The voice whispered again, louder and more commanding. Come inside.
“What for?” Shane slammed his fist on the steering wheel. “Seek and ye shall find? Ask and it shall be given to you? How do you explain a busted knee instead of a career?”
That internal voice whispered again. Knock and the door will open.
“Not the door I want.”
The shepherd in the window stared back at him, frozen and silent, as if waiting for an answer.
Shane had heard enough, both for today and a lifetime. He rammed the Tahoe into reverse, made a tight turn, and sped out of the parking lot. He was done listening to imaginary voices, done being taunted by God. The only voice he wanted to hear was MJ’s. Did he love her? Maybe. Probably . . . The thought stopped him cold.
She was a Christian. He wasn’t.
She went to church. He didn’t.
She trusted God. Shane trusted only himself.
Their differences didn’t matter in a “for now” kind of relationship—the kind he had wanted two months ago. But a “forever” relationship needed a solid foundation, one without cracks that would turn into chasms even deeper than the one that had swallowed his career—chasms that could swallow a woman and boy alive.
No way would Shane let that happen. But what kind of foundation did he build? Salmon lived by instinct. Human beings made moral choices, conscious decisions, and sometimes great sacrifices. How did he weigh everyone’s desires and needs, including his own?
He inhaled deeply. Once. Twice. Finally his pulse slowed. By the time he pulled into MJ’s driveway, his mood had returned to euphoria over Ray Blaine’s call. Life was good again, but whatever happened with MJ, he had to take things one step at a time. He respected her and Cody too much to do anything else.
Who would knock on her door at three in the afternoon? MJ hadn’t ordered anything online, and the lawn care sales reps had given up on getting her business a month ago. Cody was next door with Brandon, so it wasn’t his friend. Curious and wary, she opened the front door to a cloud of pink roses sticking up from a clear glass vase.
A delivery guy met her shocked stare with a grin. “MJ Townsend?”
“That’s me.”
“These are for you.”
He wedged the chilled glass against her palms, gave her a pretend salute, and left with the jaunty step of a man who enjoyed his job.
Eyeing the envelope poking from the center, she carried the flowers to the kitchen, set them on the table, and opened the card.
Six days down. 24 to go. D is for Dinner—Shane
Some of the roses were in full bloom. Others were relaxed and on the verge of opening, while a few of the buds were as tight as fists but alive with promise. Any minute Shane would be home from school. How did she show her appreciation? As long as F stood for friendship, a simple but sincere thank-you was fitting. But a kiss would be more honest. Sighing, she stroked a velvety petal, then sniffed the half-open flower.
A knock sounded on the back door. Shane didn’t wait for her to open it, or even nod. He strode straight to her, a grin stretched wide across his handsome face.
He looked like he wanted to hug her, but he noticed the flowers and stopped short. “Good. They’re here.”
“And they’re gorgeous.” Her cheeks warmed to a pink that probably matched the petals. “Thank you, Shane. They’re my favorite color—and a complete surprise.”
“I have another one.”
“Really?”
An even wider smile beamed from his face. “A Cougars vice president just called. I’m trying out in three weeks.”
Squealing, MJ threw herself into his arms and hugged him as hard as she could. She didn’t want to let go, and apparently neither did he. The hug lasted long past the first burst of excitement, stretched to joy, and morphed into hope.
Shane broke the embrace but held on to her hands. “You know that date you promised me?”
“In a month.”
“What are you doing November 10?”
Her appointment with Dr. Hong was that week, but she didn’t want to tell him just yet. “I don’t know.”
“How about a trip to L.A.?”
“What?”
“The Cougars are sending a private jet. I’ll have a suite at the Crowne Drake, or two rooms if you’d rather. Either way, you’re invited.”
“Oh, Shane!”
Her thoughts flew in a dozen directions—some personal, others pragmatic. God, it seemed, had met her need for airfare in an astounding way. A flight to L.A. on a private jet! Never in her wildest dreams had she imagined that answer to her prayer.
