“Don’t remind me why I want to choke you out sometimes, Joans,” I muttered bluntly. “I missed your crazy ass.” My face screwed up and I blinked, blinking my little head off as I tried not to burst into tears. “I really thought I’d, uh, shit- I, uh, I really thought I’d never seen you again. Missed you, you jerk.”
Everything in Joanie softened, and she started playing the blinking game with me. Sniffling but trying to play it off, she cleared her throat. “Dick. Missed you, too. Look at this place, is it humid here or what? My makeup is totally going to run. Don’t know why I even brought it. New place, new me, no makeup, you know?”
“Y-y-you- You mean you came here to- t-t-to stay?”
Joanie’s eyebrows shot up. “Of course I did. You didn’t think I was going to let you move to some other plane, portal, insert nerdy word here, without giving me a chance to tag along, didja?”
A choking sob escaped me and I let go of Zhuii to walk to Joanie.
Joanie let out a stilted laugh, a tear or two escaping, rolling down her rounded cheeks and, with her arms at her sides, her gun pointed towards the ground, she trudged towards me.
“Bring it in, bitch,” she mumbled, her chin wobbling as she gave me a watery smile.
“Jerk,” I muttered again, making her laugh.
I had my arms around her before she could say anything else.
Joanie’s arms lay limp at her sides while I crushed her until she groaned.
“Missed you, chickie. Boos for life. Bickering bitches ’til the end, that’s us.” Her chin rested on my shoulder as another sniffled escaped her. “Mascara got in my eye,” she lied.
“Hug me back, butthole,” I ordered.
Rek groaned, rolling, struggling to gain his feet a small distance away. A telling puddle beneath him, a tiny smirk lifted my lips. Hah. Who’s pissing themselves now, asswipe?
“Keep that thing aimed that way,” I told her, referring to her gun.
“I’m telling you,” she bitched, her free arm lifting to give me a bear hug back. It was when her right hand lifted reflexively with her left and the gun went off, that we both screamed.
Joanie dropped her gun while I shouted at her. We did a stupid dance, our feet slapping the ground like we were running in place, our hands flapping wildly before we clutched each other.
We continued to scream bouncing in place, leaving Zhuii snarling at the gun, then Rek. Beneath Zhuii’s tree shaking snarls I could make out Rek’s displeasure, Tokre and Noyel’s close behind. Noyel started shouting out, demanding to know what happened.
Rek’s shocked shout as the gun went off, and answering bellow after, everyone shouting out all at once, had us ping-ponging our gaze every which way, before finally settling on the painfully annoying Rek. Rek,who was gesturing wildly from his person to the gun in the snow, and back to himself.
Rek hopped around from foot to foot, snarling and growling. A small hole in the white snow, right between his hopping feet, had us both gasping.
“You almost shot him!” My hand slapped to my mouth and a hysterical giggle slipped out.
“I almost shot him!” Joanie gasped in surprised. Turning to me, she shook her head. “What am I doing with a gun? I don’t know what the hell I’m doing! I could shoot somebody!”
This was Joanie’s duh moment, and a wonderful opportunity for me to bellow out a few I told you so’s, but this wasn’t the time for that.
“We’re okay. Everyone’s okay,” I announced.
“Rek no ‘kay!” the beastie snarled out. “Jojonee shoot Rek dick!”
When I gave ol’ Jo a long, measured look, more so at Rek’s new vocab than her almost shooting his dick off, she shrugged.
Looking to Rek, she pursed her lips, her eyes narrowing shrewdly. Her toe nudged the gun before she bent, carefully picking it up, emptying it and carefully stowing it away in her purse.
“Jojonee! My peen,” he grumbled churlishly.
“Almost but didn’t, tooty, my fluffy fruity. You’re still, erm, whole.” Her face pinched like she smelled something foul. “Kinda.”
Rek’s answering, annoyed growl had me starting. “Not funny,” he grumbled.
My face paled and my breath escaped me. No. No way. No way was Jo psycho flirting with… Gag. “Joanie…”
Hearing the question in my voice, she gave a sharp shake of her head, mouthing, later. I had a horrible feeling I really didn’t want to know. No. Just, no.
Needing a subject change, I peered around Zhuii’s seething form to Noyel. “Noyel, baby, think you could tell your family everything’s okay now? Call the angry mob off?”
