by B C Morgan
“Don’t ask?” she says as she looks at me, and I drag my fingers across my lips, pretend to lock them shut and proceed to throw away the key.
“Just one little curiosity, nothing big but I’d love to ask it,” I say as I exaggeratedly flutter my lashes.
“Go for it, but it doesn’t mean you’ll get an answer,” she replies on a sigh.
“Why a horse? Out of all the things you could have told him to get jiggy with, why that?” I don’t know why I want to know but it’s intriguing and hilarious. In my opinion anyway.
“I never said a horse, what I said is a lot worse and we agreed to never mention it again,” she looks riddled with shame as she looks at Noah and I see his jaw has clenched and his hands are pulled into tight fists.
“I took creative liberties with my choice of words, Ivy thought she may have lost Noah after what she said but he forgave her. That’s all we’ll tell you, we don’t know you well enough to get into the nitty gritty stuff” says Amias, and I feel his hand travel onto my thigh just above my knee.
I refuse to wiggle in my seat and I love the way he gives me a gentle squeeze, it's almost as if he’s trying to say that he wants to get to know me and that makes me feel cold with dread. He won’t like me then, will he?
“You okay brown eyed beauty?” asks Elijah as he places his hands on my shoulders.
That boy needs to wear a bell, I’m so caught up in my own mind that I don’t think as I send a backfist into his jaw, and that mother hurts.
“Bloody hell little Hen, that smarts a bit,” he says as he crouches down at the end of the table and looks at me.
“That was an accident, keep calling me that name and it won’t be next time,” I grit out, I can’t have anyone else calling me that, and he doesn’t deserve to know the reason why.
He’s putting his hands up in a placating gesture and wisely backing away but he’s still smiling, does he ever turn off the charm?
“Do you like any nicknames?” asks Amias, his grin almost a smile now. I think he likes that I punched him.
“Finley called me brownie, but that’s ruined because he said it. Some call me Leigh but honestly the less reminders of home the better. You want to use one on me, find something that doesn’t make me want to punch you,” I say with my own grin.
“I wouldn’t mind you punching me,” he says in return, which makes Ivy choke on her drink.
We spend the rest of lunch with the guys throwing weird arse nicknames at me which I veto except from Noah’s. He only suggests one and I love it instantly and that is solely his to use. Leighbear, how could I refuse.
Noah and Ivy walked me back, it’s sweet they want to look after me but I don’t feel comfortable with all of this attention. Once I get inside my room I pull my boots off and the envelope falls out, I forgot all about it.
“What’s this Leighbear?” Noah asks as he retrieves it from the floor and passes it to me, his eyebrows drawn down into a slight frown.
“I’m not sure, it was taped to my door when I got back from my run,” I reply just as a knock sounds on my door and Ivy lets Amias and Elijah in.
Neither of them are happy that Noah has a nickname for me and I love it, I’m not here to make them happy.
“Well then, open it already,” says Ivy bouncing on the balls of her feet.
I can’t help rolling my eyes as I rip open the envelope and pull out a folded-up piece of paper.
You really believe you can strut around as though you are better than everyone else, that you won’t be held responsible for past deeds. You think you’ve suffered, but you don’t know what true suffering is. Watch this space Henleigh, once I’m done, you’ll never feel joy again.
For RS, why should you get to be happy when they can’t?
“Henleigh, who’s RS?” asks Elijah, I didn’t even realise he was looking over my shoulder the whole time.
“I haven’t got the foggiest, why would someone tape this to my door? Could this be Harrison?” I ask, to anyone who may have the slightest inclination.
“It doesn’t feel direct enough if you ask me, he likes to ensure a huge splash when he rocks the boat.”
“What past deeds do you think it could mean? It could help to narrow down who the culprit could be,” says Ivy, but I can’t think of anything I’ve done that would cause this reaction.
“I don’t really know, I pretty much keep to myself. I have for most of my life, it doesn’t make any sense that someone would want to target me.” I need to get out of my own head, just do something fun. “You know what, I think I need to do something, got any suggestions?”
