I looked at it, the number was restricted. My thought was that it was Andrew and he blocked his number so I wouldn't know it was him, but I answered it anyway. "Hello.”
“Addison?” the voice on the other end asked. Then I heard a click.
I was startled because it wasn't Andrew's voice. I didn't know who was calling me, but it left me with an eerie feeling. Then to add to that feeling, there was a knock on the door.
“Delivery for Miss Belle.”
I opened up the door, took the flowers and politely smiled. “Thank you.”
I held two dozen beautiful red roses in my hand. I took out the small white envelope and removed the card inside.
“I love you so much, and I want to take your pain away. Please, Addison. Let me explain. I will tell you everything.”
I ripped up the card and threw the roses in the trash. Curling up on the couch, I fell asleep.
Chapter Twenty
It was a Saturday afternoon, day six since the breakup, and I hadn't stepped foot out of the apartment. I got up early and decided to visit the Starbucks right around the corner. I showered, put on some yoga pants and a baggy shirt. I threw my long hair up in a ponytail and headed outside. I needed to try and return to some normalcy. I reached Starbucks and ordered a skinny latte. I found a table against the window just like in Hartford. I would now claim this spot to be my "get away from everything and think" spot.
I watched out the window as the people hustled and bustled to get to their destinations. As I was sipping my latte and wishing I’d never left my apartment, my phone rang, and it was Madeline.
“Hi, honey, how are you?” she asked.
“I'm good, Mom, and you?”
“I'm fine. Just baking cupcakes for the school bake sale. I thought I'd give you a call since I hadn’t heard from you in a few days.”
No matter what the distance was or how many hours or miles there were between us, a mother’s intuition was right on track.
“Addison Rose, is something wrong?”
“No, Mom. Nothing is wrong. I’m working on this big project at work and things have been crazy busy.”
“I had a feeling something was wrong. That's why I called. Are you okay?”
“Yeah, Mom, I'm fine. I promise. Just really busy lately.”
“Do you need me to come see you?”
Oh God, the last thing I needed was Madeline here making things worse.
“No, Mom. Now isn’t a good time. Like I said, I’m working on this big project and it’s taking up all my time.”
“Okay. If you change your mind, call me.”
“I will, Mom. I love you.”
“I love you too, sweetheart.”
I finished my coffee, walked outside, and looked up as raindrops fell upon my face. As I started walking down the street, it began to pour, but I didn't care. My clothes were getting soaked, my hair was dripping wet, and my shoes were squishing along the pavement. I believed that if I walked in the rain long enough, it would somehow wash away my pain.
I continued down the busy streets when I heard someone calling my name. I looked over and Phillip had pulled up to the curb and rolled down the passenger side window.
“Addison, please get in. You're going to catch a cold or worse.”
“No, Phillip. It's okay. Please just let me be.”
“I'm sorry, Miss Belle, but I can't do that. You're going to get sick. He's not in here, if that's what you're worried about.”
I sighed and climbed in the back of the SUV. Phillip turned and looked at me with a smile.
"I’ll take you home, Addison.”
“Where is Andrew?" I asked.
He looked at me from the rearview mirror.
“Mr. London is on a business trip.”
“Do me a favor and take me back to his apartment. I have a couple things I left there and need to pick up.”
“Very well.” Phillip nodded.
I took the elevator up to Andrew’s apartment and walked directly to the bathroom and grabbed a towel. As I was walking to his bedroom, I passed his office and stopped. I stood in the doorway and looked at the seashell sitting on his desk. Walking over to it, I picked it up. What the hell was I doing? I quickly set the seashell on his desk and headed toward the bedroom to collect my things.
As I was grabbing the last of my stuff, I was startled by a voice that came from behind.
“Addison?” Andrew spoke. “What are you doing here?”
I turned and looked at him. To my surprise, he looked rough and tired. It looked like he hadn't shaved in days and his once blue eyes had turned dark and sullen.
“You're soaked. Please change your clothes before you get sick.”
“I…I was just getting a few things I left here.”
I was shaking, and I couldn’t tell if it was from the rain or seeing him.
“Please, Addison. Take a hot shower and get into some dry clothes.” He began to walk towards me.
I put my hand up at him and he froze in place.