Looking to his army of loved ones, I sent the crowd a little wave, grinning when Noyel’s fathers glanced to one another and waved back.
“No ‘kay,” Zhuii grumbled. “Rek still breathe.” Lifting his hands, my sweet beastie signed for Tokre as everyone spoke.
Tokre signed back, grunting, and nodded.
“What did he say?” I asked Zhuii, slightly distracted, trying to sneak peeks at Noyel’s tight little buns as he strode towards the gathered mob. Some of them had bows, huge swords, an axe, one had a battle hammer, and were those… throwing knives?
“You’re going to hook me up with one of those fur cape things, yeah?” Joanie asked.
“Oh, uhm, mating pelt. Gotta find you a mate and tempt him to hand it over,” I told her.
“Good luck with Jojoansie with that,” Rek snorted out under his breath.
Knowing what to expect from my friend next, I smiled slowly as her hand shot out, checking the dumbass in his gut. “Don’t be jealous, Rekkie,” she simpered in that completely fake, sugary, sickly sweet saccharin way of hers when she was being beyond snarky, “I’m sure if you ask me nicely, on your knees, and let me hold the leash to your collar and everything, I might add you to my harem. Heavy on the might there, too slow.”
“Harem?” The beast rolled his eyes, the human expression downright creepy on him. “Jojoanslee lucky she get one mate. Rek not be one of- Hey! Rek not too slow!”
“Of course not.” Reaching out, she flicked the end of his nose and stepped away from him, leaving him yelping, gripping the tip of his nose and glaring at her. “No one really likes you enough to tolerate you. They’d murder you and bury you in my flowerbed. Did I say too slow? I meant molasses.”
“Rek no know pograssis.”
“It’s okay, baby.” Reaching out, she gave the beast a patronizing pat. “It is oooo-kaaaay.”
“No funny,” he growled out, but a tiny half-smile tipped his lips.
“Now,” Joanie linked her arm through mine, “ignore him, and his stupidity and annoying, stupid feckin’ face, and introduce me to your, ah, harem, hmmm?” Her gaze darted from Zhuii, who grunted out a short, “My Lindy-mine’s Joanie,” inclining his head briefly in greeting in her direction. My big blue bodyguard stood by watching everyone, following us at a distance as she called over her shoulder to Rek, “Don’t forget my luggage, molasses. Huh?”
“That’s Noyel,” I explained, pointing towards my beastly healer, trying to ignore her weird relationship with my tormentor, “and his family. They’re all really nice.”
“And very… into weapons,” Joanie observed with a small smile.
Rek, doing Joanie’s bidding, was making odd noises off behind us. Was he eating the suitcases, I wondered, or dragging them? What did she have in those things?
As if she too had come to the same conclusion and guessed my reaction, she flicked her hand between us. “Little of this, whole lot of that. Lots of batteries,” she confided, leaning in to whisper.
“If you’re aiming for one of these pelts,” I said on a laugh, “and those batteries, they’re what I think they’re for-”
“B.O.B., they’re for Bob,” she admitted bluntly.
“Have you no shame?” Shaking my head, I chuckled.
“None whatsoever.” Joanie grinned at that, unabashed. “So… wasn’t there one more? A big white one? Strong silent type?”
“He’s mine,” I warned, a bite to my words.
“Down, girl,” Joanie nodded and gave my hand a pat, “he’s all yours, but maybe he has a brother?”
“Only child.” I rolled my eyes at her audacity.
“Fudge nuggets,” she tsked, snapping her fingers, “some bishes have all the luck.” She was teasing, typical Joanie, pecking and playing.
“I can’t believe you’re so cool about all of this, I mean, I was freaking the hell out.”
“I’ve, uh, had some time to adjust,” Joanie said cryptically.
Rek continued to make funny noises. Joanie and I shared a look and grimaced.
“They don’t, like, just drop down into a crouch and poo around here, do they?” Joanie whispered through the side of her mouth.
“What? No!” I insisted. “They have bathrooms and everything.” Glancing to Zhuii, who didn’t seem bothered by Joanie’s odd question, I was just about to ask if he’d seen where Tokre had gone off to when I caught the look in his eyes. “Now what’s got you looking so plea-”
“NO!” Joanie screamed and took off, shrieking like a banshee.
