“I didn’t want to.” There’s some honesty. My real feelings come through loud and clear in my voice. “I came back because my dad died.”
“I didn’t know.”
“Didn’t know what?”
“I didn’t know you’d come home and put yourself in the middle of everything with your dad.” Robert’s eyes meet mine and I see his anguish at the surface. He gets it under control, though. He doesn’t let it take over. “I thought you would stay away. Anyone would have stayed away from that mess, and then there you were. It made it so damn hard to—” He shakes his head, anger radiating from him. I can see it’s an old wound. About as old as mine. “My plan was to wait until the scandal died down and then beg you, on my goddamn knees, to take me back. My name wouldn’t be associated with the scandal, you’d be out of it too and your father would have to deal with the mess he made alone.
“There wasn’t a moment I didn’t love you,” Robert confesses. “But you came back and you sure as hell didn’t love me anymore. Everything was … nothing went the way it was supposed to. So I—” His voice breaks, and my heart breaks along with it. “I gave you space. I did whatever you told me to do, but I …”
“You shouldn’t have tried to—” I can barely speak, thinking about all the pain of that year.
“I know,” is all he says. “I just wanted you to know.”
“And the paternity test?”
“I love you, Mags. I wanted it not to be true, so I didn’t tell you.” Rustling leaves from the tree fall and scatter, making small noises onto the grass around us. “I didn’t know what to do, and I was young and dumb. I thought if I waited, you’d want me back one day.” He swallows thickly. “I made a lot of mistakes and the more time that passed, the less I felt like I could tell you any of it. The more I blamed myself.”
“You could have told me. At any time, you could have told me,” I say, staring back at a man I know is a good man, even if his decisions hurt the hell out of me.
“I tried my damnedest not to make any more mistakes, and I ended up making more of them because of it.”
Love stories don’t have to be perfect. As long as there’s love there. And we had love. We had true love and I know that.
I believe him. Robert means this with every bit of his heart. I can hear it in his voice.
“I just need you to know, I never stopped loving you and I’m sorry.”
“And I love you. I know I’ll never stop loving you.” I swallow down the anguish and add, “We just can’t be together.”
I wanted this, and I chose this, and it’s still painful. Growing up always hurts, doesn’t it? Nothing quite takes the edge off.
Robert gives me a sad smile I know all too well. He’s wiped my tears away a lot over the years. He’s been there for me. Loving Brody the way I do doesn’t make this part any easier.
“That’s all right, isn’t it?” Robert asks. “That I love you, but I’m willing to step back and know we’re not meant to be together like that … but we can—” He pauses, his throat tight and his gaze moving past me to the park. I wish I had something I could tell him, something I could give him to make all this better.
“I want you to know I’ll always be here. No matter what happens, Mags. I’ll still be here.”
“Don’t wait for me. You deserve so much more than that.” A shuddering sadness cascades through my body. “Promise me you won’t. I would never forgive myself.”
“I’ll be here as your friend, Mags.” His smile is tight, but hopeful. “If you could still be friends with me?”
My inhale is shaky, but I nod as fast as I can. My instinct is to hug him, to wrap my arms around his shoulders and bury my head in his chest, but instead I hold my hands together in front of me. “Yeah, friends.”
Robert’s expression softens with understanding. “You love him, don’t you? Like really love him.”
I nod, trying to blink away the flood of tears and not making it. “I love him so much I’m scared.”
My first love opens his arms wide. It’s a sweet, simple gesture, and I take it like a lifeline, holding him like I wanted to just a moment ago. I wrap my arms around Robert’s waist and my body melts into the familiar touch. I needed this. Dear God, I needed this.
“I think he’s an all right guy, Mags,” he murmurs into my hair. With my eyes closed tight, I let him go. I want to tell him I think Brody’s perfect for me, but I don’t say a word.
“Promise we’ll stay friends?”
