by Rimmy London
He kissed her briefly. "This is what the holidays should always smell like." He took an exaggerated breath and grinned at little Ava, planting a kiss on her round cheek. "Do you want to taste the yummy apple drink?"
"Wock, wock!" She struggled to get down, stumbling backward a few steps when she was lowered to the uneven ground. Then she was off, hurrying to the closest tent. Inside was a table of homemade jewelry, toys, and of course, apples. Caramel apples, glazed apple dumplings, dried apples… something for everyone.
Saul and Felicia followed after Ava with identical grins. "Go ahead, you two." Saul waved a hand back at them. "We can watch Ava if you want to explore for a little while."
"Okay." Chase lifted a warning eyebrow. "But don't spoil her rotten, just one or two treats."
They chuffed his comment off, nodding reassuringly at him. Abby leaned in from beside him. "Warning, they're going to spoil her." She laughed. "It's a grandparent thing."
Chase paused at the enjoyment on her face before tangling his fingers with hers. "Apple cider is calling your name, I can see it."
"Oh, it definitely is."
Her nose wrinkled in the cutest way. He couldn't help but kiss her, taking her in his arms and holding her for a moment. His heart warmed in his chest as he thought about everything she'd overcome in her life. She was incredible—his own personal superhero. After battling through her tragic, young home life, it was only natural that she might have unmanaged fears about her daughter.
The thought made him love her more, at the same time bringing out a fierce protectiveness. He wanted to see her overcome it. He knew she could. Even though he doubted the existence of a Kyle, he wasn't about to stop searching for him… just in case.
Their clasped hands swung between them as they made their way through the tents and to large kettles of apple cider. Steam wafted up from each pool of deep tan liquid, the smell of cinnamon delightfully strong.
He reached for two cups and handed one to Abby, watching as she smelled the drink and took a careful sip. "Mmm." She closed her eyes. "Delicious."
He sipped his cup gingerly as they continued, wandering through another tent. Shelves of farmhouse decor surrounded them, from throw pillows to distressed window frames and milk cans. Chase paid careful attention to what Abby seemed most interested in, hoping to find a way to surprise her with a special gift. She held up a necklace with a small golden apple dangling at the end. "This is cute," she said, smiling and replacing it in a small box.
"Yeah, I like it," Chase said. "You like it?"
"Yeah." Her voice lacked the excitement he was looking for. He casually inspected a framed cow picture while glancing at Abby holding a plush horse. "Ava would love this." She set the toy down again and crossed the tent to a large sign made of wooden planks. It was a Christmas scene with a rusted red truck hauling a beautiful, bushy pine tree. Have a Holly Jolly Christmas, it said in beautiful, curled lettering. "Oh my gosh, this is so perfect." She stared at it, her mind lost in a moment he wished he could see.
It was the one. Chase gestured slyly to the cashier and received a knowing wink in return. When Abby set the painting back down she walked off slowly, glancing back twice as she left the tent.
Chase followed behind her, trying to look interested as he lifted a mug off a shelf. The moment Abby turned out of sight, he turned back to the cashier. "How much?"
"Fifty dollars, sir," the young woman said. Taking the painting, she set it behind the counter. "I can hold it here for the day if you'd like. What's your name?"
"My name's Chase, and thank you so much." He handed her the cash and glanced over his shoulder, rushing out of the tent in search of Abby's dark curls. It was a much more crowded festival than he was used to. The grassy lot had been packed full since they'd arrived, and people milled through the area slowly.
He lifted on his toes, scanning heads before striding forward. With each step, he glanced inside tents and down stretches of the grassy walkways. Rounding another tent, he came to a wide-open view of the backside of the hill. Ava could be seen with his parents, sitting atop a beautiful white pony with a tail that brushed the ground as she walked. Chase smiled but kept scanning the area, finally turning and heading back through the chaos.
