by Julie Hall
“I shouldn’t have laughed. You just reminded me of a little kid playing hopscotch or something.”
Still hesitant, I forced myself to take a step forward without looking down. The tulips made a soft ground covering, but I snuck a quick look behind us as we moved on to make sure Romona was right. Satisfied that I wasn’t leaving trampled flowers in my wake, I focused ahead just as we crested the first hill.
From here, we saw a glassy stream cutting a natural barrier between the two-toned meadow and the mountain’s foothills beyond. The water was full of blue and green river rocks and tiny purple creatures that darted through the water like aquatic hummingbirds.
We walked along the bank until the water was low enough for us to jump on protruding rocks to the other side. The purple creatures, which at a closer look appeared to be starfish with large, flat tails, followed along with us until we set our feet on the opposite bank. Then they splashed away in a blink.
“Those don’t look familiar. What are they called?”
“I’m not sure. Perhaps they haven’t been named yet.”
“Is that even possible?”
“Sure. There are lots of different species of plants and animals here that didn’t exist on Earth. God’s always creating new things for us to see and experience. Whoever sees them first gets to name them.”
This wasn’t the first time someone had mentioned the big “G” by name. There were also lots of mysterious, “Hims” and “Hes” thrown around that I assumed meant God, but not a lot of elaboration. I didn’t remember going to church, conversations about God, or ever praying, but as I dug internally I found facts about God embedded in my mind. Much like the knowledge I had of things like the process of osmosis and how to do long division by hand. I must have been taught about it all at some point, but I didn’t remember anything that gave me a personal connection to such a powerful being.
I turned my attention back to the starfish. “How do we know if we’re the first to see them?”
“Give them a name; then we’ll check the living museum when we get back. There’s a record of every named plant and animal there. If you’re the first to name them, we’ll be able to look them up under the name you’ve given them.”
“This is weird. You want me to name a new type of fish?”
“Sure, why not?”
I didn’t really know—naming just seemed like a big deal. “Don’t you have to have credentials to do that? And what would I even name them?”
“Well, what did they look like to you?”
“Star shooter . . . thingies.” I was instantly embarrassed. “That’s totally lame, right?”
“No, no, not at all. I think it’s a cute name. Star shooters. We’ll have to check out the museum when we get back. Let’s keep going. I want to get a little further before we have lunch.”
The foothills in front of us were frost covered but also dotted with plants in full summer bloom. I could hardly comprehend how so many diverse terrains and climates could exist in one place. The breeze that blew my hair was kissed with warmth even as icy grass crunched beneath my shoes.
My feet had just started to protest when we reached the top of the third foothill and Romona suggested we stop and enjoy the picnic. My stomach growled its approval as we bent down to fish the contents out of our backpacks. The frozen water on the patch of grass in a ten-foot circle around us began to melt and then evaporated into the air, leaving us a warm, dry place to set out our picnic.
“That’s incredible! Did you do that?”
“Nope, it happened because we stopped. Neat, right? The ground was only frosted because no one has been here for a while. It’ll frost back over sometime after we leave.”
My pack contained several large loaves of bread. Romona’s contained the heavier bounty. After materializing a blanket, she removed a feast of meats, cheeses, breads, fruits, and even delicately decorated desserts. I’d learned food was one of the few things you couldn’t just materialize here. It had to be grown in order to be digested; something materialized would just dematerialize again as soon as you started chewing.
One of the contents of her pack caught my attention. I picked up a red cylindrical roll and gave her a questioning look.
“Just thought you might like that,” she said.
“A fruit roll-up? Seriously?”
She shrugged and went back to emptying her pack. Romona had probably packed too much food, but I was famished.
I settled on the blanket, and my gaze turned toward the mountains. I’d been so preoccupied with all the wonders at, or below, eye level that I hadn’t looked that high during our hike. The mighty cliffs appeared to emerge from the ground in front of us, even though we were still some distance away. Green vegetation and snowy peaks dotted the mountain face, bare patches beneath them exposing rich mineral veins. But everything paled in comparison to the structure perched on the highest peak of the tallest mountain. My jaw dropped.
There above us, stretched so high it reached into the clouds, sat a blazing fortress of gold.
The golden light was blinding, like trying to look directly at the sun. My eyes teared as I tried to make out the form of the fortress. Little by little, I picked out more of the details. It was made out of translucent material: rather than simply reflecting the light, the blazing golden radiance flowed in undulating waves from the structure itself. It literally took my breath away.
I tore my gaze away to question Romona. Her back was to me as she arranged food on the blanket.
“Romona, what is that?” I asked, awed. “Oh my gosh! Are those angels flying around it?”
The great winged beings suspended in air were humanoid in their features. Their white-garbed bodies glowed like the moon next to the radiance of the structure. I took an unsteady step back as understanding blossomed. Celeste and Shannon must be angels—they emanated the same white luster as these creatures. Brightness from the fortress sparkled off their wings. Romona looked over her shoulder, then turned to give me a perplexed look. She seemed uncomfortable.
“You can see that?”
“Of course! It’s so bright I can’t believe it took me so long to notice!”
