Love Me or Miss Me

by Dream Jordan

  I found Naleejah in the living room, drooping drunk on the couch. Rahiem was nowhere to be found. But there was a group of girls and one guy in the living room grinding to reggae. I didn’t care who was watching when I stepped to Naleejah and poked her in the forehead with my pointer finger. Her head jerked back. Her mouth shaped like a confused O. “Huh, what happened?” she asked groggily.

  “You call yourself a friend?” I shouted over the music.

  Naleejah’s red eyes could barely focus on my face. Her head dangled this way and that. She was higher than the sky and lower than dirt. Just as I hauled back ready to mush her in the face, Charles came up from behind and grabbed my hand in midair. I yanked my arm away and faced him. “Get off me,” I demanded.

  The music didn’t stop playing, but the people stopped dancing. They crowded around the couch to watch the unruly scene I was creating.

  “Kate, please stop, she’s not even worth it. Can’t you see she’s blitzed? She can’t understand a word you’re saying.” Charles didn’t wait for a comeback. He forcefully dragged me away from the living room, down the long hallway, and out into the backyard. As we stood on the back porch, I was struggling to set myself free from him. But he was too strong for me. He took me by the shoulders and shook me like a Kate-shake. “Listen to me! I don’t want you fighting, okay?”

  I jerked my shoulder away. “Who cares what you want? You’re not my man.”

  “Listen, you’ll hurt that girl. And I don’t want you going to juvie over her. Do you understand me? She’s not worth it.”

  True.

  Naleejah already had her piece of Charles. She had gotten him nice and easy too, which meant Charles was never mine in the first place; apparently, he was up for grabs. Besides that, since when do I fight over guys? Ain’t I too cool to be brawling over boys? So yeah, forget Naleejah … forget Charles too. What a horny jerk.

  I needed to get away from Charles before I blacked out and tried to fight him too. I faced him and said, “Listen, I’m not trying to beat the girl anymore, so don’t follow me around. I don’t want to see your face.”

  “It’s like that, Kate?” asked Charles with sad eyes.

  “Yeah, it’s like that.”

  I went back inside and bumped into bodies along the way to the bathroom. Locked myself inside the bathroom and sighed. To calm myself down, I threw cold water on my face.

  I looked into the mirror. I was horrified by the dark and spiteful look I wore. My lips were twisted into a hateful sneer. My eyebrows were knitted down to my nose. This ugly face was not mine. This was the face of the old me. How angry I used to be was coming back to haunt me.

  I had to get out of this house. Away from these people. Away from Charles. Far away from Naleejah. She was poison.

  But to my dismay, Charles was standing outside of the bathroom, waiting for me.

  “Shoo fly. Didn’t I tell you to go away?”

  “Kate, please?”

  Please nothing.

  I raced down the hallway and zipped out of the front door. Don’t ask me how I was getting home. I had no idea. I passed by the same four guys who were standing on the porch when we first came in. I was tempted to ask one of them for a hitch, then quickly came to my senses and started walking aimlessly down the dark deserted block. I was surrounded by darkness. Unfamiliar houses, cars, and trees felt like they were closing in on me. I was scared.

  Suddenly, a blue beat-up pickup truck started following close beside me, and an old white man with only three front teeth yelled out, “Hey, brown sugar, can I take you home?”

  Getting hollered at by toothless perverts? Oh no. I had to turn back. It was about two o’clock in the morning. So where was I going?

  I went back to the house. Charles was standing on the corner, waiting for me, as if he knew I’d come crawling back. “Kate, you’re overdoing it now,” he said. “Where did you think you were going?”

  Finally, I admitted, “Well … I can’t go home. I was supposed to be spending the night at Naleejah’s house. But after what she did to me, I can’t go anywhere near that trifling broad.”

  “Well, I can sneak you in my house,” said Charles. “You can crash there.”

  I still wanted to crash my fist in Charles’s jaw, but I remained calm and quickly came to my senses. At the moment, Charles was my only option. If I came home this late, Lynn and Ted would surely know something was up. And after gaining their trust, this was the wrong time for me to be backsliding.

