by Sam Mariano
Instead of spending too much energy thinking about why she might not want to leave a city she really had never cared for in the first place, she spent her time accepting that she would just have to find a way to deal with Matt being the baby's ineligible father.
When she got to work she didn't really have time to see if Leigh was still being weird. Sunday mornings were typically busy, but as soon as she walked in she saw that just about every table was full—and Leigh was running all of them.
Julie quickly clocked in and grabbed an order pad, catching Leigh as she went in to get food from the kitchen just long enough to ask which half of the room she wanted Julie to take.
Another couple came in as Julie took care of the counter, and she exchanged a glance with Leigh that said she would take care of them in a second.
It was 11:30 before half the dining room emptied out, and Julie tried to run out and clean off some tables and wipe down the counter as she watched another group of four people approach through the window.
The good news was that she had 35 bucks by noon, and she still had two hours left on her shift.
They hadn't been kidding when they said Sunday mornings were good shifts.
Unfortunately that Debbie woman that Julie didn't really like was the eleven o'clock person, so when she got there Julie's mood dropped just a little.
Debbie was just such a derogatory person.
It was frustrating.
Julie completely forgot that it was Sunday, so people could get their schedules, but when two of the other waitresses popped in to get their schedules in person she realized it. Debbie walked up to give them their schedules, so Julie told Debbie she was going to run and cut some tomatoes real quick, call for her if she was needed.
Unfortunately, Julie forget to take the tomato corer with her, so as soon as she got back there she had to run back up front to get it.
Normally, she wouldn't even pay attention to what anyone was saying, but when she heard her own name her ears jumped to attention.
"Julie's closing four nights this week, wouldn't you feel threatened if you were her?" Debbie was saying.
Julie stopped where she was, not really visible to Debbie or the girls from the angle they were at as they looked over their schedules and gossiped.
One of the waitresses—Tara—said, "You know what Leigh told me? Julie lives with Aaron. I guess it was just supposed to be temporary or something, but I don't know," she said, the last part of the sentence coming out in a sing-song tone.
Martha, the girl that came in with Tara said, "I wonder if it's his?"
"What?" Tara asked, turning to look at her friend.
"The baby," she said, her voice lowering a little. "She's pregnant, right? Why else would he have to 'temporarily' move her in with him, get her a job here and within a couple weeks be training her to take over Leigh's job? She was probably a casual hook-up or something gone bad."
"I can't imagine Leigh's happy about this," said Debbie, not doing a good job at holding back her smile. "She's so used to being Aaron’s pet. I really thought they were dating, but I guess if he knocked up Julie…"
There was more to that last sentence, but they lowered their voices at the end and Julie didn't hear it.
Narrowing her eyes, she thought, What gossips!
Part of her wanted to listen and see what else they had to say, but the more dominant side was just totally annoyed, so –as if she had just walked up front—she went breezing up to Debbie and reached behind her to get the tomato corer.
"See you later, girls," Debbie said easily, as if she hadn't just been gossiping about Julie seconds earlier. "Do you need something, hon?" Debbie asked.
"No," Julie said a little too shortly.
Debbie looked slightly worried for a second—with reason, Julie decided. After all, if Julie really had the kind of pull that they had been insinuating, she would be using her power to send Debbie to the unemployment line.
But Julie said nothing. She just took the tomato corer and walked back to continue what she was doing.
---
When Julie got off work that day, she had two missed calls that she definitely didn't feel like returning. One of them was from her mother. The other was from Matt.
Rolling her eyes, she decided she would return one and ignore the other.
"Hel-lo?" said a female voice on the other end.
"Hey, Mom," Julie greeted.
"How come you didn't answer your phone?"
"I was at work," Julie said as she entered the apartment, locking the door behind her and slipping her shoes off.
"Oh. Well, what are you doing?"
"Getting ready to find some sort of munchable thing in these cupboards—and a big glass of milk. You'd be thrilled; I drink milk every single day now."
It was true, Julie had hated milk since childhood, and her mother had always tried to get her to drink it to no avail.
"I didn't know you had to get pregnant in order to get you to drink milk," her mother stated.
"Surprise," Julie said dryly.
"Why don't you ever call me anymore?" her mom whined.
"Because I live an incredibly glamorous life here in the city and I simply never have time."
Ignoring her daughter's sarcasm, her mother asked, "Are you still living with that guy?"
It was funny—Jack had always been "that asshole" or maybe "that loser," and Aaron somehow managed to get stuck with "that guy." Matt didn't exist long enough to get a name, but Julie could think of a few.
"Yes, I'm still living with Aaron," Julie said, putting a little emphasis on his name.
"I don't think that's a good idea," her mother told her. "It doesn't sound to me like you're having too much luck out there with guys."
"When have I ever had luck with guys?" Julie asked rhetorically.
"Have you talked to that fucker who knocked you up lately?"
That fucker who knocked you up.
Well, maybe "that guy" wasn't so bad after all.
Sighing, Julie poured a glass of milk and said, "I haven't talked to Matt in a few days."
