by Elena Aitken
Kira laughed and looked to her brother, who, judging by the humor reflected in his face, had heard Sasha loud and clear.
They waited until she went back inside and Kira grabbed her brother’s hand. “Come on. I want to talk to you, but we should probably get away from this.”
Kade nodded. “No other shifters around here?”
Nash’s face flashed in her mind, but she squeezed her eyes. “No.” She lied to her brother. “Just me.”
They each took an ATV and Kira drove them out past the campsites, to where the river curved. It wasn’t totally secluded but it was far enough away from people that they could talk. And man, did they have a lot to talk about.
Kira had to bite back the growing guilt she had for lying about Nash. No doubt Kade would be able to sense the shift in her, just as she had with him. A topic she was definitely going to get back to just as soon as she could. But for him. Not her. She couldn’t explain it, but she didn’t want to tell her brother about Nash. Not yet. She needed to feel things out first, see where he stood on everything. Mainly, accepting her back into the clan.
Was that even possible?
Would her family welcome her back?
Could she go back?
For too long, Kira had erased the hope that she would ever be able to go home. It seemed like such an unattainable goal. How could she ever go home if they didn’t want her? But now, he was here. Why now?
“Why now?” Kira fired off the question the second she’d shut off the ATV and before Kade had even swung his leg over to stand. “Why are you here? Why now?” she asked again. Kira hated that she could feel the tears building in her eyes. She didn’t want to cry. Not now. Not in front of Kade. She shook her head and looked away, forcing herself to calm down as emotions rolled through her.
“Kira.”
She could feel him. Sense him, right behind her. “I don’t know what to say.”
Kira spun around. “Tell me why.” Anger she didn’t know she was holding onto flew out of her. “Tell me how you could have turned your back on me like I was gone forever.”
“You were.” His anger matched hers. “You chose him.” Kade’s words were like a dagger through her heart. It was too easy to remember the pain of that day as her brothers walked away. “Do you have any idea how it tore me up inside to stand by and do nothing while you made that mistake? It killed me, Kira. It shredded me.” His handsome face twisted; his eyes darkened as he recalled the day. “And yes, I walked away,” he continued. “Because it was what you wanted. I would have done anything for you. I still would,” he added more softly. “You’re my sister. My twin sister. That means everything. And I know now that I did the right thing because I can see your happiness. I can feel it.”
Guilt flooded through her. She was happy. But not for the reasons Kade thought. She had to tell him the truth. “I am happy.” She looked down at her feet and kicked a rock. “But I’m not with Ryan anymore.”
“What? But he’s your mate, Kira. Your fated mate and I know how that—”
“He’s not.” She looked up, ashamed to look her brother in the eyes, but she forced herself. “He fooled me. It wasn’t real.”
“But it…you said…”
“I know what I said.” For the second time, she had to blink back tears. Damn. It was easier to be mad. “But I was wrong. It wasn’t real. None of it. He used me to further some sort of stupid family vendetta against Grandpa that apparently was only important to him. It was all so stupid and—”
Kade gripped her upper arms and shook her. “Why didn’t you come home? Why did you stay away?”
She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t hold back the tears any more. She didn’t look away as the tears spilled over her cheeks. “You didn’t want me, Kade. I wanted to. But only if you all wanted me back.”
“Of course we wanted you back! When you left, you took a piece of me, Kira. You must feel that, too.”
She nodded. Of course she felt it. She’d felt it every damn day for far too long. “I tried to reach out to you, Kade.” She sniffed and tried desperately to make herself stop crying. “Every night, I’d run in the forest and reach out. But you weren’t there.” A sob escaped her throat as she remembered those early days of loneliness and desperation. “But you weren’t there, Kade. It was unlike anything I’d ever experienced before. It was like instead of you, there was a big black hole. It was so…empty.”
“Kira, I—”
“No.” She shook her head. She needed to get it all out. “I tried and tried, Kade. Every night for months. But you were never there. It was like you were gone. Totally and completely gone. I was alone.”
He dropped his hands from her arms and looked to the ground. After a moment, Kade looked up again, his own eyes shining with tears. “I’m sorry, Kira. I’m so sorry.”
“Why didn’t you want me?”
“It’s not that I didn’t. It was the exact opposite. It hurt too much to miss you, and the one thing that had caused that pain was the same thing that had broken our family the first time. Mates. I couldn’t think straight and the only thing I could focus on was the fact that the very thing we were had destroyed us. I wanted no part of it.”
“Part of what? Being a bear?” Kira struggled to wrap her mind around what he was saying. “But that’s who you are. It’s part of you, Kade. You can’t get away from it.”
“I know that now. But it didn’t stop me from trying.” He chuckled and shook his head, but it wasn’t funny.
It was anything but funny. Had Kade tried to deny his bear? The same way she had? Maybe they’d been more connected than she’d thought. Only for males it was different. When she denied her bear, it just dulled her senses and instincts. The longer she went ignoring her true self, the farther away it became, which was why Nash had trouble identifying that she was even a shifter.