She stared into Shane’s eyes, her heart brimming and her pulse rushing with every good feeling a woman could have for a man. But with that tug and pull came a surge of fear. She knew his invitation to L.A. came without strings—he didn’t expect her to sleep with him. But what would he say about the virus when she finally told him? When did they have that conversation? And if the test came back clear, what choice would MJ make about sex and her own body?
The answer to the last question was surprisingly easy. No matter how wonderfully Shane kissed, or how deeply she cared for him, she wouldn’t make love outside of marriage ever again. She wanted to honor God. And being purely pragmatic, she knew the consequences of sex, protected or not.
Serious now, she matched his gaze. “I’d love to go. But instead of the hotel, I’d like to stay with a friend.”
“Whatever you’d like.”
“I just want to be clear—”
“So do I.” He clasped both her hands, warming her fingers as he lightly stroked them with his thumbs. “This is a first date. All I’m asking for is one dinner together. After that, we’ll take it a step at a time.”
Sweet longings rippled through her, tempting her to waver, but anxiety surged in its wake. In Los Angeles they’d be alone. The Crowne Drake was legendary for beds with duvets like the one on her own mattress. For six years MJ had denied her sexuality. She had stayed a teenager, dreaming about movie stars from a safe distance, never venturing from fantasy to the reality of a man’s touch.
Until Shane, she had forgotten what temptation looked like, how it smelled or tasted, the way it pushed and pulled like a rubber band, or a beating heart. In Los Angeles they would be alone and accountable to no one but themselves—and God.
Shane gave her hands a squeeze, then let go. “Will your mom watch Cody?”
“I have to check, but I’m sure she’ll say yes.” MJ had already invited her mom to lunch to talk about the trip and the attic letters. “I’d like to visit a couple of friends while we’re there.” She counted Dr. Hong as a friend. “Do you remember when I mentioned Lyn?”
“She runs the thrift shop.”
“That’s who I’ll stay with. I’ll introduce you in person so you can ask her about Daisy.”
The sparkle in his eyes dimmed, and his neck bent as if he were expecting the sharp blade of a guillotine. When he looked up, his eyes were bleak. “Thanks. I’d appreciate it.”
“Then it’s settled.” She wanted to kiss Shane for the joy of it, but she settled for a smile. “We need to celebrate the tryout. Would you like to stay for dinner?”
The smile returned to his eyes. “I’d like that.”
While she made chicken stir-fry, they chatted about Los Angeles and their favorite places. They both missed In-N-Out Burger, the ocean, and the air of casual excitement that gave the diverse city its personality.
When Cody came home from Brandon’s house, he and Shane set the table. The three of them ate like a family, then Shane shooed her out of the kitchen. “Go and relax. Cody and I will handle the dishes.”
Feeling blessed, she went to the den, curled on the couch, and listened to the male banter. She asked God to bless them both in the best possible way. For herself, she prayed for patience.
But even as she prayed, she knew her heart had run ahead of her common sense. Shaking inside, she admitted a frightening truth. She h
ad fallen in love with Shane Riley, and not because he had come to her rescue yet again. They were cut from the same ragged cloth. He understood her, respected her, somehow dared her to trust when she was afraid. She hoped she inspired him in the same way.
Laughter echoed out of the kitchen. The faucet went silent, then Cody scampered down the hall, giggling and shrieking about a soap monster. Shane came up behind him and tickled his sides. Her son’s laughter filled the air, and she laughed with him.
When her eyes met Shane’s, the alphabet game took on a life of its own and became a prayer.
H for healing.
P for purity.
V for victory.
Tomorrow she’d go through her closet and decide what to pack for that date in Los Angeles. In faith, she’d bring her little black dress and highest heels. If she received a good report from Dr. Hong, she’d celebrate by kissing Shane until his toes curled. First, though, she had to get her test results. Until then, M stood for Maybe.
Chapter 18
Olivia parked her two-year-old Volvo in front of the Campfire Café. Melissa’s car was across the street, an eyesore and an embarrassment to say the least. Frowning, both at the car and herself for being eight minutes late, she hurried into the café.
