by Marie Force
She’d been shocked to realize how bad his dependence had gotten when she caught up with the tour in Houston following the publication of the sex video that had left her completely devastated and had led her to leave him for a time. He’d apologized profusely for making the tape she hadn’t known about in the first place and for something so private between them being made public. He said he’d done it only to try to get her back, which was ludicrous reasoning. With the benefit of hindsight, she couldn’t believe she’d given him another chance after that nightmare—and all because she hadn’t wanted to be divorced.
Everything about him, the video, his addiction and her life as a celebrity wife, was ludicrous, and it was all in the past now, where it would stay.
A shrink would have a field day with how she’d satisfied her need for male attention with a malignant narcissist drug addict star to fill the void left by a father who’d never given her or Nikki much of anything other than heartache.
To make matters even worse, she’d allowed her husband’s fame to propel her from small-time model to big-time reality TV star, which had seemed like such a great idea at the time.
Brendan had encouraged her to take the offer to helm an inside look at the life and marriage of a rapper’s wife. “It would give you something to do while I’m on the road,” he’d said, striking at one of her deepest insecurities—what went on when she wasn’t with him. She’d reached the point where she simply couldn’t bear to travel two hundred days a year and had expressed a desire to be home more often.
He’d acted like the show would solve all their problems, when in fact it had only made them worse. They hardly ever saw each other, and when they did, they were unable to recapture the connection that had brought them together five years earlier. Back then, when they’d both been starting out in the business as models, they’d relied on each other to get through the lean times and had quickly formed what Jordan had assumed was an unbreakable bond.
She knew better now, and was determined to do better, if not for herself then for Nikki, who’d suffered through more drama than any sister deserved.
Jordan walked to the window that overlooked the coast and the ocean in the distance and thought about the last few disastrous months.
Her whole life, she’d been searching for the kind of family so many of her friends had, the kind with two parents who loved each other and their kids more than anything. She’d never had that, and it was what she’d wanted to build with her husband. But there was no room in his wild, carefree life for a wife or kids or a home. He was too busy chasing the music and the money and the fans and the women and the drugs. She had few illusions about what he’d been up to when she wasn’t with him on the road. Especially in the end, when the drugs had taken him over. He wouldn’t have had the wherewithal to resist the massive temptation he encountered every night.
The day before it ended in spectacular fashion, his tireless manager, Davy, had subtly suggested she might want to go home until things “settled down” with her husband. Of course she hadn’t taken his advice, because she’d still been so certain she would be the one to “fix” him, to bring him back from wherever it was he’d gone the last couple of years.
Now she knew better. The only person who could fix the man who’d become Zane was Zane. And though she missed her sweet Brendan, the man he’d been before the birth of Zane, she was wise enough now to know that her Brendan no longer existed. He was gone, possibly forever, and the last few months had been about finding a way to accept that.
Nikki had once told her that the definition of insanity was doing the same thing over and over and hoping for different results. She’d tried insanity—repeatedly—and that hadn’t gotten her anywhere but bruised, battered and brokenhearted.
It was time to get off the crazy train and find a new plan. If only she knew what that plan might be.
A knock on the door preceded Nikki into the room. “Thought I heard the shower. How’re you feeling?”
“Better. The sleep helped.”
“Glad to hear it. Riley picked up your prescriptions.” Nikki put the bag on the bedside table. “Can I get you anything?”
“No, thank you. I’m fine. I’m sure you have better things to do than babysit me on a rare day off.”
“I’m not just babysitting you. I’m also making dinner and doing some cleaning. It’s all good.”
“Get whatever you want to replace the furniture and carpet, and put it on my card. You still have it, right?” Nikki was making a “regular” salary these days compared to what she’d earned as Jordan’s manager, and she didn’t want her sister to have to pay for the damage.
“I do, but—”
“No buts. It would make me feel better to take care of that after everything you’ve done for me. You and Riley invested so much time and money in this place that we all enjoy. The least I can do is make this right.”
“If you insist, but no one is blaming you for the freak thing that happened when you were here alone. It wasn’t your fault. In fact, Riley is blaming himself for leaving the flue open and not burning a chimney-cleaning log at the end of the winter like he should have.”
“It’s not his fault.”
“Right, and it’s not yours either. It happened, and we should focus on how lucky we are that Mason saw the flames and got here as fast as he did.” Nikki’s voice caught, and she waved a hand in front of her face. “Sorry. I just can’t stop thinking how close I came to losing you.”
Jordan went to her sister and hugged her tightly. “I’m fine, and it looks like I’ll be causing you headaches for some time to come after all.”
“Thank goodness for that.” Nikki clung to her. “Still love you bestest.”
“No, you don’t, but that’s okay.”
“Yes, I really do, J. I love Riley so much, but there’ll never be another Jordan, another peanut butter to my jelly.”
