by Bill Brewer
Fiera said, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you.”
Looking at her, confused and a bit annoyed, Diegert said, “Look I know you weren’t trying to hurt me, but this part of my life is really frustrating, and you put me into a tailspin with just one idea. What kind of a spiritual base do I have if I can be so easily toppled by the words of someone I just met?”
Holding his eyes with hers, Fiera offered, “Don’t be too hard on yourself. Spiritual balance is far more labile than standing your ground. Being too rigid with your spiritual life will damn you to the constant dissonance between your beliefs and the realities you face every day. Especially with the kind of work we do.”
“Well, that’s exactly it. How can we have any spiritual peace when we kill people for a living, for money, so others can have more power? I can’t find spiritual peace with that.”
“I struggle with the same thing, but I’ve found there is a warrior inside of me. Not taking on the fight and not using my skills is just as dissonant as always expecting peace and harmony. You and I live in balance by being right on the knife’s edge between life and death.”
Diegert looked at her while the words gave voice to feelings he held, but never expressed. Life could be balanced, if by killing someone you helped someone else. This was the dilemma with which soldiers must live all the time. Diegert just had to believe that killing for Crepusculous was worthwhile. He asked Fiera, “Do you think Crepusculous is on the right side?”
She smiled as she tilted her head back while holding her gaze on his eyes. “If only it were that simple. This is the difference between you being a man and me a woman. There is no ‘Right Side.’ Men possess all the power in this world, and no matter what I do I will always be in service to them. There is no freedom from that fact, so whatever I do, it is overshadowed by the reality that I am a servant. My willingness, my ability, and my perspective are a blessing and a curse, which allow me to kill in service to this world. I would be a warrior no matter whose side I was on. Crepusculous found me and gave me the opportunity to be the woman I was destined to be. With all that is stacked against women in this world, I am going to embrace my role and live on that sharp edge of an assassin’s blade. I gotta believe that’s true for you too.”
“Don’t forget we are servants to the powerful.” Pierre Lebeau’s words came back to him. They were delivered just before he tranquilized Diegert in Panzer’s penthouse of the Ambassador Hotel. They were of no comfort then, but they were clarifying now. Diegert grated against authority. He longed to be free and independent, he didn’t want to take orders from anyone. What does it mean to have no alliances, no associations, no back-up? Could he survive without Crepusculous? They would no doubt, seek to hunt him down, and kill him. Survival required remaining in service to Panzer and Crepusculous. Scylla and Charybdis.
“Yeah, I guess it’s different for guys.”
Fiera rolled her eyes and turned her smirk to a frown.
Diegert asked, “How long have you been a member of Cerberus?”
Fiera’s eyes snapped at the mention of Avery’s secret force.
Diegert said, “Avery told me Cerberus wasn’t made up of just men. Shooting like you did, I figured you might be a member.”
“Cerberus is a privilege and obligation, like so much of our business. Being Avery’s special ones has its benefits but the cost is killing whenever called upon.”
“How do you usually contact your targets?” asked Diegert while gazing at the floor.
“Sex. Or more typically the illusion that they’re going to get to have sex with me.”
Diegert’s head raised in her direction. She met his eyes as she said, “It’s the arrogance that burns me up. They always think I’m the fortunate one who’s going to get to have sex with them. They’re so easily swayed and so conceited.”
Diegert saw her pretty face harden into creases of hate and derision.
“When they tell me how lucky I am, I have no hesitation to drive that dagger deep into their hearts.” Fiera struck her hand with her fist. Diegert flinched as the smack shot across the room.
“Every mission they send me on I achieve two objectives, theirs and mine.”
“You enjoy killing men.”
“The arrogant, philandering misogynists, yes. And there are a lot of them.”
Diegert replied, “I don’t feel anything for my targets. No hate, or anger… or sympathy. I won’t kill women though. Have you killed a woman?”
“I have yet to be assigned.”
“Would you?”
“I don’t want to. They’re already subjugated. I wouldn’t want to do the bidding of a man who wants someone naturally subservient to him killed.”
“You’ve submerged yourself into the assassin’s dilemma, inserting your values and judgment into the assignment. Doing that can drive you crazy and get you killed.”
After a quiet pause, in which they exchanged glances Fiera said, “I imagine I will succumb to the latter.” Her wistful expression gave way as she said, “Live by the sword, die by…,” picking up the Glock 17 she held it up between them, “whatever weapon is in the other’s hand.”
Diegert turned to the shooting shelf, released the magazine from his MP5, placed it and the gun into their foam cradles before snapping the case shut. Turning to Fiera, whose mischievous smile had returned, he said, “You’re all right Fiera. I’ll see you down here again sometime.”
Fiera rolled her eyes, watching Diegert leave, but she couldn’t drop her smile.
CHAPTER 19
At 7:15 am Diegert received a text message from Klaus Panzer.
Son, please prepare yourself to accompany me on a mission of indeterminate length and undisclosed objectives. We will depart at 4:00 this afternoon. A kit with all mission-critical items will be provided for you. KP
Why does he put his initials at the end of a text message. Nobody does that. He was surprised though that Panzer had included himself in a mission. There was little for Diegert to do to prepare, packing some clothes and other essentials, he was ready to go.
