by Edua Erasmus
Part of Shaun’s left shoulder had disappeared completely along with the front part of the baseball cap he usually wore. It might’ve been an imaginary cap that James gave to him when they were kids, but it became a real cap to him… and now it too was vanishing.
“You’re birthday is less than two weeks away.”
James jotted down some notes while the teacher spoke and then started drawing something in the margin of the page. Shaun leaned in closer to get a better look and recognized the sketch of a boy in a baseball cap to be him. Was he somehow getting through to James on a subconscious level?
“That’s it. You’re thinking of me.”
James was no longer paying attention to the teacher and drew more detail into the sketch of somebody he didn’t recognize, but felt he knew somehow.
“Write my name.” Shaun insisted, “Write my name, James… Shaun… write it.”
James wavered, put his pencil down and stared at the sketch for a moment before turning his attention to the teacher again.
“NO!” Shaun exclaimed infuriated.
He was almost certain he was getting through to James. Why was it so difficult to get James to think of him again? They used to be best friends and in-tune with each other’s thoughts. The frustration was getting too much for him and he slapped James – not that he felt anything.
“I need some fresh air.”
Shaun got up and did something he’s never done before; he left James’s side for the first time since he was imagined into existence and went outside for some fresh air. He was running out of time and ideas on how to get James’s attention and it was frustrating him
When he tried to kick a can he noticed his left foot was gone as well. The closer they got to James’s eighteenth birthday, the more parts of his body started to disappear. He wished he knew what to do and decided to go back to the park in hopes of finding the elderly couple again.
There was nobody in the park when he got there except for a bum who lay sleeping two benches over. He didn’t want to accept his fate, but what choice did he have? He stared up at the clouds as he sat on the uncomfortable park bench and wished James was there next to him – able to see him and talk to him.
Annabelle sat down next to him and there was a hint of sadness in her smile.
“I’m losing him.” Shaun uttered.
“You haven’t lost him yet.”
“I’ve tried everything to get his attention, but nothing works. I can feel myself slipping away.”
“You’ve tried everything you think would work.” She said, “But what about what him? Think of it from his point of view.”
“What do you mean?”
“When he let go of you, you started to develop into your own person. You’re no longer connected to him, despite what your mind might tell you. You need to think back and find that connection again. Only then will he see you.”
“How did you do it?”
“Frank lost his marbles.” She said.
“Huh?”
She smiled, “I don’t mean that he became senile or anything. That’s how he imagined me into existence… he lost his marbles as a child and as he picked them up he imagined what it would be like to have someone help him. Years later when he was grown up and I was disappearing, I recreated that day – it somehow sparked something in his memory that made him remember me. You just need to find the same spark for you and your human.”
“I’m not sure if I’ll be able to do it.”
“You used to be inseparable once… don’t let yourself become separated for good.”
She patted him on his remaining shoulder and got up. Shaun watched as the only person who understood what he was going through walked away. She left him with little hope of success, but if she could do it then so could he. He just had to try harder and find that link that would spark James’s imagination to life again.
FOUR
James took a bubble bath that evening in hopes of easing some of the tension he was feeling. For some unknown reason his approaching birthday felt foreboding – as if something dreaded might happen, but he didn’t know what it was or what Shaun has done up to that moment to stay in his life.
He lay with his head tilted backwards while Shaun sat in between his legs; staring at the boy he longed to keep by his side. Shaun played with the foam; toying with it between his remaining eight fingers as he tried to remember what made bath time so much fun when they were younger. Perhaps if he could recreate a fun bath time from their childhood it might work.
He tried to splash James with water, but it didn’t work – the water was untouched as if he was already gone.
“This is frustrating…”
Shaun remembered that they used to play scuba-diver “Boo” in the bath as kids… maybe it’ll work? He took a deep breath and submerged his head, stayed under for a moment and then jumped out yelling ‘boo!’
James seemed unrattled, but flinched a bit when bubbles drifted from his butt to the surface.
