Family Affairs

by Jen Calonita

  A TV writer.

  MAX IS A TV WRITER!

  I gasp. “Oh my God! Max must have had something to do with that script!” I blurt out. I think I might faint. Or throw up. I’m not sure which would be more inconvenient.

  “You think?” Sky mocks me. She grabs our shoes and throws me my boots. “Quick. Let’s follow them.”

  Sixteen: You Can Run,but You Can’t Hide

  “Could you slow down?” I beg. Sky is moving swiftly down the hallway, peeking in doorways and opening doors in her frantic search for Alexis and Max. “They’re not here. They’re probably in Alexis’s dressing room or the writers’ room.”

  “Let’s go there then,” Sky begs. “If we can catch them talking about being the script bandit, then we can tell Tom. We could be rid of Alexis and save our jobs by noon.”

  It’s a tempting idea. I look down at my Coach watch and frown. It’s 9:10. “Sky, we’ve got to be in Tom’s office in twenty minutes,” I remind her. “We’ll never make it to Alexis’s dressing room and back in time and we can’t be late for this meeting.”

  “If we don’t find Alexis and get some dirt then there’s no point in even going to the meeting,” Sky counters. “Tom adores Alexis! The network loves her! She’s got a much smaller salary than we do. Who do you think they’re going to choose? Her.”

  “If you really believe that, then why are you even showing up at work?” I argue. “Why did you agree to team up with me to take down Alexis? Why are you meeting with Tom?”

  “Because. I didn’t say that’s what I want to happen, I said that’s what I think will happen.” Sky is still on the move. We pass empty writers’ offices and an abandoned wardrobe room. Everyone must be on set setting up for the first scene.

  “Sky, Tom said he had a half hour for us.” I grab her arm and pull her in the direction of Tom’s office. “Don’t you think it’s more important that we see him first and then find Alexis? How will it look to Tom if we’re late?” I drag her down the corridor.

  “Let go!” Sky complains. “Get your man hands off me!” I don’t budge. “Geez. You have some grip.”

  “Stop yelling,” I say, turning around to yell at her. OOOF! I’m not looking where I’m going and I bang into someone. It’s my brother.

  “Matty, what are you doing down here?” I demand. Matt and I had a huge fight after I walked off set with Sky a few weeks ago. When I finally made it home after karaoke and the publicist powwow, Matt was waiting. He started yelling at me about not answering my cell, leaving him on set without telling him what was going on, and then he said I was jeopardizing both our jobs by being so unprofessional. Yowza. So then I started yelling about how he was still hanging around Alexis after he said he wasn’t going to. I told him he had clearly chosen her over his own sister, which was a shame because it was clear that Alexis was totally using him. It was a pretty ugly spat and I’ve felt awful about what I said but have had too much pride to say I’m sorry — he could apologize too, you know. Now we’re kind of not speaking. The most we’ve said to each other is “Pass the rosemary and garlic potatoes” during our chef-prepared dinners (Mom can’t even make Jell-O).

  “I, uh, had an appointment,” Matt says cryptically. He shifts in his red-and-black customized Nike IDs. His honey-colored hair looks like it hasn’t been combed in days and his long-sleeved Gap logo tee and cargo pants are wrinkled, which is weird because Matt has everything ironed for him. Even his underwear.

  “What kind of appointment?” Sky demands, wriggling free from my grasp. “Were you just with your girlfriend? Did she come this way?”

  “She’s not my girlfriend,” Matt says stiffly.

  “Whatev.” Sky shrugs. “Have you seen her this morning?”

  “No,” Matt says. He glances at me out of the corner of his eye. I don’t say anything.

  Sky studies Matty closely. “Has she ever said anything about the script bandit?” Sky asks. “Did she mention Max? Or revenge or anything? You must know something! You’re her lackey!”

  “Sky, lay off,” I demand. I can’t stand watching Matty squirm even if I am mad at him. He may like Alexis, but he’d never withhold info about the script bandit from me. “He doesn’t know anything.”

  Matt looks like he wants to say something, but he doesn’t. “I have to get to wardrobe,” he says and then he walks away without saying goodbye. Hmph. A simple “thank you” would have sufficed!