Diegert’s request to have a story in the media further implicating Alexi Strakov as the assassin of the president began to appear on television and YouTube. The story was gaining traction as it was re-broadcast throughout social media. The account described Strakov’s background in the Russian military and his role as a private mercenary. He was depicted as a capable killer with skills, abilities and a cold heart. The grim portrait, from which his scowling face threatened the viewer, only made the impression that he was a bad man, a murdering criminal, easier to accept. Diegert was shocked by the conclusion of the story where his picture appeared on the screen. The voice-over stated that the search for him as an accomplice was ongoing. His face and name, and the face and name of Matthew Wilcox, his alias when undercover within the presidential security detail, were presented as open investigations. Analysis of the photo, which depicted him as dead, had determined it a fake. Of course, it was a fake. Carolyn Fuller had photoshopped the image to buy them time, but they both knew its falsehood would eventually be revealed.
Diegert was confused, and he was also pissed. He had asked that the Strakov story be doctored to take the heat off him. This story only made his plight more problematic. Locked away down in LPU he was safe, or so he hoped. Outside, his picture was on everyone’s mobile. He was a wanted man with a bounty on his head and heroism for anyone who apprehended him. Shit, this was not the plan!
He reached out to Carolyn. She answered his call from her apartment controlled by the CIA. Although her personal quarters were private, her access to the outside was controlled and she was afraid her communication would be monitored. The CIA was not aware of the burner phone she was using.
She began, “David, we can’t talk for long.”
“Ok, did you see the Strakov story?”
“Yeah, the one which ends with your picture and a web address where people can leave their tips and claim their reward.”
&nbs
p; “I know. I thought Panzer had better control over the media. He agreed he would have his people create a story furthering the blame on Strakov, but now my head is right in the noose.”
“The CIA needs more than just a story in the media.”
“Apparently. I plan to find incriminating documents and leak them to the CIA. Should I pass them to you?”
“Hell no. I’m stuck in a safe house. I’m in custody, held as a material witness, a prisoner. That would be seen as collusion, don’t send them to me. I’m still in deep shit.”
“What can I do to help?”
“Turn yourself in.”
“I’m not doing that.”
“Don’t I know it.”
“Later today I’m being sent on a mission.”
“Who are you killing?”
“I don’t know… I don’t know if it’s an assassination.”
“Well, what else do you do?”
“Once, I rescued a kidnapped kid.”
“Once. Every other mission you killed someone.”
Diegert saw no value in continuing this line of discussion, he redirected the conversation. “At least we can talk.”
“We’ve got to stay brief. I’ll let you know if anything surfaces regarding the Strakov documents.”
“Ok, hang in there,” said Diegert.
“I don’t like the mention of hanging, but I’m hanging up on you.”
CHAPTER 20
Denise felt trapped in her gilded apartment. She was comfortable and had everything she needed, but she knew she was not free. One of the features that fascinated her was the room with three jumbo screen walls. All she had to do was select a location on Google earth, and the images on the wall would be that place. She could go anywhere without leaving her apartment. The technology was amazing, and it entertained her for a while, but she grew tired of seeing places she’d never been. Most of the time she had the walls project her favorite view of Burntside Lake in Minnesota.
Dr. Zeidler called in to hold a video conference with Denise on the TV in the apartment.
“Denise, I want to let you know we’ve scheduled your CT scan and ultrasound exam for tomorrow.”
“Ok.”
“How are you doing?”
“I’m fine. I can’t go anywhere, but I don’t need anything. I’d like to see David.”
“I don’t have that authority, but I can ask. It would probably be over video like we’re doing.”
“If that’s the best you can do, then OK.”
“Anything else?”
“Does Panzer have any other children?”
“Yes, he has two daughters. Gretchen is thirty-five. She’s a forceful woman who oversees quite a bit of the business of Omnisphere. Her mother was German but died in a skiing accident when Gretchen was young.”
“Oh. That’s terrible. How old was Gretchen when her mother died?”
“I believe she was eight years old.”
“You said he had two daughters.”
“Correct. Sashi is a bit younger than David, she’s twenty-two. Her mother was Taiwanese, and she’s also deceased. Died in a car accident.”
“My God, two dead mothers?”
Dr. Zeidler shook her head with a frown.
“I just wanted to let you know about the CT and ultrasound tomorrow. I’ll stop by your apartment at 10:00 a.m., and we’ll go to the facility. I’ll make your request for a visit with David to Herr Panzer. Bye for now.”
Denise sat quietly thinking of how cancer might change her life. She was strong, but she had seen how cancer had ravaged the life out of other people. Its slow, insidious weakening turning people into ghosts of their former selves.
The doctor submitted the request directly to Panzer. She indicated it was “medically” necessary for Denise to see David.
Panzer’s reply included Dr. Zeidler, David, and Denise:
Video conference between Denise and David Diegert to commence at 2:00 p.m. today.
