by Sonia Rao
Shivalika answered all their questions very sweetly, because they asked so sweetly and she always wondered why they were so interested in her. Since it was only Rati and Jayesh calling her she thought maybe they felt obliged to call her and ask, seeing that they could not make it for the funeral too.
As they talked, Shivalika suddenly said, “How is everything at the office? Even though VK said to take a month off, I think I should be able to join back soon.”
“The sooner the better,” said Rati, sounding very relieved.
And then, as if Shivalika had unlocked a dam, she continued talking. “Nothing much has changed from the time you have not been coming. But yes, VK has just become totally unbearable. He wears these polo neck pullovers which are as black as his hair and his mood but he looks so drop-dead gorgeous that nobody minds and all the interns are so crazy about him, they always are finding ways to go and talk to him in his cabin. In the beginning he was accommodating and then he realized that they were asking him all stupid questions so he delegated Jayesh to be in charge of them and gave strict instructions that he should be approached only if absolutely necessary. And you know Jayesh, ever since the Paris trip, he worships the very ground that VK walks on, and I would have said it is true for me too, but you know, I am already engaged and even then, I would have broken the engagement if I knew he was as crazy about me as he is about you.”
Shivalika sputtered, indignant, on hearing these words but Rati carried on her monologue without a break.
“And he is always brooding and thinking and that day Krina managed to bypass Jayesh and entered his cabin and she saw your final design projects with your writings and remarks and he was staring at them and when he saw her he very quickly took a big sheet of gateway and he covered it and pretended he was working on it when we know that the project has been worked on and already over.”
“What are you saying?” Shivalika almost shouted when Rati finally stopped speaking. “VK, crazy about me? Sorry to disappoint you people but that man has not bothered to call even once to know how I am and how I am doing? Yes, he was fabulous all the way here,” she said, keeping mum about the details, “but he has not called even once and then you have the cheek or perhaps the delusion to tell me that he is crazy about me. Strange, isn’t it?”
Rati laughed with glee and then said, “Maybe I should not tell you this or maybe I will, being such an old-fashioned romantic at heart, but why do you think Jayesh and I have been calling you every day and taking such detailed notes about you and all that you are going through and what you need and so on. Have you not wondered why we're suddenly so interested in you and your welfare, much beyond the relationship we share?”
“Hmm...that’s right.”
Rati continued. “VK gave us both strict instructions to talk to you every day and to give him the daily report and we are not allowed to let even one day go by without doing this, except of course weekends which, mercifully, are our days off. When we give him the report he grills us about it and asks about you, how you sounded, did you sound okay or too depressed or anything out of the way. We have to make sure you are well and he has put us both on this case and we are not allowed to reveal the details at all on punishment of death—ha, ha, just kidding— but you know now we are ready to do whatever he asks us to do.”
Shivalika had been missing VK like crazy but was unhappy about his indifference and had decided to ignore him till she joined office and then too she would maintain a professional distance since she thought he was not as keen as she had thought he was. But Rati’s words had given her a different view of VK. Going back to work would be interesting now.
CHAPTER 15
Shivalika was back at work, thanks to her grandmother who insisted she do that instead of moping at home all day. Gramma didn’t know that one of her reasons for moping was in the office.
Shivalika was excited and eager to see VK again. She had fallen for him, despite all her best efforts to not let it happen. But she was happy because he had seemed equally in love with her. His kiss at the airport was proof of it, wasn’t it?
Shivalika’s heart was going flippity flop and she was sure the whole office could hear it.
And then the man of her dreams—literally and figuratively—was in front of her. Holding some files, he was just entering the main office area.
“Hi. How are you, Shivalika?” he said, softly, his gaze on her. His eyes had lighted up like a thousand Diwali lamps.
But before she could reply or say a word, his eyes turned into a blank sheet of shuttered steel. He quickly walked ahead of her into the office and said, “Let’s welcome back Shivalika, folks.”
Pandemonium reigned. Her colleagues, having seen her arrive, jumped up from their seats and surrounded her. Some hugged her and some patted her on her shoulder while some softly offered words of solace. Gracefully, she responded to each one but from the corner of her eye she saw VK move away, his face thunderous.
He had been really happy to see her, she could vouch for it. His eyes would not lie, unless he was a consummate actor. But what had made him turn into a stranger and that too, suddenly? Had she just imagined everything? Had the trauma of her situation played tricks on her?
Upset and confused, Shivalika did not know how to handle it. She had so completely fallen in love with VK that perhaps thinking he returned her feelings was wishful thinking on her part.
Her newly-discovered but unrequited love for VK was as painful as a deep, hot jab in her heart.
Shivalika put on her computer and began typing out her report on the Paris trip. Most of the work had already been done in her absence but her part was remaining. It also included a proposal for a German company that was looking for a collaboration.
Once done, she sent it to VK through the peon. Hardly a few minutes later the peon came to her desk and said, “Saab bulaa rahe hain.”
Shivalika’s heart raced like a wild horse. VK was calling for her. Was he finally going to show his true feelings to her? With a smile, she entered VK’s cabin.