"Abby!" He shouted over the noise of the crowd, heading to the tents they hadn't been to. They seemed more popular than the others, and he turned sideways to squeeze in between groups of happy visitors.
Finally, he spotted her. He hurried forward before she could disappear again, but when he got closer, he felt suddenly alarmed. She was turning circles like she was panicked, her eyes wide and fearful. The thought that she was looking for Ava crossed his mind, and he hurried to reach her, anxious to tell her that she was safe.
"Abby." He lifted his hand, trying to get her attention. "Ava's at the pony rides."
She made eye contact for a fraction and broke it again, scanning relentlessly. She pushed through the crowd and stopped farther uphill, turning again.
Chase slowed his steps, watching her. Had she not recognized him? She'd definitely seen him, but if she wasn't looking for Ava or him… what was she searching for? He tried to turn off his diagnostic side, but he thought it just the same. It looked all too close to a psychotic break.
He didn't say her name again and walked slowly forward, taking her arm and turning her to face him.
"Chase." She breathed through the words as she spoke, relentlessly scanning the hordes. "I saw him, I swear I did."
Chase led her gently through the crowd and aside a tent to a quiet spot behind the festival. Finally, her eyes settled on him. She still looked terrified, but at least she kept eye contact—that was a good sign.
"Are you talking about Kyle?" He kept his voice calm and gentle, hoping to lead her back from wherever she'd gone.
Her eyebrows pinched together almost angrily. "What? No, my dad! I saw my dad just now. He was watching me from right there." She pointed back to where they'd been standing, where streams of people flowed in both directions.
Chase glanced back, unsure what to say. He doubted she'd even recognize her father after all this time. She hadn't seen him since she was eight, after all. And with the lifestyle he lived, he might not even be alive. But if she'd invented Kyle, and now her father, her mind was becoming more dangerous than he wanted to admit.
He turned back to her, resting his hand affectionately aside her face. "But how would you even recognize him? Surely after all this time, he's changed a great deal."
"Yes, he had changed. He looked so different, it took a moment for me to realize who it was. His beard was short and gray, and his face was lined, but there's no denying it was him. I know it. In his eyes, I could see it. He recognized me too." She nodded, her eyes glazed over and lost in the memory. "He'd been watching me, so why would he go? If he really wanted to speak to me after all this time, what would stop him?"
Finally, she looked at Chase, really looked at him. Her eyes sank deep into his, searching out an answer. She'd always valued his opinion, he knew. But now he was afraid of what she might find. He tried to hide away his doubt, forcing it deep inside. He wanted to believe her, but there was nothing inside him that urged him to scan the area for her father… he already knew what he would find. Or not find.
Her hands were at his shoulder, holding him firmly, but she suddenly stepped away, and a flash of pain showed in her eyes. "You don't believe me," she said quietly, her arms dropping to her sides. "Do you think I'd make something like this up?" Her face was filled with disgust as she spoke, and her skin had gone pale.
"No, Abby." Chase reached for her again. "I don't think that. I don't." He looked steadily into her eyes, speaking as surely as he could. "You would never do something like that, not intentionally." Her eyes had been at his chest, but they shot up at his last word. He recognized the fire inside them and hurried to head it off. "I know this all seems confusing and twisted, but we need to make sure we know what's real and what's not."
He held h
er again, although she didn't melt into his arms like she usually did. Her body was rigid and unmoving. "Abby, please," he begged, running one hand gently through her hair. "I love you, you know I do. You're my whole world. Please don't mistake what I'm saying."
She sighed, and her arms lifted to fall lightly around him. Too lightly. "And what are you saying?"
Her voice was warning him, he could hear it clearly. He leaned back to look into her face. A lump formed in his throat at the distrust he saw there, and he wished he hadn't rushed so quickly to discount her. If only he'd taken her word on it for once. Why did he have to overthink everything?
"All I'm saying is that we don't know for sure. That's all I'm saying." He couldn't wipe the pain of her distrust from his face, and it seemed to affect her. She sighed and dropped her gaze to the ground for a moment, a sign of relenting.