“It’s just that most people can’t see it until after their memories return. So I assumed you couldn’t.” She tilted her head. “It’s a little odd that you can.”
Well, that was nothing new. “Chalk it up to the oddity that is me. But hey, at least I’m overachieving in one area. So what is it?”
“Well, technically it’s the tabernacle. But in layman’s terms it’s God’s home. That light is what gives us our daylight.”
Questions flooded through my mind so fast I tried spitting them out all at once. “Really? God has a home? Like a normal person? He’s just hanging around here like the rest of us? Have you ever seen Him?”
“Whoa there!” Romona floundered for a moment before regaining her composure. “First of all, God is not a normal person, but yes, He does have a home. But not like what I think you are imagining. More like a holy dwelling, but that’s completely confusing. Yes, of course He’s here, and yes, I have seen Him. I think that covers all the questions, right?”
“So I may just randomly bump into Him one day?”
“No, it doesn’t exactly work that way. I’m sure you’ll meet Him, but it won’t be until after you remember. You have to remember Him, remember your relationship with Him first. When you do, He’ll reveal himself to you. It’s part of the process we all have to go through.”
What in the world was that supposed to mean? Relationship with God? Was that like having an imaginary friend or something? Wasn’t God just there to be God? To set things in motion and then watch everything play out?
I peeled through the layers in my mind for what I knew about God: Creator of the universe, been around forever, angels do His bidding. I hit a wall, though, whenever I tried to make a personal connection. Just like what happened anytime I tried to pull up a memory.
Romona squeezed my forearm an
d offered an apologetic look. Her uneasiness rushed through the empathy link as strongly as her encouragement. She knew I didn’t like her explanation.
“Don’t look so worried. It’s different for everyone. It’ll come back when the timing’s right.”
My frustration suddenly threatened to come out in tears. “I don’t think I understand what that means. Romona, why can’t I remember my life? No one seems able to really explain that to me.”
She paused. “I can’t tell you. And I mean that. Not that I won’t, but that I truly can’t. It’s different for everyone. It has something to do with dealing with the grief of losing your former life, but it’s also a lot about learning what your new life, your eternal life, will be like. It’s a fresh start, but the memories always do come back. Who you are today is still about who you were on Earth. There are just some things you need to take in without the distractions for a while. You have to have faith that there’s a purpose.”
“Faith in what, though?” I blinked away the new tears.
“Faith that the Creator of the universe knows what He’s doing.”
I looked back up at the gleaming fortress. Angels circled the structure as if in continuous orbit around the sun. Romona wanted me to believe God cared. But what if that was exactly what I doubted? When I searched my heart, I wasn’t sure I truly believed He cared about me. So far, my life in the ever after felt like one giant mistake, not like a celestial fairy godfather was taking care of me. How could things be going according to His plan when I felt so alone?
Romona brushed her fingertips on my elbow and gave me an encouraging smile. “Maybe you can see the tabernacle because He wanted you to know He’s actually here?” There was a hopeful note to her voice.
“Just like the great and powerful Oz. The man behind the curtain.”
“No, Audrey, he’s nothing like that. A man didn’t become a wizard to deceive us. Instead the wizard became a man to save us.”
I was less enchanted by the scenery on the hike back and even quieter than before. Romona, cognizant of the fact that I needed to process, gave me time alone with my thoughts.
I couldn’t stop wondering about the life I no longer remembered. Everything led back to that. My gratefulness for Romona caused me to wonder about my pre-death friendships. What if there were people who depended on me but I wasn’t there for them anymore? It was sad to think that I couldn’t remember the people who were mourning me. It seemed unfair that they had to go through that pain when my slate was wiped clean. I simply didn’t understand the point of it all.
I turned my head to get another glimpse of the fiery sanctuary high up on the mountaintop before we ducked into the shadowed forest. It was just a speck sparkling in the distance.
Who was this God who ran the realms in this way? If He couldn’t even bother to see me right now, how important could I really be to Him? Why couldn’t He just explain all of this to me Himself rather than force me to bumble around in the dark?
I struggled to feel anything other than anger and frustration toward Him. The heavy darkness and mucky topography of the forest appropriately reflected my mood for the rest of the hike.
7
Dumped
Again,” Logan barked from across the room.
I kept my eyes squeezed shut and concentrated on making sure all my limbs still moved properly. There was a dull ache on the left side of my head where a golf-ball-sized bump was growing. Since my arms were, in fact, still working, I lifted a hand to gingerly probe the spot. So not fair that you can still get hurt after you die.
“Audrey, get up. We’re going at this again.”
Logan was clearly annoyed, but I had no interest in jumping up for another beating. He had thrown me across the room and into the padded wall for probably the fifth time that day. I was supposed to be practicing defensive techniques, but like everything else so far, I was failing miserably. And my body hurt everywhere.
I lay corpse-still and prayed Logan would believe I was dead—if it was even possible to die after you’d died—and leave me alone. Logan stomped over as I calculated the severity of the injury I’d have to sustain for him to ease up. I stubbornly refused to open my eyes. Stubborn was one thing I had probably been fairly good at in life.