  Sky takes off, in the opposite direction of Tom’s office again, and practically knocks down Matt as she whizzes past him.

  “Wait!” I scream as I run after her. “SKY! Don’t do this! We’ve got a meeting! What am I supposed to say to Tom about where you are?”

  I’m out of breath and wheezing by the time I catch Sky. She’s made it all the way to Alexis’s dressing room. Seriously, who knew Sky was so fast? I’ve never seen her run a day in her life, unless it was after a reporter. Or Orlando Bloom on the red carpet.

  “I can’t believe you!” I reprimand, but Sky shushes me. She points at Alexis’s door. I can hear mumbling and it sounds heated. Yep, that’s definitely Alexis and Max in there.

  “I can read lips. Always did the trick for spying on you,” Sky says as the muffled voices grow louder. “Let me try to find out what they’re saying.” She peeks through the door’s small window above my head.

  “Be careful,” I remind her.

  “You should see this.” Sky is standing on her tippy toes. “Alexis is sobbing about how sorry she is. You should see her face, K. Mascara running everywhere. She looks awful.” Sky laughs wickedly.

  “Are they saying anything important?” I need Sky to focus. We don’t have much time. It’s 9:22.

  Sky squints hard. “It’s hard for me to understand with all her whining. WAIT. WAIT. What did she just say? I think she said script!” Sky looks at me with eyes as wide as the Four Seasons’s teacups. “K, she’s crying about a script!”

  I feel nauseated. “Are you sure?”

  “Hey, girls!” someone interrupts. Sky and I whip around. Trevor is walking toward us. He has a cute new buzz cut and he’s wearing loose-fit jeans with a thermal tee over a long-sleeved white one. How did I miss him sneaking up on us?

  “Everything okay?” Trevor asks. “What are you guys doing here? Everyone’s on set. We’re getting ready for Tom. He has some sort of important meeting.” Sky and I can’t move. What if Alexis and Max hear him? What if Sky misses them talking about the important stuff ? I’m sweating. I can’t think of a single thing to say that could explain what we’re doing, and if we don’t get him out of here quick, we’re ruined.

  Trevor’s smile fades. “Do you guys hear someone crying?” he asks.

  “Nope,” we say in unison.

  “It sounds like it’s coming from Alexis’s room.” Trevor puts his hand on the doorknob and peeks in the window. “Hey, why is Alexis kissing . . . ?”

  NOOOO! I begin to hyperventilate. I look at Sky. I feel like the moment is happening in slo-mo. Sky throws herself at Trevor, knocking him backward across the hall, and pas-sionately kisses him on the lips. He looks as surprised as I am, but then he starts enjoying it. I don’t know what to do.

  “Listen, I’ve been meaning to talk to you,” Sky murmurs in Trevor’s ear. “I’m just finishing something up with K, but can you meet me in my dressing room at one for lunch?” Trevor says something incoherent. He must still be in shock. “Great.” Sky turns him around and sends him away. “See you then!”

  I look at her sternly and try raising my right eyebrow like Mom does.

  “What?” Sky shrugs. “He looked hot. Man, I forgot what a good kisser Trevor is. And those arms . . .” She sighs.

  “What about Cody?” I ask.

  “I’m keeping my options open.” She winks and then takes her place back at the small window again. It’s so quiet in the hallway you can hear the central air unit whizzing. “Okay, so Alexis is still groveling. She’s definitely talking about the script,” Sky reports. “She’s
crying. Blah, blah, blah. Wait. She’s apologizing now and saying no one has to know. Max is yelling back that he’s going to get fired because of her. I don’t understand what he’s saying. “This is all part of some big use.” That doesn’t make sense. A muse?”

  “A ruse?” I suggest.

  Sky looks at me. “What’s a ruse?”

  “Just keep reading lips,” I tell her. Sky could seriously benefit from some SAT prep work herself.

  “Alexis was his muse and she took advantage of that,” Sky repeats. “She made him do it. Do what? Lay it on the table, Max! Come on!”

  Sky gasps.

  “What?” I hiss.

  “We’ve got them, K,” Sky says, sounding hoarse.

  “What? What did they say?” I can feel my heart beating out of my chest in anticipation. “Tell me!”