"I guess we don't." She sounded more defeated than he could stand. He tangled his fingers with hers, bringing their clasped hands to his chest. But as he was about to speak, she shook her head, lifting her other hand and pressing it against him. "No."
There was a shine in her eyes, and she seemed to be working to steady herself before continuing. He caressed her hand with his, hoping to communicate what he was so clumsy at saying out loud.
She brought her cautious eyes back to his, settling ever so slightly into his arms. "And how would we go about being sure?"
Wrapping her into his arms again, he felt weighed down with relief. "We can, I promise," he whispered. "I'm not saying you didn't see him. You could have. I just, I have this infuriating critical side that's always analyzing, and I forget to turn it off sometimes." He stepped back and marveled at the beautiful whisper of a smile on her lips. "I'm sorry."
"I know that about you, Chase." There was more strength in her voice, and as she walked aside him, she nudged him with her elbow—rather hard.
He flinched and broke into a grin.
"I admire you for it, really," she continued. "It's just when it comes to this part of my life, I almost don't know who I am anymore. It's like I can't outgrow it. I'm a child again, helpless and terrified."
She usually kept a tight cap on her childhood feelings, but here they came pouring out in perfect clarity.
"Can we just work together on this?" she asked. They'd walked back into the flow of the crowd, heading toward the pony rides.
"Yes," he agreed, "we absolutely can."
They walked hand in hand, and in the distance, he could hear Ava squeal with delight. His smile was in unison with Abby’s, but there was a wavering in her gaze. He assumed it was a reaction to their daughter's voice. They'd resolved the friction between them, hadn't they? If Abby had any reservations, she would have brought it up with him as she'd always done before.
Wouldn't she?
Chapter 7
Snuggled up on the couch, Abby loved holding Ava and watching as she drifted off to sleep. She lifted the blanket across her tiny body and adjusted her arm that hung off the cushion. Chase was right, the weekend had been a wonderful retreat, but it was coming to an end as they reached Sunday afternoon. She relaxed into the surrounding pillows and listened to Chase as he talked to his parents in the other room. Their voices were comforting, low and kind, and clearly enjoying their moment together.
Her eyes closed as she listened to bits of conversation about neighbors and family, lake habitat, and fishing. But when Felicia again brought up Ava's birthday party, Abby could hear the edges of disapproval in her voice, even from the other room. She gazed down at Ava's sleeping face again while listening to the words of her grandmother.
"But is that what you want for her? To be constantly around new people with no sense of establishment? It's not as safe as I would like, and besides that, it's a constant hassle to acquire any reasonable privacy." She stopped, and Abby could hear a brief sigh before she continued, "I know it's not my decision, it's yours. It just worries me, is all. Promise me, you'll consider it?"
"I will, Mom, I promise." Chase's voice was solid and deep, but he didn't sound persuaded. Abby knew it was ultimately her decision. Chase had made that much clear a few years back when they'd fixed up the inn. He was in this for her.
The thought had her feeling somewhat cheered. But what if Chase's mom was right? Was it an unstable way to raise their child? Had she really hallucinated? What if she was the one who snuck the gift onto the table and then didn't even recognized it later?
She brushed at the chills on her arms. It was a terrifying idea, worse than if the gift had come from Kyle. What if her mind couldn't be trusted? In her thoughts, she could see Kyle in a dark room, his eyes glowing back at her, and a sliver of light reflecting off his teeth as his lips crept into a smile.
Ava stirred next to her, and she cradled her child softly, instinctively. Keeping her safe was always the goal. She would do it at all costs. Her chest felt heavy with discouragement as she realized she might be the only real threat in Ava's young life. She needed to consider Chase's worries, and his mother's too. As soon as they were home again, she would begin, but for now, there was still a beautiful afternoon that promised lots of sunshine. A bike ride along the trails surrounding the lake would be the perfect thing. Her eyes drifted lazily closed as she waited for Ava to wake.
