by B C Morgan
“You’re right that I shouldn’t have interfered, but you’re wrong if you think he’s only here because of me. You two are as helpless as each other, he’s ridiculously awkward and shy. And although I find it endearing it wasn’t going to help either of you. So, hide in here if you want to, but you need to know that he’s here because he wants to go with you. This has nothing to do with me.” I give her a long look, but she doesn’t lift her head out of her hands and I leave feeling like a massive piece of shit.
“You did a good thing, she’ll see that eventually,” Roxie says, but she doesn’t sound like she really believes it.
We all leave, except Bella and Mattias and I’m reminded once more of how much easier it is when you don’t have people to care about. Not that I want that kind of life again.
Sixteen
The building has been decked out with a photographer and a beach scene backdrop, there’s plenty of drinks and buffet type food and the music is eclectic.
There’s the typical party music like the Macarena, Time Hop and the Cha Cha Slide. There’s also hip hop, rock and some lovey-dovey stuff. Pretty much, there is something for everyone.
“What do you want to do first Hen?” Elijah asks, putting his arm around my waist.
“Food, drink and dancing. In that order,” I reply with a smile and we find two tables and put them together, so we don’t have to split up the group.
Noah claims one seat beside me, and Elijah quickly grabs the other, I’m nervous that Amias might get in an arsey mood but other than a scowl he seems okay.
It’s fun, we eat and drink and chat with Roxie and Declan. The other Shepherds keep glaring at us, but with Britney gone no one cares that these two are together. Elijah keeps asking for the first dance and Amias is starting to grind his teeth.
“Would you like to dance my warrior?” I ask as I stand up and hold my hand out to him. He smiles and stands up taking my hand as I lead him out to the dance floor.
The music is fast when we get to the middle and I’m shaking my hips and throwing my hands in the air, my heart races as he puts his hands on my waist and I turn around to face him.
He’s looking at me as though he’s starving and I’m the only thing that can satisfy him, a dangerous thought but it still excites me. Suddenly the music is changing into something softer, Tenerife Sea by Ed Sheeran starts playing. He pulls me up against him and I wrap my arms around his waist, as he puts one hand to the back of my neck and the other on my lower back.
“I’m glad you came tonight.”
“Me too, this doesn’t mean that I’m suddenly okay with sharing you. But I didn't want to miss out just because I’m a jealous arse.” He lowers his head so it’s leaning atop mine, and I push the side of my face to his chest.
“I don’t even know if I’m okay with being shared, I just don’t want to lose you, any of you.” My voice is low but I know he can hear me, I’m glad they’re all here but it doesn’t chase away my very real fears of losing them. All of them.
We stay there swaying, as the song changes again and even though it’s more upbeat we stay the same. That is, until Elijah comes sauntering over and asks for the next dance.
I don’t want to say no, but I don’t want to upset Amias either.
“It’s okay, you dance with the buffoon, I’m going to get a drink.” He drops a kiss on my head before walking away.
I’m pulled into Elijah’s arms and I swear I can hear him sigh, almost in relief. It feels like home being held by him, the problem is, it feels that way with all three of them.
He suddenly grabs my hands and spins me out, before twirling me back in and dipping me low. His mouth is so close to mine I could kiss him, but I’m holding back, it isn’t fair to do that with the others close by.
“I really want to kiss you right now. I’m walking you home alone tonight Hen. No arguments,” as if I would argue with that. I want the same thing and I don’t doubt that my eyes are mirroring the same hunger I can see in his.
He spins me around again and I see Amias at the buffet table and Chelsea has got her hand on his chest.
“It’s okay, he isn’t interested in her,” Eli says, but it doesn’t stop my stomach from twisting and when I see her walk out of the ballroom, I can’t stop myself from following her out.
“Henleigh, shit…” is all I hear before I charge out and rush up to her.
I grab her shoulder and spin her around, I see her eyes widen as I pull her forward and send my knee into her stomach.
“Don’t you ever lay your hand on Amias again,” I force out through clenched teeth.
“You don’t own him,” she wheezes and I love the fact she’s finding it hard to catch her breath.
“You’re right I don’t, but he’s way out of your league honey and I look out for the people I lo...care about.”
Fuck! I almost said love, how and where did that come from? And who does she think she is? As if Amias would ever be interested in a tramp like her, she really is beneath him, all of them.
I push her to the ground before spinning around to find Amias and Elijah standing there watching me, I can feel my cheeks flush as I rush past them and claim my seat beside Noah. Please tell me they missed my little slip up.
I can’t say if they did but it isn’t mentioned and we enjoy the rest of our night and I have the biggest smile on my face when Bella enters with her hand in Mattias’, I guess I can do the right thing occasionally.
“I’ve had a really good time tonight you guys, thank you.”
“All thanks to you beautiful and Chelsea was in a right state when we got to you, got to admit a jealous Henleigh is hot as fuck,” says Elijah and Amias elbows him in the ribs.
