Her stomach lurched when she spotted the title. It was there. She pulled the book off the shelf, her heart thudding erratically.
The point of no return.
If she bought the book, she was committing to the plan.
* * * * *
“Earth to Nik. Earth to Nik.” Louie clicked his fingers right in front of Nikolai’s nose.
Nikolai blinked back to the present, away from black thoughts of Laura and the baby. Nightmares tangled with the future and Summer. “Huh?”
Jake peered closely. “He looks tired.”
“Perhaps he didn’t sleep well.” Louie smirked at Jake. “Wonder how Summer slept?”
“Leave her out of this,” Nikolai growled.
“You didn’t stay out of Summer.”
A wave of fury swept him, and he had his hands fisted in Jake’s shirt before either of his mates could blink.
“Whoa.” Jake held up both hands in surrender but didn’t try to struggle from Nikolai’s determined grip. “Joke.”
Louie placed a heavy hand on Nikolai’s tense shoulder. “Let him go, Nik.”
He unclenched his hands and shoved Jake away. A fist-size circle of wrinkles remained on Jake’s shirt.
“Sorry, man. Bad joke.”
Nikolai didn’t want to discuss Summer with Jake and Louie. “Time to get back to the rest of the men.” Hell, he was kicking himself as it was. He didn’t need his mates’ help to fuel his betrayal and helplessness. Nikolai turned and stomped back to the assault course, leaving Jake and Louie to fall in behind while he tried to ignore the throb of his knee.
What the fuck was he going to do? He’d betrayed Henry’s trust, taken Summer’s virginity, and he continued to compound the bitch of a mistake. He couldn’t keep his hands off her.
But the worst part was the way his mind wandered to the future—a rosy dream of togetherness. Nikolai bit back a curse. He’d once dreamed of a future, a family with Laura, and look what had happened. While he’d been away on missions, Laura had got bored, felt neglected. So she’d gone out on the town, made friends with a bad crowd—people who treated drugs like candy. Bittersweet memories poured over him as he recalled the moment he and Laura had discovered her pregnancy. Their child would have been almost five, ready to start school.
A lump of emotion clogged his throat. He blinked and called upon every shred of his control. He had a mission to complete. Now wasn’t the time to dwell on what might have been.
* * * * *
She’d done it. Exchanged the books. Nerves pushed a shiver through her limbs as the cab drove up Parnell Road. Summer stared out the window at the rush hour traffic, the scurrying office workers heading home and the mature trees in the Domain. Please, please let her pull off the switch without making Dare suspicious. The cab pulled up outside the restaurant. She paid the driver and dawdled inside. Even the pleasure balls vibrating inside her pussy didn’t quell the skip and jump of anxiety.
A wave of chatter greeted her as she pushed through the double doors leading to the bar and restaurant.
One of the men standing in the group at the bar gave a long whistle. “Over here, sweet cheeks.” His gaze raved up and down, taking in her short black skirt and V-neck navy-blue top.
Summer ignored him, too wound up to flirt. Her heels clicked as she maneuvered through the crowd waiting to enter. She approached the reception desk once the large group of people waiting disappeared into a private function room.
“Is Dare busy?”
“Afraid so, Summer,” the receptionist said.
Summer nodded and tried to look disappointed, but in fact, everything was going according to plan. “Can I leave a package for him? I promised him I’d drop it off.” She handed over the book and was glad when another group of diners arrived behind her. “Looks like you’re busy so I’ll leave you to it.” She lifted a hand in farewell.
“Bye, Summer. I’ll make sure Dare gets his package.”
Outside on the pavement, she took a deep breath and reached for the nearest streetlamp to steady the sway of wobbly knees.
Had she done the right thing?
She sighed, unsure of her actions. But at least if Dare made a fuss, it would confirm her suspicions. She scanned the road for a cab. The prickly sensation that came from watchful eyes recommenced. The sooner she arrived home, the better. Along with the edginess caused by surveillance and burning anxiety, the pleasure balls had her so hot it was a wonder she hadn’t burned from the inside out.