"Well, you better get talking," her mother said firmly. "Have you scheduled your first doctor's appointment yet?"
"No, Mother, but I know they don't usually bring you in too early anyway, so…"
"Well, you better get calling. Living in that damn city it could take you longer to get in. I still think you should just come back home—you can go to Dr. Jones."
"I'm not coming home right now," Julie said, adding the "right now" on the end to make her mother feel better.
"Have you two discussed this whole baby thing? I mean, he may be a bastard, but he is the father..."
Her patience instantly decreasing, Julie said, "No, we haven't, but this is my kid—I'm carrying it, I'm giving birth, I'm taking care of it, and I'm not married with a separate family, so I call dibs."
"I know, but you're having his baby, Julie."
"So? The sperm connected with the egg, Mom. It takes more than ejaculation to make a man a father—we'll see how he handles that situation."
"Ugh, do you really have to be so technical? I'm your mother; I still picture you in pigtails and a sundress."
Smiling, Julie said, "Yeah, I know you do. But listen, did you have any specific reason for calling? Because your grandbaby is sucking all of the nutrients out of my body as we speak, and I really need some sustenance, so…"
"No, I just thought it might be nice to talk to my daughter. You never call me, I never know if you're alive or dead," she said, attempting to pile on the guilt.
"Alive and kicking," Julie responded.
"Well, make sure you call me. You go hundreds of miles away to have my first grandchild and then you don't even bother to keep me posted."
"Will do," Julie agreed, grabbing some Lucky Charms down from the cereal cabinet. "Bye Mom."
"Bye. I love you. Don't forget to call me!"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Goodbye," Julie said, hanging up.
/> Once she got off the phone with her mother, Julie poured herself a bowl of Lucky Charms and poured some milk in, thinking about how good it was that she was making herself drink milk to keep the baby healthy. She could convince herself to eat or drink anything if she told herself the baby needed it. Anytime she thought of the baby, she just got a warm peaceful feeling in her body, much like the one she had when she slept in Aaron's arms, but a lot stronger.
She hoped she was going to be a good mother. She thought she would, but most people probably figured they would be good parents—didn't mean they would be.
Julie was off to a shoddy start what with being the impregnated mistress and ripping her poor kid off in the parent department, but she would just have to make up for it.
Before taking her cereal in to eat while she watched some television, Julie decided to go to the bathroom.
Poppy Seed was making her bladder a little more active than usual, too, but she was beginning to grow accustomed to the early pregnancy symptoms, and since she was practically alone all the time, she had all but quit recognizing the extra gassiness.
While she went to the bathroom, Julie contemplated whether she wanted to watch an actual movie or some reruns. She hated to read while she ate, because she always felt like she would get food on the pages.
When she was done going to the bathroom and she wiped, her heart dropped to the floor and she forgot to breathe, all thoughts of television rushing out of her head as her blood rushed to her toes.
There was blood on the toilet paper.
"Oh my God," she murmured. "Stay calm," she told herself, trying to keep her hand from shaking as she got some more toilet paper and wiped again.
There was blood on that one too, and when her chest constricted she realized she hadn't been breathing.
"No," she said, fumbling to pull her jeans up and practically sprinting out to the living area, trying to remember where she had put her cell phone.
"Cell phone, cell phone, cell phone—Oh, God," she said, incoherently looking around as if it would appear if she were only desperate enough.
Kitchen—she had been in the kitchen.
She felt shaky and she could feel bile rising in the back of her throat, but she tried to breathe in gulps of air just long enough to locate her phone and quickly dial the first phone number that came to mind.
"Hello?" answered the voice on the other end, sounding a little bit confused.
"Can you—" she said, but her voice broke as her tone hit near-hysterical. She exhaled with some effort and said, "I need—Can you come give me a ride?"
"What are you talking about?" he asked. "Where are you?"
"I'm at the apartment and I need to go to the hospital and I can't breathe, so I can't drive," she said hysterically. "I'm bleeding, I need to go to the hospital."
There was a split second of silence, and then he said, "I'll b- I'll be there as quick as I can. Can you go downstairs and wait in the lobby? I don't want to take the time to park—”
"Yes," she said, not even letting him finish. "Just please come get me, I'm freaking out here."
"Don't freak out, stay calm. Breathe, Julie, you're going to be fine," he said firmly.
"Okay," she said obediently, attempting to breathe while she felt like there was a vice crushing her chest.
She could hear him tell someone, "I have to go, there's an emergency."
"Where—?" asked a female in the background.
"I'll call you later," he said hurriedly. "Julie, do you need me to stay on the phone with you?"
"No," she said shakily. "I'll be fine, I'm just going to get… my purse, I don't know where I put my purse. I need my… my identification stuff, just… just come get me please, I'll let you go so you can come get me. I'm so sorry to just call you freaking out like this, I just didn't know what to do and I just…dialed."
"Don't apologize. Just sit down, take some deep breaths and calm down. Stressing out isn’t good for the baby. I'll be there as soon as I can get there."
"Thank you," she said in a small voice.
When she got off the phone, she sat down on the couch and tried to practice her breathing, but her mind was racing too fast to focus on breathing.
