by Julie Hall
Stopping a few feet from the doorway, I strained to catch their words.
“Thanks, man,” Logan said.
There was a pause before Jonathon heaved a sigh. “I didn’t do it for you.”
“Yeah,” Logan chuckled. “I’m well aware of that. It doesn’t mean you don’t deserve my gratitude.”
“Maybe that’s exactly what it means.”
“Naw, your heart was still in a good place. That’s all that really matters. Just because you were doing it for her instead of me doesn’t matter. In fact, that makes me even more grateful.”
I bit back a groan. Did they really have to talk about me? I really shouldn’t be listening to this.
“You know what she means to me.” Logan’s words were quieter, forcing me to take a step closer even as I chastised myself for listening to their private conversation. But if I was damned anyway, what was one more sin to add to the ever-growing pile? Besides, new Audrey’s emotions were still somewhat on lock down.
The room was silent after that.
What I wouldn’t give to be a fly on the wall in there. But not an actual fly, because, eww. Maybe have the power of invisibility? Yeah, that would be sweet.
I fidgeted as I waited for one of them to say something . . . anything.
Eavesdropping was overrated.
Why was no one talking?
Forever seemed to pass before Jonathon responded.
“Yeah, I do know. But I think more importantly, I finally know what you mean to her.”
“Would it have made you choose differently if you’d known that before?”
Wait, was Logan Doctor Phil’ing Jonathon?
“No.” Jonathon’s answer came out gruff. He was agitated. “But maybe it should have.”
“You’re a good man, Jonathon. The right one is out there somewhere; it’s just not her. You can’t force these things.” There was a bit of warning to Logan’s words I wondered if Jonathon picked up.
A self-deprecating laugh shot from Jonathon. “Learned that lesson the hard way.”
Another few beats of silence. What was happening in there? Were they staring into each other’s eyes and having a bro moment or something?
“It’s been . . .” Jonathon started and then stopped. Another deep sigh before he continued. “Lonely. I’ve been here for a long time.”
Perhaps Logan nodded or something because I didn’t hear a response. Since when did guys open up to each other like this? Were they having some sort of post-traumatic bonding moment, or did this happen all the time under our female radar?
“There’s something special about her. If there wasn’t, I wouldn’t have held on so long.”
Me? Special?
I slapped a hand to my face to cover my snort of disbelief—old Audrey stirring a little inside. A part of my heart that had hardened against Jonathon during our mission melted a bit.
He was lonely, and he had acted out of his hurt. I found it hard to stay upset at someone when they were in pain. Emotional or physical.
“Yeah, I know it, man. I’ve known it since the beginning.”
Wait, what? He’s known since the beginning? That didn’t make sense with how he first treated me.
“Well, maybe if you’d done something about it right away, you would have saved us all a bit of trouble.” Jonathon’s words were just short of biting. The guys were civil to each other, but there was still more than a touch of animosity hanging in the air. Mind you, if I’d been in the room, I would have been nodding in agreement. Took bonehead in there long enough to get with the program.
Maybe that was a touch hypocritical. Whatever.
Logan ignored the not-so-veiled jab. “Thank you for keeping an eye on her for me.”
The laugh that burst from Jonathon was humor-filled. “Yeah, right. No. It didn’t go down that way. She’s a true warrior, Logan. She singlehandedly took down a demon the size of a small building. It was pretty disgusting, but you would have been proud of her.”
A sharp pain lanced my heart. Old Audrey was fully awake now and trying to shove new, cold, unfeeling Audrey out of the way. But if that happened, I’d fall apart.
No one should be proud of me after what I’d done. I existed in this realm on borrowed time. For all I knew, a portal to Hell could open any minute and suck me back down to that kingdom of despair.
I deserved nothing less.
I rubbed my eyes with my fists as an overbearing weariness permeated my body and soul.
“Except for perhaps if you’d seen her reaction to the hell-trees.” Jonathon chuckled, and I cocked my head. What was he about now? “She squealed like a girl whenever one got too close to her.”
Hey, I am a girl, you doofus!
My throat itched to spit the words at him. Too bad I was playing spy at the moment. I pulverized the warm fuzzies that had started to grow for Jonathon. Wonder if he thought a throat punch would be girlie?
Anger issues? Yeah, maybe. So what?
Wait, was Logan laughing too? Not cool.
Those blood-sap-leaking zombie trees were nasty.
Oh, shoot!
I’d missed the last few exchanges, but I heard the slapping of hands in some weird dude bonding handshake, and then Jonathon was saying his goodbyes.
And I was just standing outside the door . . . like a creeper.
Abort mission.
Where to go? Where to go?
I performed a ridiculous foot shuffle followed by a spin as I searched for a hidey-hole, but it was too late. There was nowhere to hide.
Jonathon strode out of Logan’s room—and spotted me.
We both froze.
I grimaced, braced for a well-deserved tongue lashing, but after several moments Jonathon just rolled his eyes, shook his head, and then continued on his way down the hall without a single word.
Wait, what happened? Had I pulled that spy junk off without getting in trouble?