I can’t give up the love I have with Brody, but in the same way, I can’t give up Robert’s place in my life, either. He’s family to me. He’s been family even when things got complicated and hard. That makes him Bridget’s family too. I’m not about to start taking people away from her, or from me. It would hurt too much, and be for nothing. We’re not college kids anymore. We can handle this, because it’s what we both need.
“Always,” I tell him. And I mean that too.
Brody
As a kid, you just don’t know how much the simple things in life are going to matter. Makes them seem a lot less simple. Nothing’s very complicated about Bridget at the playground. I’m guessing most kids want to swing on the swings and climb up the steps. But damn is there something different about seeing it as her dad. She grins at me constantly, the breeze ruffling her hair. I push away every thought of regret from not getting Magnolia’s number on that night four years ago, and drink it in.
These are the small moments I’ve been missing, but I’m not going to miss them anymore.
Tiny little fists grip the chains on the swing and Bridget asks me to push her. I keep things gentle and calm. I remember flying up practically into the sky, but hell if I’ll take that chance. It’s a weird contradiction. Bridget seems so big sometimes and I worry I’ve missed too much of her life. As her hair flies out behind her and she moves away from me, she seems so small.
I wonder if it’s always going to be this way. Probably. I shake my head, pushing away the thoughts of her growing up and asking questions about what happened during the first part of her life and why I wasn’t there for her. That’s not for a long time, but the knowledge still picks away at me.
A flash of sunlight catches my eye. My heart skips a beat at the sight of her. Magnolia smiles from behind her phone, her posture more relaxed than it was before. “I had to capture the moment,” she says. “First time pushing your baby girl on the swing.”
So she feels it too, how special everything is. Bridget kicks back toward me and I push her again. I joke with her, trying to lighten the moment, “It’s not the first time. We started out on the swings. This is at least the second or third time.”
Magnolia laughs and that sound brings me more relief than I thought it would.
“You all right?” I ask her, knowing she was just talking to Robert.
She nods and tells me she is, and although sadness still hides behind her cadence, it’s not so heart wrenching.
The breeze toys with the hem of Magnolia’s blue dress as she comes close. I offer her one hand, the other still giving Bridget a gentle push. Twining her fingers with mine she tells me, “Tonight I want to tell you my secrets.”
“Secrets?” I question, not knowing what they are, but ready to hear it all. “You going to scare me away?” I ask her, keeping humor in my tone.
Her eyes widen with the same humor, but there’s always a little truth behind every joke. “I hope not,” she says and I feel that truth there. Every small step between us feels like a giant leap.
“Good, ’cause I don’t want to go anywhere,” I admit to her and she gives me a soft smile. “I do have some bad news, though … I told my mom and she needs a moment.”
A numbness flows down my shoulders at the look of fear that swirls in Magnolia’s blue eyes. “So she’s not going to be coming to the park, but she said she’ll still come by later today. She just needs to get a grip on the situation.”
“Is she okay?”
“It’s ju
st a lot to take in.” If I know my mom, she’s working her way through her emotions where no one can see her. She’ll be here. She’ll love Bridget. But right now I bet she’s mourning the last three years of not knowing she had a granddaughter. I wish I could change that, but it’s in the past.
“Right, understandable,” Magnolia responds, but her voice is tight and her gaze is now nowhere on me.
“I figured it would be better to give her a heads-up rather than springing it on her?”
“Of course,” she answers but again, the easiness is gone. If she’s feeling a fraction of what I’m feeling …
“I think we should head home,” she says, holding her arms out to Bridget. “Might be nice to lay down for a nap, Bridgey, don’t you think?”
I’ll never get over the hint of a Southern drawl in her voice. It makes me feel warm and peaceful. And other things that are definitely not appropriate for a trip to the playground.
“No,” shouts Bridget, but she climbs down from the swing. Magnolia picks her up and the three of us head back to where we parked by the restaurant.
There’s an odd tension and I don’t want a damn thing to do with it, so I wrap my arm around Magnolia’s waist and plant a kiss on the crook of her neck. She lights up in an instant, a sweet simper matching the heat in her gaze. I want so badly to say the words I know would make all of this right. Three words I feel in the depths of who I am. She’s the first to speak, though, and the moment is lost.