Elijah puts his arm around my shoulders and pulls me into him, “I have an idea foxy lady.” and now he’s leading me out of my room, I only get a split second to grab my boots, I haven’t even got them on yet!
He leads me outside and the others are keeping up, but I think he wants them to go away. He keeps doing the shoo gesture at them all and he’s not happy that they’re ignoring him.
“Come on guys, I can’t take all of us and she needs to clear her pretty little head,” he says and moves when I try to pinch his side.
“Don’t muck around Lija, she’s not used to you,” comes from Amias, and he’s rewarded with a mock salute before I’m once again being dragged away from a mixture of worried and annoyed faces.
“Hang on there big guy, where are you taking me?” There’s laughter in my voice and little bit of worry. But that’s because of the way the other two looked as we left.
“I have a dirt bike stashed just outside the wall, and we know a way to get out without the required pass.” He’s waggling his brows up and down and he’s got this mischievous look on his face.
He leads me over to an old looking shed before he climbs up on top of the roof and offers me a hand so I can follow him up. The next thing I know, his big hands are on my waist and he’s lifting me up to sit on the wall. I’m well aware that his hands are slowly sliding down my waist and over my thighs. And I’m filled with the urge to either grab him or kick him, even though I know following out either of the urges would be wrong.
His eyes are on mine, but I see every time they dart down to my lips. Don’t kiss me, please kiss me. I’m feeling so confused, I can’t help it as my tongue darts out to wet my bottom lip and he groans, just before he moves away and hoists himself up to sit beside me on the wall.
“Up to you, foxy lady, we can stay here or I can take you for a spin on the back of my bike.”
“The bike ride sounds fun,” I reply quietly, I don’t take risks, but I want to, maybe I need to as well.
He swings his legs over the wall before flipping himself over and climbing down a conveniently placed ladder.
“Amias and I set this up so we could come and go as we need, eventually they’ll remember the shed and get rid of it but hopefully it won’t be whilst we’re still here.”
I follow him down and lose my footing on the third from the top rung, my body slipping and slamming into the ladder. My hands slip and I’m suddenly falling, right into Elijah’s waiting arms.
“If I knew that was all it would take for you to fall for me, I would have brought you here sooner,” he says with a wink and I can’t help but laugh, he’s a fool but he’s kind of fun.
He’s taking hold of my hand and leading me to a tarp that’s been haphazardly covered with leaves, and it doesn’t take long for him to uncover the bike and jump on.
I clamber on behind him and I’m sighing internally that he’s got a helmet for me and I realise I have no reason to refuse going with him, just as he kickstarts it and then we’re off.
It’s electrifying, the way the engine rumbles beneath us and how my body is pressed flush against his back while my arms are wrapped around his waist. He doesn’t go too fast, which I’m glad for, because I’m definitely not dressed in the correct bike attire, but screw it, I'm actually having fun.
I forget about the letter, my plan to get out of here and create a better life for myse
lf, and even my mission to discover a truth that should have never been kept from me. Come the end of this year I’ll be right where I need to be, but for now I’m content on just being here, with Elijah.
We have to come back to school unfortunately, but I’m buzzing, and I can’t get this stupid smile off of my face. Elijah is clearly enjoying my happiness as he picks me up and swings me around. I throw my hands up and face the sky with my eyes closed. I bring them back down as the spinning slows but before I open my eyes, he places a soft, chaste kiss to my lips and lets me go.
My eyes are pop open and what else can I do but look right at him. He looks sheepish and I’m surprised by the kind of kiss he gave me, I was not expecting shy and unsure from the big guy.
“Sorry foxy lady, I realised I shouldn’t have done that the minute I brought my mouth to yours, I just got caught up in the moment.” He sounds like he regrets it, but his eyes are saying the opposite. He’s looking at me with a hunger that feels all consuming.
“Don’t worry about it, I gotta admit though. That is not the way I imagined you’d kiss,” I can feel my eyes widening as the words slip out and it causes him to come closer once more.