Old Audrey—the one untainted by Hell’s nightmares—demanded a happy dance.
“You can come in now, Audrey.”
Oh. So busted.
I reached up and patted my matted hair. I hadn’t given it much of a thought until now. The mess was sure to be a kaleidoscope of colors. Looking down, I also took in my rather filthy body armor. The material was intact but caked with dirt and blood. Not even the dark color of the suit could hide the grime. My face was probably just as nasty.
Even though I’d woken up in The Healing Center, I obviously hadn’t been tended to—probably because I hadn’t sustained any serious injuries. I should have taken care of my disheveled appearance sooner. I had not thought this through.
Typical.
“After taking a trip to Hell to spring me free, you’re gonna leave me waiting now?” There was a teasing note in Logan’s voice I wasn’t used to hearing.
I wiped a hand down my dirty face. How was I going to do this?
Pain-filled grunting noises reached my ears. “Okay, if you’re not gonna come in, I’ll come out there to you.”
Wait, what? “No! Don’t move!” I barreled through the doorway . . . to find Logan sitting in bed with an amused smile on his face. “Huh? I thought you’d gotten out of bed.”
“I figured that’s what it would take to get you in here.” He laughed and pointed at my head. “Not amused I see.”
“Let me guess. Red?”
“Yep.” He didn’t look the least bit remorseful.
I rolled my eyes and stepped farther into the room. He’d caught me lurking outside his door after all. I supposed that gave him license to mess with me.
I took a long moment to check him out. That is, check out his physical condition. Not check him out.
Yeah, keep telling yourself that.
I cleared my throat and chewed on my lower lip.
Logan appeared . . . fine . . . especially considering the condition I’d found him in outside this realm.
He was wearing a clean white t-shirt. There were some bandages on various parts of his
exposed arms but no bruising. His face had a few small scratches, and a little discoloration, but no swelling at all.
He was certainly cleaner than I was. Another reminder that someone forgot my sponge bath. Did the guys get all the special attention in here now?
But the real question was how had he healed so quickly?
“Why don’t you look worse?”
Logan choked on a laugh. “I’m going to take that as a compliment, even though I know you didn’t intend it as one.”
“I just meant . . .” How did I delicately explain that he’d looked like ground beef only a short while ago? Delicate didn’t seem to be part of my skill set.
“You were in bad shape, Logan.” A swell of emotion clogged my throat as I remembered what it felt like to find him in that underground cell. Old-weak-emotional Audrey was really fighting tooth and nail to take over new-cold-unfeeling Audrey. She took advantage of the cracks in my heart and slipped though. Before I could lock my feelings down, my eyes filled.
I turned and stared out his window before going on. I couldn’t face him at the moment.
“You . . . I’ve never seen someone beaten so badly.” A shudder wracked my body, and a tear slid down my cheek.
“Hey.”
The gentleness in Logan’s voice lulled my senses. I turned, and my gaze traveled up his body until my eyes connected with his. He wasn’t smiling anymore.
“Can I hold you?”
His request was simple. And perfect. And exactly what I needed.
And rather than fight what we both wanted, I did what I should have done long ago—I surrendered.
14
Reunited
I stayed in Logan’s arms until I couldn’t stand my funk anymore. There was only so long a girl could live in crusty clothes.
After slipping into the small bathroom in Logan’s room, I peeled the bloody form-fitting armor from my body. The protective garb was extra crunchy from dried demon blood and stuck to my skin in places.
My gloves were coated in a different type of blood. Red flakes of it fell to the ground. My hands shook as I yanked the gloves off and stuffed them in the bottom of the garbage can. I stood for a moment, staring at nothing as I wrestled my thoughts into submission—but the questions slipped through anyway.
Joe, what had happened to him? Was he okay?
A fresh wave of guilt slammed into me over the result of my anger-filled actions. If only I’d not lost it, I wouldn’t have lashed out at Alrik and accidentally struck Joe instead.
The feeling of my blade sinking into soft flesh was too close to the surface. Squeezing my eyes shut, I fisted my hands and wished those horror-filled moments away. But they were branded to the forefront of my consciousness.
“Audrey, you all right in there?”
Logan’s voice and soft knock on the door jarred me back to the present.
“Yeah, sorry. It’s just taking a bit to get this nasty armor off. I’ll only be another minute.” That sounded normal, right?
I set about ridding myself of the rest of my gear and chucked it all in the corner. That left me standing in days old workout clothes, but that was better than the alternative . . . still being in the blood-saturated armor.
My next step was to attempt to clean up. Although free from bloodied and dirty outerwear, I had sweated buckets in these clothes.
I seriously missed waking up in the Healing Center fresh and washed.
Surveying the small space, I found some washcloths. A sponge bath was the best I could do.
After soaking and lathering the soft terry cloth with soap, I pulled my tank with a built in bra over my head and set to work scrubbing off as much funk as possible.
Reaching my back was a challenge, and I twisted and contorted my upper body to scrub the hard to reach places. In the middle of a twist, I caught my reflection in the mirror over the sink.
I froze, limbs at awkward angles, and then half turned.
What was that on my back?
