Love Me or Miss Me

by Dream Jordan

  I DO BELIEVE YOU NOW.

  AND I PROMISE NOT TO GO OFF ON YOU LIKE THAT AGAIN, OK, BABY?

  OK.

  Now don’t get me wrong. My “OK” meant, yes, I hear you, now please fall back from texting me, and give me some freaking space.

  But Percy texted me ten more times, begging me back into his life.

  Lucky for me, I had gotten sick from being drenched in the rain, so it was easy for me to put down my phone and stay away from Percy. I was glued to my bed for three whole days with the covers pulled up over my head. Chicken soup, hot tea, and Jeselle made me feel better.

  When I fully recuperated, and checked my phone, no lie, I had about fifty texts from Percy apologizing fifty different ways.

  I went through all of his “sorry” messages, pressing the Delete button, and shaking my head in disbelief. He was so extra. Borderline obnoxious.

  Then suddenly, one text caught my attention. It said the following:

  AUGUST 4TH OUR ONE-MONTH ANNIVERSARY. I WANT US TO DO SOMETHING SPECIAL. I REALLY MISS U.

  First, I was surprised that Percy actually remembered our special day, because I had forgotten it. Second, I started thinking that Percy must really care about me to be so persistent to the point of pitiful. Super fly guys like him are usually not willing to lose their pride, sending a million texts, begging some girl for forgiveness when they have so many other prettier girls to choose from. In all of my years, no boy has ever fought so hard to keep me in his life.

  So maybe Percy truly loved me, I told myself. Maybe he was only having a bad day that day, and maybe, just maybe, I did disrespect him for being too friendly to the cashier, and maybe we all lose control at times … the truth is, nobody’s perfect. Besides, as out of control as I used to be, who was I to judge Percy? Where would I be if Tisha had given up on me?

  With these thoughts running through my brain, I finally caved in and texted Percy back. I told him that I missed him, too, which was so very true. A split second later, Percy popped the question:

  CAN YOU COME TO DUMBO AND SPEND THE NIGHT WITH ME TOMORROW?

  It didn’t take me long to text back: YES.

  I missed Percy. Really missed him. I wanted to be wrapped up in his beautiful strong arms again. I couldn’t wait to feel his warm sensuous lips against my skin.

  Operation DUMBO was about to be in full effect.

  As far as the group home was concerned, I wasn’t worried about a spend-the-night strategy. By now, everybody at Common Grounds was doing the same overnight thing; so just add a sister to the mix. My only concern was Percy’s expectations. He promised that our night didn’t have to be about sex if I didn’t want it to be. Well, I didn’t want it to be. I was determined to hold down my get-to-know-me-first rule. Abstaining from sex was the only power I had over Percy. And I wasn’t about to lose my power just yet.

  “I need you to take a cab to my father’s apartment,” Percy explained, when I had snuck a call to him later that night. “Be at the crib by eight o’clock.”

  Percy gave me his father’s exact address. Meanwhile, I was thinking, Who has money for a cab?

  Luckily, Percy read my mind and further explained, “Call me when you’re close by, and I’ll come downstairs to pay.”

  “Okay.”

  The plan was tightly set.

  Time to pack my bag.

  * * *

  Jeselle sat on my bed watching me fumble through my dresser drawer looking for some overnight gear. “Girl, you better pull out some sexy lingerie,” she exclaimed.

  “Nah, it’s not about sex tonight,” I said with a chuckle.

  “Homegirl, you better get your mind right and let Percy hit it before he finds somebody else.”

  Jeselle’s words rang in my head like a warning bell.

  But then the memory of Tisha’s advice bing-bonged even louder: “Kate, don’t give up your treasure to just any old body. Make sure the guy is worth it first. If he loves you, he will wait.”

  Now that’s what’s up.

  With this comforting thought in mind, I threw my overnight bag on the bed, and began packing.

  But Jeselle broke into my thoughts again by saying, “If Percy fine as you say, best believe he’s getting skins from someone else.”

