Hold on Tight

by Shelley Shepard Gray

  She exhaled. “Thank you all for telling me all this. I have to admit that I was taken aback. And I wasn’t really a hundred percent on board, but I do want Jeremy to be able to play.”

  “And you need to take care of yourself, too, Dani,” Jackson said quietly. “You can’t do everything.”

  “So what’s going to happen?”

  “I’m going to set up a game and tell the players that it’s a fifty dollar buy-in for charity. If we get twenty guys, that should help out with most of the bills.”

  That was a thousand dollars! “I couldn’t accept that much. The baseball fees are only three hundred.”

  Now, wasn’t that something? She wouldn’t have ever imagined putting the words “only” and “three hundred” next to each other. She looked at the four men staring back at her, half expecting them to nod sheepishly.

  But for some reason, not a one of them flinched.

  “Hold on before you start refusing a good idea,” Jackson said. “Didn’t you tell me that playing for the Bats involved going to tournaments?”

  “Well, yes.”

  “Then that means you’re going to have to worry about gas, restaurants, and hotel rooms.”

  “Oh. I guess it does.” Why hadn’t she ever thought that “travel” might mean more than simply driving to Lexington or Columbus for the day?

  Troy folded his arms over his chest. “Even if y’all are only staying at Motel Sixes, two nights can add up.”

  While she started mentally calculating hotel room prices, Ace chuckled. “Hell, Troy, these kids and their parents aren’t staying there. They’re at places with pools.”

  “Pools?” She quickly added another hundred and fifty to her estimates.

  “And food.” Jackson raised a brow. “And missed work.”

  She hadn’t thought about that. If she was gone on Friday and Saturday nights, how was she going to help Jackson with Kate?

  Feeling a little sick, she stood up. “I think I might have to tell Jeremy that it’s not possible this year.”

  Campbell stood up, too. “Forgive me. I know you don’t know me, but I think you’re getting blinded by your worries. We’re all sitting here, saying we want to help you.”

  “But you don’t know me.”

  She lifted her chin. “Then, don’t you think it’s time we got to know each other?”

  “Yes, of course. But it seems awfully one-sided …” She bit her bottom lip. She sounded ungrateful. “You guys, it’s not that I don’t appreciate it. I do. It’s just—”

  “It’s hard to accept so much generosity,” Kurt finished.

  “Well, yes.” Even for Jeremy this felt like too much.

  Jackson started laughing.

  “What’s so funny?”

  “You are, Miss Dani. You’ve helped me time and again with Kate. How do you think I’ve been feeling?”

  “That’s different.”

  “Not really. It’s only different because you aren’t the one on the receiving end.”

  When she opened her mouth to protest, she couldn’t think of a thing to say. Feeling sheepish, she looked at them all. “Jackson’s right. Thank you.”

  Kurt clapped his hands. “Good. For a while there, I thought I was going to have to arm wrestle you.”

  Ace looked up from the screen of his phone that he’d been staring at for the last couple of seconds. “Next Saturday sound good?”

  Troy nodded. “Yep. I’m in.”

  Kurt got out his phone and started thumbing through screens. “I’m going to announce it right now.”

  “What are you going to call the tournament, Kurt?” Emily asked.

  “‘Play for a Cause.’ It’s got a nice ring to it, don’t you think?”

  “What do you think, Dan?” Jackson murmured.

  “I think … well I think it sounds perfect.” When she smiled at him, she realized that her smile was genuine. No matter what happened, she realized that she wasn’t alone and that the others didn’t think she was taking advantage of them. “I could bake cookies for the tournament, maybe?”

  Emily winced. “Actually, most of the time, the guys—”

  “Can’t wait to have a couple of cookies,” Kurt said quickly.

  Dani laughed. “I’m pretty sure that isn’t what Emily was going to say.”

  “That’s fine with me, because I’m pretty sure she doesn’t crave your baked goods like most of the men in my garage will. Bake lots of them.”

  She chuckled again, embarrassed. “Jackson—”

  “Kurt didn’t lie. I can promise if you bake those peanut butter ones with the milk-chocolate chips, guys are going to want to play all night.”

  * * *

  Later that night, after they got back to their apartment complex and Jeremy was on the phone with his friends while Kate was fussing with her dolls, they stood outside Jackson’s apartment. He was leaning outside his door, she was by his side, and though they’d just spent five hours in each other’s company, Dani thought it felt like only five minutes had passed.

  “Did you have a good time tonight?”

  “I did. I mean, after I got over my freak-out and everything.”

  “How are you feeling now? Still freaking out?”

  She paused, thinking about it. “You know what? I’m not. I don’t know what happened, but I seem to be doing okay with everything. No, better than that. I’ve been really worried about telling Jeremy that he couldn’t play.”

  “You were sure that was your only option, huh?”

  She nodded. “I learned a while back that not having everything you want isn’t fun but it’s something we have to get used to … it’s necessary to learn. But the thing of it is, I think Jeremy has already learned that lesson the hard way.” Looking into his blue eyes, she said, “I’m not quite ready for him to learn that sometimes a person has to go without everything they need, too.”