  “Alexis just said, ‘But you wrote the script! You can’t pin this on me!’” Sky relays. “And now Alexis is crying again.”

  A wave of nausea comes over me as I realize our suspicions about Alexis were dead-on the whole time. Alexis isn’t just a major heap of cow dung. She’s a scheming, vindictive piece of cow dung.

  Okay, a person can’t be cow dung, so that doesn’t really make sense, but I’m angry! I want her to pay. “I knew she hated us, but I never thought she’d do anything as stupid as this,” I say. “It’s career suicide! But Max . . . what have we ever done to Max?”

  “Shhh,” Sky hushes, still listening intently. “Max is saying something. ‘I wanted to write you the FA ending you would have wanted. I told you this was for our eyes only. You swore you wouldn’t show anyone. And this is how you repay me? Distributing copies to the whole cast and crew? Trying to get the show filmed behind Tom’s back? What were you thinking? You’ve successfully destroyed any chance either of us have of keeping our careers!’”

  “Oh my God.” The story begins to make sense. “Alexis thought that by charming the writers she could get better material, so she came on to Max to try to get him to help her.”

  “The girl is brilliant,” Sky says. “I only wish I had thought of that move when you were driving me up a wall.”

  “Thanks,” I say drily.

  Sky turns back to the window and gasps again. “What a . . . K, get this. Alexis just told Max, ‘If you think I’m taking the fall for this, you’re mistaken. You wrote the script be-cause you’re obsessed with me. I’ll tell Tom I had nothing to do with it. Who do you think he’ll believe?’ Max looks furious. He said, ‘You wouldn’t! How could you do that to me?’” Sky turns around. “We have to tell Tom.”

  I look at my watch. “Sky, it’s 9:55! We’ve missed most of our meeting and we only have five minutes left!”

  We take off running. All I’ve done today is run. I must be burning off a ton of calories. I could probably eat another brownie.

  We run past Tom’s assistant outside his office. “WAIT!” She hollers, but we don’t stop. We keep going and bust through Tom’s office door without knocking.

  “Tom! Tom!” We’re both talking at once, completely out of breath. “Tom, you have to give us five minutes!”

  I finally look around and realize Tom isn’t alone. Melli is sitting on his dark brown leather couch, dabbing her eyes with a tissue. Wait? What’s happened now?

  “You two are late.” His voice is gravelly. “Where have you been?”

  We start talking over each other, tripping over the words, trying to get out what we heard and saw. And Tom actually listens. Every few minutes he looks wordlessly over at Melli.

  “Girls,” Tom says in a warning tone I recognize from set. He usually uses that tone when we’re fighting with each other.

  “We can prove it!” Sky blurts out. “Call them down here! We’ll interrogate them ourselves. Please, Tom, you have to believe us.”

  “Sky, calm down,” Tom says evenly. “I believe you. I already know.”

  “You do? But how?” I want to know.

  Tom looks at Melli then back at us. “Your brother came and told me on Friday,” Tom says.

  I nearly fall over.

  “WHAT?” Sky shrieks.

  “Matty knew? Why didn’t he tell me?” I ask.

  “That’s why I wanted to speak to both of you this morning,” Tom says. “I wanted to tell you what happened and apologize for my behavior during all of this. I should have seen what was going on with Alexis. Instead, I was so busy being wowed by our new ratings and the network’s praises that I forgot about the two young ladies who have been my stars all along.” He smiles. “When all those stories started coming out about someone being fired, I should have assured you that you two weren’t going to be let go. The network wanted someone to take the fall for all the bad press and what happened in Vegas, but I never for one moment thought of getting rid of either of you.”

  “Thank you, Tom,” I say. It feels good to hear our boss say that. “But I still don’t understand how Matty knew about Alexis.”

  “Alexis slipped up in front of Matt after you two stormed off the set,” Tom explains. “She apparently tried to pay Matt to keep quiet and when that didn’t work, she even told him she’d date him for a few weeks to up his profile. He told her he’d think about it. Last Friday he came to me and told me what happened. He was really torn up about the whole thing and afraid to make matters worse for you and Sky. He thought Alexis would deny the whole story anyway and I would believe her over him. But I know the Burkes — they don’t lie. Matty’s story added up.” Tom smiles at me gratefully. “I’m sorry we kept you in the dark for a few days, but I begged Matt not to tell you, Kaitlin, till I spoke to our lawyers. I am so proud of Matt for coming forward. I don’t have to tell you that Matty has a thing for Alexis and it took a lot for him to confess. But he said he cared more about you, Kaitlin, and you being fired.”

