by Lili Zander
Not just the destruction of Nestri. There were so many orders I didn’t want to carry out. So much death I was forced to cause. Any hint of defiance was brutally dealt with. The rathr is always painful, but the Supreme Mother had modifiers that made it a thousand times more agonizing. And worse, she knew how close the six of us were. She didn’t punish the person breaking the rules. She punished the others.
We quickly learned to comply. None of us could watch the others suffer.
“Handlers?” Lani asks.
“I didn’t have parents,” I murmur, avoiding a direct answer. “Our handlers were responsible for us.” I don’t really want to talk about that. “There were five of us, and then there was another. His name is First. We all grew up together. Once upon a time, I thought of him as one of my brothers.”
“First is an odd name.”
It’s not a name; we weren’t allowed names. We had designations. “I thought First was dead, but I recently found out that he’s very much alive. That’s not a good thing.”
“Why not?”
“You’ve heard that the Zorahn exile Draekons, haven’t you? That’s a lie that the High Empire likes to tell its citizens. Many Draekons end up as lab specimens.”
She inhales sharply. “Like Mandy and me.”
I nod. “Right now, the Rebellion’s biggest priority is finding as many of these underground labs as they can and freeing the trapped Draekons. Most, if not all, are like Mardex. They can’t shift. They’re defenseless.”
This next part is difficult. “First is a psychopath. Last week, he attacked a laboratory on Frez. He slaughtered every single Draekon there.”
She goes very still in my arms. “Why?”
“Because First is a psychopath,” I repeat. “By now, he’s probably discovered we’re not in stasis.” I exhale in frustration. “He’ll come after us. I need to get back to Hokatir. My brothers need me. Together, we can beat him. Alone…” My voice trails off. Alone, we will fail.
She’s quiet for a long moment, digesting my story. “My parents adore my brother Trey,” she says at last. “I was not adored.” She tries to sound casual, but underneath, I can hear her hurt. “Families can be great, but they can also be really fucked up.”
This conversation has become really intense really quickly, and it’s my fault. I should have told her something about myself that wasn’t so dark. I should have made her laugh. “Yes, they can,” I agree.
“It wasn’t fair to Trey either,” she adds. “The way my parents doted on him wasn’t his fault, but it was hard for me to remember that. We could have been close, but we never were. I found it difficult to maintain a relationship with him. I wish I could go back in time and change that.” She pauses. “Do you have regrets, Ruhan?”
I have to pull this conversation back from the brink. I need to change the subject before I fall into a deep dark pit from which I cannot emerge. We’re in Nestri. Someone shot at our emergency pod. Things are fluid and unstable, and I need to keep it together long enough to get Lani back to safety.
“I don’t look back, lovely Lani. It cuts down on the regrets.”
She catches the change in my tone. “Ah, we’re back to nicknames. Time to deflect my question and make a joke about orgasms?”
She’s onto me. My lips curl up a smile. “I never joke about orgasms.”
I expect her to laugh, but she doesn’t. Her mind is still on the things I told her. “Hang on,” she says slowly. “You said that by now, First has probably discovered you’re not in stasis. Why were you in stasis? Were you hurt?”
I grimace. I should have guessed she’d catch that. She catches everything. “No. Our handler was ordered to surrender us. She refused and fled the High Empire with us. She’d almost reached the Uncharted Reaches when a High Navy ship found her.” I turn to Lani. “Her ship was shot out of the sky. We were in stasis. She must have loaded us on an escape pod before they launched their attack.”
“How long ago was this? How long were you in stasis?”
“A thousand years.”
“What?” she gasps. She props herself up on an elbow and stares in my direction. “You were in stasis for a thousand years? How is that possible?”
“We landed on a sparsely populated planet in a far corner of the High Empire. Our pod crashed. No one found us.”
Her mouth falls open. “You’re a thousand years old?”
“That’s not how stasis works.”
I expect her to keep up her line of questioning, but her thoughts run an entirely different direction. Her teeth flash white. “Hang on,” she says teasingly. “All this while, you’ve been talking about sex. But Ruhan, are you sure all the body parts work? I mean, you are a thousand years old.” She starts to giggle. “Can you still get it up?”