“Thank you for lunch,” she says. Like it was a first date or something. Fuck. I swallow down my pride and smile back at her. How is it that she still makes me so damn nervous?
“I’d like to come by in a while,” I say, rushing out the words after she’s got Bridget all buckled in her seat. “Once you’re home and settled in.”
She lets out a breath with a smile. “I feel plenty settled in with you right now,” she admits.
I slip my arms around her shoulders and wrap her in a tight embrace. The words are right there, but they don’t come. I know it’s because I’m afraid the moment I say them, everything will slip away. There’s so much happening so quickly. I can’t ruin this. I can’t lose her with so much on the line.
Magnolia is only out of sight for a minute before the ache begins. I want to be next to her so much it hurts. My only saving grace that keeps me from second-guessing everything that happened today is that she texts me when she gets home and tells me to swing by whenever I want.
My text back is instant: Give me an hour. I just have to do one thing first.
Magnolia pulls open the door as soon as my feet hit the porch, like she was waiting for me, and I’m struck all over again by how gorgeous she is. The blue dress has been replaced with a pair of soft leggings and a cream-colored tunic. Her blond hair falls in loose waves around her shoulders. It’s Magnolia’s smile that brings it home. All the nerves melt away.
As long as she keeps smiling, it’ll be all right.
“Hi,” she greets me, those gorgeous eyes traveling down to the bouquet in my hand. It’s a riot of pink. Light pinks, dark pinks, with a splash of yellow tulips. I told the lady I wanted something that felt brand new. It seems she read my mind. “Those are so beautiful.”
I hand them over and Magnolia buries her face in them to inhale the scent. “And this is for Bridget. I take it she’s napping?” There’s a lack of a little face peeking around Magnolia’s legs and I don’t hear the constant chatter of a sweet little toddler.
My toddler. My daughter. Well … ours.
“Yeah, she’s been down for almost an hour.” Magnolia reaches for the gift bag, but I pull it back. “You’re not gonna let me see?” Her wide eyes and smile paired with her outraged tone are comical.
“It’s a surprise,” I tell her and she laughs, rolling her eyes and leading me into the house. Inside, I place the bag on the coffee table and note that it seems so calm and inviting. This is another tiny moment that somehow carries a lot of weight. Gratefulness creates pressure in my chest, and a sense of warmth too. “It’s funny how life can change so quick.” Voicing it out loud makes it seem even truer. “I want you to know I’m excited, though.” I swallow my nerves the second I get out the confession.
Magnolia’s gaze meets mine over the bouquet as she stands in the kitchen, pausing for a second before opening a cabinet. “Maybe I don’t know what I’m doing, but I swear I’m ready for this.” My heart gallops as I watch her pull out a large vase.
“If it makes you feel any better,” I admit to her as she turns on the water to fill the vase, “I’m pretty sure I’m going to make a lot of mistakes.”
She cracks a smile. “We can make mistakes together then.”
As I make my way into the kitchen, the tension builds between us. I wait for her to set down the flowers, and then I do what I’ve wanted to do since lunch. I run my fingers through Magnolia’s hair. She tips her face up to meet mine with no hesitation. Kissing her is the most familiar and new thing I’ve ever done. Her lips part for me and a soft moan catches in the back of her throat.
“It’s easy with you,” I murmur against her mouth, letting my thumb that had been resting on her chin trail down her throat. “It feels right. Does it feel right with me?”
Magnolia nods, her breath hitching.
I’m hard as a rock instantly, and I want nothing more than to take her right here and fuck all the worry out of both of us. My eyes close and I groan, hating that I can’t do just that.
I wish I didn’t have to tell her what I say next, “My mom’s coming by.”
Her warm laugh is the sound I’ve waited all my life to hear. “Right now?”