The soggy towel dropped from my hands and landed on the tile floor with a splat.
There, beneath my left shoulder blade, a black spot about the size of a quarter marred my otherwise flawless skin. I backpedaled closer to the sink for a better look. The mark wasn’t perfectly round, nor was it all black. Thin black-and dark-green spider veins reached out in all directions from the central mark.
What is that? That’s definitely new. Did I . . . catch something in Hell?
A more sinister explanation occurred and sent shockwaves of fear through my body. Was this part of the curse Satan spoke of?
A small part of me still believed Satan’s words were a lie, that I wasn’t actually cursed to spend an eternity in torment. But this . . . this hideous mark wasn’t a lie. It wasn’t made up. It was sketched on my skin like a tattoo. My own personal scarlet letter—a reminder of what I’d done and the consequences to come.
The door shook with the force of Logan’s knocking, and I yelped. “Audrey, not to invade your privacy, but I’m a little worried about you out here. Are you sure everything’s all right?”
I searched the floor and found my tank, quickly sliding it over my head and concealing my shame. No one could know of this.
“Gimme a sec.” That was all I could push through my suddenly dry throat.
The last bit of hope that I could be redeemed slipped through my fingers.
This was real. This was happening. And there was nothing I could do to stop it.
Shortly after Logan banged on the bathroom door, I emerged from the small space to find him resting. I crawled onto the narrow bed next to him. I was still pretty nasty with my ratty hair and days old clothes, but I was too exhausted and soul crushed to care.
He stirred when I slipped in next to him and pulled me into his arms. Without the self-constructed barrier of self-doubt or suspicion I’d built for months to protect my heart, the feel of his strength encasing me was heaven.
My silent tears streamed down my face, but rather than snap into his usual fix-it mode, he just let me be. Softly stroking my back with one hand and holding me tight with the other.
If only he knew that my tears were not only shed for the horrors I’d seen in Hell, but also for the tomorrows we’d never have together. I wanted to tell him, but I couldn’t. If he knew the full truth, the spell would be broken. And I was selfish enough to want whatever time I had left with him to be beautiful. We’d already wasted so much of it.
In that moment, I decided he wasn’t to know. Not until the separation came. We’d enjoy the limited time we had together, and I would cherish the memory throughout the torturous days that I would endure for the rest of eternity.
We sat on his bed, tucked up against the headboard, Logan sitting with one knee bent and an outstretched leg, and me curled into a ball against his chest, practically cuddled on his lap.
When my tears were spent, I let out a shaky breath of air.
“Audrey, I can’t—” Logan’s voice caught on something. His head rested on top of mine. When he continued, his voice dropped an octave, thickened with emotion. “I can’t imagine what you went through down there. I’m so very sorry. I should never have bonded with you.”
I savored the warm thud of his heartbeat on my cheek for several seconds before what he’d said sunk in. The leakage from my eyes along with a bad case of the feels must have dulled my reactions.
I jerked to a sitting position to stare at him in disbelief—and anger. My face was crusted with the salt of dried tears. There was no doubt I was a hot mess and a half. But that was nothing compared to the mess he’d just spewed.
He reached for me again, but I put a hand up to ward off his movements and curled my upper lip.
Where to even start?
“What I went through? Are you insane?” His gaze jumped around my face as if he couldn’t decide on a safe place to land. “Logan, I actually felt an echo of what you went through. I even experienced some of it in a dream or a weird out of body experience where I was
you. What I went through was nothing.”
He opened his mouth to speak, but I slashed a hand through the air to stop him. “Nothing compared to what had been done to you. You were torn to shreds. Literally, in some spots.”
His face paled. I shouldn’t have gone there and instantly regretted bringing it up—but I couldn’t handle his concern for me when he had been tortured. We’d get to the “should never have bonded with you” comment next.
“You experienced some of . . . of what I went through?” he asked.
Shoot, I gave him another reason to beat himself up. Rookie mistake. “Never mind about that. And what’s this business about regretting bonding with me? Frankly, that’s kind of—hey!”
He grabbed my upper arms and held me still as I tried to push away even farther. His blue eyes flashed, and his face was hard as stone. “If bonding with you caused you to feel even a second of what I endured in that place, then yes, it’s something I deeply regret and would do anything to take back.”
Buried under the caveman response was something sweet, but I wasn’t feeling it.
“Argh. You . . .” I pointed a finger at his face. “You just . . .”
As I sputtered to find the right words, the corners of Logan’s lips just barely tipped up. I stopped talking when I spotted his involuntary reaction. Of course I’d find a guy who thought I was cute when riled up. Actually, that was probably pretty lucky considering I did tend to have a short fuse.
I pressed my lips together and narrowed my eyelids before performing another visual sweep of his body.
Yep, he looked to be relatively healthy.
I launched myself at him and grabbed the sides of his face, and then I planted my lips right over his. Just like the first time I’d surprised him with a kiss, he was momentarily stunned.
I gently but firmly bit down on his full bottom lip in a silent demand for him to get with the program. Then I pulled back a fraction, just far enough that my lips grazed his when I spoke. “Less talking, more kissing.”