“You’ve been thinking about how I kiss, tell me Henleigh. When you think about it, how am I kissing you?” He’s standing toe to toe with me, and I crane my neck to look up at him.
“That’s not what I…”
His lips descending on mine cut me off, and sure I’m going to get a name for myself, but damn can the guys around here kiss. He kisses like he has all the time in the world to explore my mouth and taste. It’s slow but filled with so much heat I could explode right here and now. I push up onto my tiptoes as I bring a bit more force into it, and a scrape of my teeth against his bottom lip has him moaning my name. I pull back.
I can’t kiss Amias and his friend on the same day, I mean I just did, but I shouldn’t. What is wrong with me? This is what happens when you only have friends to fool around with, you forget there’s a correct way of doing this kind of shit.
He’s looking at me with kind eyes as he leads me back to the ladder, and I wait at the top whilst he re-covers his bike and then we go back and part ways at my door. I wonder what the rest of my day will bring?
I should not have thought that, I run into my room with tears already streaming down my face. My pillows and mattress have been split open. Bright pink paint has been thrown everywhere. And the word ‘BITCH’ is scrawled across my walls. The drips run down my ruined bed and walls onto the floor, staining it. My laptop screen has been smashed and lies discarded in the middle of the room.
But none of this is the cause for my tears, what’s destroying me right now is the fact that I only brought one photo of Elliott with me and it resembles nothing more than confetti now. If they wanted to break me, they’ve gotten pretty damn close. The only thing I can be thankful of right now, is that they didn’t find my journal, I would hate to guess what they would have done with that.
I’ve never been to any of their rooms, but they must be here somewhere, I’ve already told the assistant head and, although she was sympathetic and is getting me a replacement for my laptop, the cameras had conveniently gone down just before it happened.
So, I’m just wandering the wing where our living quarters are, hoping that one of them will just pop up like they usually do. I can see lots of students milling about, off to do whatever they do on a weekend. But where are my people? When did I start thinking about them as my people? It hasn’t even been a week yet, I think those kisses have fried my brain.
“Hey, are you okay? Do you need me to get someone for you?”
I look over to the owner of the soft voice and I have no idea who they are. Short, mousy brown hair with blue eyes. Stocky and standing at least six-one, he has the kindest eyes I’ve ever seen. I don’t recall seeing him before and I feel, safe. How is that possible?
“No, not really. I don’t know where they are,” I reply, my voice sounding hollow even to my ears.
If it’s possible, his eyes seem to become even kinder as he takes hold of my hand and smiles gently at me.
“If you’re looking for your friends, I know Noah is in his room. Do you want me to take you there or I can go and get him for you. Whichever you prefer,” he offers, and he is such a sweetie.
I don’t get any romantic vibes off of him and I like that; Amias and Elijah are more than enough to fuel my confusing hormones.
“The fact that you’d offer the latter is enough for me, you can take me there if you really don’t mind.”
“Right this way fair lady.” He sweeps his arm out and I’m almost on the verge of smiling, but it isn’t quite enough.
I’ve lost the only thing I had with me to remind me of Elliott and it’s almost like I’ve lost him all over again, that thought alone is causing more tears to fall down my face.
My unknown helper leads me to a door with a complicated maths equation written on it and the Fibonacci sequence below that. He raps his knuckles on it three times before stepping back and waving at an unopened door. Is he a little crazy? No judgements but why is he waving at it.
The door swings open and Noah is standing there, he smiles at my helper before his eyes fall on me and he’s pulling me into the room.
The guy follows us in, before glancing around and closing the door.
“What happened?” Noah asks and I don’t know where to begin, how can he understand the significance of what they did if I’m not ready to share Elliott with him?
“I saw her walking up and down the hall, I gathered she was looking for one of you guys so I offered to bring her here. Who knows what would have happened if the rulers found her.” He says it as though he knows exactly what would have happened and it doesn’t sound good.