“I thought I was the jelly,” Jordan joked, relieved when Nikki laughed. She hated seeing her indomitable sister brought low by Jordan’s overly dramatic life.
“You can be the jelly if you want to be. Whatever you want.”
“I need to take full advantage of you while you’re still thankful I didn't die.”
“Too soon, bitch.”
Jordan laughed and hugged Nikki for another full minute. “It’s not going to happen again. I promise.”
“I should hope this particular scenario will never happen again.”
“None of it is going to happen again. I’m done with disasters that bring you running from whatever you were doing to deal with me. Those days are over.”
“Okay, so I hear what you’re saying, but just for the record, the last two disasters weren’t your fault.”
“I’ll accept that the fire wasn’t, but me being in that hotel room with him? One thousand percent my fault.” She placed a finger over Nikki’s lips to stop her from objecting. “I should’ve listened to you. The video should’ve been the end of it. I’ll always regret that I let you go so I could have him. That shouldn’t have happened. He wasn’t worth that level of sacrifice, not the last couple of years, anyway.”
“You didn’t sacrifice anything where I’m concerned. I’m still right here with you where I’ve always been and where I’ll always be. Nothing can ever change that. And by leaving you, I found Riley, so it worked out the way it was meant to. I’m just sorry you’ve been so hurt by someone you loved. That’s what never should’ve happened.”
“Very true, and I’m done with him and the madness that came with him.”
“What about the show?”
“Gigi is trying to get me out of the contract.”
“Is she still repping him?” Nikki asked.
“For now. I told her not to dump him on my account, although she wanted to. From what she’s heard from his camp, he’s taking rehab seriously and is determined to repair his reputation and his career.”
“As long as he stays the hell away from you, he can do whatever he wa
nts.”
“Agreed.”
“So, you’re done with him and the show. What’s next for you?”
“I have no idea. There’s like this gigantic question mark hanging over any thoughts of the future.”
“You don’t need to decide anything right now. If there’s one benefit to becoming a huge star, you’ve got plenty of money in the bank. Take the summer to rest, relax and think about what you want to do.”
“I guess that’s what I’ll have to do, since I have nothing else to do.”
Nikki put her hands on Jordan’s shoulders and looked her in the eyes. “You’ve worked your ass off, made a lot of money, had a lot of heartache. You deserve a break. You’ve earned it. Settle in for the summer and just relax. The answers will come to you when you’re open to them.”
Jordan smiled at her sister. “When did you get so wise?”
“Around the time I chucked my life with you to come home to Gansett for a vacation and found my purpose—and my love.”
“You really love running the Wayfarer, don’t you?”
“I do. It’s a huge challenge—not unlike running your career was—and it’s something new every day. Plus, I get to be with Riley and support his family’s business. I couldn’t ask for anything more.”
“I’m so glad it all worked out so well for you.”
“It will for you, too. I know it.”
“You’d really tell me if you and Riley wanted the house to yourselves?”
“No, I’d never tell you that, because this is your home as much as it is mine, and we both want you here. I talked to Gran this morning, and she’s planning to come for a visit after the benefit she’s throwing for a local children’s organization next week. She wants to see us both and meet Riley.”
“I can’t wait to see her. It’s been too long.”
“She asked why you let the security go. I told her you didn’t feel you needed them here.”
“No one even knows I’m here.”
“For now they don’t. All it will take is one tourist spotting you out and about for that to change. I’m not comfortable with you not having security as long as his fans are still blaming you for his problems.”
“Hopefully, he’ll be out of rehab soon and can address the rumors. Davy agreed to stay on as his manager until he’s out of rehab and is aware of what’s going on. He’s promised to deal with it as soon as he can talk to him. In the meantime, I refuse to live my life surrounded by security. It’s no way to live. Especially here.”
She could tell that Nikki wanted to object but chose to let it go. Jordan had no doubt the subject would come up again, especially when their grandmother arrived. “When’s dinner? I’m starving.”
“It’ll be ready soon. Brownies are in the oven for dessert.”
“Yum.” Jordan hugged Nikki. “Thanks for spending your day off tending to me and cooking when you were supposed to be on a getaway with Riley.”
“Riley and I have the rest of our lives together. We’re right where we wanted to be today.”
“Whatever I did to deserve you, I’m glad I did it.”
Nikki laughed. “What you did was share a womb with me.”
Jordan released her and made a disgusted face. “Ew. Don’t say it like that.”
“Well, how should I say it?”
“You could say I was born with you and stuck with you for life?”
Nikki gave her a gentle push toward the door. “I wouldn’t have it any way other than being stuck with you, and you know it.”
Chapter 8
Mason couldn’t believe he was actually nervous about going to dinner at Jordan’s house. He also couldn’t figure out why he was nervous. It was just dinner, for crying out loud. Dinner with people who were grateful to him for doing his job. How had he managed to blow it up into something to be nervous about?
And why in the hell had he told Blaine about the mouth-to-mouth thing?
So stupid.
