Advance to the Rear (Strike Force Book 3)

by Desiree Holt

  “By the way, Slade. Tell your sniper that was some shot.”

  Slade nodded. “I will. He never misses.”

  “I’ve seen plenty of snipers, but not all of them could be that precise from that distance. He saved a lot of lives. I’m impressed.” He looked around the table. “A good day’s work all around. I’m sure each of you knows the disaster this could have been if the terrorists had succeeded. The death toll would have been in the hundreds, the rodeo would have been damaged for a long time, and the terrorists who come to this country or are already living here would celebrate a victory and at once plan the next one. Excellent teamwork. Thank you all very much.”

  At last the meeting was over, everyone was thanked and they could leave. They were about ten minutes outside of San Antonio when Marc realized he had to tell Slade what was going on and ask his advice. It wasn’t something he felt comfortable doing, but the realization that he might lose the one woman he wanted for a lifetime was enough to make him step out of his comfort zone.

  “That sucks,” Slade agreed. “Believe me, I know what it’s like to find the one woman who is it for you then run the risk of losing her.”

  “I can’t change who I am,” Marc told him. “If I did, I would lose my own identity and that would kill the relationship for sure. So what do I do?”

  “That a tough dilemma, Marc.” He was silent for a moment. “Would you mind if I ran this past Kari? She’s got a solid head on her shoulders.”

  Marc had to agree with that. Kari Donovan was a top assistant prosecutor in Bexar County and dealt with thorny situations all the time. She, too, had been faced with the challenges that went with a relationship with a member of Delta Force. And she hadn’t had anyone guiding her through it. He hoped to god she had some answers here.

  “That’s a toughie,” she agreed, as the three of them sat over beer while Teo grilled steaks for dinner. “Some women aren’t cut out for this, and you have to understand that. Especially when you consider what she’s already been through.”

  Depression grabbed him at the thought. He’d survive this if he couldn’t change her mind, but nothing would not be the same. He couldn’t believe how much he loved her, or how dark his life would be without her.

  “Let me ask you this. And, Slade, don’t you say a word. Would you leave Delta Force if it meant you could be with Nikki?”

  Marc had to think about that for a long minute. Delta was his life. He’d been in the military since he’d enlisted at eighteen. That was nearly fourteen years ago. Everything that he was he owed to the military, especially to Delta. It had shaped and defined him. What else would he do with his life?

  But then he thought about never being with Nikki again, and he realized that if push came to shove, he’d do it.

  “Let’s just say if all other options are exhausted, it’s definitely on the table.”

  “Marc,” Slade began.

  But Kari held up her hand. “It was just a question. That’s all.” She took another sip of beer. “But let me mull it over. Maybe I can figure out the answer.”

  “We leave in a couple of days for our next mission, Kari. It will be weeks before I even get a chance to see her again. If she’ll even give me the time of day by then.”

  “That might be a good thing. Let her have some peace.” She leaned forward and touched his hand. “And it also gives me time to think about this and find a chance to talk to her.”

  “God.” He blew out a breath. “If you can do that, I’ll be in your debt forever.”

  She grinned. “Might be fun to have one of Slade’s guys owing me. Just in case he misbehaves, you know.”

  “I’m not sure that’s such a good idea,” Slade growled, but then he winked at his wife.

  Marc pushed down a surge of jealousy. This was what he wanted with Nikki. What he thought they’d have. How the hell did he get past this?

  He was still asking the same question three days later when the team rendezvoused to report for their next mission. He wanted to call Nikki with an intense desperation. Just one contact with her before he left. But he settled for texting her.

  Leave time is over. Be back in eight weeks for a long weekend. Will miss you so much. I’ll do whatever you want. Love, Marc.

  Then he climbed onto the waiting helicopter and with an ingrained discipline forced it all out of his mind.

  * * * *

  Nikki read the text so many times over the next couple of weeks that every word was burned into her brain. He’d do whatever she wanted. Did that mean he would give up his military career for her? If so, what would he do? She knew that had been everything to him since he was eighteen. Could she live with it if she allowed him to do that for her?

  She was glad they were so busy at the hospital, so she had little time to dwell on it. She offered to take extra shifts, immersed herself in her patients and worked hard enough that she could fall into bed at night and sleep. But her dreams were anything but restful. Sometimes she’d dream about Marc getting killed on a mission. Other times she’d dream about life without him, cold and lonely and empty.

  And she read and reread that text.

  How much do you love him, Nikki?

  Wasn’t that a key question? If she loved him enough, how could she ask him to give up his life for her? Couldn’t she suck up her fears? But then the panic would grab her and she saw herself destroyed by yet another loss.

  You are pathetic, Nikki Alvarez. You don’t deserve to have anyone in your life.

  At the end of three weeks, she was still no closer to finding an answer. She missed Marc with an unholy need—his touch, his warmth, his smile, his laugh, the way he made her feel so special. Even more than Jon, if she was being honest. They were two wounded souls who had come together and found something extraordinary. Could she really give that all up?

  She was curled up on the couch indulging in another pity party when her phone rang. The number that popped up was unfamiliar. For a moment her heat stopped beating. Was it about Marc? Had something happened?

