Love Me or Miss Me

by Dream Jordan

  Relationships can be so confusing. When you’re in a shaky situation your mind starts leaving out the bad parts of your guy, and concentrates on the good, painting pretty little pictures in your head. I know there’s a bad side to Percy, but the good in him outweighs the bad. I feel happy and loved whenever I’m around Percy. Never in my life have I felt this way before. I want to be happy, just like Felicia is with Marlon. Nobody’s perfect. Everybody gets mad in their own way. Too bad Felicia doesn’t understand. It’s best to avoid her right now. She has too many questions I have no answers for.

  Chapter 22

  Five o’clock on a Saturday morning, Jeselle rapped hard on our window. I was the first to wake up, groggy as ever, and pulled the window open for her. She struggled over the sill to get her long limbs inside. Even in the darkness of the room, I could see her eyes were watery.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked, still half-dazed, but alert enough to be concerned.

  “My mother has a new boyfriend. She kicked me out. Can’t visit her anymore … ever.”

  “Wow.”

  “Yeah, it’s a wrap.” Jeselle sniffed.

  “Let’s go in the bathroom to talk,” I suggested. I didn’t want to wake up Tracy. I didn’t want her in the conversation. This was a delicate matter.

  I turned on the bathroom’s nightlight instead of the bright light, and Jeselle and I sat on the edge of the tub next to each other. It was so hurtful to see big and bad Jeselle reduced to a puddle of tears.

  I scooted closer to her and wrapped my arm around her shoulder. “Keep your head up, ma. It’s going to be okay.” I repeated this over and over again.

  Keeping my head up was the only way I knew how to cope with my own parentless condition. Shucks, at least Jeselle’s mother had tried and failed instead of not trying at all. My own parents abandoned me before I could even walk.

  And if you ask me, Jeselle was better off without a mother who fought her like a stranger in the street. Just because a woman has a child doesn’t make her a real mother.

  However, Jeselle didn’t ask me for my opinion, so I didn’t dare offer one. Folks get mighty touchy when you jump on their loved ones, even if their loved ones are already jumping on them.

  “You good?” I asked, before leaving the bathroom.

  “Yeah, I’m okay,” Jeselle finally said.

  But later that day, she moped around the house and all of the girls were asking her what was wrong. To take Jeselle’s mind off of things, I asked if she wanted to cash in on an earlier promise to cornbraid her hair. “Yeah, that’s cool,” she said. “But I don’t want to be in this house. Let’s go out on the back porch. I need some air.”

  “No problem,” I said. The backyard wasn’t so bad now that Gerald’s lazy butt had finally cut the grass. The only downside was that we had a clearer view of the cemetery.

  I grabbed my comb and brush, Jeselle grabbed a folding chair, and we carried ourselves out to the back porch. I didn’t expect to see the rest of the crew already outside passing a fat blunt around. Two were sitting on the railing, and three on the steps. I placed the chair six feet away from them, trying to avoid the smoke.

  As soon as Jeselle sat down, Tracy got up, passed Jeselle the blunt, and said, “Burn it down, chick.”

  Jeselle took her puff and passed it up to me. “Nah, I’m good,” I said.

  “You square as hell.” Jeselle laughed.

  Instead of taking offense, I joked back, “You don’t want me braiding your hair while I’m high, do you?”

  Jeselle chuckled at this. I even thought I heard Tracy chuckle, too.

  Then I got to work on Jeselle’s hair. This was my first time working with such long hair; it wasn’t as easy as I thought. But I was determined to hook her up, especially with her feeling so down and all. I parted her hair carefully, and concentrated all my efforts to tighten every braid.

  The girls were busy getting nice with their weed, so they weren’t loud and distracting me, thank goodness.

  In the middle of braiding, I had to stop to use the bathroom. While in there, I pulled my phone out from the cleaning cabinet to check for messages.

  I had a missed call from Felicia. Ignored that. And then there was Percy’s text:

  CALL ME AS SOON AS YOU GET THIS.

  CAN I CALL YOU LATER?

  I NEED TO SPEAK WITH YOU RIGHT NOW.

  Normally, I tried not to make phone calls in the bathroom. I didn’t want the girls thinking I was crazy and talking to myself. But since Percy said “right now,” I called him immediately.