Melissa stood at the counter, waiting. They exchanged a predictably awkward hug, ordered salads and lattes, and commiserated about the cold weather. Trays in hand, they made their way to a booth near the one Melissa had shared with Shane Riley.
Olivia still worried about that cozy picture, but she put her concern aside as she shook out a napkin. Today she had high hopes for a full reconciliation with her daughter. She and Melissa hadn’t argued even once since the muddy truck incident, and Cody loved his Saturday visits. When he called her Grammie, Olivia melted into a puddle of love that spilled on to everyone around her, especially her daughter.
Surely Melissa’s lunch invitation signaled she was going to say yes to moving back home.
Olivia could hardly stand the suspense, so she did what she did best. She took charge. “So, tell me. What’s new?”
“Not much, but Cody’s doing great in school.”
Melissa told her all about Cody’s good grades and how much he liked Mrs. Odenmeyer. Olivia asked a dozen questions and hugged every answer to her heart. The elementary school wasn’t close to her condo, but she could easily arrange for Cody to continue there when Melissa moved back home. “I’m so glad things are going well for him.”
“Me too. But I need a favor.”
A favor? Not the direction Olivia expected, but she smiled anyway. “Sure. What is it?”
“I have to go to Los Angeles. Could you watch Cody the week of November 10?”
“Oh . . . I see.” She didn’t mean to sound critical, but disappointment sharpened her words.
Melissa’s brows pulled together. “I don’t want to impose. If you can’t do it, I’ll ask Tracee.”
“No! I’m glad to watch him. I just thought—never mind.”
She lifted her fork, but Melissa left hers on the table.
Determined to avoid a quarrel, Olivia made her voice kindergarten-bright. “I’d love to watch Cody. I was just surprised. I thought perhaps you’d decided to move back home, and we were going to start making plans.”
“Mom, I’m sorry—”
“It’s all right.”
“You’ve been so patient. I didn’t mean to mislead you.” Melissa bit her lip the same way she did on her first day of kindergarten. “It’s a big decision.”
“Yes. It is.”
“I have to be sure.”
“Of course.” Olivia meant it. She was disappointed by Melissa’s doubts but proud of her for wanting to be wise. “I said to take your time and I meant it. But tell me, why are you going to Los Angeles?”
“I have a doctor’s appointment.”
“But that’s so far.” Olivia’s brows crashed together. No one traveled a thousand miles to see a doctor unless something was terribly wrong. Cancer. A heart condition. Dear God, no. She’s my daughter. I know I’ve ignored you, but not this. She scrutinized her little girl’s face for signs of fever, illness, any clue at all. She saw nothing and worried even more. “Sweetheart, are you all right?”
“I’m fine. It’s pretty much routine.”
Pretty much? Olivia wanted facts, not vague reassurances. She stared at Melissa until the girl stopped cutting the salad and looked up. When their gazes locked, Olivia lowered her chin. “Something’s going on.”
Melissa stabbed a cucumber. “My doctor in L.A. knows me. I want to stick with her.”
“What kind of doctor?”
The girl hesitated. “A gynecologist.”
“A gyne— Oh, Melissa. No.”
“What?”
“You’re pregnant, aren’t you?”
“No!” She set down the fork with an angry clatter. “Can’t you trust me even a little?”
Olivia felt perfectly justified in her logic. Melissa had been vague, even secretive, in her reply. She also lived fifty feet from Shane Riley. Olivia wasn’t blind, nor was she deaf to the gossip around school. The handsome athlete was the talk of the mostly female English department, and he wasn’t dating anyone.
In Olivia’s experience, nature had a way of asserting itself. “You can see why I’d wonder.”
“I guess,” Melissa admitted. “But just so you know, I haven’t been with anyone except Cody’s father. That was just once. Trust me, Mom. I learned my lesson.”
“Oh, honey—”
“Let’s drop it.” Melissa reached for the latte, took a long sip, then resumed eating the salad without saying another word.