  Well, answer the phone, dummy, and you’ll find out. Whatever it is, deal with it.

  “Hello?”

  “Nikki? This is Kari Donovan. Slade’s wife?”

  Slade’s wife? Holy shit! Did something really happen to Marc?

  “Yes. Of course. Um, is everyone okay?”

  Kari chuckled. “He hasn’t been physically harmed, if that’s what you’re asking. I was calling to see if you might be free for lunch this week? I don’t know what your schedule at the hospital is.”

  Lunch? Nikki held the phone away for a moment and stared at it.

  “Uh, lunch?” Right. Sound like an idiot.

  “Yes. I was hoping we could get to know each other a little better.”

  Nikki rubbed her thigh, a nervous habit she’d picked up. “Um, Kari, that is really nice of you. But if it’s because you think Marc and I are a couple, you should know…”

  “That you don’t plan to see him anymore? Got that. I just thought it would be nice to have lunch.”

  Maybe she had some kind of message from Marc he’d sent through Slade. What could it hurt? And she liked Kari a lot, the little she knew of her.

  “I’m off for the next two days, as it happens. Do either of those work for you?”

  “As a matter of fact, tomorrow works just great. How about noon?” She named a restaurant on the Riverwalk.

  “Sounds good. See you then.”

  She tossed and turned all night and fretted all morning about what was behind this lunch. She couldn’t get rid of the feeling that there was still something wrong. Maybe Marc had decided she wasn’t worth the effort after all and asked her to deliver the message so he didn’t have to see her again. But Kari wouldn’t have put it off until tomorrow if that were the case, right?

  God, she was such an idiot and a mess. Why would Marc Blanchard want to be with a ninny like her, anyway?

  The next day she spent an hour putting on her makeup and deciding what to wear.
If Kari was delivering the news that Marc had decided to wash his hands of her, she at least wanted to look nice.

  The other woman was already waiting for her at the restaurant when she arrived.

  “I always like to sit by the river here,” she told Nikki, grinning. “It’s festive and relaxing at the same time. Oh, and here’s our waitress. How about a cocktail? I allow myself one at lunch when I’m not on the clock.”

  “Yes. That would be nice.” She ordered a frozen margarita and sat back in her chair, trying to relax.

  “Nikki, I’m not here to deliver bad news,” Kari assured her. “In case that’s what’s worrying you.”

  “I’m not really sure why you’re here,” Nikki said.

  “Let’s order and we can talk.”

  The waitress delivered their drinks, wrote down their orders and hurried off. Nikki took a long sip of the frozen concoction in front of her.

  “I’m sure you know Marc spent the last couple of days of his leave with us,” Kari began.

  “I do. And I guess he told you why.”

  Kari swallowed some of her drink and set her glass back down.

  “I can’t say I disagree with how you feel. I feel the same way about Slade. I worry about him every single minute he’s gone.”

  Nikki frowned. “Then how do you deal with it? How do you handle the fear?”

  “I guess it’s a question of what’s important and what counts in your life.” She paused, studying Nikki’s face. “Not too many people know that Slade and I met five years before we reconnected here in San Antonio.”

  Nikki stared at her. “You’re kidding.”

  Kari grinned. “Not even a little. But those five years when we weren’t together were some of the longest in my life. I missed him every single day.”

  “And what about when they were out on a mission? Don’t you worry yourself sick?”

  “Deployment takes its toll on everyone. But these men are operators. This is their life. They don’t stay home and go out on a mission once a week. This is a choice they make.”

  Nikki looked down at her plate. “So what are you saying? That I should just give up on Marc because he’s not going to leave Delta?”

  “I’m saying you can find a way to have what you want. Is it easy? Hell, no.”

  She paused while the waitress set their plates in front of them. Nikki had suddenly lost her appetite, but she nibbled on the tortilla chips, mostly to have something to do.

  “I know.” She whispered the words.

  “One thing that long absence from Slade taught me? That having him in my life, even with the dangerous career he has, was way better than not having him at all. That every moment with him is precious. And that I’d rather have limited time with him than unlimited with someone else.”

  “But don’t you worry about him getting killed?”

  “Of course I do.” Kari took a forkful of food and chewed slowly. “But he could work in an office and get killed crossing the street. He could fall down on wet pavement and break his neck. Any number of things could happen even if he wasn’t a member of Delta.”

  Nikki had been refusing to look at it that way, but Kari was right.

  “Here’s the thing,” Kari went on. “If you love him, if you cannot see any color in your world without him, if your heart is empty when he’s not in your life, then you have to find the courage to take that step. And to make every moment between deployments count like ten. Because you know damn well it’s worth it. Or do you want to look down the black tunnel of your life without him?”

  Nikki stared at the woman across from her. “How’d you get so smart?”

  Kari laughed. “Sheer dumb luck. Oh, we had our glitches in the beginning. But what we have now is so worth whatever we had to give to get it.” She leaned across the table. “Just think about it, Nikki. What’s better, all of him in part of your life or none of him in your life at all?”