My mouth falls open. That’s not what I thought she was going to say at all. Once again, Lani’s managed to take me by surprise. I laugh out loud, tension draining away from me. “Want to put it to the test?”
11
Lani
I hadn’t exactly intended to take the conversation into lets-do-the-deed territory. When I’d told Ruhan I didn’t want sex, but I also didn’t want to be alone, I really meant it. Pinkie swear.
There were fifty pirates on the Konar; Ruhan had saved just Mardex. I’ve been wondering why Ruhan singled out the cook, but then Ruhan had told me about First killing a bunch of defenseless Draekons, and his reasons had become obvious. By rescuing Mardex, Ruhan’s trying to atone for his brother’s crimes.
So far, I’ve seen the happy-go-lucky side of Ruhan. I’ve seen the flirty side, and I’ve seen the hyper-competent pilot who had maneuvered the shuttle so skillfully that it felt like we were dancing as missiles exploded around us.
But when Ruhan talked about First, I saw something else. He’d seemed so sad, so broken by what his brother had done. I couldn’t bear to hear the bleak note in his voice. I wanted to cheer him up.
Taking a page out of Ruhan’s own playbook, I’d flirted with him. “Can you get it up?” I’d asked him teasingly. And when he’d laughed, I’d been absurdly proud of myself for making him feel better.
And then he’d thrown down the gauntlet. “Want to put it to the test?”
Do I want to fool around with Ruhan? Of course I do.
Is it a good idea? I’m not sure. Once again, not for the first time, I wish I had a pencil and a piece of paper. I’m a planner, damn it. I need to draw a line down the middle of the page and write down the pros and cons of sleeping with Ruhan. Back home, I wouldn’t even dream of going to the bodega without a list.
Pros: Ruhan’s gorgeous. He’s sleek and muscled, and every inch of him makes my mouth water. (And I haven’t even seen the good inches yet.) Earlier, when I told him I wasn’t going to let him watch me touch myself, he’d taken the rejection with perfect good humor. There hadn’t even been a hint of pouting.
He can laugh at himself. That’s always a must-have. Guys without a sense of humor are a no-no. Life’s too short for that.
He’s nice, and I’m not just saying that because he gave me chocolate. When he’d loaded Mardex into the stasis unit, he’d been so gentle with the other man. Mardex had been pale and visibly afraid, but Ruhan had said something to him, too quiet for me to overhear. Whatever it had been, it had calmed the other man’s nerves.
Also in the Pro column: I don’t fall in love. There’s no risk that I’d fool around with Ruhan and then find myself pining for him. That’s just not who I am. When I told my therapist that, she muttered something about how I don’t allow myself to be vulnerable because of my upbringing. She might even be right, but whatever the reason, in this situation, it’s a solid win that I can have sex with Ruhan without any messy emotions.
What about the cons?
For starters, He’s a perfect stranger. I’ve known him for less than twenty-four hours.
I’m also wobbly. The last seven months have been awful. Just unrelentingly bleak, painful, and terrifying. Part of the
reason I’m actually considering Ruhan’s offer is because I want a good memory. If Dr. Harris were here, she’d probably tell me that that’s not the best reason to sleep with someone.
Then there’s condoms, or the lack thereof. Like most of the single women I know, I’ve never had sex without a condom. It’s just not worth the risk. Can I get pregnant from Zorahn sperm? I’m not ready for that. And what about weird diseases? I definitely don’t want alien gonorrhea.
Lani, for heaven’s sake, you’re over-thinking this. Just sleep with the hot guy.
I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve almost died in the last twenty-four hours. There was the Okaki who wanted to chop off my limbs and eat them. I’m sure he expected me to stay alive through the process, but I certainly didn’t share his confidence. It’s not like the Okaki have any prior experience amputating humans. If they’d taken a cleaver to my thighs, I’d have probably gone into shock, bled out, and died.
I should have died when the Konar exploded, but Ruhan saved me from that fate. If I’d had to pilot the shuttle on my own, I wouldn’t have known what to do. Even if I’d managed to game my way past the Annihilator, I’d have been blown to smithereens by the missiles that attacked us as we landed in Nestri.