“Any minute. You nervous?” I ask her and she shakes her head. “Well, my mom—”
Magnolia cuts me off with a slow, soft kiss. “I love you,” she says after she pulls back. Shock lights her eyes and she’s quick to turn away, tucking a loose lock of her hair behind her ear. “And I’m excited to meet your mama.”
She’s tense and the heat between us intensifies. A smirk slowly grows on my face even though my heart’s racing like it’s trying to run away from me. She said she loves me. Her cheeks get redder with each passing second as I stand there and stare at her.
“I’m excited for you to meet her too,” I say to put her out of her misery and she barely peeks up at me, placing the stems in the vase.
Taking a few steps forward, I close the distance between us, wrapping my arms around her waist and bring her back to my chest. With my lips at the shell of her ear, I whisper, “And I love you too.”
Her lips find mine in an instant as she turns in my embrace to face me. With her moan, our kiss deepens and everything is perfect. Until it isn’t.
A knock at the front door breaks up our kiss, and I find myself cursing and biting down on my lip as Magnolia wriggles out from under me to head for the door. She opens it with a wide, welcoming smile on her face. My mom’s already got a matching one on hers. “Hi,” my mom cries, pulling Magnolia in for a big hug. “Hi. You must be Magnolia. Is it time to meet my grandbaby?”
Nerves prick their way down my neck. “How about you walk in and take your coat off first, Mom?” She’s a bit much, her own nerves shot too. I don’t think there was a way to avoid that, though.
“Sorry, right,” my mother comments and walks in, complimenting Magnolia’s place.
I told her I loved her. I told her I had no idea about Bridget. But I told her I loved her too. I’m sure Magnolia can tell my mother’s been crying. Her eyes are red still.
I want to tell her they’re happy tears, but I imagine it was a mix of emotions. It’s not every day you find out you had a grandbaby and that you missed the first few years of her life.
“Do you want to,” Magnolia says, then gestures to the sofa and we all take a seat. With a tight smile, Magnolia tells my mother, “She’s just napping.”
“Does she know?” my mom asks and looks between the two of us. “That I’m her grandmom and Brody is her father?” I’
m caught off guard by the bluntness of her question, but Magnolia doesn’t miss a beat.
“We can tell her when she wakes up,” Magnolia says and then looks over her shoulder to me. “If you want?”
Again my heart races and I nod. “Yeah, let’s tell her.”
“She doesn’t sleep for long,” Magnolia comments. “I’m sure she’ll be out soon.”
I start to think it’s going to be awkward and regret the decision to tell my mother, but then Magnolia tells her, “You don’t know how much I wished I’d gotten your son’s number four years ago.”
Her voice is tight with emotion and she does that thing where her fingers twine at the ends of her hair. I’m quick to reach out to her, taking her hand in mine.
My mother leans back to look Magnolia over. Pride fills her eyes, and a kind of awe. I know that feeling. It’s how I feel when I look at Magnolia. “You raised her on your own?”
“Oh, no.” Magnolia shakes her head. She won’t deny her history. Everything that has to do with Bridget is special and irrefutable. Even I can see that. “I had help.”
Mom glances at me. “It’s not the same as having a partner,” she says.
Magnolia’s eyes glisten. “No,” she whispers. “It’s not.”
“Oh, come here.” My mom brings her in for another big, long hug. “You did a fantastic job, honey. I’m so honored to meet you.”
My mother’s a lot to handle, but it turns out Magnolia is damn good at handling it all.
Bridget and my mom hit it off. Each of them were happy to have each other. I’m not sure how much Bridget really understands, but she’s happy. That’s what matters.
Time flies by far too quickly and all too soon, it’s both Bridget’s bedtime and my mother has to leave for the airport. She contemplated staying longer, but thank God she decides not to cancel her flight. I love my mom, but I want a little time alone to adjust to all of this.
“I’m sorry it went by so fast,” Magnolia says as the taxi pulls up.
Autumn Night Whiskey (Tequila Rose Book 2) Page 16