Now someone else knew that he’d felt, for a second, like he was kissing Jordan when he was trying to save her life.
Ugh.
This was why he’d all but given up on women and dating and all the nonsense that went along with it. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been out with anyone, because he’d grown tired of the dance and the endless cycle of getting his hopes up about someone only to have them dashed. He’d been through the full gauntlet—from a wedding called off one month before the big day, to promising first dates that never materialized into second dates, to no-shows, ghosting and everything in between.
It was a wonder he wasn’t drooling in a corner somewhere, hiding from the world. But rather than do that, he’d simply stepped off the merry-go-round and focused on other things, such as ramping up his fitness routine so he was back in the best shape he’d been in since his competitive weightlifting days. He was also devoted to his work, his friends, his sobriety and the community he served, keeping himself so busy, he rarely had time to feel lonely.
Some people weren’t meant for happily ever after. Maybe he was one of them. He had an uncle who’d never married and had led a rich, fulfilling life without having had a family of his own. Mason was determined to do the same if that was his fate. He’d be thirty-six this year and was more aware of time passing him by than he’d ever been before, especially as many of his friends welcomed their second and third children.
Blaine had told him last week that Tiffany was expecting their second child together and the third in their family. Blaine was completely smitten with his stepdaughter, Ashleigh, who had him firmly wrapped around every one of her cute little fingers. His friend was a lucky man to have a wife and children and an extended family that loved him.
Mason hadn’t been lucky in that regard. So what? Not everyone got lucky that way. He had a good life that satisfied him, and he refused to get maudlin about what hadn’t happened. He much preferred to focus on the good things. The incident with Jordan had thrown him off his stride. That’s all it was. He’d be ludicrous to act on something that had been completely involuntary on her part. She hadn’t actually kissed him. She’d been having an asthma attack, for crying out loud. Yes, he’d enjoyed talking to her last night at the clinic, but allowing himself to get nervous about going to dinner at her house was just plain ridiculous.
By the time he pulled into the driveway to Eastward Look, he’d talked himself out of the nerves. It was just dinner—food and conversation with nice people. Blowing it up to something more than that was what had made him nervous in the first place. He was better after working it out in his mind, the way he did when things confounded him. Lights were on inside and over the front door, making the house look warm and welcoming. Mason reached for the flowers he’d bought for Nikki and Jordan and got out of the SUV. As he headed for the door, Jordan appeared, and suddenly, he was nervous again.
She opened the door for him. “Hi there.”
He drank in the details of her stunning face. “Hi. How’re you feeling?”
“Much better after sleeping half the day away.” Her long dark hair was down around her shoulders. She wore an oversized Gansett Island sweatshirt and pink sweats. Other than the shadows under her expressive dark eyes, you’d never know she’d been through such an ordeal the night before. He liked that she hadn’t felt the need to dress up for him or put on excessive amounts of makeup other than the mascara that made her extravagant lashes more so. Despite the many reasons he shouldn’t be attracted, her fresh, natural, unadorned look appealed to him like nothing had in a very long time.
“Sometimes, that’s just what you need.” He felt like a hulking giant next to her in the vestibule. She was tiny compared to him, more than a foot shorter.
She didn’t seem to feel crowded, though, as she looked up at him, her gaze taking a thorough inspection, or that’s how it seemed to him, at least.
He’d gone home to shower and change before dinner. He was wearing jeans and an untucked light blue button-down shirt and had rem
oved the bandage that had covered the cut on his forehead. Feeling self-conscious, he rubbed his face. “Did I cut myself shaving or something?”
She smiled up at him. “No, I was just noticing how different you look out of uniform.”
“You saw me out of uniform last night.”
“I know, but today I saw you in your uniform, and I thought it looked really nice on you.”
“Is that right?”
“Uh-huh. You know how you expect someone to always look a certain way, and then they look different, and it’s like you’re meeting them all over again? That’s how I felt seeing you in your uniform today.”
Could she be any more sweet or adorable? “How is it possible that I actually understood that?”
Her smile got even bigger. “Where is your sling?”
“I can’t stand it. I threw it out the window on the way over here.”
“You did not!”
“I did.”
“That’s littering.”
“Some animal will find it and use it to line their nest. That’s the only thing it’s good for anyway.”
She gave him a skeptical look. “Isn’t it against the law for the chief of the fire department to litter?”
“Are you going to report me?” Were they flirting? Is that what this was? If so, he was rather enjoying it. As if the conversation he’d had with himself on the way over had never happened, he leaned against the doorframe, settling into the conversation.
“Maybe.” She nodded to the flowers. “Are those for me?”
“And your sister. For having me over.” He handed the two bundles to her. “You can pick which one you like the best.”
Jordan appeared to give the choice some considerable thought before settling on the pink roses over the mixed assortment. “Nikki will like these,” she said of the second bouquet.
He thought it was sweet that she made her choice based on what her sister would prefer.