Was she losing the baby? Bleeding was not a good sign, and it wasn't even light enough to be considered spotting. Could she be losing the baby? How would you know?
Pain. She had always heard miscarrying was painful, and she wasn't in any pain… except in her chest, but that was anxiety and it started after the bleeding. Would it be painful that early? Her baby was only a poppy seed, after all, what if…?
She felt the burning behind her eyes as she stretched her hand across her stomach protectively, as if by sheer force of will she could protect the baby.
Taking a breath, she told herself she had to be calm. He was right; she had to stay calm…
She couldn't believe she had called him. When she saw the blood, she couldn't even think, so it didn't occur to her that she probably could have made it to the hospital faster if she would have driven her own car instead of waiting for him to come pick her up and take her.
But she didn't know if she would be able to drive. Her hands were shaking so badly that she was sure she wouldn't even be able to tie her shoes.
Even though it was only a few minutes, it felt like forever before she finally saw the familiar vehicle pull up to the apartment and stop at the door.
She had been standing by the window waiting for him to get there, and she practically ran out to get in the car once he finally pulled up.
"I got my stuff, let's go," she said quickly as she fastened her seat belt.
"Didn't I tell you to sit down? You were standing at the window," he complained.
"Let's go," she said, her eyes widening.
Aaron checked the rearview mirror to make sure no cars were coming and then he pulled back onto the road and started driving faster than usual.
"I'm sorry I made you leave work," she said. "I just… I just got scared and I wasn't even thinking that I could take myself, because I couldn't even breathe, and I didn't think about it, I just needed to get to the doctor and see if the baby's okay," she babbled, her eyes beginning to burn again.
"Hey, don't worry about it," he said, unthinkingly reaching over and taking her hand, giving it a light squeeze.
She was sure he hadn't meant to do that, because he looked a little bit surprised as he glanced at his hand on top of hers too, like someone else had put it there, but she was glad he did—she needed the support. She was pretty sure that her chest had never hurt quite as badly as it did—including the one and only time she had let her ex talk her into trying weed and she felt like an explosion went off in the left vicinity of her chest.
Since she didn't trust herself to talk and there were too many thoughts racing through her head to process, Julie just sat there in silence, holding his hand and trying not to cry.
He had her at the hospital in no time at all, and he dropped her off at the emergency room doors and then went to park.
Julie knew it was irrational, but the fact that everyone in the emergency room didn't move the hell out of her way so she could go back and see a doctor really annoyed her, and by the time the two people in front of her were out of the way Aaron was already coming in the doors behind her. He stood there with her quietly while she signed in and got the clipboard to fill out her insurance information, and then they went to sit in the chairs and wait.
"Are you okay?" Aaron asked softly.
It made no sense, but the way he asked made the burning come back behind her eyes and her hands shook as she attempted to formulate a "Yes," but it wouldn't come out of her mouth. Her lip quivered and she shook her head no.
Aaron moved forward on the chair so he could reach her better, then he pulled her close and gave her a hug. "You'll be okay," he assured her.
"I'm scared," she said into his shoulder, trying to wipe away the tears as quickly as they fell. "I don't want to lose the baby."
"I know," he murmured, rubbing her back lightly.
"It isn't normal, is it? You're not supposed to bleed when you're pregnant unless you're losing it."
"Don't think like that, it could be something else," he told her to pacify her.
"I'm being punished," she cried, the tears falling a little more freely. "This is because I'm a bad person and I didn't deserve to have a baby."
"That's not true," he said more fiercely than she would have expected. "You are not a bad person, Julie, and you are not being punished. If anything happens, it's not because of anything you did."
"I don't want to lose it," she cried, burying her face in his jacket and trying to breathe as her body was shaking with sobs.
"Julie Kingsley," said a nurse with a clipboard.
Taking a couple of gasping breaths, Julie stood up and wiped her eyes, walking over to the nurse as she tried to collect herself.
Aaron followed her, and she was glad. She didn't want to be alone in there, but she wouldn't have asked him to go with her.
The nurse smiled and led Julie through the doors as if Julie's whole world wasn't crashing down around her.
Honestly, she hadn't realized how much she had her heart set on that baby until she saw the blood on the toilet paper—she felt as if someone had socked her right in the stomach and she still felt short of breath, like she should be doubled over.
All she could think was, This is all my fault. I'm being punished for sleeping with Matt in the first place. I'm a terrible person and now I'm going to lose my baby.
"Can I have you step on the scale please?" the nurse asked.
Julie nodded and stepped on the scale, absently looking at the numbers while the nurse jotted the number down.
What irony.
She had finally gained two pounds.
"Thank you," the nurse chirped, then she moved over and said, "Now I'm going to take your blood pressure, and then we're going to put you in a bed and the doctor will be right with you."
Julie sat there with a vacant stare as the nurse took her blood pressure, and she wondered vaguely why any of it mattered.
She didn't give a damn what she weighed or what her blood pressure was, she just wanted a damn doctor to come in and tell her if her baby was okay or if she was miscarrying.