  “Don’t make him learn that lesson yet. I agree that it builds character, but it comes with a price, don’t you think?”

  Reluctantly, she nodded. She didn’t want Jeremy to grow spoiled, but he was a long way from that.

  “How about we simply be thankful that we have each other?”

  She really was. What would her life be like if he hadn’t entered it? “I’m glad we’re friends.”

  He leaned down and gently pressed his lips to hers. “I think we’re more than friends, Dani,” he murmured as he brushed his lips against her jaw. “Don’t you?”

  She shivered. These sweet kisses might only be a sweet gesture of affection after an emotional afternoon. Or, maybe it was a reminder of all they’d shared. But even though that was the case, she couldn’t help but notice how the faint scratch of scruff on his cheeks felt against her sensitive skin. Or the way his skin smelled faintly of whatever woodsy cologne he’d splashed on that morning.

  “Dani?”

  “Oh, sorry. My mind drifted.” She cleared her throat. “I mean, I agree.” Because he didn’t lie. It was so good that they were friends.

  But as she walked back upstairs to her own space, Dani found herself wondering if she actually wanted to figure out what they were.

  She’d never imagined that she’d ever enter into a relationship again. But that suddenly seemed a little silly. Brian would have never expected such a thing.

  Only his family did.

  CHAPTER 23

  From Les Larke’s

  You, Too, Can Host

  a Poker Tourney:

  Plan to have a discussion about poker etiquette, too.

  “When are y’all coming back to visit?” Jackson’s brother Grant asked for about the fifth time since they’d started talking. “Mom and Dad seem to think it’s sooner than later.”

  Though he liked the idea of his family missing him and Kate, Jackson knew such a thing w
asn’t possible. “Yeah, that’s not true. I don’t have any plans to head home anytime soon.”

  “Are you sure about that?”

  Grant’s voice was quiet and measured. Much like it had always been. His older brother was steady and reliable and seemed to always go the way of least dissension. Grant could get along with anyone, at any time.

  Jackson had always admired his brother’s qualities. They’d sure made his mother happy and had served Grant well throughout most of his life.

  But it didn’t mean Grant always got his way—or that his little brother was ever going to adopt that same disposition.

  No, Jackson was far more the type of man to deliver information bluntly. It was why he’d been a pretty good crew leader in the mines and it was why he’d had no problem grabbing Reed Moore’s collar when he hadn’t treated Dani right. “I’m real sure, Grant. I can’t.”

  “Can’t or won’t?”

  It was a fair question but just because it was fair it didn’t make it any easier. “Both. I’m working most weekends, Grant. You know that.”

  “She’s only three. Bring her home for a few days during the week.”

  Though he knew Grant’s heart was in the right place, Jackson was beginning to get irritated. He shouldn’t have to explain himself.

  Trying to put his reasons into words, he said, “It’s not just work. It’s about other things, too.”

  “Such as?”

  “Such as this move hasn’t exactly been an easy adjustment. Not for me or Kate.”

  “Really? I thought it was going better.”

  “It is. Finally. And that’s why I need to stay here. We don’t need to be reminded of everything.” Like Beth, for example. Or of how their lives used to be, back when he’d had a good job and Kate had been surrounded by loving relatives.

  Grant scoffed. “You don’t want to be reminded of Spartan. Wow, you’re making your hometown sound like a real fine place. I can understand now why you hated to leave.” Thick sarcasm laced his voice.

  Jackson didn’t blame him—but he was also uncomfortably aware that he wasn’t all that sad to be gone anymore. There were times when his life in Spartan felt like it had belonged to a different man. With each passing day, Bridgeport felt more like home. There really wasn’t anything more to say. He’d made his choice just as Grant had made his. “I’ll call Mom and explain things again.”

  “You can do that, but you’re gonna upset her.”

  “Then she’s going to be sad because she’s going to lose.” Tired of talking about that, he said, “Now, tell me about you. You’ve been traveling, right?”

  “Yeah.” Pride edged into his brother’s voice. “Jackson, you know, when we first got laid off, I was real suspicious of those government employees setting up shop in the old Kmart.”

  “Everyone was.” It had felt like insult to injury to see welfare relief workers reaching out to all of them like they were refugees from Africa or something. Half the men he knew back in Spartan wouldn’t even drive by the place, they acted so put out that their employment troubles were so well known. “I’m glad you talked to them. It sounds like it was the right decision.”

  He scoffed. “It wasn’t like I had a choice. You know how Missy gets. She says there’s pride and then there’s being smart.”

  Jackson had always figured Grant’s wife Missy could run a whole city if the town council gave her the opportunity. She was a forward thinker, always working, and didn’t know the meaning of the words “can’t” and “no.” Her only soft spot was for her husband and kids. With them, she was all sweetness and light … until she thought one of them needed a kick in the shin.

  Thinking of Grant’s packet of classes and training, Jackson said, “I couldn’t believe it when you said you were going to start working for the power company.”