  “Baby, why are you whispering?” he asked.

  “I’m in the bathroom,” I explained. “Can’t talk loud.”

  “What you doing right now? Can I see you?”

  I paused, thinking of Jeselle’s half-done head and her jacked-up spirits. Nah, I couldn’t leave my girl hanging like that. “Um … is tomorrow okay?”

  “But I want to see you today.”

  “My friend needs me right now.”

  “What friend?”

  “Jeselle.”

  “But what does Jeselle have over me?”

  “Nothing,” I said, exasperated. “I’m just doing her hair.”

  “You’re always doing somebody’s hair,” Percy complained.

  Now that was a boldfaced lie, but I didn’t bother to address it.

  “Please, baby? I want to see you. I really miss you,” pleaded Percy.

  I almost gave in to him, but the image of Jeselle’s watery eyes caught my soul. “I’m sorry, my friend needs me.”

  “But I need you,” said Percy.

  “She’s going through something,” I tried to explain. And it was none of Percy’s business what Jeselle was going through, so I finally grew some guts, lied, and said someone was knocking on the door. I had to go.

  Percy hung up on me without even saying good-bye.

  I went back outside, walked through the cloud of blunt smoke, and asked Jeselle to hand me the comb. My mood was mighty low.

  “Dang, what took you so long?” asked Jeselle. “I thought you got flushed down the toilet.” The girls busted out laughing. I chuckled, wanting to be a good sport.

  “You okay?” asked Jeselle.

  “Yeah, I’m good,” I lied, and resumed working on Jeselle’s head. My braids were coming out dumb fly. Ciara thought so, too. She stood over Jeselle’s head and said, “You do hair better than those African braiders.”

  I looked up into her eyes that were bloodshot from weed. “Thanks,” I said, shaking Percy out of my mind.

  Then Tracy rolled up behind Jeselle’s head and said, “Your parting skills are mad precise.” The friendly tone in her voice surprised the heck out of me.

  “Thanks,” I said, flashing a grin. It was such a relief to finally be cool with my roommate—not best buddies—but at least cool.

  Venus rushed up to me and asked, “Can you do me next?”

  “Yeah, no problem.”

  “How much you charging?” she asked.

  “It’s okay, I got you,” I said. “They barely give us pocket change up in here, so I don’t expect you to pay me.”

  Venus clapped her hands twice and said, “Chick, please, I can afford it. I don’t depend on no allowance. That’s what boyfriends are for.”

  Well, I wasn’t about to beg her not to pay me, so I said, “Okay, thirty dollars.” I needed the money anyway.

  I braided the last braid in Jeselle’s hair, and stood back to admire my work. As soon as Jeselle got up to go check her hair, Venus bum rushed the seat, yelling, “I got next!”

  Then Jeselle came back outside smiling from ear to ear. She hugged me mad tight, and said, “You just hooked a sister up!”

  “You know I got you, homie,” I replied, reaching up to smooth down the top of her fresh long braids.

  “So every week you got me?” Jeselle joked.

  “Shoot, if I had bomb hair like yours, I’d never put it in braids. My hair would be flowing with the wind all day, ever
y day.”

  “Whatever,” Jeselle said, flipping her hand in the air. “People always think they want what they don’t have. Shoot, I’m ready to cut my hair bald.”

  “Are you crazy,” I exclaimed. “You better not!”

  Venus tapped me and said, “Um, when are you planning on getting started? I’m a paying customer!”

  Jeselle laughed. “My bad, let me leave Kate alone. Go ’head and do your thing, ma.” She stepped aside.

  I started in on Venus’s thick head of hair.

  Out of the blue, I said to Jeselle, “Percy says he prefers longer hair.”

  “Oh yeah?” said Jeselle, raising her eyebrows. “Well, tell Percy to buy you a damn weave then.” She cracked up at her own joke. I chuckled, but for some reason, I suddenly felt sad.

  I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU COULDN’T MAKE TIME FOR ME TODAY.

  MY FRIEND NEEDED ME.

  BUT I NEEDED YOU. AND I’M MORE THAN YOUR FRIEND. I’M SUPPOSED TO BE YOUR MAN.

  I KNOW.

  CAN I SEE YOU TOMORROW?

  YES, I CAN SEE YOU.

