by Emma Fraser
They spent five days together, the clock relentlessly ticking off the minutes and she tried not to think about when they’d have to part. Inevitably the day came when he had to leave to rejoin his regiment.
And she spent the rest of her life paying for those precious, stolen days.
Chapter Forty-Eight
Charlotte
1984
Georgina’s eyes were misty and she took a linen handkerchief from her pocket and dabbed at them, before giving me a shaky smile.
‘What will you do now you know he still loves you?’ I asked.
‘What can I do? I still can’t go to him. Not when Edith…’
‘Don’t you think you’ve paid your debt to her? After all, she lied to you.’
‘I always suspected she had. But it didn’t change anything. As long as she still loved him I could never be with him. And now there’s Mary to think of – and everything else that happened. I’m not the woman he once loved.’ She looked so sad when she said that, my heart ached for her.
`Don’t you think you should let him decide?’
A floorboard creaked and I whirled around, certain that someone was in the doorway, listening, but there was no one there. I should be used to the strange noises the house made by now.
‘Why don’t you meet him at least?’
‘No. I think it’s better Findlay stays in the past.’
She stood, making it clear the subject was closed. ‘I don’t like the look of the weather. I think one of those dreadful storms we get sometimes is blowing in.’ She crossed over to the window and fastened the shutters. ‘You probably made it back just in time, although I suspect you won’t be seeing your young man tomorrow. At least not until the gale blows out.’
A door banged somewhere and a sudden violent gust of wind screeched through a gap in one of the window frames. Tiger trotted towards the door and stood there, her ears pricked, before turning to me and whining softly.
‘Here, Tiger,’ I called. ‘It’s only the wind.’ She remained at the door for a few moments before padding back to me and laying her head on my feet.
Georgina stretched. ‘I’m ready for bed. I’ll just say goodnight to Mary and Edith first.’
I picked Jane Eyre from the bookshelf. ‘I think I’ll read for a while.’
I’d only read a few paragraphs when I heard Georgina shouting my name. She sounded terror-stricken. Immediately I was on my feet and running up the stairs, my heart in my throat.
I followed the sound of her voice into a room. The bed was neatly made, the corners of the sheets crisply, meticulously folded. Georgina was standing next to it, tears running down her face, a letter in her hand. ‘Mary!’ she cried and ran from the room. My heart still racing, I picked up the letter from where it had fluttered to the floor, and read it.
My dearest Georgina
Forgive me for what I am about to do.
I heard what Charlotte told you. That he is still waiting. That he still loves you. I have known for a long time that you love him. When you were ill in camp with malaria you kept calling for him. I should never have told you the lie that he came to see me in Peebles asking to get back together. I went to him, to tell him I forgave him, but he told me that you loved each other and that he planned to marry you. It was this I couldn’t forgive you for.
I meant to confess but somehow the time never seemed right. When we got back to Greyfriars I was going to tell you then. Then I discovered I was pregnant and I had other things on my mind. I saw him come to you but you turned him away. I could have told you then but you might have left me and I couldn’t bear for that to happen. So I said nothing.
I know you won’t go to him as long as I still live. Any wrong you did me has been paid for in full. I am tired of this life. I will go into the sea – let it take me as it should have all those years ago. You saved my life at the camp, let me save you now. You have done so much for me, it is time I did something for you.
Don’t be sad for me. I have had a good life with you and Mary at Greyfriars. I know you will care for my daughter as if she were your own. As you always have.
Go to him. It is not too late. Be happy. You deserve it.
Your loving sister
Edith.
Mary was Edith’s child! Why had Georgina lied? Could I trust anything she’d told me? But there wasn’t time to think about it now. I heard Georgina’s footsteps running down the stairs. I dropped the letter and hurried after her, catching her at the door.
‘Do you know where to look?’ I asked.
‘She told Mary she’s gone to keep Lady Sarah company. She’ll be down at the rocks.’
Grabbing torches, we ran together, the wind impeding our progress until we came to the rocks. There at the edge we saw a pile of neatly folded clothing. There was no other sign of Edith.
‘We’re too late!’ Georgina cried.
‘There’s still a chance. You said she’s a strong swimmer. You keep searching while I get help.’
I left her there and ran towards the pier. The rain was falling heavier now, the wind hurling it into my eyes, making it almost impossible to see. I stumbled on. I knew the chances of finding Edith alive were slim but we had to try. And I couldn’t do it alone.
I tripped over the root of a tree and my torch tumbled to the ground and I lost more precious moments looking for it. Finally I located it half-hidden under a bush. I picked it up, banging it against my hand in an attempt to make the battery work for a little longer. My attempts succeeded and although the light was weak and not much help it was better than nothing.