He waved her to a chair opposite him and then pointing to her proposal, he gently, said, “I’m sorry, Shivalika. You’ll need to recalculate these figures mentioned in the proposal. They don’t look right. I suggest you sit with Nate and get them done.”
Shivalika would have slapped him hard if she had not been so stunned by his comment. No doubt she had been distracted—he being one of the main reasons even if he was unaware of it—but advising her to work with Nate, especially since he always told them off when he saw them together, was really taking it too far.
Added to this, his politeness was just so over the top, she wanted to tear her hair out. But, of course, she was not going to show him how dejected she was feeling. Giving him a sweet smile she flounced out of the room. That she was in tears by the time she reached her desk was not something she wanted anyone to see.
But if she had turned around, she’d have noticed the harsh pain in VK’s eyes too.
“A cad! Yes, a cad. That’s what I have been. I kissed her when she was at her most vulnerable. I forced myself on her. Will she ever forgive me?” These thoughts circled around in VK’s head, punishing him. He was trying to keep his distance from her but it was getting so difficult to look at her and not take her in his arms. Shivalika had always mentioned how career-minded and anti-love she was. He had to respect that but it was taking up all of his willpower and frustrating him.
His self-imposed anger needed an outlet and it did, being spouted out on the office staff. He turned into an ogre: there was no one whom he did not shout at, except Shivalika, to whom he was super polite. The young interns were always almost in tears especially since they all had a crush on him.
Rati made eyes at Shivalika whenever VK blasted through the office but Shivalika ignored her. She could not understand his behavior. If he loved her why did he not just come out and tell her.
On top of that he made Misha take charge of one section of the office. It was good he did not p
ut Shivalika in her section else she would have definitely resigned.
Shivalika now knew for sure she would never marry anyone else and so earlier when her celibacy was forced because of her belief about her mother, now it was forced because of her situation.
Alone, that is the way she visualized her life. Earlier, before she had met VK, the word ‘alone’ conjured up images of peace and quiet and solitude, pursuing her hobbies and interests, unhampered by anyone else’s requirements and demands. But now the word ‘alone’ conjured up images of loneliness and heartbreak and bleak winter days and years spent in longing and despair.
Just then Nate ambled over, looking glum, the earlier romancer nowhere in sight. He was now leading Misha’s section and was not too keen to work with Shivalika. But he could not very well go over VK’s instructions.
“Where’s your mind, Shivalika?” Nate almost shouted, looking at the figures mentioned in the proposal. “These are totally incorrect. Why are you not paying attention?”
Shivalika wanted to hit him on the head with something. Was this what unrequited love made one do? Become aggressive? She took a deep breath and calmed herself.
“Take a chill pill, Nate. No need to go overboard with all that angst. I’ll have another go at the proposal and send it to you.”
With a sheepish grin, Nate left from there, as Shivalika turned back to her work.
It was best if she remained focussed on her career. That was not something she was going to sacrifice anyway. But she wondered how long she could go on like this.
******
One day she knocked at the door of VK’s cabin and entered the room. His back was to the door and he was standing erect, his hair long at the back and curling at the nape just the way she liked it. His signature black pullover emphasised his rippling back muscles and muscular arms. Opposite him stood Misha. They seemed to be having an argument because she could hear soft but angry words being spoken by both of them.
VK turned around at the sound of the knock and when he saw her, with a strange look on his face, he whirled and put his arm around Misha and faced her.
“Yes, Shivalika, what’s the matter?”
His voice cut at her heart with its politeness. She would have liked him to have raved and ranted at her but the way he looked at her now, with a snarky smile but his eyes cold as ice, was something she couldn’t fathom and would not accept.
“Sorry, I’ll come back later.” She excused herself and hurried to the restroom. Something seemed to have entered her eye making her tear up and she needed to wash it off.
CHAPTER 16
Office-goers can take any occasion and make it a reason to have a party. The reason this time was that there had been no party since VK took over. Who put forward this suggestion no one remembers but the response was a unanimous yes.
So, the office party it was. Like always, Shivalika tried to wriggle out of it. Already grieving and nursing a heart full of unrequited love, Shivalika had no inclination to watch VK shower all his attention and devotion on Misha. And she was definitely not in the mood for dancing and singing.
“Sorry, I won’t be attending as I’m grieving” she’d said to Rati who was in charge of the logistics.
“I told VK your reason for not joining in and he said that was all the more reason for you to attend. You can never get over the loss of your mom, he said, but it will help to take your mind away from it for some time,” Rati said, furiously writing figures in the spreadsheet.
“Now he’s turned into a philosopher too?” Shivalika cribbed. He was almost sounding like her grandmother.
“Might be something to do with losing his own mom.”
“How do you know? Stalking him online?”
“Not guilty. But overheard one of the interns talking. These interns are literally a VK-pedia if you ask me.”
“Ha, ha! That’s a good one. But I’ll take a rain check on the party, anyway,” she said, in a parting shot leaving Rati shaking her head.