The quarrel left them on a road full of emotional ruts waiting to trip them yet again. Olivia didn’t want to stumble. She wanted her daughter back, but she didn’t know how to act. Like a blind person poking with a cane, she searched for the next step. “Honey, I’m worried about you.”
Melissa raised her gaze, her expression soft again. “I know. And I love you for it.”
“I love you, too.” Olivia longed to squeeze her daughter tight, but the table stopped her.
Melissa bit her lip again. “Please don’t worry, but you’re right about the visit. It isn’t routine. Three months ago I had an abnormal pap.”
“How abnormal?”
“ASCUS.”
“That’s not so bad.” Olivia had received an ASCUS result herself. Aging changes, the doctor said. Menopause. Normal or not, Olivia hated it. “Most of the time it’s nothing.”
“But not always.”
“I still don’t see the need to travel. Dr. Edwards can request your records.”
“Mom—”
“He’s an excellent doctor. I’ve seen him for years.” Olivia retrieved her phone from her purse. “I have his number right here.”
“Mom, I said no.”
Determined, Olivia scrolled through her address book. “There’s no need to go all the way to Los Angeles. Airfare is outrageous, and you certainly can’t drive a thousand miles in that car of yours.”
“I’m not driving.”
Olivia lowered the phone. “Then how—”
Her daughter looked her straight in the eye. “I’m flying with Shane Riley on a private jet.”
“You’re what?”
“I’m going to Los Angeles with Shane as a friend. And we’re flying on a private plane, because he has a tryout with the Cougars.”
Olivia’s phone plummeted to her lap. She tried to speak, but nothing came out except a dull-witted “Uh . . .” She tried again and stammered. Olivia never stammered. But she couldn’t find her tongue for the life of her.
A faint smile lifted Melissa’s lips. “I feel the same way.”
“I’m . . . stunned.”
“It’s amazing, isn’t it? I was checking flights when Shane invited me to fly with him to L.A. The timing was perfect, so I said yes. I’ll stay with my friend Lyn.”
Olivia stated the obvious. “You tw
o are dating.”
“Not yet.” Melissa paused. “But Mom? I like him. A lot. He’s great with Cody. He’s thoughtful and funny and just . . . good. We laugh at the same things. He understands me in a way no one ever has.”
“Oh, Melissa.” Olivia pushed her salad aside.
“What is it?”
“Men are . . . It’s just . . . I can’t . . .” More stammering. Olivia hated being unprepared. And worse, confused. And maybe wrong. As badly as she wanted to find fault with Shane, she couldn’t. His colleagues liked him, and his students respected him. The best character reference came from Cody, who adored him.
Olivia had to admit she liked him too. He was a younger version of Richard Connor, the one man she had loved since the divorce. She had met Rick three years ago when he joined the counseling staff. They’d been colleagues first, then friends. A widower with a passion for motorcycles, he dared her to test the limits of life, love, and her own courage.
Whirlwind memories spun through her mind. The motorcycle ride to Yellowstone, that first kiss, the words that followed.
“I love you, Livy.”
“You can’t love me! I’m seven years older than you.”
“So what?”
That night they made love, a first for Olivia in twenty years, and she felt as if she were seventeen again. With Rick’s encouragement, she didn’t think past the moment, but in a few months her nerves were frayed. Her Christian faith was almost nonexistent then, but she had felt a vague unease about sex outside of marriage, especially with a man so different from herself. Rick drove too fast and dreamed of African safaris. She had no interest in seeing lions except at the zoo. When he asked her to marry him, she said no. Shortly after the break-up, he moved to Alaska. Sometimes late at night, she imagined calling him.
She still hurt because of that break-up, and she longed to protect her daughter now. “I just want you and Cody to be happy.”
“I understand, Mom. I do. It’s not easy being a parent.”
“Definitely not.” Olivia could hardly breathe. “I remember when you were little. I felt terrible that your father left. But we were still a family, weren’t we?”
When He Found Me (Road to Refuge Book 1) Page 18