“Well, that wasn’t it. How am I supposed to recreate a connection if I can’t even interact with the damned water?”
It was over. He’d never get James to notice him again and simply had to accept the fact that he was utterly alone and would disappear for good. He let out a sigh of frustration and as he leaned back, his foot grazed James’s thigh; making him flinch a bit and glance at his seemingly empty bath. James decided to dismiss it as his imagination and tilted his head back, but it was what Shaun had been trying to achieve for so long.
He sat upright and stared at James, “You felt me…”
James didn’t respond.
“What did I do differently this time?”
He touched James’s arm, but nothing. Shaun reached for his thigh, but still nothing. It wasn’t a coincidence… he did something differently and he just had to figure out what he did before it was too late.
FIVE
He followed James back to the bedroom and stared down at the towel wrapped firmly around his bubble butt and wondered what happened that made James feel him. He had to move quickly; James’s birthday was a week away and most of his body had already disappeared. Though both his lower legs were gone, Shaun could still walk around like normal – he just tried not to look down at the strange sight.
James draped the towel over the foot of the bed, walked over to the closet and put on some boxer shorts before staring out the window again. He could not only see the sadness and longing in James’s eyes, but he could almost feel it as well. He wished he could do or say something to make James feel less alone and sad, but no matter how hard he tried he—
“Wait…” Shaun had an epiphany, “That’s it… That’s the link I need… loneliness. You imagined me into existence because you were lonely.”
He knew he had a breakthrough and just had to figure out how to get James to see him again. His remaining hand tingled and then disappeared before his own eyes as a grim reminder that his time was almost up.
Shaun took a deep breath and tried to calm himself down and focus on getting James’s attention.
What is the one thing a person lacks when they’re alone? What is the one thing that can save someone from depression and bring them back from the edge? What was the one thing he wished he could give James? The human touch.
Shaun stood behind him and tried to ignore the feeling of his life force disappearing and slowly wrapped his mutilated arms around James. His arms disappeared into James’s body, but he kept his embrace and closed his eyes; concentrating on James and giving him the reassurance that he wasn’t alone.
“Just imagine…” Shaun whispered as a tear ran down his disappearing cheek.
He held onto James as tightly as he could as the rest of his body disappeared. He reminded himself of the days they spent together as kids and apart as teens and told himself that if he just tried to hang on for a little bit longer, James would finally feel him again and rescue him from oblivion.
“Please…” Shaun whimpered as his li
ps disappeared, “Just imagine me…”
He could feel himself slipping away no matter how tightly he clung to the love of his life and there wasn’t a single thing he could do to stop it. What he wouldn’t give to hear James speak his name once more. He had so many plans for the future for the two of them and now everything was disappearing forever.
“Just imagine.” was the last words Shaun said as the last part of him started to disappear.
As James stood staring out through the window he longed for someone who understood him – not only a friend, but a soul-mate that knew him inside out like… like Shaun used to. It was at that precise moment that he remembered his imaginary friend from his childhood – the friend who was always there for him no matter what and he wished he had such a friend again.
James felt arms around his torso that moved along to his breathing – arms that clung tightly to him as if he had just saved them from death.
They could feel each other for the first time in over a decade and when Shaun realized that he was whole again, he knew that James was able to see him again. He loosened his embrace and stepped back while his heart beat furiously in his chest. The boy of his dreams was finally able to see him again.
James turned around and though he was a bit confused as to who the smiling boy with the tear-stained face was, he felt as if he knew him all his life – as if he was looking at himself in a mirror and he knew he was looking at the impossible; he was staring at his imaginary friend, Shaun. Memories of all the good times they had together came flooding back as well as Shaun’s own private memories that presented themselves as visions – visions of how he stood on the side-line for years loving a boy he couldn’t have and everything he tried to be noticed again.
“You can see me.” Shaun said relieved.
“Shaun? Is that really you?”
“Yes…”
“You’re real?”
“As real as you want me to be.”
THE END