* * * * *
Nikolai pulled up in front of his house after returning from their out-of-town training session. His knee ached like the devil, letting him know he’d pushed too hard. He needed a shower. Bad. He stunk like the bottom of a sewer pit after running the obstacle course through mud and God knows what else. But at least they were prepared for the mission. It was good to be involved again, even if it was as part of the strategic planning team.
He clambered from his vehicle with all the grace of a three-legged giraffe. Bloody good thing none of the top brass were witnesses. He’d hate getting stood down on medical grounds. Too much time to think about other parts of his life.
Laura and the baby.
Summer.
Nikolai unlocked the door and dragged his weary bones inside. With the house locked all day, the scent of paint fumes almost knocked him over. And that sent his thoughts winging to Summer. He’d come to a decision. He had to stop seeing her in any capacity, except as a neighbor. Horizontal dancing was a no-go.
He scrubbed his hands over his stubbled jaw. His smell offended him, but hell, he needed a drink before a shower. He hobbled into the kitchen, opened a window and pulled out a bottle of whiskey from the pantry. Irish whiskey that was too good to gulp as he intended.
Nikolai grabbed a glass and made it as far as the table before a jagged shard of pain had him cursing. He sank into a chair and slumped to ride out the agonizing waves targeting his knee. Shit, he’d been okay this morning. He hoped like hell his injury settled in time for another go-round.
He leaned back in the wooden chair, knowing he needed to take it easy on the alcohol despite his driving need to bury painful memories. He let the whiskey burn down his throat in a slow trickle.
Outside, darkness approached despite the extra hour of light granted by daylight saving. The faint call of a seabird drifted on the breeze. A soft creak made Nikolai’s hand clench around the glass. Shit. He watched as she closed the small gate connecting the two properties. She skipped across the lawn, her blue hair fanning out behind her.
Even though he knew he’d have to blow her off, his heart skipped a beat. She wouldn’t make this easy for him. He knew it at gut level.
“Pooh! It stinks of paint in here,” she called from the front door.
“Wait until you get a whiff of me.”
She appeared in the doorway, fingers holding her nose, blue eyes wide and twinkling. “What have you been doing?”
“Training with the men for a mission.”
“What about your knee?”
“My knee is fine.” Hell, maybe if he said it enough it might come true. As if he didn’t have enough worry bones to gnaw.
“Good.” Summer seemed unperturbed by his temper.
Nikolai wondered about her reaction when he told her they couldn’t be together anymore. Their relationship was a mistake—a slip of judgment on his part.
He hoped like hell she didn’t cry. The way he was feeling, he might just break out and howl with her. He took another sip of whiskey and savored the burn as it slid down his throat.
“Are you going to have a shower? I could scrub your back.”
“I thought the paint bothered you.”
“It does, but I came prepared.” She dug inside a pocket and brandished an inhaler for him to see.
Fuck, she wasn’t gonna make it easy. Nikolai stared at the dregs of amber liquid in his glass. Maybe he should lay out the truth, tell her why he was bad relationship material. His gut twisted at la
ying his emotions bare.
He cleared his throat. “Henry won’t approve of us having a relationship.”
Summer straightened from her sprawl against the doorframe and crossed her arms, her chin angled in challenge. “Uncle Henry isn’t here. And even if he was, it’s none of his business. I’m legal.”
“He asked me to look after you, not to drag you off to bed and fuck you.” Nikolai let gritty harshness fill his voice, made himself sound tough. Inside, he felt like crap.
“My mother isn’t here. You can say that word, you know. I have heard it before.”
“Summer.” He wanted to shake her. He wanted to kiss her. But he wasn’t fool enough to reach for her.
“I’m going out to a nightclub on Friday night. The new one—Raven Black. You—”
He cursed and slammed his glass on the table hard enough to make her jump.