  MEET ME AT JAY STREET. THREE O’CLOCK. MAYBE WE CAN GO TO PROSPECT PARK.

  SOUNDS GOOD.

  CALL ME LATER TONIGHT. I WANT TO HEAR YOUR VOICE BEFORE I GO TO SLEEP.

  OK.

  I called Percy at eleven o’clock that night. Nobody was downstairs guarding the phone, so I had taken a chance with the landline. When Percy answered, he sounded so happy to hear from me. He asked me how I was feeling. I told him I was fine. He said he was fine, too. Our conversation was going along just fine until he broke the spell by asking, “So what was wrong with your homegirl?”

  Here we go again.

  I had already promised myself that Jeselle’s business was none of his, but Percy wasn’t the type to leave things alone. He always pressed and pressed until he got the answers he felt he deserved. Well, I was not in the mood to be pressed tonight, so I gave him a snippet of what happened, and ended with, “Jeselle got slapped by her own mother in front of this new loser boyfriend.”

  “Oh man, Jeselle is crying over a little slap?” asked Percy in disbelief. “Please, that’s nothing. My mother broke a broomstick over my head once just for spilling Kool-Aid on the carpet.”

  “Your mother beat you with a broomstick?” I stuttered in shock. I knew Mrs. Thomas was a witch, but I didn’t think she was a violent one.

  “Broomsticks, belts, extension cords … whatever she could grab.”

  Wow, I said to myself, shaking my head in disgust. My heart went out to Percy. I mean, I had been beaten by many foster parents before, but never by my own flesh and blood—wherever they might be.

  Percy suddenly added, “Don’t get it twisted, sweetheart; you said ‘beats’ as in present tense. I’m talking about back when I was young. My mother knows better than to try that mess with me now.”

  Awkward silence fell over the phone.

  Then I heard footsteps creaking on the stairs.

  “Someone’s coming,” I whispered. “I gotta go.”

  “I’m looking forward to tomorrow, sweetheart,” said Percy. “I can’t wait to hold you in my arms again.”

  Chapter 23

  First thing in the morning, I peered out of my bedroom window. Storm clouds wrapped a huge gray blanket over Brooklyn. Oh well, I thought, Prospect Park was clearly out. This was a day to be inside with your boo. Sure enough, my boo was thinking the same thing, too. I received his text at twelve o’clock on the dot.

  WEATHER SUCKS, BUT I STILL WANT TO SEE YOU.

  SAME HERE.

  CHINESE FOOD AND A MOVIE?

  SOUNDS GREAT.

  I met Percy at Jay Street at three o’clock. Then he drove us to a giant video store. We stepped inside the joint holding hands like an adorable couple. I witnessed lonesome people staring blankly at the huge movie selection, and sassy couples bickering about which movie to pick.

  I didn’t go through the trouble of bickering with Percy about movies. I just let my man take control; I doubted he would let me do the picking anyway.

  In less than ten minutes, Percy snatched up two new releases. I didn’t bother to look, or ask, for the titles. What mattered most to me was the upcoming opportunity to be snuggled up on the couch with my baby. Oh yeah.

  We stood on a long line waiting to check out our movies, still holding hands, Percy bending down to kiss me on the cheek every few minutes. When our turn finally came, we were served by a tall, bucktoothed cashier. He greeted us in a loud, lively voice. “Great day for a movie, isn’t it?”

  Since Percy didn’t say anything, I piped in, “For sure.”

  The cashier held up one of our movies and said, “I don’t want to ruin it for you, but the butler did it.”

  The cashier was so corny, but he was older, and reminded me of Ted with his dry jokes, so I was chuckling at everything he said.

  I didn’t realize that Percy had a problem with this, until we got inside his car. Before he cranked the engine, he turned to me and said, “So you like attention, huh?”

  “What?” I asked, jerking my head back in confusion.

  “Why were you flirting with that guy so hard?”

  “What guy?” I asked, because he surely couldn’t be referring to the doofy cashier. If I’m going to flirt with someone, at least he’s going to be a dime. Doofy dude was a penny; I wasn’t attracted to his old butt at all.

  “So you think it’s cute to disrespect me out in public?” demanded Percy.