  This whole situation was so jacked up. This sneaking-out-to-party bull had me at the mercy of Charles. The dog. I was so mad at him right now. So mad at myself … but I was no fool. I swallowed my pride and accepted his offer for a ride.

  Unfortunately, we still had to wait until Jermaine was ready to leave. “I’m going to the backyard,” I said in a huff. “Don’t leave without me.”

  “Can I come with you?” asked Charles.

  “No.”

  Thank goodness, he left me alone.

  I went into the backyard. Two girls in identical skimpy gold bikinis were sitting by the poolside, splashing water with their feet. I sat opposite them in a lounge chair and sadly stared at the water.

  About twenty minutes passed. Next thing I knew, Naleejah was standing over me. She had a lit cigarette in her hand and a sorry expression pasted on her face. “Kate, I know why you’re mad at me.… Charles told me you found out about what happened … and I apologize for what I did. I mean, one thing lead to another and—”

  “Yeah, I can imagine how sorry you are,” I interrupted.

  “But can you forgive me?”

  I paused for a whole minute and then said, “I’m over it.”

  “So … does that mean we can be friends again?”

  “No,” I said. “Hell no.”

  “But why not?” Naleejah threw down her cigarette and squatted to be eye level with me. Her eyes were blurry hazel. “I thought we were best friends.”

  “Best friends?” I repeated in disbelief. “You don’t even know how to be a friend. And I don’t have time to be teaching you.”

  “But how can I make it up to you?”

  Naleejah’s persistence was getting on my nerves. Was she freaking kidding me?

  “Listen, forget it. What’s done is done. You got what you wanted. Now leave me alone.”

  “But you acted like you didn’t want to give him any,” Naleejah whined.

  “Yeah, but you knew I liked Charles,” I spat. “He called looking for me. Not you. You’re living foul, plain and simple. Now can you step to the left, please?”

  “But how are you going to stay mad at me?” Naleejah asked, exasperated. “Aren’t you sleeping over my house?”

  “Please, picture that.”

  “So where are you going to stay?”

  “Don’t worry about me,” I said. “I’m straight.”

  Naleejah hovered over me, staring at my blank face. But I had nothing more to express.

  Finally she said, “Okay … if that’s how you want it to be.”

  “Yeah, that’s how it has to be.”

  “Well … I’m used to this anyway,” said Naleejah. “Nobody ever stays friends with me.” She slowly walked away, her head bent low. I almost felt sorry for Naleejah, but not enough to stop her from leaving.

  * * *

  About twenty more minutes passed, and I was sitting in a lounge chair by the pool, feeling antsy. Alone. Tired. Ready to go home. Dying to go home. But Jermaine wasn’t ready yet. How long did he plan to stay? I wondered. Shoot, I was tempted to hijack his freaking Jeep and take myself back to Brooklyn—even though I can’t drive worth a dang.

  I rolled my eyes up to the black night sky. Then I sighed, got up, ready to go back inside the house to look for Charles and Jermaine, maybe hover around to give them the hint that I was itching to bounce. But before I could touch the back door’s knob, Naleejah came charging outside, pointing her finger in my face. She took me off guard, so I backed up, quick.

/>   Naleejah stared at me with a hurt look and said, “You know what? You’re not even right, Kate. I tried to teach you how to get a man, I did everything to help you get him, and just because you didn’t know what to do with him—and I did—now you don’t want to be my friend anymore?”

  “Naleejah, get out of my face,” I said calmly.

  “No, because that’s not right.”

  “We’re no longer friends. Peace. Get over it.”

  “Take off my shirt, then!” Naleejah yelled.

  People started pouring outside. They seemed to be headed for the pool, but when they heard us yelling, the crowd formed around us, mostly girls, laughing and shouting “Cat fight!”

  But there would be no fight. I walked away from Naleejah.

  Believe it or not, she followed me. The crowd followed too, still laughing and joking and growing in numbers. Seemed like half the party people were outside watching us beef.

  “Take off my shirt,” Naleejah repeated.

  “Are you stupid?” I asked, holding my chin up. “You better fall back or get wrecked.”