Again and again, thanks to Ruhan, I’ve escaped death by the skin of my teeth. How long will I keep beating the odds?
Ruhan told me that the survivors from the Fehrat 1 had ended up in the rebellion. You know what he didn’t say? That there’s a way for me to return to Earth. I’ve been trying not to dwell on it, but whichever way you look at it, my future’s deeply uncertain.
For seven months, I’ve been living one day at a time. I didn’t think too much about the future—that way lay only despair. When the scientists tortured me, I shut down and existed. When the Okaki captured me, I focused on telling my stories, one cliffhanger at a time.
If there’s ever a good time to continue to live in the present, it’s right now.
In the darkness, I consider my list of pros and cons and land solidly in the let’s-fuck-like-bunnies column. I want Ruhan. Is there any point denying myself?
I’ve been quiet for too long. Ruhan clears his throat. “Lani?” He sounds almost nervous. “You’re not saying anything. It was just a joke, okay?”
Disappointment ripples through me. “Was it?”
He exhales in a long sigh. “No, it wasn’t. But I shouldn’t have said it anyway.” He sounds rueful. “I don’t know why I went there. When it comes to you, the words just leave my mouth before my brain has a chance to catch up.”
A smile spreads over my face. He wants me.
“And you’re otherwise very cautious?” I tease. “Somehow, I can’t quite see it.”
His teeth flash white. “I’ve never been accused of that, no.”
Do it, Lani. Make your move. Say the words.
I wipe my damp palms against my thighs. “So, when you said that I could put it to the test, what exactly did you mean?”
“Do you want me to show you, Lani?”
I swallow hard. He’s waiting for me to explicitly consent, and I appreciate it. I’m strangely nervous, but at the same time, my entire body prickles with anticipation. “Yes.”
I was wearing a cotton t-shirt and linen pants when the Okaki pirates took me. I had panties, but no bra. Gervil had a gadget that replicated my clothing, and I’ve been wearing the same gray outfit for months now, to the point where I don’t even notice it anymore. But when Ruhan closes the distance between us and my erect nipples brush against his broad chest, that cotton t-shirt feels so thin it might as well not exist.
“Do you want to touch my cock, Lani?” His voice is low and dark. “Do you want to see if I’m hard for you?” He tugs my hand to his hip. “Go ahead.”
Oh, God. Pure heat lances through me. I untangle my fingers from his and ghost a pathway to his groin. He sucks in a breath and goes still with anticipation.
His cock is right there. It’s dark in the tent, but my eyes have adjusted to the lack of light. I stare at the spot. Is that his erection straining against his pants? That can’t be right; he’s massive. Unless that’s not his penis, but something else? I mean, it’s not like I got to see the scientists’ junk; I have no idea what’s underneath those robes.
Stop dithering, Lani.
Biting my lower lip, I trail my fingers over the bulge, and my eyes widen. Holy fuck. He’s hung like a horse. “That’s your cock?”
“Yes.” His voice sounds strained.
That’s not going to fit. There’s no way. “There’s nothing else down there?”
He huffs a laugh. “Like what, exactly?”
My cheeks heat. “I don’t know,” I murmur. I didn’t expect a monster cock, that’s for sure. From what I can feel, if we were back on Earth and Ruhan sent dick pics to someone—don’t do that, Ruhan!—people would accuse him of photoshopping the goods. I didn’t think I was a size queen, but wow. “You’re larger than the average guy.”
And harder. Once again, holy fuck. He feels like a steel bar. The thought of his length punching into my pussy—I’m both turned on and terrified at the same time.
“Ah, Lani,” he groans, his breath caressing my ear. His teeth nip at my earlobe, and I shiver, goosebumps breaking out on my skin. “You feel so good. So perfect.”
I want his pants gone. I want to be naked. I want to press up against Ruhan, skin on golden skin, soak in his heat, and revel in his fire. “Take off your clothes.”
“Only if you take yours off as well.”
My nerves are gone. All that’s left is intense, aching need. “Deal,” I whisper.