“So, we have one more thing in common. Except I’m sure he’s not carrying any guilt over his behaviour with his mom.” Shivalika was deep in thought and did not see VK approaching as she turned into the corridor. He was busy texting and it was too late for either of them to stop in their paths and they collided.
VK’s arms shot out instinctively and held her tight to stop her from falling. For a second, Shivalika was flustered and then she relaxed in his arms, her head resting on his chest.
“Hey,” he said softly, his arms still holding her.
“Hey,” she replied. Her heart was pounding so loud in her ears she was sure he could hear it too.
“Listen, I know it’s tough to get over the loss of a parent,” he began, curling a tendril of her hair around his finger. “I’ve been through it...with my mom.”
Before she could reply, Raju, the peon came there, holding a file for VK, and they sprang apart. VK ran his fingers through his hair while the other hand rested on his waist and he muttered, “Sorry.” His eyes met hers and he said, “Please attend the party.”
How could she say no to that plea?
*****
And so here she was, an unwilling partygoer.
Wearing a sleeveless mauve satin dress with a beaded neckline, her hair tied up in a semi-bouffant ponytail, her eyes heavily kohled and lips lightly glossed in pink, she looked like an Egyptian goddess.
The party was already in full swing. The decor had been put up by the interns this time and they were literally the life of the party setting the dance floor on fire. Nate was giving some instructions to the bartender while Rati was running around double-checking that all arrangements were in place.
Shivalika looked around, her eyes seeking VK and not finding him.
She was at the bar when VK entered the party with his arm candy on his arm, the same slim, svelte, toned beauty that made everyone in the office feel like a lowly beggar. Her body draped with a bottle green goddess toga dress with its thigh-length slit was ample evidence of the hard work that had gone into creating this model of perfection.
Shivalika walked to the bar and asked for a glass of chilled water. Holding that glass would look like she was having vodka and nobody would harass her to have a drink. She found it quite silly that people insisted that one could only have fun if one was drunk. Well, drunk or not, she was certainly not having any fun.
Shivalika turned her attention back to VK and saw him looking around the room with a moody look. Then his gaze alighted on her and stayed there as if he wanted to impale her with his eyes and never let her go. His gaze was like the shock of electric current running through her entire body, so intense, as if wanting to devour her. She shivered both in fear and delight, as she stared back into his eyes.
“Come and dance with us, Shivalika.” Rati’s words broke into the charmed circle and brought her focus back to the party. Rati dragged her to the dance floor which was already overcrowded with everyone bumping into each other with every dance step they took. But she also noticed some sneaky ones who were using this closeness to get even closer with each other. She shut her eyes and remembered Paris, when VK had kissed her. Had he really meant it or was it just a consolation kiss. This thought upset her and she felt the need for another glass of water. As she walked to the bar, her eyes searched for VK.
He was talking to Nate and Jayesh, and as he spoke, he moved his fingers through his hair. Her heart clenched at this gesture. It had become such a signature of his that one could often see the interns copy that, though sub-consciously. Everyone in the office loved VK. Even those who didn’t love him admired his knowledge and style and his way of working.
For all her protestations about being career-minded, she suspected she’d fallen in love with him. She knew she was in a soup. Talking of soup, the water tasted a bit off. It might be because of the ice that was used to chill it. Her Gramma always warned her not to add ice to drinking water. It gave you a sore throat, she always said. Shivalika went back to the bar to repleni
sh her glass. “No ice,” she said, holding her hand over her glass.
She sneaked another look at VK and Misha. They looked so well suited for each other. The gloss of money envelopes you in a particular sheen that acts as an armour, gives you a shot of superconfidence and makes you oblivious to other people’s feelings. Though she could say this was true for Misha to some extent, she was not sure it applied to VK. Neither of them were wearing rings so it was not as if they were engaged. Thinking about them added to her depressed spirits.
She ambled over again to the dance floor to take her mind off her feelings. A couple of interns tried to drag her to the dance floor but she resisted. Her glass was empty. Time for another refill.
Back at the bar, she wriggled through the crowd and reached the front. She gestured to the bartender who was engrossed in making drinks and shouted “Chilled water, please.”
Luckily the bartender heard her, despite the loud music, and raising one eyebrow, the one with the ring in it, she said, “Hey, are you sure? You do know what you are drinking, right?”
“Of courrrse,” Shivalika replied, unaware of the slurring of her words. Why was the bartender being so mean in serving her chilled water? It was not as if she was asking for Blue Label Whisky or Single Malt or any of those fancy-sounding drinks. She wondered if they were being served at all?
The bartender looked worried. She sloshed a bit of what looked like plain water from a bottle into the glass and then topped it with soda. She handed it over to Shivalika reluctantly. All the partygoers had been asking for vodka by calling it chilled water but now she wondered if the girl in front of her was even aware of it.
Ignoring her expression, Shivalika took the glass and moved away from the bar. She was beginning to feel a bit light-headed. It could be because of the dazzling strobe lights that threw uneven reflections around the darkened room. Perhaps splashing a bit of water on her face would help. She would try to sneak out of the party after that.