  “You lucky I was even willing to be seen with you,” Naleejah spat. “Look at your hair. I did that. The shirt on your back. I gave you that. I made you, baby. You would be nothing without me.”

  Somebody from the crowd yelled, “Ohhh, shorty is wearing hand-me-downs.”

  I couldn’t believe the words that had just come out of Naleejah’s mouth. I felt stripped, left in rags. I wanted to cry, but didn’t dare. I wanted to punch Naleejah dead in her mouth. But I stepped two feet away, telling myself that Naleejah was not worth fighting. If I fought her, I might kill her. She was not worth doing time for.

  “Oh, she just punked you,” a girl cried out, obviously talking to me since I was standing there like a mute statue. But whatever, I had nothing to prove to anybody at this party. Everybody sucked at this party, and they could all kiss my big black butt.

  Once again, I tried to walk away from Naleejah, but she followed behind me, still popping off at the mouth. I didn’t know what she was saying, because my mind had already gone blank.

  We were close to the pool’s edge now when Naleejah made a huge mistake. She grabbed at the neck of my shirt and shouted, “Take the shirt off, it’s not yours!”

  Putting her hands on me was not a smart thing to do. She had already embarrassed me in front of all these people, and now she was really pushing her luck by getting physical. I tore my body away from her grip, then in one swift motion, I reached up for her hair and shouted, “This is not yours either!” I pulled at her weave like the reins on a horse. Giddyup, ho!

  Nobody was trying to break things up. We were the main attraction for the night. “Ooohhhhh!” went the crowd as Naleejah fought me off with her head down.

  Naleejah was no match for me. Neither was the glue that held her weave together. Snatch. I pulled out a huge chunk of weave and started waving it around like my victory flag. Everybody around me started whooping and hollering. I threw the horsehair on the ground and stomped on it. “Now what?” I said. “You want some more? I’ll snatch you baldheaded, girl!”

  Naleejah called me the B-word, then came charging at me, spinning her arms like windmills. I sidestepped the charge, grabbed her by both arms, and pushed the silly broad in the pool.

  Splash!

  “Ohhhhhh!” everybody yelled.

  Naleejah stood up in three feet of water dripping wet, glaring at me like she was ready to do something. The crowd gathered around me. Some girls were laughing. A guy standing beside me called me cold-blooded.

  “What you want to do?” I challenged, spreading my arms wide, like What?

  Then Charles suddenly emerged from the crowd, pushed past me, and offered his hand to Naleejah. She grabbed hold of him and crawled out of the water like a crab. As she sat shivering wet on the deck, I stared her down, ready to do something else. If Charles wasn’t blocking, she might’ve taken another splash.

  “Yo, can somebody get a towel, please?” Charles called over his shoulder.

  I couldn’t witness this bull anymore. Charles pampering this tricky broad straight to my face? I had to get away from the scene. I stormed inside the house and went looking for Jermaine to ask him when he was planning to roll. But he was busy in the hallway trying to mack two chicks at the same time—now I see where Charles gets it from.

  I was so angry. Ready to go. I was even tempted to call Ted: Come pick me up, please! But then again, I’m not crazy.

  * * *

  The party was still going strong when Charles found me on the front porch—the only place I could be somewhat alone.

  First thing out of Charles’s mouth: “Why’d you push Naleejah in the pool?”

  “The grimy broad needed a bath,” I spat. “Any more questions?”

  “But she could’ve drowned,” said Charles.

  “Please, I pushed her in the shallow end—you know all about shallow, don’t you?”

  “Still, that wasn’t right,” said Charles. “Kate, you’re better than that.”

  “Oh brother, here you are taking up for that slut, after you dissed me for that slut.… I’m not even surprised.”

  Charles fixed me with a stern stare. “Look, I just came out here to tell you we’re leaving in five minutes.”

  “It’s about time,” I said.

  Charles left my side, shaking his head.

  I stayed on the porch, watching people come and go, arms folded across my chest, looking mean, daring anyone to say anything to me.