Chase's bike had a toddler seat on the back, and he led the way, followed by Abby. Chase's parents came next, keeping up the conversation from behind.
"Since this corner of the lake is the most shallow, it sometimes freezes over the coldest part of winter." Saul huffed, peddling up a small incline. "Do you remember walking out onto the ice, Chase?"
Chase turned back to his father. "I do, it was cold that year."
"It sure was," Felicia chimed in. "I don't expect this winter will be the same. It's been such a warm fall."
Abby's thoughts were drifting, and her eyes wandered out across the lake as she imagined frozen edges and patches of snow. When a man appeared across the lake, she didn't acknowledge him at first. There were many cabins scattered along the edges of the lake, after all. But his shirt stood out to her. She realized it was the same blue plaid she'd seen her father in that morning he'd left.
She peered at him, but he walked farther into the trees, not looking back. Her breath came quickly, and she couldn't look away, wondering if she'd really seen him. She felt completely lucid, so what was going on?
Her bike struck a tree, jolting her body forward. The back tire lifted, and she tried pushing back on the handlebars, but it was too late. She somersaulted over the front of her bike and landed in the dirt. The leaves provided a little cushion, but it still took a moment to recover her breath. She struggled for air, finally managing a thin gasp. It calmed her insides, and she began a mental check of her body. Her arms and legs were fine; she moved them cautiously. But her head hurt, and breathing was more difficult than she remembered.
"Are you okay?" Felicia knelt beside her and took her hand. "That was a pretty impressive fall. You completely missed the curve."
Abby lifted on her elbows and looked across the lake for any sign of the man, but he'd vanished. When she turned back, Chase rushed toward her. He glanced to where she'd been looking and studied the shoreline across the lake before lowering down.
"What happened? Did you see something?" He glanced across the lake again, and this time Felicia and Saul did too.
Embarrassment swirled inside her. "No, I was just admiring the cabins and didn't pay close enough attention. I'm glad I didn't hit the tree with my face. Sorry about your bike." She looked back at Felicia. "How does it look?"
"Oh, the bike's fine." She brushed the concern aside. "It's been through plenty. You're what I'm worried about, not a rusty old bike."
Abby smiled, but when she turned to Chase, he was staring back at her intently, no doubt judging her every inch of movement for clinical signs of insanity. Perhaps he feared his wife had officially lost it. He knew when she was lying, after all. She watched him glance across the lake again, and she turne
d her head to see the man standing in full view, shading his eyes and looking back at them.
She gasped.
He lifted his hand in a salute-type wave and turned away, disappearing behind the cabin again. No doubt he was just a vacationer, wondering why someone had been spying on him so hard they rammed into an innocent tree.
"Do you want to keep going or should we turn back?" Chase asked. His voice held the slightest reserve, a subtle monotone that Abby recognized.
"No, I'm okay," she insisted, "let's keep going." She stood and kept hold of his hand, looking reassuringly into his eyes and hoping he could feel her solidness of thought. She watched as his eyes wandered across the lake one last time before returning to her.
He touched the back of her head tenderly and spoke with just as much care, "Are you sure?"
Abby's eyes stung, but she swallowed back the wave of emotion and forced a smile across her face.
"Absolutely," she encouraged, "it's so beautiful today."
They mounted their bikes again, Abby with a little caution as there were decidedly more squeaks in the old metal frame than she remembered. But as they took off down the trail, she couldn't help but glance across the lake one last time, only to see an empty shoreline beyond.
Their trip wound to an end soon after, as they didn't want to stretch the day out too late and end up driving home in the dark. They said their goodbyes and started off.
It felt good to be going home, back to the inn. The redwoods and coastline. But it also felt lonely to be leaving Chase's parents, the only real family Abby had ever known. Even if they were occasionally critical of their living choices, their love was unquestionable.
