by Emma Fraser
She was reading in bed – with the curtains left undrawn it was light enough to see without having to light her paraffin lamp – when she’d heard the sound of crunching steps on the stone outside her window and a muffled giggle. She slipped out of bed and, careful not to stand too close, even though she was certain she couldn’t be seen, peered out of the window. As her eyes adjusted to the half-light, she saw Aunt Georgina walking towards the side of the island where it was safe to swim, a towel around her neck, glasses in one hand and a bottle dangling from the other. It seemed Georgina was going for a midnight dip. In which case she might let Olivia join her. Careful not to stand on a creaky floorboard, she exchanged her pyjamas for her swimming costume, slid her arms into her dressing gown and pulled thick socks over her bare feet. Although she was quick, Aunt Georgina was out of sight by the time Olivia had crept down the stairs and opened the heavy front door, holding her breath when it creaked. When the sound didn’t alert anyone she slipped outside into the balmy air.
Treading lightly, Olivia ran across the lawn, praying that Mother or Father wouldn’t choose that moment to look out of the window. If they did, they would spot her easily and would be very angry with her for being out of bed when she was supposed to be sleeping. They might even prevent her from joining in the weekend activities – an intolerable thought although not sufficient to turn her from her course. She hurried on, noting as she did, a discarded towel on the rocks.
Laughter drifted across the still night air, followed by the deep rumble of a man’s voice Olivia recognised immediately as belonging to Findlay. She came to a halt. Findlay might not be pleased to have a child join in with the adults. On the other hand he’d always been kind to her. Just then she heard a rustle from the bushes and she thought she saw something move within its depths. Her heart pounding, she slipped behind a tree. She couldn’t help it. No matter what she told herself she didn’t want to come across the ghost of Lady Elizabeth. For a moment she considered turning around, back to the safety of Greyfriars. She looked back towards the house – a dark grey shape in the semi-darkness. It was further away than the beach and she couldn’t be certain what lay between her and it. Far better to stay near the adults.
She peeked out from behind the tree. Findlay was already in the sea, only his chest visible above the rim of the water. Georgina was on the shore, a few feet away. She lifted her arms and pulled the kaftan she was wearing over her head, letting it float to the ground. Underneath her kaftan she was wearing her costume – an emerald-green one-piece. Her long limbs were pale in the half-light. She’d loosened her hair and it tumbled down her back. For some reason seeing her in a state of near undress unnerved Olivia.
Findlay didn’t say anything, just turned to watch her, standing stock-still.
Georgina poured whatever was in the bottle into two glasses. Knowing Aunt Georgina it had to be champagne – she never drank anything else. Still holding the bottle in one hand and the glasses in the other, she picked her way carefully over the pebbles, almost stumbling once. Olivia nearly called out then. Didn’t she realise if she slipped and fell the glasses would smash and she could hurt herself? She thought Findlay would come out of the water and take the glasses from her but he stayed where he was, just watching.
Olivia could hear the murmur of their voices, not what they were saying. Georgina sounded as if she were laughing, he sounded a little cross.
Georgina waded out to him until the water came up to her shoulders. Her hair was floating behind her as if she were some sea creature.
When she was no more than a few inches away from him she handed him one of the glasses. Instead of drinking, he flung the glass away.
Georgina drank from hers then did the same, her glass joining Findlay’s at the bottom of the sea. Then, Olivia almost stopped breathing. Georgina ran her fingertips along Findlay’s bare chest before winding her arms around his neck. He gripped her wrists and dipped his head towards her saying something in a low, urgent tone.
Olivia spun away – all thoughts of joining them having disappeared. She dared not stay and watch any more. If they saw her, they would be furious, might even accuse her of spying on them and she couldn’t bear either of them to think badly of her. Her heart still racing, she ran as fast as she dared back to the house, sprinted to her tower room and threw herself under her bed covers.
When she woke up the next morning Findlay had gone.
Chapter Seven
Olivia sat in front of the dressing table trying not to yelp every time Edith ran the brush through her tangled hair.
‘Do you like being a nurse?’ Olivia asked her aunt. ‘Will you look after the injured soldiers if there is a war?’
‘Why are you so certain there will be a war?’
‘I’m not silly. Or stupid. I’ve heard what the adults are saying. I hope the war lasts long enough so I can join the army and help shoot the enemy. I think it’s silly women can’t be soldiers.’
Edith’s reflection smiled condescendingly. ‘Quite the bloodthirsty little thing, aren’t you?’
Her comment stung. Olivia wasn’t a silly little child. She knew things. A lot of things.
‘Will Georgina still go to Singapore after she marries Findlay?’
Edith laughed. ‘What an odd thing to say. What on earth makes you think Georgina is going to marry Findlay?’
‘I saw them kissing. That’s what people do and then they get married, don’t they? That’s how babies are made,’ she blurted, then immediately wished she could swallow her tongue. Aunt Edith was bound to ask her how she knew and then she would find out that she’d been creeping about late at night and tell Mother and Olivia would get into terrible trouble.