But when a male shifter denied his true self, it could eat him up. It could change a man. Maybe even drive him a little mad. It must have been torture for him. “But now…”
“Now I’m better.” Kade’s grin told her there was a lot more to do with him being better than he was saying, but she didn’t push. There’d be time to catch up on all the details later. At least she hoped there would. “It’s been a few months, Kira,” he continued. “But I’ve been looking for you. Searching. But when I reached out to you, I couldn’t—”
“I denied my bear, too.” She dropped her head, but he lifted it and forced her to look at him. There was humor in his eyes, but also sadness.
“It would be funny, if it wasn’t so sad, wouldn’t it?”
She nodded. They always had been more alike than they even realized.
“But…why? Why would you—”
“You know why.” She didn’t have to wait long for realization to fill Kade’s eyes.
“Because you couldn’t reach me.”
She nodded.
“And then I couldn’t reach you.” He shook his head and laughed for real. “Kira, we’re a fuckin’ mess.”
She joined in his laughter because there was nothing else to do and she definitely couldn’t disagree with him. “But you’re here now,” she said when she could find her words again. “What changed?”
“I found a mate.” His smile transformed him. She’d never before seen her brother look so…giddy. It was the most ridiculous word to apply to Kade, who was a six-foot-three, solid mass of mountain man muscle, but there was really no other way to explain the look in his eyes. He was positively gleeful. “I can’t wait for you to meet her, Kira. You’re going to love her. She’s….she’s absolutely everything. And she helped me realize that by denying my bear, I was denying every part of me that mattered. Including you.”
A completely unreasonable spark of jealousy flashed through her. As his twin sister, she should have been there to help him make that realization. It was her job.
But it wasn’t.
And it was her fault that he’d denied his true self in the first place. Besides that, if s
he could look past the jealousy, she could see the truth for what it was. Nash had done the very same thing for her.
“I’m so glad, Kade.” She squeezed him in a hug. “I can’t wait to meet this woman,” she said genuinely. “She must be pretty fantastic to lock down the first Jackson brother.”
Kade’s eyes clouded and he shook his head. “I keep forgetting.” Her joy was gone in a flash, twisting instead into a tight knot. “You don’t know.”
“What don’t I know?”
“We should go back,” Kade said. “Maybe have a cup of coffee and talk.”
“No.” She shook her head. “Talk to me, Kade.” Her hand latched around his arm, and she pulled. Kade was strong, but she could hold her own with her brother. Especially where her family was concerned. “What’s happened at home?”
Chapter Ten
Nash had been looking for Kira everywhere. When he’d let her slip off to work without pulling her back into his bed to ravish her one more time, he’d only been able to muster the self-control because he was sure he’d be able to have her only a few hours later. Because that’s all he could think about. Being with her. Feeling her skin on his. Her kiss on his lips. The sound of her voice.
He was addicted.
And he needed a fix. But he couldn’t find her anywhere.
He’d avoided asking Sasha or any of the others whether they knew where she was because he didn’t want to appear needy or possessive. But damn it, he was. He needed to possess her. In every way. The woman had completely gotten under his skin and he didn’t want her to leave. Ever.
But he did need to cool it, at least for the time being.
He glanced toward the parking space where Kira’s ATV was usually parked. It was still gone. As well as the spare one.
Settle down, Nash. She’s fine.
He’d assumed mating would have lessened the urgency in his veins to be with her, but it had only increased it. Of course, he could be feeling plain old-fashioned desire for his woman. He laughed at himself. That’s exactly what it was. He was just a man who wanted his woman. Nothing unusual there.
There was only one thing that could possibly take his mind off Kira, and fortunately for him, his brother chose that exact moment to call him. Any other day, and Nash would have avoided the call, but the distraction was desperately needed. He grabbed his cell phone off the front seat of the truck and headed out into the sunshine of the day before he picked up.
“Nolan,” he answered his brother. “I don’t suppose you’re calling to invite me for Fourth of July celebrations?”
“Depends. Have you sorted your shit out yet?”
Nash shook his head. How did he know the conversation was going to go that way?
“I’m sure you’d say that I haven’t, brother.” But as far as Nash was concerned, he’d sorted everything out just fine. “I do wish you’d change your mind on all of this, though. I’d love to see you.”
It wasn’t a lie. Despite their disagreements, he truly missed his brother.
There was a long pause, followed by an exhale. “Have you chosen a mate?”
Nash knew what Nolan was really asking. He wanted to know whether Nash had decided to take what he deemed an acceptable mate. There was a big difference as far as Nash was concerned. Hell. An even bigger difference now than it had been only a day ago.
He took a deep breath of his own before he answered. “What if I told you I had?”
“Then you better tell me that your female is pure-blooded, from an appropriate pack, Nash.” Nolan didn’t even hesitate in his answer. “Because that’s the only answer that will be acceptable and that is the only way you’ll be welcomed back into the pack, brother. And you know it.”
He did know it. Man, did he ever. The thought had gone through his head the night before, but it hadn’t mattered. Not when Kira was in front of him, with everything she represented to him and their future together. It was no contest. If asked, he’d admit that the thought of never seeing his brother or going home again hurt. A lot. But it was a small price to pay. And the moment he told Nolan the truth, it would seal his fate. Forever.