At the pier I undid the rope attached to the boat and brought it closer in. I counted the waves, forcing myself to wait until one brought the little boat up against the pier and I sucked in a breath and stepped on board. The boat rocked under my weight, almost tipping me over the side, but I just managed to hold on.
As I rowed I was thankful for the times I had already crossed. My arms were stronger than they had been when I’d first arrived which was just as well as I needed all my strength to keep the combination of current and wind from pulling me out to sea. As it was, the trip that normally took me less than ten minutes took me twice that long.
I sobbed with relief when I finally reached the other side. Ignoring my sodden clothes I ran to my car and leapt inside. I drove to the kiosk and dialled 999. I asked to be put through to the coastguard and explained to the calm voice on the other end what had happened. I was told they would organise a search.
I slammed the phone down and ran towards Jamie’s cottage. Who knew how long the coastguard would take. I remembered that Ian who’d taken me across to Greyfriars that first day was a volunteer with them but he hadn’t said where they were based. Most likely Oban or Fort William. It would take time for them to gather the crew together and find their way to Kerista.
But Jamie wasn’t in. There were no lights on and his door was locked. I thought frantically. Could he be visiting his family? Or be with Findlay?
There was one other place. The inn.
I ran again, my breath scratching my throat, my lungs beginning to scream, the short distance seeming like miles instead of yards. But finally, there it was; the lights of Balcreen Inn.
I flung the door open and several pairs of astonished eyes turned in my direction. My legs almost buckled when I saw Jamie’s familiar dark head bent close to Findlay’s at the table near the door. Jamie sprang to his feet and hurried towards me.
‘Charlotte! What is it?’ He took my freezing hands in his and started to rub them.
‘It’s Edith. She’s in the sea,’ I gasped. ‘At Kerista.’
The room fell silent as everyone stopped speaking and turned to stare.
Findlay was already slipping his arms into an oilskin. If he’d been drinking there was no evidence of it in his steady gaze.
‘Have you let the coastguard know?’ Jamie asked, turning and picking up his jacket from the back of the chair he’d been sitting on.
‘Ye
s. Where are they based? How long will they be?’
‘Ian,’ Findlay called out and a familiar figure stepped forward. ‘Have you had the call yet?’
Ian shook his head. ‘They’ll be trying my house first. When they get no answer, they’ll know to call here. Then they’ll go on down the list.’
The other men in the bar were placing their pints on the counter and slipping into their jackets until there were four others beside Ian. ‘We’ll help,’ one said and the others nodded.
‘It’s a wild night, lads,’ Jamie said. ‘But any help will be appreciated.’
Ian turned to the men standing beside him. ‘My boat is tied up alongside my house. Willie, Jack, you come with me. Hamish and Stan, you go with the inspector here.’
‘I’ll be coming along too,’ Findlay said.
Ian looked at him for a long moment, before nodding. He turned back to the barmaid who was standing behind the counter, a dishcloth in one hand, an empty pint glass in another. ‘Get on to the coastguard. Tell them there’s two boats going out. One skippered by me, the other by Jamie.’
As the men headed out the door, I grabbed Jamie’s wrist. ‘I want to come too.’
‘You should stay here. Get into dry clothes and keep warm.’
I shook my head. ‘I’m coming.’
Whatever he saw in my face appeared to convince him I meant what I said. ‘Okay. But you have to promise to keep out of the way and to do exactly what I tell you.’ A smile softened the grim line of his mouth and he brushed my damp hair from my face. ‘I can’t lose you too.’
We spent the next hour searching for her. Both boats had far stronger lights than the torch I held, more like search lights, but they were no match for the waves. It was like trying to find a needle in a haystack. When the sea-rescue boat turned up, Jamie went alongside Ian’s boat, a fishing vessel that was far more stable than his, and transferred Findlay and the other men across to it. Then despite my protestations he headed towards the jetty at Kerista, tied up and deposited me on dry land.
‘There’s no more you can do. We’ll stay out for as long as we can. But you should go back to the house.’ He gave me an encouraging smile. ‘You never know. There’s a chance she didn’t really go into the sea and is even now sitting by the fire drying off. ‘
I hadn’t thought of that. But it was possible. He handed me a spare torch. ‘If she is, go to one of the upstairs windows facing Balcreen and keep flashing the torch. I’ll keep an eye out for it.’
I pulled him towards me and pressed my lips hard against his, tasting salt and rain. ‘Please take care,’ I begged him.
He tipped an imaginary hat and grinned before stepping back onto his boat and raising the sails to catch the wind again.
Georgina was in the kitchen, clutching a mug of tea, her face pale and her eyes red- rimmed. The look of hope in her eyes when she saw me told me everything I needed to know.
I sat down opposite her. ‘She didn’t come back?’
She shook her head and her eyes welled. ‘She won’t be coming back. Oh, dear God, Edith!’
