by Mark Eller
Chapter 13— The Road from Hell
Phrandex stood in the doorway to the nursery, sulking in the gloom of Hell. His mother’s admonishments rang fresh and clear inside his head, a constant reminder he would never live up to her expectations.
“For god’s sake, Phrandex, grow some horns and be a devil.” Or “If I weren’t your mother, I’d kill you myself.” And his least favorite. “I’ve seen spawn with more initiative than you.”
Other, more recent complaints tumbled around his head, banging against his beleaguered brain. She had visited him three days ago to demand he accompany her into the middle world on a small chore. It was, she said, a chance for him to get his feet wet, whatever that meant. When he asked the reason for their journey she had only sneered. The putrid memory of her belittling attitude still clung to him like stink on a human.
A shrill, terrified, shriek brought the devil’s attention back to the nursery. The noisemaker was his new— what did they call them again? Boob mother— ninny— Nursemaid! Yes, that was the term. His new nursemaid, was number three to be exact. Unfortunately, the other two hadn’t faired very well. Imalda, his first assistant, had lasted only a few months before she was eaten. Her fault, really, for suicidal inattention. Phrandex had repeatedly told her not turn her back on the little rascals. However, being a rather stupid sort, she had fallen asleep during the children’s nap time. When the children woke two hours early, they were hungry, and Imalda had prepared no food for them. She instantly became the little darlings’s lunch.
The second boob mother, Lira, was harder to come by than the first. The agency he hired Imalda from didn’t want to lose another prized worker. Consequently, the second boob mother came from a different agency, one possessing less stringent standards for their employees. This meant Lira wasn’t as sturdy or well-equipped as Imelda. In fact, on the first day of the third week she ran off screaming after one of the babies gave her a friendly little nip. Honestly, it was only the tip of her pinky. The female displayed a complete over-reaction to the situation. Phrandex would have understood if she had lost an entire hand, but a fingertip?
He hadn’t seen a glimpse of her since.
Now, a month later, he had Bejou. She was a strong, burly sort of woman with brown hair cropped short about the face and shoulders. Her eyes were dark, fierce, and unafraid. Not to mention she had put up a pretty good fight and cussed him profusely when he dragged her into the hellhole. She had shown spunk, especially when Berferd, his other assistant, raped her.
Phrandex liked the idea of spunk in his boob mothers. It was a good sign because it meant she might last more than a few weeks. Now if he could only keep her from trying to escape. For some inexplicable reason, the daft woman actually thought she could find her way through the tunnels and back to the surface without getting eaten.
“You little, filthy, no good demon child!” Bejou stood in a corner, club in hand, fending off one of the demons who had started teething recently.
Phrandex looked around for the little fellow’s teething rock, and realized the child had dropped it. He smiled when he saw the black-scaled demon playfully eyeing Bejou’s bleeding leg. A long section of cloth had been torn from her apron, and the flesh beneath bore several long scratches.
The demon child raked the air in front of him with long, sinewy arms, ripped free another section of cloth but missed flesh this time. Its stubby fingers had newly sprouted talons. During the last several years, Phrandex had noticed talons seemed to grow longer and sharper at the same time fangs first developed. He grinned when the boob mother screamed again. Demons were so cute when they discovered their new toys, but the noise was irritating.
Snarling, Bejou swung the club. It connected with the child’s head with a disappointingly half-hearted thunk. Phrandex grimaced with disgust at her ineptitude. She had barely dented the club’s wood.
Releasing an aggrieved sigh, he shook his head. “No, no, if you expect to get out of the corner, you have to swing faster and harder. He’ll be on you as soon as you swing again because you left yourself open near your toes.”
Phrandex left the doorway and walked toward her, taking the time to pick up another teething rock along the way. When he reached the cornered milkmaid, he plucked the demon up by its neck. It hissed and tried to latch onto his arm. As soon as its mouth opened Phrandex shoved the rock between its newly pointed teeth. With a clack and light crunch, the demon closed his mouth over the rock and drooled.
“Never forget the rocks,” Phrandex admonished his assistant. “Rocks are important, especially when the darlings are teething. I remember one time when…”
He paused when excited shouts sounded from the tunnel. Curious, he walked to the nursery’s entrance and looked out to see dozens of hellborn rushing by.
A spawn stumbled past, and Phrandex deftly plucked it from the throng.
“You are going where?”
The spawn, a woman, cowered and mewled. Her struggles were weak and pathetic, which wasn’t surprising since she was a spawn. “To the great–to the great hall.”
Phrandex shook her because she irritated him. Her speech was barely understandable. She was so frightened her words were garbled and nearly inaudible.
“Why?”
The spawn’s eyes rolled around in her head, and her breaths came in great heaving gasps. Apparently, the longer he held her the more frantic she became.
Phrandex shook her again. “Answer and you can go.”
The spawn stopped squirming. Sucking at her bottom lip, she scratched at a scabbed and scarred head which was missing patches of hair. Those patches might have been blond at one time, Phrandex supposed, but they were filthy gray now.
“I think–I think Zorce is coming.” Spittle flew from her mouth as she lost all control of her speech.
Instantly dropping her, Phrandex wiped her slobber from his arm. Zorce was coming? Ignored, the spawn rose and stumbled off while the young devil turned back to his nursemaid.
“I’ll be back shortly.” He watched her awkwardly swing her club at another demon child. Half the club had already been chewed to splinters. As a precaution, he gave her another club and more rocks. He really didn’t want to go chasing down another boob mother.