He swallowed hard, but there was no hesitation when he opened his mouth and said, “My mate is a bear. A grizzly.” Nolan didn’t answer immediately. Not that Nash expected him to. He waited a beat, and then two. Finally, Nash said, “I don’t expect you to understand, brother.”
“That’s a damn good thing,” Nolan scoffed.
“I know you—”
“You don’t know a fucking thing.” His brother was only barely controlling his anger, and even then, not very well. “You don’t know a goddammed thing, little brother. Not a thing.” A growl rumbled through the line and Nash was happy he wasn’t standing in front of Nolan. Although fairly evenly matched in size and stature, an alpha wolf was nothing to be messed with. Nash was coming into his own as an alpha, but even then, he had no desire to get into it with his brother. And definitely not in Nolan’s current state.
“I know that I love her.” Nash kept his voice even and as calm as possible. “I couldn’t fight it, Nolan. I can’t even begin to explain it.”
“Well, you better try, little brother. Because when I see you, I’m going to tear your fucking head off. You have a duty to this pack. You mate and breed with a pure bred. You further the bloodline. It’s what you do, Nash.”
“It’s not what I do.”
“It is!” The growl that came through the line more than made Nolan’s point. “Renounce her,” he demanded.
Renounce? Hell no. He’d only heard of it in passing before. It occurred when a pair mated and then decided it was a mistake. It didn’t happen often and it was absolutely not going to happen with him and Kira.
“You must do it at once,” Nolan continued. “It’s not too late to fix it.”
“No.”
“Nash,” Nolan snarled through the phone. “She’s a bloody bear. It’s not natural.”
But it was. He knew he’d never be able to make his brother understand. Especially because Nolan had mated for duty and not love.
“No,” he said again.
“Your duty is to further the bloodline, Nash.”
“That’s your job,” he fired back.
“We can’t.”
“What?”
His brother sighed and repeated himself, softer this time. “We haven’t been able to conceive a pup yet. The pack is in trouble, Nash. We need you.”
Nash looked out over the river. He turned north, in the direction of his brother’s pack. His pack. They needed him. He knew that. And through the anger, he could hear it in his brother’s voice. He turned and looked toward the cabin, where less than twenty-four hours ago he’d mated with Kira.
“Nash. Are you there?”
He nodded and, when he realized his brother couldn’t see him, he added, “I am.”
“I’m asking you, brother. Make the right choice. For your future. The future of your pack. It’s not too late. I’ll be waiting.”
Nash held the phone to his ear until he heard the dial tone signaling the disconnect.
Of course his pack needed him. But Kira needed him, too. He needed Kira. And their connection was too strong to break. He felt it in his veins. Nothing would be able to break them apart.
Not even family.
“Nash is looking for you.” Sasha popped her head out of the check-in window as Kira walked by.
She was half hoping to go undetected after returning from her chat with Kade, but she knew there was a very slim chance of that happening. No doubt the entire staff was buzzing with the news that Kira had a visitor. Which meant that no doubt Nash would have already heard about Kade’s arrival.
And why did that thought fill her with dread?
Not that she wasn’t happy with Kade being there. She was. Hell, she was thrilled. She had her brother back. But then why did the idea of introducing her grizzly bear brother to her alpha male mate, who happened to also be a wolf, terrify her? It didn’t make sen
se that she should be so happy and so scared all at the same time.
But she was.
And it did make sense.
She was a bear.
Nash was a wolf.
Kade wouldn’t understand.
“Hello?” Sasha waved her hand. “Did you hear me?”
“I did.” Kira smiled at her friend, although she was positive it didn’t reach her eyes. “Sorry. I just have so much to think about right now. What’s going on?”
Sasha gave her a strange look. “Nash is looking for you. Did you find him?”
She hadn’t. But she also hadn’t been looking. On one hand, her entire body yearned to be with her mate, but from the moment she’d seen Kade, she’d forced that part of her to be quiet and settle down.
“No,” she said. “Do you know where he is?” Maybe if she could go see him wherever he was and keep him away from her brother, at least until she could figure out how to tell Kade about her mate without having him go off the deep end, that would be the best situation. After all, she’d just gotten her brother back; she didn’t think she’d be able to survive losing him again so soon. And she would lose him. It was bad enough when she’d run off to choose Ryan, who was a bear, albeit one from the wrong clan. If her family found out she’d mated with a wolf, they’d surely disown her once and for all. She’d not only lose Kade, but all her brothers. And their mates. Her sisters.
Kade had filled her in on everything that had happened since she’d been gone and it had been a lot. First, her oldest brother Axel had fallen in love and mated. And then Luke. And Kade. Her own twin had found his mate and she hadn’t known. It filled her with joy at the thought of her brothers being happy, but also sadness. She’d missed it all. When Kade told her Axel and his mate Harper had just had a cub, a little girl, she almost exploded from the excitement. She was an aunt. It was all too much. She couldn’t wait to get up to Montana and see everyone.