‘Where’s Mary?’
‘I put her to bed. She’s asleep. I don’t think she understands…’ Georgina’s voice caught.
I crouched by the side of her chair. ‘You mustn’t lose hope. Not yet. They’re out there looking for her. The coastguard and two other boats. They won’t stop until they find her.’
She shook her head. ‘They won’t find her alive.’ The tears slipped down her face. ‘All I ever wanted was to keep her safe.’
Now that the adrenalin was seeping away I realised I was almost numb with cold. I should get out of my wet clothes but I couldn’t leave Georgina.
‘You did everything you could.’
‘It wasn’t enough.’
‘Why did you tell me you were Mary’s mother?’
Georgina closed her eyes and sighed. ‘I’m as much Mary’s mother as Edith was.’ She was quiet for a long time. ‘Remember I told you I found Edith down by the rocks not long after we returned to Greyfriars?’
‘Yes.’
‘It was then I found out she was pregnant. All I told you before was the truth. Edith being in prison, being unwell, my having sex with the commandant. But I switched the time scales around. She was taken prisoner after I slept with the commandant. Everything I told you about her being ill and needing quinine and food to survive is true. She did recover and when she found out what I had done to save her, what I was still doing, she was distraught. She begged me to stop going to the commandant but I wouldn’t. Even with what he gave me, food and medicines in the camp were still almost non-existent. So many people were dying, that when the opportunity came for Edith to work at the village hospital she grabbed it with both hands. She told me then I would have no need to continue going to the commandant and what she and Linda brought back in terms of food and medicines did make a difference. So I stopped going to him. I think I said that he’d told me right from the beginning that he would never force me and he didn’t. He was very angry, however, and I sometimes think it was he who arranged for Edith’s arrest. To get back at me.’
‘You can’t know that.’
‘Not for certain, no. But he was a cruel and proud man. People still died but many survived who wouldn’t have stood a chance without the extra rations and medicines Edith and Linda stole from the hospital. Most of us put on a little weight and because we were stronger those who had just about given up regained the will to survive. Between them, Edith and Linda are responsible for saving many lives. But all that came to an end when they were imprisoned. Either the commandant told the Japanese Kempeitai to arrest Edith and Linda or they found out about the thefts from the hospital, although Edith and Linda were careful. I did go to the commandant to beg him to intervene and he did put me in solitary, not just because I’d challenged him but because I’d stopped going to him.
‘When Edith came back from the prison she was broken in spirit as well as body. She wouldn’t speak, would barely eat and I was terrified all over again that she was going to die. I went back to the commandant then. I had no choice. But it was only a couple of weeks later that he distributed the Red Cross parcels and another couple of weeks after that when we were liberated. I wasn’t pregnant and I didn’t know that Edith was until I found her that night down by the rocks on the west side.’
Georgina shook her head. ‘After everything we’d been through – after all we’d survived. When I thought, finally, that we could somehow get back to our lives.’
Her face was awash with tears and she dashed them away with an impatient hand.
‘I still don’t understand. Why did you tell me Mary was your child?’
‘Because I promised Edith.’
She lifted her chin and took a shuddering breath before continuing.
‘Just as I told you I found her down by the shore. In the same spot you found her and the same place she went into the sea tonight. She was balancing on the rock looking out to sea.’
Chapter Forty-Nine
Georgina
1945
She was terrified that if she called out, she would startle Edith and Edith would fall into the water.
She moved as quietly as she could until she was almost directly behind her sister and ready to grab her. However her approach wasn’t as quiet as she’d hoped. Edith turned around and smiled. But her eyes were blank and as dead as the day she’d come back to the camp from prison.
‘Oh, Georgina. You shouldn’t be out of bed.’
‘Neither should you, darling. Why don’t we both go back inside? I’ll warm up some milk for us.’
Edith shook her head. ‘Warm milk isn’t going to make this better. I’m pregnant.’
‘Oh, Edith, no! How?’
‘The usual way.’
‘Are you sure?’
‘I didn’t want to believe it. I tried to pretend it couldn’t be possible. That my swelling stomach was down to beriberi. But I was wrong.’ Her mouth twisted into a
moue of distaste. ‘There is a baby – a Japanese baby – growing inside me. If I could slice my stomach open and cut it out, I would.’ She grimaced. ‘Ironic, isn’t it? If you hadn’t got the extra food for me I wouldn’t have survived. I certainly would have never been able to get pregnant. Oh, I don’t blame you,’ she added quickly. ‘I like to imagine I would have done the same for you.’
Although it was daylight the sea was grey, the light flat, the colours of the hills a muted brown.
‘How did it happen?’
‘One of the guards in the prison raped me. The day we were released. I thought he was taking me away to execute me, but instead he raped me. I wish he had killed me.’