“You do not get to tell me anything. I’m not your concern, and you have no right to tell me to do something,” I snapped.
“I'm sorry," he spoke as he stepped back. "I can’t stand seeing you like this. Please just forget that I'm here. I'll leave. I'll do whatever you want. But please, for your own health, change out of those wet clothes," he pleaded.
I decided he was right, so I grabbed a pair of jeans and a sweater and locked myself in the bathroom. I changed into my dry clothes and towel dried my hair. When I opened the door, Andrew walked into the bedroom with a cup of hot coffee.
"Here.”
I reluctantly took the cup from his hands. What the hell was I doing? This man broke me into tiny little pieces and I was taking coffee from him. After six days of hell and pure torture, here I stood in the last place I ever wanted to be.
“Would you like something to eat?” he politely asked.
“No. I don't want anything to eat, Andrew!” I yelled.
“You look like you've lost weight.”
“Gee, under the current circumstances, eating wasn't a priority for me.”
He took a step closer.
“No, don't you dare come near me!" I snapped.
"I’ll put your clothes in the dryer.” He held his hand out.
“I don’t want you to put my clothes in the fucking dryer!” I shouted. “I want nothing from you!”
I stomped out of the bedroom and he followed me into the living room.
“I know I'm the last person you want to see or talk to right now, but damn it, you're going to let me explain.”
I stopped dead in my tracks, spun around and looked into his sad and pleading eyes. I wanted an explanation. I needed it for closure. And I sure as hell deserved one. I put both hands up.
“Fine, Andrew. Explain. I’ll give you no more than five minutes, so you better get talking.”
He let out a sigh of relief.
“Come sit by the fire to dry your hair. We can talk there."
“NO. We can talk right here!”
He stood there with his hands tucked into his pants pockets, staring at me.
“I'm listening,” I spoke.
“You already hate me, and you'll hate me even more after I tell you, but it was bound to come out sooner or later. And I swear to God, I was going to tell you everything. I needed more time. I just wish I had been honest with you from the beginning.”
“Yeah, me too," I spoke as I looked down. “You have about four minutes and then I’m out of here and we are never to see each other again. The only reason I’m letting you explain is because I need closure.”
“I met Ellie two years ago in a bar when a friend of mine and I were in Colorado on a ski trip.
My stomach started to sink even deeper at the thought of him being with another woman. I needed to sit down, so I took a sea
t on the couch.
"We talked for a while and drank, but there wasn't any spark or love at first sight on my end. I was leaving the next morning and she asked me to call her when I got home, but I never did. I wasn’t interested in her. A couple of months later, she showed up on my door step and told me she was pregnant."
The one tiny piece of my heart that was still intact had now been broken and lay with the rest of the shattered pieces inside my soul. I placed my hands on my head.
"Andrew."
He put his hand up. “Let me finish. I knew it was mine because that night we were drinking, and I slept with her. Plus, I made her get a paternity test.”
I could see the pain and agony on his face.
“I didn't love this woman and I didn't want a kid. I didn't know what to do. She told me that she was moving to New York and she was going to make sure I took full responsibility for her and our baby. My father tried to pay her off to leave town, but she wouldn't accept. She didn’t want the money, she only wanted me. It was like she was obsessed or something.”
“Did she get pregnant on purpose?” I asked.
Andrew walked over and sat in the chair across from the couch.
“She would never admit it, but I think she did. She’s crazy, Addison. My father told me that I had no choice but to marry her. The only fucking thing he was worried about was tarnishing the family name.”
“Were you happy?”
Andrew looked at me as I saw shades of anger pass over his face.
“Fuck no, I wasn't happy. I didn't love her, and I certainly didn't want her. It was a mistake. A fucking drunk mistake. I took her to her ultrasound and we found out we were having a girl. It was at that moment it finally sank in that I was going to be a father to this beautiful little girl and that's all that mattered. For the baby’s sake, I tried to get along with Ellie, but all we did was fight and argue all the time. She was nuts. She was eight months pregnant when she started having contractions in the middle of the night. I rushed her to the hospital and they immediately hooked her up to the fetal monitor.”
Andrew put his head down so I wouldn't see the tears that consumed his eyes.
“They couldn't find a heartbeat, so they rushed her in for a C-section, but it was too late. The baby was stillborn.”