  So Matty defended me and I’ve been ignoring him.

  He’s never going to let me live this down.

  “Since we don’t need any more bad press around this place, the network is going to say publicly that the script bandit has still not been found. Alexis will be let go, per her storyline, and Max will be fired due to budget cuts,” Tom says.

  “So that’s it, then. Alexis is out of here,” Sky says with glee.

  It’s over. My job is safe! I’ve got my work family back! Alexis is leaving! I feel like celebrating. Maybe I will have that big birthday party after all. The past few months of hell are finally over! Wait till I tell Austin and Liz, Rodney and Nadine, and . . .

  “Sit down, girls, there’s more,” Melli says, and judging by the look on her face, whatever it is, isn’t good. “Tom, tell them.”

  A lump forms in my throat and my voice is shaky. “Tell us what?” I ask. Suddenly I’m very afraid.

  Melli takes our hands in hers and clasps them tightly. “I’ve been thinking about this day for a very long time, girls, and it’s finally here. I’m leaving the show,” she says hoarsely. Tom takes a seat next to Melli and puts his arm around her shoulder. Sky and I sit down. I think my knees might buckle.

  “When the show started I was in my twenties,” Melli explains. “I figured a nighttime soap about a dysfunctional family would last five years at the most.” She laughs. “But it didn’t, and I got older, got married, got divorced, had babies, remarried, and I was still here.” She takes a breath. “This place has been wonderful, but it isn’t how I expected to spend almost two decades of my life.”

  “I thought you loved this show,” Sky says.

  “I do,” Melli assures us. “Even when the tabloids were writing about my failed first marriage or when they were complaining about set squabbles, this place has always been home.” She hesitates. “But maybe it’s time for a new home. After what I’ve seen go on here this year . . .” She shakes her head. “Well, I just think it’s time. There’s so much more I want to do with my career.”

  “You can’t leave us,” Sky says with a quiver of her pointy chin. Melli’s eyes fill with tears again. I see Tom’s eyes be
gin to tear up too. Sky sobs and I begin to hiccup.

  I can’t imagine this place without Melli. I don’t know if I can handle it. Melli is my work mom. She’s the backbone of this show. What will FA be like without her?

  “There’s more,” Tom says delicately. “Actually, girls, we’re both leaving.”

  “WHAT?” Sky and I shriek.

  “Melli and I have been together since the beginning and we had a pact that when one of us was done with the show, we would leave together,” Tom says. “I love you all, but I can’t do this show without her. Melli told me at the beginning of the season that this might be her last one and we’ve been talking about it for months. This thing with Alexis and the script has only driven the point home further. It’s time to move on. This season will be Family Affair’s last.”

  Sky lets out an audible sob, but I’m in shock. Family Affair going off the air? It can’t be! This show is my home. What am I going to do? Where am I going to live?

  Oh wait. I do have a home. But still . . . this is my other home!

  “Fifteen seasons is an unbelievable run, you know,” Tom is saying. “The network would like FA to go out in style and we’ve given them enough notice to do that. We have the whole second half of the season to wrap up loose ends and give the fans closure.”

  Sky is inconsolable. She’s sobbing so hard that she can barely breathe. Tom gets her a glass of water. I, on the other hand, am suddenly a dam. I just can’t deal with the finality of it all. This has got to be a bad dream. FA can’t be over!

  “Girls, I know this is hard,” Melli says, “but you’re both young and extremely talented. As soon as this is announced, the offers will start pouring in.”

  “My life is over,” Sky says. “I’ll never get another TV show like this one. Never!”

  “I can’t imagine working on another show,” I agree. “Nothing will ever compare to the experience I’ve had on this one.”

  “The network would kill to work with you two again, despite everything,” Tom tells us. “They told me personally. You’ll probably get a call from them next week asking to take a meeting about creating your own series or about shooting a pilot.”