“Audrey, you can stop faking it. I know you didn’t faint, and you certainly aren’t dead.”
I let what I hoped sounded like a pitiful moan out of my throat. The next instant, Logan hauled me sharply to my feet. But I wasn’t done making my point. As soon as he dragged me up, I simply let my legs go limp and landed on my butt in a heap on the ground. At that moment, maturity seemed highly overrated.
“Audrey, this isn’t a joke.”
I looked up and stuck my tongue out. I suspected it was the only muscle in my body that wasn’t going to be screaming in pain later. Logan’s eyes narrowed, and his facial muscles hardened.
“Fine, if that’s the way you want to play this.”
In a blur of motion, he bent down and heaved me up and over his shoulder.
“Hey wait, what the heck are you doing?”
I used the remainder of my strength to pound his back while attempting to squirm off his shoulder. I twisted to the left and felt myself slip, but he simply compensated. I found myself hanging upside down even further, with his hold tightened to steel. The blood rush to my head was beginning to make me dizzy.
I craned my head to the side to see where he was taking me. With a small shock, I realized we were already out of our gym and walking through the training center, past startled bodybuilders giving us weird looks. I thought I spotted Romona practicing on a punching bag, but Logan moved so quickly I couldn’t be sure it was her. We were swiftly past before I thought to call out for help. Some part of me was probably too mulish to ask for it anyway.
“Okay, Logan, you had your fun, you can let me down now. If I knew most of these people, this would be pretty embarrassing.” I was breathless. It was hard to talk while dangling upside down.
No answer from Logan as he continued parading me through the training center.
“Logan, come on, I’m starting to get really lightheaded.”
No answer.
“Logan!”
This time I balled my hand into a fist and tried a reverse punch on his back. He didn’t even flinch. Man, I really do stink at this hand-to-hand combat stuff.
Logan pushed through the front doors of the training center and carried me into the light of day like a sack of potatoes. Shocked faces seeped into my peripheral vision. This was definitely getting embarrassing. I was almost happy the blood was already pooled in my head, or else the blush of humiliation would have shown through.
I was gearing up to launch a verbal assault when Logan halted. Finally! But my relief was premature, for the next instant I was flying through the air, arms and legs flailing. I let out a huge scream that was muffled by a frozen blanket and a big lung full of water. It took a moment to figure out which way was up, but I eventually came sputtering to the surface coughing and hacking.
Logan had thrown me into a lake. Or rather, a fishing pond. Surprised strangers all around weren’t even hiding their stares. Logan had managed to toss me at least sixty feet. It was too deep for me to touch bottom, so I noisily struggled to the shoreline and then hacked up a couple lungfuls of nasty fish water. I looked up to see Logan push through the training center doors without glancing back.
By the time I’d reached land, most of the people had resumed fishing and were politely pretending not to stare. A few were not very discreetly covering smiles, and those closest to me came over to make sure I was okay. I should have been happy that at least someone cared, but at that moment I was beyond furious. I couldn’t imagine I’d ever been so mad in my entire life. Who did he think he was? He hadn’t even stuck around to make sure I could swim! He’d tossed and left! I choked down my anger long enough to assure the small crowd around me that I was in fact okay, even as I sporadically coughed up water.
As
the crowd dissipated, Romona burst out of the training center. She surveyed the shore of the pond before spotting me and sprinting over, her face radiating concern. Fully dressed in workout gear, she didn’t appear the least bit winded.
“Audrey, oh my goodness, are you okay?”
I was not okay; I was furious. I took another moment to empty my lungs and shakily rose to my feet, setting my sights on the training center doors. If the murderous look on my face didn’t give away my intentions, Romona was assuredly tipped off when she grasped my arm to help steady me.
“Whoa, Audrey, you shouldn’t go back in there just yet. Logan’s not in the best mood. I know you must be angry, but trust me, you don’t want to get into it with him right now.”
I was already purposefully striding toward the door by the time she finished her last sentence.
Oh yeah? Not get into it with him? He doesn’t want to get into it with me right now!
I shoved the front door open with enough force to draw attention. The puddle at my feet grew as I searched for the first muscle-built guy who would look me in the eye.
“Where is he?” I ground out.
His eyebrows shot up, but he gave a quick jerk of his head, indicating a set of doors behind him. I stalked across the room and busted through both doors. My anger had tripled since I’d entered the center, and I was ready to do some serious damage.
Logan was alone in the room. He’d done his own serious damage to a practice dummy, which was now slumped over with multiple broken appendages. The startled look on his face was short-lived. After a quick sweep of me from head to toe, a corner of his mouth quirked up in amusement.
With that, something in me broke free. I snatched the closest weapon I could find and ran straight toward Logan with a banshee scream. Romona yelled a warning behind me, but I wasn’t sure if it was meant for Logan or me. I was both out of control and completely focused. Time seemed to slow, and I was able to calculate things I’d never thought possible—such as the weight of the object in my hand, which I finally recognized as a fighting staff, and how far until I was in striking range.