  “Well, Percy already told me he can wait,” I firmly stated. Jeselle was about to get on my last nerves if she didn’t zip it. Loved her, but she really needed to zip it. She didn’t know what she was talking about. Besides, girls and guys be jumping between thighs without bothering to get themselves, or their partners, checked. I wanted to take a trip to the clinic with Percy before I gave him my treasure. Show him I am clean; and let him do the same. Only problem was, I doubted he’d be game.

  Anyway.

  I purposely packed my big-girl panties and sports bra, figuring no need to be tempting a brother with lacy lingerie. If Percy peeped me in droopy granny panties, he probably wouldn’t be wanting me too tough.

  Jeselle cracked up hard at the sight of my underwear, though. “Are those curtains?” she asked between guffaws. “Or a pillowcase? Girl, you got some big old drawers!”

  “Whatever, I’m all set,” I said, grinning, my bag over my shoulder, my feet pointing toward the doorway.

  “Well, have fun tonight,” said Jeselle, giggling mischievously.

  “Don’t worry, I will.” I smiled, feeling elated. I couldn’t wait to be back in my baby’s arms again.

  Chapter 25

  At first, everything was going according to plan. Mrs. Cooper was long gone. Belinda and Gerald, missing in action as usual. At fifteen minutes after seven, I took flight from the group home, thinking my estimated time of arrival to DUMBO would be on point.

  But when I hit the streets, I couldn’t find a cab for nothing. Avenue U, empty. Stillwell Avenue, plenty of cars but no cabs.

  I nervously checked my BlackBerry. There was only one battery bar left. Now I had to turn my phone off to save power. Not a good look, since I wouldn’t be able to call Percy and tell him I couldn’t catch a cab to save my life.

  Gravesend was a ghost town. No exaggeration, I had to walk thirteen blocks before I finally hit a busy intersection. Sadly enough, three cabs passed me by on purpose; I know because they looked dead at me as I waved for them to stop.

  Then, finally, a shiny silver cab raced up to the curb like a victorious chariot, ready to save my night. I hopped inside, told the cabby where to go, and he whisked me away.

  “Excuse me, sir, what time is it?” I asked, as we cruised down a dark stretch of road.

  The cabby needlessly swiveled all the way around and said, “A little after eight o’clock, honey. You late for a date?”

  I didn’t answer him. I was too busy fretting. I was indeed late. I had tried my best not to disappoint Percy. But it seemed like everything I did led to his disappointment.

  When we finally headed down Percy’s father’s block, I pulled out my phone, which was hanging on to its last bar.

  “Yeah?” Percy answered in a monotone voice.

  “I’m downstairs.”

  Click.

  The phone went dead. I wasn’t sure if we had a bad connection, or did Percy just hang up on me? For some reason, my hands were shaking.

  * * *

  As soon as I caught sight of Percy, I knew he was upset. His body language was stiff and his face mad rigid. He didn’t look my way once when he came up to the cab, holding a billfold. “Here you go, my man,” he said, peeling off the cab fare. He must have given a nice tip because the cabby exclaimed, “Thanks, and have a wonderful time, lovebirds!”

  Well, this bird wanted to fly away because Percy was showing me no love. My heart felt like a stone sinking inside my stomach, as Percy ignored the mess out of me.

  He was quiet as I followed him up the stairwell. But as soon as we were behind closed doors, he got up in my face and said, “What took you so long?”

  “I had a hard time finding a cab,” I stuttered. Percy backed me up close to the wall,
and slammed his hand against it. I jerked my shoulders up in shock.

  “I told you to get here at eight o’clock,” Percy shouted. “You couldn’t make a simple phone call to tell me you were running late?”

  “I’m sorry,” I said. “My battery was running low.”

  Percy walked away from me, shaking his head. I followed behind him into the living room.

  The living room was dark, lit by candles sitting in ceramic holders on each side table. I smelled strawberry incense floating in the air. Percy had tried to set moods, and the mood was now ruined. I plopped down heavily on the couch, and placed my overnight bag beside me to keep me company.

  Percy was pacing around the living room, with his hands behind his back. “Couldn’t even make a simple phone call,” he said, more to himself than me. I cast my eyes down to the carpet to avoid his angry glare.