Edith gasped and the brush fell out of her hand. She spun Olivia round, her fingers digging into her shoulders so hard Olivia had to bite her lip to stop herself from crying out with the pain and shock of it. ‘You’d better explain yourself, young lady. It’s one thing making up stories that can’t harm anyone, quite another —’
‘I’m not making it up!’ Olivia tried to wriggle from Aunt Edith’s grasp but her grip was too strong. ‘I know the difference between made-up stories and things that really happened. I saw them!’
‘When did you see them?’ Aunt Edith hissed, shaking her even harder. ‘Do you know what happens to little girls who lie?’
She was not a liar, she was not! Lying was a mortal sin, or so the Bible said. Olivia’s vision blurred with tears. She knew she was in trouble whatever she said now. ‘I did see them! The other night. In the sea. Why don’t you ask Aunt Georgina yourself?’
The colour drained from Edith’s face and she dropped her arms to her side. Olivia rubbed her shoulders where her aunt’s fingers had pinched her skin.
Why was Aunt Edith going on so? People who loved each other kissed. She’d seen Mother and Father do it once when they thought she wasn’t looking. ‘If they are going to get married, what does it matter?’
To her bewilderment, Edith gave a strangled cry and ran from the room.
Later that evening, when Olivia was in bed, Mother knocked on her door. She looked pale and upset, her hair coming undone from her pins, her face not made up, and Olivia immediately knew Edith had told her what she’d said.
Mother sat down on Olivia’s bed with a heavy sigh. ‘Why on earth did you tell Aunt Edith you saw Aunt Georgina and Mr Armstrong kissing?’ she demanded.
‘I didn’t mean to cause any trouble.’ Olivia’s voice wobbled. She hated it when Mother was disappointed in her.
Mother took Olivia’s chin between her fingers and tipped her face so she was forced to look into her eyes. ‘Did you really see Aunt Georgina with Mr Armstrong? It’s very important that you tell me the truth. I know how you like to make up stories!’
‘It’s not a story,’ Olivia protested. ‘I really saw them. I don’t understand why Aunt Edith was so angry with me.’
Mother paused as if deciding what to say. ‘Because Aunt Edith was hoping to marry Mr Arms
trong. They were supposed to announce their engagement at the party here at the end of the summer.’
‘Aunt Edith and Mr Armstrong!’ It couldn’t be true.
Mother pursed her lips. ‘What were you doing outside at that time of night, anyway?’
Olivia explained about following Georgina down to the shore thinking she wouldn’t mind if Olivia joined her for a swim, and how she hadn’t known that Edith loved Findlay. ‘I never saw Aunt Edith and Mr Armstrong kissing!’ she cried.
‘My dear child, grown-ups don’t kiss in public, not unless they are vulgar.’
‘I didn’t mean to cause trouble,’ Olivia repeated, furious that tears had sprung to her eyes.
Mother took her hand and squeezed it. ‘Your Aunt Georgina can be very naughty. She did something – they both did – that was very wrong.’
Olivia kept quiet. It hadn’t seemed wrong to her.
‘We are going to leave the day after tomorrow with Aunt Edith. Father has been recalled to London and I have decided that we should go with him. Edith needs me.’
Olivia didn’t want to leave Greyfriars but she knew she had spoilt everything. Leaving Greyfriars would be her punishment.
‘What about the party? And the other guests that were coming?’
Mother sighed and shook her head. ‘There can be no party now. Or guests. The servants have started closing up the house. In the meantime you are to stay in your room until I say you can come out. You shouldn’t have been out of bed and you must be punished. One of the maids will bring you your meals.’
Olivia thought she’d been punished enough. Mother and Edith were angry with her, there were to be no more guests, no party and she was to be taken from Greyfriars more than a month early! But she knew no amount of pleading would change Mother’s mind.
The next day passed in slow motion, each boring minute feeling like an hour. One of the maids brought her a boiled egg and a glass of milk, before scurrying away again. Lunch was fish paste sandwiches and more milk.
It was another blisteringly hot afternoon and Olivia was reading Robinson Crusoe, when through her open window, voices drifted up. She peered out of the window to find Georgina and Edith outside facing each other. Georgina was wearing a summer dress, fully made-up, her lips painted a deep red. Edith was in a white blouse and skirt and was pale apart from her flushed cheeks.
‘You mustn’t blame Findlay. It was all my fault. I was squiffy – you know how I am when I drink too much,’ Georgina said.
‘Do you really think that is any sort of excuse? How could you? You knew we planned to become engaged! Do you grudge me my happiness so much you had to spoil it the way you spoil everything? You could have had anyone you wanted – why take him?’
‘I didn’t take him,’ Georgina said with a wry smile. ‘No one takes another person.’
‘You’ve always left a trail of destruction in your wake. Never given the least bit thought to the people whose lives you’ve wrecked. It wasn’t enough that you ruined that woman’s life in Paris – you had to ruin mine.’
‘Whatever people are saying about me, it isn’t true,’ Georgina said quietly. ‘And I haven’t ruined your life. There’s no reason you and Findlay can’t still get married.’