  Two minutes later, Rahiem’s sparkling Lexus coupe pulled up in front of the house. He honked his horn three times. The front door cracked open, and Naleejah stepped out the house wearing an oversized T-shirt, and her weave still wet and stringy. But the second she saw me, she flew back inside. Scared? She should be.

  Raheim honked again, and Naleejah stuck her head back out, peeking like a frightened little mouse. She looked about ready to cry.

  But I had already decided that I was done with Naleejah. I no longer had the desire to mess her up. Naleejah’s life was already messed up—a train wreck waiting to happen, and believe it or not, a small part of me felt sorry for her. Never thought I could feel sorry for such a fly girl. I used to think Naleejah was doing me a favor by being in my company. But I had it twisted from the start. Naleejah was the one who didn’t deserve to be in my world. Before she came into my life, I had left fighting alone, left feeling bad about myself alone … dealt with all this chick’s bull just to avoid being alone. But like Tisha always says: Birds of a feather flock together, so I’m only hanging with swans like Felicia from now on.

  * * *

  Rahiem honked his horn again. But why was he so lazy? Why didn’t he just get his tired butt out the car and go get his girl? Since he had no sense, I had enough for him. I decided to go back inside so that Naleejah could leave freely. I pushed open the front door, and—lo and behold—there she was, standing in the hallway, hugging herself. Her eyes popped out of their sockets when she saw me. But I held my head high and walked straight past her. You’re not even worth my time, baby.

  Chapter 24

  Finally, Jermaine was ready to go. Charles opened the back door of the red Cherokee and asked, “Can I sit back here with you?”

  Before I could say no, Jermaine interrupted. “I ain’t no chauffeur. You’re sitting up here with me.”

  Charles hopped in the front and stayed quiet for most of the ride.

  When we cruised onto the Belt Parkway, he twisted around in his seat and said, “Kate, please don’t stay mad at me, okay?” The scowl I flashed let him know he needed to turn back around and leave me alone.

  * * *

  Jermaine was the first to walk inside the apartment to check for a clear coast. Coast clear. We followed him inside. Creeping. In the dark. Charles and I groped our way into his bedroom. He quietly locked the door behind him.

  “Can you turn on the lights, please?” I whispered. I didn’t want him getting an
y ideas.

  “Do you want us to get caught?” Charles whispered back. “My mother is in the next room. We don’t need the lights on anyway. We can’t do nothing but go to sleep.”

  All I could see in the small bedroom was Charles’s twin bed, two tall speakers flanking the bed, and the rest of the room was still packed up in boxes. Guess he hadn’t had a chance to unpack. Too busy humping that nasty ho, Naleejah.

  I sighed in despair. This was not how I imagined my first time visiting Charles to be. I didn’t want to be in the dark. I didn’t want to be upset with him. I wanted to be in ecstasy.

  Tired and deflated, I kicked off my shoes and lay in the bed fully clothed. Charles was about to climb in beside me, but I stopped him cold with a hard shove. “I don’t think so.”

  Charles fell back. Then he dropped down on his knees, held on to the edge of the bed, and leaned his face close to mine. “But where am I supposed to sleep?”

  “That’s your issue,” I said.

  Yes, I was being hard and cold. But the warmth from his breath in my ear was weakening my mental barricade. So I had to stay strong, or be defeated.

  “Guess I’ll sleep on the floor, then.”

  “I guess you’re right,” I snapped.

  Charles creaked opened his closet door, grabbed a blanket, and spread it out on the floor. But it wasn’t long before I felt sorry for the lump lying there. I reached down and gestured for him to come to bed. Immediately, Charles hopped in next to me.

  I turned my back to him before he could get happy … before I could get happy. This was a hazardous situation. I had the man of my dreams lying beside me, and all I could give him was my attitude, because the moment I let down my guard, I would give him something else. His body felt too warm, too good. There was no room in his bed for me to escape his body heat. I was trapped.

  “You know she didn’t mean anything to me, right?” Charles whispered in my ear.

  I remained silent. But my stomach was doing more flips than a little bit.

  “You know she didn’t mean anything to me, right?” Charles repeated.