  Then out of nowhere, Percy swooped down and snatched my overnight bag from the couch. He stormed into the nearby kitchen, and flipped on the light. I could see him from the overpass, digging furiously through my bag.

  “I gave you this phone to keep in touch with you,” Percy shouted. “You’re supposed to have it on 24/7.” He fumbled through my bag, yanked out my BlackBerry, and said, “So let’s see who you been calling.”

  He had a right to be mad at me, but now he was overdoing it. I didn’t say anything, though. I was too scared; he was too angry.

  After Percy finished checking my BlackBerry’s call log, of course he found nothing.

  I thought my proven innocence would calm him down. But I thought dead wrong. The next thing I knew, Percy’s arm pitched back like he was playing baseball, and a split second later, the Blackberry came hurtling toward my head. I ducked in the nick of time. The phone just missed the glass coffee table and landed with a thud on the plush beige carpet. I curled up on the couch into a fetal position, shocked as hell and frightened to death.

  Percy stormed into the living room and stood over me. “I had everything planned out for us, trying to make our night special, and you messed it all up.”

  “I’m sorry,” I said, shielding my face.

  “Put your hand down,” he snapped. “I’m not going to hit you.”

  I unshielded my eyes.

  “How could you do this to me, Kate?” he asked, his voice a bit calmer, “Look at everything I tried to do for you.”

  Percy grabbed my hand, lifted me from the couch, and took me on a tour of ruined romance. First, he led me into the kitchen, lifted the lid of the garbage can, and showed me a glob of uneaten mashed potatoes, corn on the cob, and fried chicken mixed with potato peels. A part of me thought this extreme of him, throwing away good food that could have simply been warmed up. But the other part of me was touched; he had cooked us a delicious dinner for our anniversary, all for nothing.

  Then Percy led me inside the bathroom. Two candles sat on either side of the tub. Red and white rose petals were scattered all over the tub’s edge and the white tiled floor. The bathroom even smelled like roses. The tub was filled up to the brim, with a few bubbles still floating lifelessly around. A fluffy white towel and a brand-new red robe sat atop the wicker hamper situated in the corner. “I remember you complaining about having no hot water at your house,” Percy began, “so I ran a hot bath for you … but now look.” He dipped his hand in the water. “Ice cold.” He flicked the water at me. “I should make you get in it,” he added.

  I was almost tempted to hop in the cold water just to show him how sorry I was. I mean … look at everything he tried to do for me, and all I had to do was simply keep my phone charged. Nobody had ever done anything this special for me. Romance was for people in the movies before I met Percy. My first real boyfriend had tried to treat me like a lady, and I had acted like an irresponsible little girl. I looked down at the floor. I felt so bad. “I’m really sorry,” I said. “I just wasn’t thinking.”

  Percy must have sensed my sorrow, because he finally calmed all the way down.

  “I’m tired,” he rasped, in a hoarse voice. “Let’s go to bed.”

  * * *

  “Baby?”

  “Yes?”

  “I’m sorry for throwing the phone at you.” We lay in the big soft bed, our bodies intertwined like a pretzel.

  I didn’t know what to say.

  If I said, “It’s okay,” that would make Percy think he could throw phones at me again, but if I told him that it better not happen again, that would make us get into an argument. So I said nothing. Absolutely nothing.

  “Did you hear me?” asked Percy, rubbing my arm with his warm hands.

  “Yes, I heard you.”

  “And I promise it won’t happen again, okay, baby? It’s just that I was trying to do something nice for you and you made me upset. Do you forgive me?”

  I nodded in the dark.

  Percy rubbed my leg. I could tell he was going to try me again. But I was fortified down there. Wide awake, mad alert, determined to keep Percy out of my panties. I brushed his groping hand from the side of my grannies, from the top, front and back. Finally, he gave up the struggle and left me alone. I think he would’ve pressed me further if he hadn’t already played baseball with my phone.

  “Don’t you love me, baby?” Percy whispered feverishly.

  “Yes.”