  “At first, I wasn’t real sure I could do it. Climbing poles and working with electricity ain’t for the faint of heart. But damned if I’m not enjoying it.” Pure enthusiasm lit his voice. “And you wouldn’t believe the money.”

  “It’s that good?”

  “Last month I made two grand over what I was making when Spartan Mine Number Nine laid me off.”

  “Two grand over?” His brother had been making good money in the mine. Real good.

  “I know, right? Now, it’s been hard, because everywhere the storms hit, I’m there, too. So I’ve been sleeping in motels and pulling ten- and twelve-hour shifts while Missy’s had to pick up the slack at home. We’re both dead on our feet half the time.”

  “But it’s worth it.”

  “Heck, yeah. Missy was able to quit that stinkin’ clerical job she hated and went back to being a mom and a housewife. She’s happier and the kids are happier, too.”

  “I’m guessin’ that means that you’re happier, too.”

  “Well, yeah. When I’m home, Missy spoils me, tells me that she’s proud of her husband. That right there makes me feel like I’m worth something.”

  “Grant, you always were worth something.”

  “Don’t be getting all sappy on me. You know what I mean.”

  “I get it.”

  He paused. “You know, Jackson, could be that the reason you’re having such a hard time is because you weren’t meant to be out there in Ohio. Maybe God’s simply trying to remind you that you’re supposed to be doing something else.”

  Grant might have a point. As hard as that was to admit, Jackson realized that being a bartender wasn’t anything that he was proud of. It was a good job. Just not for him. At least, he didn’t think so.

  “Hey, by your silence, I’m guessing I need to shut up.”

  “You don’t need to shut up. I … well I’m not ready to go back yet.”

  “All right. But, hey, if you want me to send you any

  literature.”

  “I’ll call you.”

  “Okay. Sure.” Grant’s voice sounded deflated. Jackson didn’t blame him. If their positions were reversed, he would have felt that exact same way, too.

  “Thanks for calling.”

  “No problem. I’ll call again. And you, pick up the damn phone and call Mom.”

  “I’ll do it.”

  “Good.” After a pause, Grant added, “You take care now, Jackson. Bye.”

  He hung up. Jackson hung up, too, feeling more melancholy than he had in a while. Every once in a while, he felt like hitting something. He didn’t understand. His brother had Missy and four kids and now an even better paying job than before.

  Grant was happy. Content. And he should be, too. He’d been living a charmed life and he was a faithful man who wasn’t ashamed to both count his blessings and give thanks to the Lord for giving him such a bounty.

  He deserved all of those blessings, too. He was a good man.

  But, every once in a while, Jackson felt like asking God if He’d forgotten him. He wasn’t perfect, but he’d sure tried to live a good life, too.

  Why had he lost both his wife and his job? Why was he having to raise a sweet little girl on his own?

  How come the only way he’d been able to handle those losses was to pull away from everything else he had? How come he was now serving people beer while his brother was making over double the money?

  Some days, the disparity in their situations didn’t make a lick of sense to him.

  He hoped one day it would.

  CHAPTER 24

  From Les Larke’s

  You, Too, Can Host

  a Poker Tourney:

  You can even make your own special house rules, such as permitting players to have their cell phones out or not.

  A week had passed since Dani had sat in Kurt Holland’s house and found herself nodding and agreeing to the poker tournament. But as far as all the changes that had taken place?

  Well, it might as well have been a li
fetime.

  Something had happened that night to change practically everything in her social life. She now had plans.

  Plans, as in social plans with Emily, Meredith, and Campbell. They texted her, called her, invited her out for coffee or walks, and even one of Meredith’s free Pilates classes in her studio.

  Campbell and Troy had even asked her and Jackson over for dinner, just like they were a real couple.

  Which they were not.

  Every time she thought about the awkward conversation they’d shared after Troy had called him and Campbell had called her she blushed outrageously. She was too old to be so giddy around a man.

  But that didn’t seem to make a difference to her heart. She’d been sure it was beating so fast that Jackson was going ask why her pulse was racing.

  Luckily, he’d been working, and she’d already committed to watching Kate. If they’d both been free, she honestly didn’t know what they would have done. It seemed to her that Jackson thought it was a good idea.

  But even though she’d been taking very small steps into a social life, she had realized that a few hours of rest and relaxation was doing her a world of good. Her mind felt clearer and she was thinking about her day-care center again. Almost like now that she was taking time to rest instead of working for her goals, she was able to actually spend time figuring out how to make them happen.

  Just as she was planning to sit on her little apartment balcony, her phone buzzed.

  You coming?

  Ugh. Another one of Meredith’s free Pilates classes.

  I don’t know.

  Come on. It will be fun.

  Painful, yes. Difficult, yes. Fun … not yet.

  Campbell texted again before she could respond.

  It won’t get fun until you go enough to get better. Have to start somewhere! Think of it that way.

  Realizing that Campbell probably had a point, Dani pulled out a pair of black leggings and one of her more decent-looking T-shirts.

  I’ll be right out. Save me a spot.

  We already have. Can’t wait! This will be fun!