  I was truly stunned by this accusation. All I could do was sit in silence as Percy yelled at me, asking the same stupid question over and over again.

  “I wasn’t flirting,” I said, hopefully for the last time.

  “Yes, you were.”

  “No, I wasn’t.”

  “Yes, you were!”

  I turned from him to stare out the window, disappointed and confused.

  “I don’t know why you feel the need to lie to me,” said Percy. “I was standing right there. I saw you flirting with him!”

  Okay, I had enough. I didn’t have to put up with this bull, especially because I was completely innocent. “Listen, if you’re not going to believe me, can you please take me to the train station? I want to go home.” Now I was close to tears.

  “I’m not going anywhere until you answer my question.”

  “If you can’t take me, then I’m leaving.” I grabbed the car door handle as a threat. I had never seen Percy this angry before. He was starting to scare me.

  “You’re leaving me because you’re guilty,” spat Percy, his light brown eyes blazing with anger.

  I yanked the door open, got out, and slammed it shut behind me. Percy yelled out his car window, “Don’t be slamming my doors, stupid!”

  “You’re the one who’s stupid,” I yelled back, surprised that I was actually cracking back on him. I had been holding in a whole lot since being with Percy.

  I started walking down the block, my head bent down low, bewilderment coursing through my brain. Did that really just happen? Out of nowhere? Wow.

  The fiery red Avenger trailed me, its crazy owner still shouting at me. “If you need attention that bad, you don’t need to be with a guy like me. My woman has to show me respect. You hear me? Respect!”

  I just couldn’t wrap my mind around the sudden turn of events. This couldn’t be the same guy who had done so many sweet and thoughtful things for me.

  I didn’t recognize Percy anymore.

  Just then, I felt a raindrop fall on my eyelid. How appropriate, because I was already starting to cry. This was supposed to be a nice, simple day: Chinese food, a movie, and me and my man cuddled on the couch. But now, I was about to get stormed on. I needed my umbrella, which was still inside Percy’s car. Damn.

  Percy still had his head stuck out the window, shouting out craziness and trailing me, so I asked in the nicest tone possible, “Can I just get my umbrella please?”

  He fixed me with a mean stare and yelled “You shou
ld have thought about that before you disrespected me.”

  Beeeppp! Beeeppp! Cars were now honking at Percy who was holding up traffic. So he peeled off down the street, leaving me in the dust … or should I say the rain. Lightning lit up the sky, and then came the snap, crackle, and pop. Drops began to fall in sheets, drenching me instantly. I was a wet, cold mess.

  I walked with my head down being pummeled by the rain. Six long blocks to go. When I finally made it inside the train station, I was soaking wet and crying.

  During my long train ride home, I shivered with cold and hurt over what had just happened.… It was supposed to be a nice, simple day.

  Later that night, I received a text from Percy:

  DID YOU MAKE IT HOME OKAY?

  I left his question dangling in the air.

  Chapter 24

  I’M SORRY FOR GOING OFF ON YOU, BABY. PLEASE DON’T BE MAD AT ME.

  I GO CRAZY WHEN I THINK OF YOU BEING WITH SOMEONE ELSE.

  KATE, I NEED YOU IN MY LIFE, BABY. PLEASE DON’T DO THIS TO ME.

  PLEASE CALL ME, SWEETHEART. I PROMISE IT WON’T HAPPEN AGAIN.

  WHY WON’T YOU WRITE ME BACK?

  LET ME MAKE IT UP TO YOU, BABY. TEXT ME WHEN YOU GET A CHANCE.

  Yeah, fat chance. In less than twenty-four hours, Percy was actually expecting me to give him a clean slate? Hell no! I ignored all of Percy’s texts. I was too upset, and like I said, it’s never good to communicate when you’re upset. I needed a moment. Matter of fact, more than a moment. Making me walk in the pouring rain was something only a cruel person could do. So should I break up with Percy? Or give him another chance? My mind was split in two.

  A part of me wanted it to be over, but the other part was holding out hope, remembering the good times, so many good times. I needed to sort this whole thing out in my head.

  Problem was, Percy wouldn’t give me a chance to clear my brain. He texted me twenty more apologetic messages, no exaggeration, before I finally decided to give in and text him back.

  I JUST WISHED YOU BELIEVED ME. THAT’S ALL.