  “Then tell me you love me.”

  “I love you,” I said.

  “Then make love to me.”

  “I’m just not ready.” How many times did I have to tell him, I wondered.

  Percy kept quiet. He just waited for a while, and then went for my panties again. Growing agitated, I pushed his hand away. Then Percy puffed heavily and turned his back to me.

  I felt so bad. Rejected. Dejected. I really wanted to please Percy—just not in that way. So I reached over to hold him in my arms, trying to show him I cared, but he pushed my arm away with force and said, “Now you see how I feel.”

  Chapter 26

  I didn’t hear from Percy for a few days, and I didn’t bother reaching out to him, either. Seemed like this was an ongoing pattern between us. He does something foul; I catch an attitude. Then he reels me back in with the bait of his romantic words. Fortunately, Jeselle and I were starting to get closer, so I didn’t miss Percy as much this time around.

  Percy ended up texting me on Wednesday, asking me to call him when I could. Since I already had a taste of his persistence, without delay I made sure the coast was clear, shut myself inside the bathroom, and called him, just to get it over with. The first thing he said was, “Hey, baby, I know it’s hump day, but that doesn’t mean we have to hump.”

  “Huh?” I asked, perplexed. I was sitting on the edge of the bathtub, trying to make this call quick and painless. I had no time for riddles.

  “Hump day is considered Wednesday,” Percy explained, “because it’s the middle of the week. So I’m saying, even though it’s Wednesday, I already got over the hump … get it?”

  “Oh,” I said, not amused. All joking aside, I still had some lingering problems with Percy and there was literally no rug in this bathroom to brush them under. I had to let him have it.

  “Percy, I didn’t appreciate the way you treated me at your father’s house,” I blurted. “Yelling at me … pressuring me for sex … I thought you said you loved me.”

  “I do love you,” insisted Percy.

  “But sometimes it doesn’t feel like it.”

  “Listen, baby, I’m sorry, okay? I lost control.”

  “Yeah … tell me about it.”

  “Please don’t be sarcastic with me,” said Percy. I could tell he was monitoring the bass in his voice. Because real talk, if he started yelling at me again, I was ready to hang up on his crazy behind. And he knew it.

  “Everybody loses control every once in a while,” he explained. “And no disrespect, sweetheart, but you really need to start learning how to forgive people.”

  “But I have forgiven you,” I snapped. “More than once!”

 
“Seems like you’re not in the mood to talk,” said Percy, sadly.

  Between me and you, I wasn’t in the mood. Percy had a way of twisting things around, always trying to make me feel like I was the one at fault. I missed him, yes, but I was getting tired of his mess. Percy was putting me through so much nonsense in such a short period of time. I wasn’t sure what to think. If this was how relationships worked, maybe I needed to be single.

  One thing was for sure though: I needed to get off this phone. Now.

  Jeselle and I were about to take a walk around the neighborhood park. I was trying to show her simple pleasures, the same way Felicia had shown me.

  “Anyway, I have to go now. Me and my homegirl are about to head out.”

  “Head out where?”

  “The park,” I said firmly, daring Percy to interrogate me.

  He dramatically heaved a sigh and said, “Okay … once again, your friend comes first.… I already know the drill.”

  But Percy didn’t know I had built up enough courage to show him how the dial tone feels. Click.

  Percy called me right back.

  At first, I wasn’t about to answer. But I knew he was the type to keep on calling until I picked up the phone. So I answered the phone, eyes rolled to the ceiling.

  “Yes?” I said with an attitude.

  “Listen, Kate, let’s not do this,” Percy began, his voice mad humble now that he knew I meant business. “There was no need to hang up on me.”

  “Okay, sorry for hanging up, but I already told you I have to go.”

  “Can we please stop fighting?”

  “I don’t want to fight, either.”

  “Then can I see you again?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Oh, so you don’t want to see me?” Percy asked in a pitiful voice. “Are you determined to stay mad at me?”

  “No … it’s not that.”

  “Then what is it?”

  “Well … if I see you again … it has to be outdoors.”

  “What? You don’t trust me anymore?”