Two hours past noon. David and Denise looked at each other on large video screens. They realized their conversation was not private, but they were so glad to see each other that they didn’t care who else was listening.
“Mom, are you OK? Are you comfortable?”
“Yes, David. I’m so glad to see you. Are you OK?”
“Yes, I am. We’ve got to figure out how to get you home.”
“And I want you to come home with me.”
The lack of a reaction to that suggestion revealed Diegert’s reluctance.
“You first, Mom. Let’s get you set. You do want to go back to Broward, don’t you?”
“I guess so, where else would I go?”
“If you wanted to go somewhere else, where would that be?”
“I don’t know, I never thought about living somewhere else.”
“Well you think about it, and then we’ll make a plan.”
“Oh David, I love it when you make things seem possible.”
“Mom I gotta tell you I was really surprised to find out Klaus Panzer is my father.”
Denise expressed her embarrassment with a bowed head held in trembling hands.
Diegert said, “Mom I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, but I’m kind of lost as to why you never told me. You knew all along who he was.”
Keeping her head down, Denise said, “I’m so ashamed. A mother shouldn’t have to share such things with her child.”
“Mom, I’m not like, so innocent that I wouldn’t understand.”
“But you are to me. Your innocence is the only thing that’s clean and pure in my life. Now I don’t even have that.”
Denise shook her head back and forth. Diegert watched, but he was compelled to probe further.
“Mom, didn’t you think I deserved to know?”
Denise lifted her head and, through tear stained eyes, she said, “I thought I would never see that man again. I wanted my encounter with him to be erased from my life.” She raised her voice as she pounded her fist on the arm of the chair. “When I discovered I was pregnant, at first I thought about ending it, for both of us. Then just you. I couldn’t kill myself or you. I just had to suffer through it all.”
Diegert sat in silence. When she looked at him, he nodded, quietly waiting for her to go on.
“David, it was so difficult with Tom wanting me to get an abortion and everyone in town finding out. There was a lot of pressure to end the pregnancy, and it would have been a whole lot easier, but I just couldn’t. Being pregnant isn’t about the mother,” she said clutching her fist to her chest, “it’s about the new life being created.”
A deep breath preceded Diegert’s contemplation of her perspective. He was lucky to be alive, and she’d weathered some difficult circumstances to make his birth possible.
Diegert began, “When my idiot brother Jake told me Tom was not my father and that you had an affair, I was crushed, but it suddenly made sense. All the shit those two threw at me. All the stuff they wouldn’t let me do. I understood then why they hated me.” Tears welled up in Diegert’s eyes. The feeling of vulnerability shook him as he choked back a surge of emotion. “Once I knew why, it made sense. When you don’t know why you’re being treated so badly, you can’t figure out how to make things better. Once I knew, I realized it wasn’t anything I did. It was out of my control. It still sucked, but at least I knew why.” Diegert squeezed his lids and wiped the tears from his cheek.
Denise said, “David I’m so sorry. I wish I could have been braver and told you the truth. I always hoped Tom would come to love you and treat you like Jake. You were such a great kid… smart, polite, athletic, what father wouldn’t want a son like that?”
“Apparently we found one.”
They both chuckled. The light-hearted relief brought subtle smiles to their strained faces.
“David, I don’t know what’s going to happen, and I don’t know if I want to go back to Tom and Jake. I just know that I want you to be safe and I have trouble trusting Klaus Panzer.”
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“I don’t trust him either. He wants to be my father now. He wants to have the son he never did, and he seems to think that the past shouldn’t matter.”
“What do you mean?”
“The talks I’ve had with him, he is always looking toward the future. Anything that happened in the past, he just looks beyond it and doesn’t really care. It’s kind of weird; he doesn’t seem to be able to connect how you feel about something from the past with how you feel about it in the present.”
“I bet he has a lot in the past he’d rather ignore,” said Denise with a rumble of anger in her voice.
“If we can do something for him that’ll help his future, I think he’ll be fine with that,” countered David. “Otherwise I don’t think he will bother keeping us around.”
“You think he’ll let us go?”
Diegert was now speaking to Panzer, who he assumed to be listening in.
“I think the effort and expense of keeping us here will prove wasteful since we have nothing to offer.”
“Oh good, I hope so because even though this apartment is nice, I’m trapped in it.”
“I’m sure he’s going to let you go.”
“And you too, right, David?”
“He may have plans for me, but once you’re free, you can go wherever you want.”
“I want to go with you.”
“I’ll join you later, Mom, I’m glad you reminded me about what a brave woman you are. I now know that I’m alive because you were strong enough to persevere when everyone said you shouldn’t.”
“David, I love you so much. No matter what I went through, it was all worth it. Will we get to talk like this again?”
“I’m sure we will and hopefully next time I’ll get to see you for a real hug.”
“I hope so too. You be safe until then,” came the instinctive maternal concern.
“Ok, I love you, Mom.”
“I love you too.”
The video screen went blank, leaving Diegert hoping his message to Panzer was received. He also felt guilty for needing to be reminded of how difficult it had been for his mother to keep her illegitimate pregnancy and raise her bastard son.