“Good riddance,” I caught Noyel chuffing under his breath as he walked up behind me. His arm banded around my waist, holding me in place, his family calling out their goodbyes in the distance as they headed back to their huts and chores and whatever else.
“Zhuii no miss dumbass.”
“What in the… world?” With my ears ringing from Joanie’s wild cry, my eyes darting every which way to search out the source of her discontent, I spun around to find Tokre choking out Rek, who was turning an unhealthy shade of purple, his claws digging into Tokre’s forearm. Tokre must’ve snuck up on him when Rek was distracted.
Though thick rivulets of blood poured down my mate’s arms, sending me into a shrieking frenzy of my own, it was obvious he had the upper hand in this one. Still, I couldn’t help my reaction.
Joanie’s cries carried above my own.
“You’re killing him!” she wailed. Gripping her purse by its straps, she rushed in. Pulling her arm back, she swung her purse at my mate-husband’s head, beating at his thick noggin.
Not expecting the attack, unable to hear her as she approached, too busy trying to silence Rek forever to take notice, Tokre roared and his grip slipped.
It was my turn to do a bit of ear splitting screaming, smacking at Noyel to release me so I too could jump into the madness.
“Oh, no you don’t,” Noyel grumbled. “You’re not going anywhere.”
“Tokre! Noyel! Let. Me. go.”
“Sorry, my Rosie. Promised I wouldn’t.”
“When?” I demanded on a wail.
“Zhuii fix it,” my blue-furred beast said easily, lumbering into the middle of the fight.
Panting as I squirmed, wriggling in my blue-eyed male’s arms, I asked on a horrified whisper, “He means help kill Rek, doesn’t he?”
“Yes.” Noyel didn’t even need to think about it.
“Don’t you hurt my cousin!” I shouted at Zhuii.
“Zhuii no hurt Lindy-mine’s Joansie.”
“Joanie’s gonna bring the pain down on you, though,” she snarled.
Her hair was sticking up like she’d rubbed her head on a balloon, her beanie having flown off at some point. The shoulder of one of her jacket sleeves was torn, bits of inner white puff fluff showing. Red lipstick smeared across her face, and one of her fake eyelashes stuck to her cheek. She’d managed to maneuver herself between Tokre and Rek, protecting the beast bride kidnapping, wife stealing jerk while he keeled over, wheezing, clutching at his chest.
Tokre had no choice but to step back or risk head injury or hurting Joanie.
“Come at me, big blue and clueless.” She gave her bag a little swing like it was a nunchuck. “Kiss my purse.”
Gripping Noyel’s forearm, I whispered an apology and bit down. Noyel howled but released me. Jerking his arms, dropping me, I hit the ground running.
“Damn it, Rosie!” he cursed after me.
“No! No! No more!” I bellowed. “Enough!” Pushing Zhuii back, I was no match for him as he gently plucked me up, turning, and set me down right next to him, continuing forward.
One more well-aimed swing as Joanie lunged, and Tokre tumbled to his ass to avoid her.
“One down,” she muttered, licking her lipstick smeared lips to glare at Zhuii.
“Stay back, female,” Zhuii instructed, a snarl building in his throat as his eyes slid to his intended target.
Joanie hopped in front of Rek, shocking me right out of my socks.
“Joanie!”
Zhuii roared, snarling with rage, bellowing for her to move.
I managed to catch Zhuii’s arm, right as it swung up. He was about to slam the ground in his frustration, but all that ended up happening was my sturdy ass dangling from his raised arm.
Joanie threw her body over Rek’s like a human shield. “I won’t let you hurt him!”
“Ah… Joans? I don’t think-” I mumbled from my strange dangle.
“Not gonna happen, monster mash.” Joanie was prepared to hold her own, or try to, staring down my Zhubeast. “You want to get to scuzzy buns over there, you’re going to have to go through me.” Hooking her thumb over her shoulder at Rek, then herself, she held her hands out, fingers curling, her manicured nails like colorful claws of her own, and flexed them. “See, I made a deal with dumbass back there, promised him if he just helped a damsel in distress out, reunite me with my gal pal over there, no harm would come to him.”
Patting her bag with a dark smile that gave me pause, reminding me she was swinging that fucking thing around with a gun in it, she clucked her tongue.
“And I’ve just gotta tell ya, sweet, furry, and full of grump, I aim to keep that promise.”