“Who are you going with?” Jealousy, pure and simple, poured out with his words. Fuck, was that a giveaway or what?
“With some of the girls from work.”
“It’s not safe.” He’d heard about the Raven Black. All sorts of kinky things… Jake and Louie had picked up a couple of woman there… “You’re not going unless I go too.”
“And are you going as my boyfriend or my chaperone?”
“Dammit, this isn’t funny. I’m bad news.”
“So you keep saying.” She advanced to his table and jerked out a chair. She sat and faced him in clear expectation. “Tell me why. Let me judge.”
“It won’t change anything.”
Obviously not the best time to tell him about exchanging the books, or the prickling instinct she experienced whenever she left the house. She took a shallow breath and ended up with a lungful of paint fumes. Standing abruptly, she stood and dragged her chair over to the open window before sitting again.
“So, tell me about this bad thing you’ve done. Do a proper job and scare me off.” Her tone was mocking but inside, panic jumped with the vigor of a kangaroo. She liked Nikolai, and despite his alpha gene, they were good together. Given time, she might even cure him of the bossiness.
Anguish crossed his face briefly before his expression blanked. He snatched the bottle of whiskey and poured some into his glass. Then he glanced at her with chocolate-brown eyes full of pain and tortured memories. “Want some?”
“Sure, why not?” She jumped up to get a glass and moved her chair next to him. He poured her a drink, and she waited for him to speak. He glanced at her, hesitated. His broad chest rose and fell before he averted his attention.
“I was married before,” he said, concentrating on his glass.
Summer caught her breath. He was older. Of course, he’d had relationships with other women. But it still hurt, dammit.
“Laura and I married young.”
Bother. Now the woman had a name. Summer bet she was slim, blonde and beautiful. Everything she wasn’t.
“We married too young. Neither of us… We shouldn’t have wed, but Laura had problems with her father. He was a drunk, and he used to bash anyone who got in his way. Marriage seemed like the best solution. I mean, we’d known each other since we were kids.”
Summer’s mind raced. What had happened to Laura? Why weren’t they together now? Questions pounded her mind while she waited for him to speak again. “And?”
“The marriage didn’t work out.”
Duh! She wanted to give him a good shake. Now was not the time to turn taciturn. “Why didn’t it work out?”
“We married too young. I was away a lot for work. Laura was bored.”
“Why didn’t she get a job? It wasn’t your fault she had too much time on her hands.”
Nikolai’s head jerked up. He stared at her as though she’d suddenly sprouted another head. “Is that what you would have done?” His tone was harsh, his face tormented like a man in the grip of deep emotions.
Summer was confused. Wasn’t a job the obvious solution? Or volunteer work? Or some sort of hobby? It was what she would have done in the same situation. The world was full of new things to learn, new things to experience like the bungee off the top of the Sky Tower in central Auckland, which Summer had booked, along with some of the girls at the library. Next week was D-day, and she was already scared spitless. But fear wasn’t going to stop her grabbing a new experience.
“Boredom and the need for change was one of the reasons I jumped at the chance to do the library course in Auckland. Eketahuna is a small town with not much social life. Everyone knows me there.”
“You mean you can’t get up to mischief there.”
“True. That and the fact most of the eligible males my age are too frightened of my brothers to ask me out.” She scrutinized Nikolai. Calmer now, not so introspective, but that didn’t mean she intended to let him change the subject. He owed her an explanation. And once she had it, she intended to entice him into bed. Actually, make that shower first and bed second. The man didn’t smell pretty.
“Laura was bored. She met up with some old school friends while I was away on a mission. She wrote and told me about it. I was pleased because she sounded happier. It made things easier when I managed a few weeks at home.” Nikolai paused again and seemed to drift off.
“Nikolai,” she said, reaching over to pat his arm. “Tell me, before I’m too old and gray to sympathize.”
He speared her with a narrow-eyed glare. “The group she hooked up with was into drugs. Anything they could get. Ecstasy. P. Among others.”