“Oh no Mattias, they’re the Shepherds now, my Leighbear here renamed them.” Noah is looking at me as he says this, and it makes butterflies flutter round in my stomach.
“Your Leighbear?” He sounds bewildered and says it like a question and I’m wondering the same thing, not that I’m opposed to the idea. Someone help me, there are too many guys!
“Yeah, my Leighbear, I chose the name and only I get to use it. Henleigh to you,” he says authoritatively and I gotta say, commanding Noah is shocking and kinda sexy.
“Will you be okay now?” asks Mattias and I smile even though I’m sure it looks more like a grimace and nod my head at him.
“I’ll leave you to it, let me know if you need my help,” he says directing it at Noah who nods before showing him out.
“Leighbear, sweet girl, what happened?” he asks as he leads me over to his bed and sits me down.
He grabs himself a chair, sits down in front of me and takes my hand.
“They destroyed it, I need to know who I need to make pay,” I grit out. He starts to trace circles on the back of my hand.
“What did they destroy, I need you to tell me what happened and then I’ll see what I can do to find out who’s responsible.” He’s so calm, and maybe if I stay with him long enough I’ll start to feel calm by osmosis.
“My room was trashed when I went back, there’s paint all over my bed. The pillows and mattress are slashed, and the word ‘bitch’ is written across the walls. Even my laptop has been smashed,” I say, declining to mention the photo. That’s mine, and just the thought of not being able to look at Elliott makes me want to cry.
“What else?” he asks, not letting me break eye contact. He’s so intense and it’s getting my back up slightly.
“Isn’t that enough, what more do they need to do?” I know my voice is rising but he’s exasperating.
“That’s plenty Henleigh believe me, but I don’t think that’s why you’re so upset. They did something else and you don’t want to tell me what, it’s okay but you can trust me you know. I won’t repeat it, if that’s what’s worrying you.” He has a soft smile to match his kind eyes, he really is remarkable.
The tears are falling again, he is such a g
ood guy, and if I was into that whole forever kind of crap I could see myself picking someone like Noah. He’s just too good for me.
He leans forward and wraps me in his arms, not even caring that the front of his shirt is getting soaked by my unrelenting tears. He draws circles on my back and it feels good, it’s soothing me and I’m dreading when he pulls away. But he isn’t, even as I’m shuffling as far forward as I can and pushing further into him, he just holds me tighter. If I could, I’d climb onto his lap and just let him hold me, but I’ve never been a needy person and I don’t want to start now.
I pull away and look up at him as he rests his forehead against mine, he doesn’t look away from my face as he starts tracing circles on my cheek.
“Do you want to tell me or would you rather I pretend I never noticed anything?”
He’s offering me an out, a way to keep Elliott to myself for a little longer. It’s just, the fact that he’s giving me this option makes me want to share it with him and only him.
“They destroyed the only photo I had of my brother with me, it’s been ripped to shreds.”
“Can’t you ask him to send you a new one?” he asks, and I don’t know what my face is doing but I watch as realisation dawns on him.
“Oh, sweet girl, I’m sorry I wouldn’t have said that if I’d known. Can you forgive me?” He looks so worried that he may have made things worse, how can I make it clear that he’s done the opposite.
“No.” He looks horrified, so I rush to finish what I need to say, “Because there’s nothing to forgive. You didn’t know, and once you did you didn’t look at me with pity. Honestly Noah you’ve made things feel easier and my heart hurt a little less. For a little while at least. I’m glad it was you I told.”
He awards me with his beautiful smile and my heart jolts for a second. If it feels like this after only a week, how will it be after the school year ends?
Six
I stay with Noah until dinner time comes around and we walk to the canteen together. Amias cocks his brow when we enter and then again when Noah tells me to sit down and refuses to let me get my own dinner. He’s still worrying about me, but I do feel a little better. It will be so satisfying when I make whoever did this pay, I may suspect Harrison, but I won’t get even until I know for sure, he wants a war and I won’t tuck my tail and run.