“Not a dumb bus,” Rek choked out petulantly from behind her, his arms folding across his chest stubbornly, glowering at the back of her head. Sitting there, not quite capable of standing for long just yet, he didn’t move, didn’t try and protect her from my raging Zhubeast’s wrath.
I couldn’t say I blamed him, considering his current state, but some kind of warrior male he was, self-preservation understandings aside.
This was Joanie, my Joanie, he was feeding to the wolves here.
“Hello,” I shouted, huffing at Rek, “are you for reals right now? You’re just going to stand there behind her and let her protect you?” I was getting good and riled. I didn’t spot Tokre until he was on me, scooping me up to tuck me under his furry arm, the other hand cradling his aching head. I half lamented Tokre not finishing choking Rek out in the first place.
Rek shrugged, sparing me a quick, though sulky, glance. “The big mouth one is not Rek’s mate. What to Rek?”
Gaping at him, I gasped. “Are you fucking serious right now?! Oh, Jo… move outta my way. Forget Tokre choking him out! I’ll do it myself!” I made to go after him, tear his ass up, but Tokre held tight.
Hitching me higher on his chest, he let loose a growl that had my tigerlady roaring along with him.
“Yeah!” I bellowed. “What he just said, asshole! And you know what? You- you dirtbag, are nothing to me! Hah, yeah, how you like that, hmm?!”
Rek’s eyes widened before narrowing. His gaze darted to Joanie accusingly and he snarled, “Rek not ass-hole!”
“Oh, honey,” Joanie cooed, unfazed, grinning as she tossed him a wink over her shoulder, “you most certainly are. But not to fret, pookie, you wear it well.” Her wild appearance just added to her feral look. I was half tempted to cover my eyes so I didn’t have to watch.
“Rek not puke-y, either!”
“Maybe not to you,” Noyel muttered under his breath, coughing to cover it up.
Even Joanie heard, her silky, sultry laugh a welcome sound. “And how,” she chuckled out, making Rek harrumph.
“Joanie?” I had to use one hand to hold my hair back so I didn’t have to peer up at her through a curtain of dark curls, holding the
other one out to her. Dangling from Tokre’s hip, I probably looked as bad off as Joanie. “None of my males are going to murder your… uhm, friend?”
“Accomplice,” Joanie corrected, as if she’d just adopted some sense of diplomacy. She ruined it by kicking her leg back, sending a wad of snow right into Rek’s face.
“Female,” Rek snarled out.
With a pep to her step, Joanie collected her things, banana purse and four giant suitcases.
Taking pity on her, Zhuii and Noyel each grabbed a suitcase, snarling and snickering at Rek, death in their eyes as they passed.
“He’s not worth it,” I told them softly, shaking my head. My gaze met Rek’s as I glanced over my shoulder one last time, readying to leave. “I’d thank you for helping Joanie back into my life, but you owed me.”
“Owed you?” Rek’s brow furrowed and he scratched at his head from his flop in the snow.
“You’re a bad male, Rek. A very bad male. I hope you’re better to whatever female agrees to spend the rest of her life stuck with you. I wish this mysterious, as of yet known female all the luck in the world.” Then lower, “She’s going to need it.”
My mates grunted their agreement, Joanie strangely silent, already trotting off ahead. She trusted me, my word, and it showed. I’d said my mates wouldn’t kill him, and they wouldn’t. Ultimate trust.
I wanted that for her when she picked a male—males, for that matter, considering our new homeworld’s mating habits.
Why she felt the need to keep Rek around, I’d never understand, but she’d obviously formed some kind of odd bond with the male, despite how much the two pretended otherwise. Even now, Joanie kept peeking glances at him.
“Damn,” I thought with a weary sigh. “And so it begins…”
“What?” Joanie glanced at me sharply.
“Hmm? Nothin’.” I shook my head. “Just hungry. Tired, a little sore, and hungry.” My hand tapped Tokre, catching his attention. Tokre stopped, and our party followed. “You have two options,” I told Zhuii, who signed to Tokre, “put me down or hold me properly. This lugged at her hip business is making me nauseous.”
“Here.” Zhuii set the suitcase he held down and gestured for Tokre to hand me over. Tokre did, reluctantly, taking hold of my hand as Zhuii tucked me tight to his chest, gripping the handle of Joanie’s suitcase to let the bottom drag through the snow beside him with the other.
Bride of Glass (Brides of the Hunt Book 2) Page 42