“I’m sorry, Nikolai.” She squeezed his biceps in a show of sympathy. “But you can’t blame yourself because she took drugs. We all have freedom of choice.”
“But I left her alone. I thought she’d kicked the habit. She went to rehab and came home clean. We were expecting our first child.”
A lump the size of a golf ball clogged her throat. She swallowed several times, but her throat remained tight and tears of sympathy prickled at the back of her eyes. A child. That made Laura more real—an image that was harder to fight. “What happened?”
“I’d gone off on a mission. Communication back home was difficult. I’d talked to Laura on the phone a couple of times, and she sounded happy. The mission was extended. Something happened. I’m not sure what set her off, but she started doing drugs again. The police told me her system was full of P. She drove off a ravine on the way home.”
Despite squeezing her eyes shut, a tear escaped and trickled down her cheek.
“Don’t cry, dammit,” Nikolai snarled. “I know I screwed up. I should never have left her alone. Now you know why any sort of relationship between us is impossible. I have a demanding job. I can’t guarantee I’d be here for you when you need me.”
Summer swiped at the tears on her face with her hand. Resentment burned in her gut. Who’d asked him to baby-sit her anyway? Everyone kept forgetting she was an adult, and it was time for them to remember. She jerked upright, standing rigidly to attention. “I don’t need a babysitter. What I need, what I want, is a lover. I thought you were my lover. Obviously, I was wrong.” She stormed to the door and took great pleasure in slamming the door on the way out.
Chapter Fourteen
The impact of wood against frame reverberated like thunder, and Nikolai could have sworn the house shuddered.
He’d done it.
He’d driven off Summer.
So why didn’t he feel good about returning to the friends-and-neighbor slot? Because he—
Damn! He wasn’t gonna think about entering emotional territory. That was what tripped him every bloody time. No point repeating mistakes.
He hauled his body off the chair and limped to the kitchen doorway. His progress to his bedroom was slow and laborious, his boots leaving a trail of dried mud as witness to his journey. He’d clean up when he had more energy. The reality of failing to tackle the assault course tomorrow darted to mind, but he shied from the possibility and continued his journey to his bedroom. Once there, he dropped to the bed with a pained groan to
remove his boots. More caked mud dropped onto the gleaming wooden floor he’d rescued from under a layer of brown carpet.
His thoughts wandered back to Summer, and the look on her face right before she stormed from his house. He’d hurt her just as he’d distressed Laura by his frequent absences. Trouble was, he loved his job and wasn’t trained for anything else.
“Get over it, Tarei.” He yanked off his shirt and struggled from his army fatigue trousers. The deed was done. Summer and he were no longer an item, and that was the way he wanted it.
* * * * *
Summer hadn’t spoken to Nikolai for three days. She rose at the ring of the alarm clock each morning, dragged her weary body from bed and went to work. The days passed like the slow trickle of syrup on a winter’s day. Despite trying to keep busy, her mind kept wandering back to Nikolai and the pleasure they’d experienced together.
Her mouth firmed as she watched the big, bad SAS man limp from his house and climb into a battered sedan driven by his mate, Jake.
Stubborn, infuriating male.
She glared through the closed window, confident in the knowledge he wouldn’t know she was spying. The limp had returned. He shouldn’t try to work at present or he’d end up with a permanent hobble. The scar that sliced past his kneecap signified the extent of the damage.
The man needed a keeper.
A babysitter.
Ten minutes later, she rushed out the door and locked it before heading for her Mazda. It was good to have the old girl back from the garage. She checked her watch, let out a yelp and ran the remaining distance to her car.
Luck was with her as the traffic was lighter than normal on the run up the motorway to central Auckland. She rushed into the staff meeting room at two minutes to the hour.
“Just made it,” Angel said.
Summer slid into the empty chair beside her friend and attempted composure.
“Give up,” Angel said. “Your cheeks are scarlet, your hair has gone wispy and you’re breathing like a dragon about to put out a fire.”
Military Men Page 14