‘Marry him? After he made love to you?’
‘I keep telling you he didn’t. He quite rightly rejected my advances. When he returns you can ask him yourself.’
A morsel of doubt crept through Olivia. She thought back to what she’d seen; Georgina’s hands around Findlay’s neck, her face lifted to his, his arms on her wrists. Now she thought about it, she hadn’t actually seen them kiss. Although they’d been about to. She was sure of it. But the doubt wouldn’t go away. If she were honest she wasn’t really sure. Not at all. Perhaps she should run downstairs and say so?
‘It’s you he loves. And if you really loved him you’d fight for him.’ Georgina’s voice softened. ‘I would if I were in your shoes.’
‘What could you possibly know about love? The only person you care about is yourself. You take lovers as other women drink tea,’ Edith retorted.
Georgina twisted the large ruby ring she wore on her right hand around and around and raised an eyebrow. ‘One lover – perhaps two – I hardly think it’s the equivalent of drinking tea. Everyone in Paris has lovers. And that was a long time ago.’
‘One lover – three – what does it matter? You’re used goods.’
Georgina’s eyes flashed. ‘Don’t be so utterly middle class. How can anyone ever match up to your high ideals? It’s quite impossible. My God, Edith, you can be such a prig!’
‘And they have names for women like you!’
There was a stunned silence.
Olivia waited for Edith to say she was sorry, that she didn’t mean it.
Aunt Edith’s face flushed a deep crimson. ‘I don’t want to see either of you again.’
‘You can’t mean that.’
‘Oh, but I do. I’m going to go back with Agatha and Gordon. I’ll stay in the house in Edinburgh until I decide what to do with my life now you’ve ruined it. I’d prefer it if you stayed away.’
Georgina was even paler than Edith. ‘Don’t go, Eadie. Not like this!’ She reached out for Edith’s hand, but Edith pulled hers away as if Georgina’s touch would contaminate her.
For a long moment they stood, still facing each other, both breathing deeply. Olivia held hers.
‘If anyone should leave it is me,’ Georgina said softly.
‘You think I’m going to stay here? Lick my wounds? As if I’ve got something to be ashamed of? And you forget, there are people who have to be informed that there is to be no engagement – a party to be cancelled.’
Georgina reached out to her again but Edith stepped back and shook her head. ‘I will never forgive you for this. Never! As far as I’m concerned, you are dead to me. Dead!’
Chapter Eight
Edith, Agatha and Gordon left later that afternoon. Georgina stood on the steps as if still hoping Edith would say goodbye, but Edith barely glanced at her. When Mother returned from seeing them off she squeezed Aunt Georgina’s shoulder as she passed but didn’t say anything to her. Georgina looked so sad, Olivia thought again about telling the truth – that she hadn’t actually seen Georgina and Findlay kiss. But it was too late now. Anyway, Aunt Edith was horrible! The things she’d said to Aunt Georgina. She deserved to be unhappy. Besides, anyone could see that it was Georgina and Findlay who were supposed to be together. How she wished Georgina would look up so she could give her a friendly wave. She wanted Georgina to know she was on her side.
With all the guests apart from Georgina gone, the house seemed bereft – even the servants were subdued. When Olivia was released from the confines of her bedroom, she tried to find Georgina but she was either in her own room, or closeted with Mother in the morning room.
Acutely aware it was her last day, Olivia tried to find pleasure in her usual pursuits, poking around the shore in search of treasure tossed up by the sea, visiting the cows and ponies on the farm, but she couldn’t capture the joy of the previous weeks. Eventually she gave up trying and trudged back to the house. She wanted to say something to Aunt Georgina – to apologise for all the trouble she’d caused.
She found her alone in the library, sitting in front of the window, a book in her lap. She looked up and smiled when she saw Olivia. ‘Looks like you and I have caused a spot of bother, Livvy.’
Olivia ran over and flung her arms around her. ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to get you into trouble.’
‘Oh, darling girl, you didn’t get me into trouble. I did that all by myself.’ She held Olivia at arm’s length and studied her face. ‘Actions have consequences. We should never forget that.’ She drew her thumb across Olivia’s cheek. ‘Now, don’t you cry or you’ll make me cry too.’
‘I heard what Aunt Edith said. She’s horrible. She should never have said those things to you. I think you’re far nicer than she is and I’m glad Mr Armstro
ng prefers you to her.’
‘That’s not true, Olivia. He loves your Aunt Edith and he’s quite right to do so.’
‘But —’
Aunt Georgina hugged Olivia again, pressing her against her chest so closely Olivia could smell her perfume and her shampoo. ‘You mustn’t admire me, Livvy. I’m not the sort of woman you should look up to. Your Aunt Edith is a far better person than I’ll ever be. If you want to be like anyone, be like her.’
Leaving Georgina at Greyfriars, they returned to London the way they’d come. The boat first, then a car to the station, a train to Inverness and finally the Royal Scotsman. But where the journey up had been filled with gleeful anticipation, they were a subdued trio on the way back and Olivia knew it was all her fault.