We lose our clothes, quickly, impatiently. For a second, cold slaps my naked skin, and then Ruhan pulls me into his body, his leg snaking over my hips, and warmth washes through me.
I wish there was more light in the tent, because I’m willing to bet anything that Ruhan’s beautiful. His skin feels hotter than a human’s. I run my palms over his muscles, and my fingers snag on his nipples. “They’re pierced.”
“Mmm.”
“Are they sensitive?” I brush the bars with my thumbs, and he sucks in a breath. Oh, I like that reaction. I roll his nipples between my fingers, and he groans, his hand gripping my hip.
His thumb strokes my belly before trespassing lower. I forget my fascination with his nipples when his fingers skim over my pussy. “Are they sensitive?” he murmurs, throwing my words back at me.
“Oooh.” It’s my turn to sigh. I let my knees fall open wider.
“Right here? Is this where you want to be touched?” He slips a finger between my folds, brushing the spot a little above and to the left of my clit, the exact spot where I like to be stroked.
“Yes.” I curl into him, grabbing his wrist and holding him there. Keep doing what you’re doing, Ruhan. “Right there.” Most human guys can’t find a clit with a map and a flashlight. How is it a guy from another freakin’ planet hits the target right away?
I’m so shockingly close. Maybe it’s because Ruhan is circling the perfect spot, or maybe it’s because I haven’t touched myself for seven months. Whatever it is, my orgasm is right around the corner, one ‘come hither’ finger curl away. “Don’t stop,” I order, my muscles tensing in anticipation of release.
“I won’t, lovely Lani.” He doesn’t sound like he’s teasing me any longer; he sounds as aroused as I am. He dips his head, nuzzling away my hair so he can kiss up my shoulder and neck. His big body surrounds me, his heavily muscled arms and chest cocooning me. The heat from his skin wraps around me like a blanket. His lips worship my skin, and his fingers tease me, and I turn to liquid under his touch.
“Oh God, Ruhan.” My words turn into a whimper. I burrow my face into his chest, digging my nails into his broad biceps, rubbing my cheek against his perfect pecs. My orgasm breaks, and I cling to him like a limpet.
He shifts. Somehow, I end up straddling Ruhan’s taut midriff. He tugs me down, and I grind against his cock to make my orgasm las
t longer, needy and shameless. His big hands clench my hips and encourage me to rock harder, so I do. I rub myself all over the giant alien, using his hard erection to stimulate my needy clit. In the dark, his eyes glitter like stars in the night sky as he watches me pleasure myself with his body.
I’m so greedy. One orgasm rolls into the next. Ruhan’s talented fingers work their magic over my clit, and I arch backward, letting white heat roll through me. All the stress, all the pain, all the fear—I let it all melt away. Every night for the last seven months, I’ve rocked myself to sleep, terrified that I’m about to die. Not tonight. Tonight, in our dark tent, I trade in that fear for endless waves of pleasure.
I’m slumped over him, still trembling with aftershocks when I realize Ruhan is just watching me while I use his body like a sex toy. “Whoops,” I say, abashed. “Sorry about that. I got carried away.” In my defense, it’s been a really long time.
“Do not apologize.” A smile plays at his lips. “That was… really hot.”
I grin at the praise. Time to blow the alien’s mind. Placing my hands on his shoulders, I position myself over his shaft again. His eyes gleam. His hands gently cup my ass. I shoot him a sultry look and rock over him, my wet center directly on his cock. I stroke his muscled chest, teasing his nipples with my thumbs.
“Ahh, Lani,” he rasps. His control unravels. His big body starts to move beneath mine, shallow thrusts that press his hard cock into my folds. His hips thrust up. I ride him, matching my rhythm to his. With each stroke, my clit rubs against the ridge of his cock, and I feel another orgasm start to build.
Every time my clit rubs against his length, shivers run through me. Oh God, I’m so sensitive. I tremble, a full-body shudder, as I tumble into another climax. I collapse against Ruhan, my breasts mashed into his chest. His fingers dig into my ass, urging me to keep moving. As soon as I catch my breath, I tongue his nipple piercing, tugging the bar gently between my teeth.