  She saw what the woman was saying with startling clarity, and in an instant her answer was right there. Not having Marc in her life would destroy her. She’d dealt with tragedy once. She could do it again, if it meant having this amazing man with her at all.

  “Do you know when they’ll be back?” she asked.

  “According to Slade, they have five days off at the end of the next six weeks.” She grinned. “We can count the days down together.”

  For the first time in days, Nikki found herself smiling. She touched her glass to Kari’s.

  “Here’s to a great future with great men.”

  “Amen to that. And don’t forget, we can commiserate together while we wait for them to come home.”

  “I’ll drink to that.”

  * * * *

  When you get your five days off, have someone drop you at my place. Just let me know what day that will be.

  Marc stared at the text yet again. When he’d messaged Nikki so many days ago and hadn’t heard back, he’d just assumed, reluctantly, she was letting him know it was over for real. But he was far from giving up. He’d figure a way around this, somehow.

  Then, two weeks later, she’d sent him a message.

  Stay safe. Come home, in pieces or otherwise.

  He had no idea what to make of that one, so he showed it to Slade.

  Slade shrugged. “Guess she wants you however she can get you.”

  “But she said unless I left Delta it was all over.”

  “Maybe she changed her mind. Whatever, we have details to go over for tomorrow so let’s get to it.”

  He wondered if Slade was being cagey for some reason, but then he didn’t have much time to think about it.

  He began to check his cell with an unfamiliar obsession, irritated when no other messages came through. But then he got another one.

  Hope you’re staying safe and taking care of my favorite parts.

  What? The? Hell?

  Then nothing again until the last day of their mission.

  By my count you’re flying home tomorrow. Be sure someone drops you off at my place.

  Again he showed it to Slade.

  “I’d say you’d better do what she says.”

  “But what if she’s just going to tell me she can’t do this?”

  Slade cocked an eyebrow. “Would she go to all the trouble just to dump you? Again?”

  “I don’t know. I hope not.”

  “I guess you’ll find out tomorrow.”

  When Teo picked them up in the helo, he handed a key to Marc. “I was told to give this to you.”

  “Told by who?”

  He shrugged. “Someone I didn’t want to argue with.”

  “We’d better drop him off first,” Slade chuckled. “Before he drives himself and us nuts.”

  The drive seemed endless, even though he knew it wasn’t. He thanked Teo and Slade when he hopped out of the truck with his duffel and marched into the apartment building. At the apartment he stood for a moment, nerves jangling, before he finally unlocked the door. The living room was empty and he didn’t hear any sounds. Was she at work? Had he gotten their signals crossed?

  “Hello?” he called out.

  “In here.”

  The voice came from the bedroom, and was accompanied by a sudden drift of music. Marc followed the sounds, curious about what he’d find. What he saw froze him in his tracks, his jaw dropped and his dick, which had been out of circulation, was so hard so fast he was afraid to bump into anything.

  Soft music came from the radio on the nightstand and the covers had been folded back on the bed. Nikki lay on the silky sheets he remembered, completely naked, legs bent and spread apart so every glistening inch of her sex was exposed.

  “Holy fucking shit!”

  What the hell else could he say?

  “Come here.” She crooked a finger at him.

  He dropped his duffel and hurried over to her. “Nikki? What’s going on?”

  “I want to give you a proper welcome home. Come on. Get naked.”

  If he was dreaming
this, he hoped no one woke him up.

  “I need a shower,” he told her, stripping off his clothes.

  “Later. We’ll take one together.” He climbed onto the bed and straddled her, wanting to lick and touch her everywhere. “I’ve spent too much time waiting. I want you inside me. Now. Then I’ll answer your questions.”

  He touched her glistening slit and found her ready and wet. Drawing in a breath, he spread her folds to open her and eased himself inside.

  Jesus Fucking Christ!

  He’d never expected to feel this again, so the pleasure was doubly intense. God! She was so tight around him he wasn’t sure how long he’d last. He’d give up anything for this. For her. But what the hell was going on?

  “Okay. This is as far as we go until I get some answers. What’s going on?”

  She reached up and pulled his head down to her.

  “A very wise person made me understand that I couldn’t live my life in fear. That having you and losing you was not nearly as bad as not having you at all. And I realized that Delta Force has made you the man you are, so why would I want to change that?”

  “A wise person, huh? Anyone I know?”

  “My lips are sealed.” Then her smile disappeared. “I’m not saying it won’t be hard, but if we do this together, we can make it work.” A sudden anxious look flashed in her eyes. “Right?”

  He grinned. “Right. My thoughts exactly.”

  “I love you, Marc. I want whatever we can have together.”

  “I plan for us to grow old together, so count on it.”

  He leaned down more to brush his lips against hers and ran his tongue gently over her mouth.

  “Mmmm,” she crooned.

  “Mmmm is right. But time for talking’s over. We need to get started on the rest of our lives.”

  Locking his gaze with hers, he began to move, thrusting inside her with long, slow strokes. The more he moved, the more she urged him on. He picked up the rhythm, thrusting faster, in and out, her wet cunt feeling like heaven. When he increased his pace, she wound her legs around him, locking her ankles at the small of his back.