“It seems the night is coming to an end, you guys good to go?”
“Sure are, once Noah dances with you, it’s gotta be fair love.” This is from Amias and his eye only twitches slightly this time.
Noah stands up and awkwardly pulls me to my feet before shuffling me to the floor. People are leaving and there aren’t many of us left out here. Forgetting two other couples we have the entire dance floor to ourselves and the DJ is playing John Legend All of Me.
“It’s the perfect song,” he says smiling softly and I quirk a brow at him.
“In my mind this is now our song, I’ll think of tonight and having you in my arms whenever I hear it,” Noah says, reminding me why I have fallen utterly in love with him.
“Noah, I,” nope can’t say it, not until I know if I can be with him.
“Me and Amias will be outside waiting, you’ve got five minutes kids,” shouts Elijah making Roxie and Leah crack up.
Noah smiles at me before his eyes drop down to my lips, my tongue darts out automatically and he tracks it before dipping his head and brushing his lips across mine.
I rise onto my tiptoes so I can deepen the kiss, and I can’t believe it when his hands skim across my arse and pull me closer. He soon moves them to my hips, but that slight loss of control shows me that he does feel something. I know he’s said it, but it’s nice having him show it as well. I think we stand here kissing for close to five minutes, as the music switches off and cleaners move in, he finally pulls away.
“Do you want me to walk you back to your room?” he asks, as he places his thumb on my bottom lip, pulling it down before capturing it one last time with his mouth.
“Gods yes, but Elijah already claimed that duty,” I reply, and he smiles so genuinely I wish he was always like this.
“It’s not a duty Leighbear, we do it because we care. I’ll see you for breakfast in the morning?”
“Too right you will,” I reply, squeezing his hand before we leave the ballroom and join back up with Amias and Elijah.
“This buffoon says he called dibs on walking you home, lucky fucker.” I can hear his jealousy, but he seems to be in fairly good spirits so I’m not too worried.
“You guys over value the whole role, it’s just to my door,” I say, and I don’t know how to rea
ct when Amias is suddenly on me.
Fingers tangled in my hair, and lips claiming me in the most bruising kiss of my life. He pulls away and smirks before flipping Elijah off and walking away.
Noah is standing here with his mouth hanging open, before he shakes it off and hurries off after him. I see him grab Amias’ arm and he slows down so they can walk back together.
“What was that all about?” My fingers are pressed against my swollen and still tingling lips, as I stand here in a daze, watching him walk away.
“I think when we come back in September he may be upping his game to get you to change your mind on staying single. Come on Hennie bun let’s get you tucked up in bed,” Elijah says with a wink before wrapping his arm around my shoulder and pulling me in.
“You are not coming in my room,” I say, and he smiles that cheeky grin before we walk back.
I meant it, he doesn’t come in but we do stand in my doorway wrapped up in one another for a good twenty minutes. I have to eventually push him away and order him to bed before I’m closing my door, and even though I’m smiling, I still can’t help but wonder. When will the other shoe suddenly drop?
This last week has been crazy, I still don’t know why Noah doesn’t do the advanced maths class. But that isn't really all that important to me now. He left school the day after the party, we met up for breakfast and he dropped a major bombshell. I can’t wrap my head around his revelation but what really bothers me is the way he’s acting about it. It’s the reason why I’m ringing him instead of queuing up for lunch, he can’t keep running from it!
“Hey Leighbear, how’s the last week of school going?” He sounds happy and I’m about to ruin it. Oh well, I’ll feel guilty later.
“No time for pleasantries, are you going to do it? Because you can’t keep living in fear, isn’t it better to know? What are you so afraid of?” I’m rushing through it, I think I’m worried he’ll hang up on me, even though I know deep down Noah would never do something like that.
“I’m afraid that I’ll have it and then I can kiss goodbye to any type of life I ever let myself imagine having. I’d have to face the reality that I’d never get a chance with you and I will spend a lot of my adult life in an assisted living place.” He sighs deeply and his fear is bleeding through the phone. “So yeah, I’m avoiding having the test done because I’m terrified, what would you have me do? Do it because you yelled at me to.” Here comes the attitude, I’m just not sure I really deserve it.
“Noah, you said you have demons that could go away, you need to face facts; whether you have it or not will not determine your life. It could be years before you develop any symptoms and you could still end up with me,” I say in utter frustration, I said the exact same thing last time and no doubt he’ll shoot me down once more.
“Henleigh, you’ve been through so much already. What if we got together and we fell in love, do you really think I could put you through that.” Oh Noah, I’m already in love with you. I’m just glad you can’t see my tears right now. “Watching the guy you love change, waste away and inevitably die. I won’t do it, and as I said before I will get the test done, I just want to live in denial for another month or so. Please don’t make me think about ignoring your call every time I see it.”
“Okay Noah bear, but when you come back in September we need to sit down and talk. There are things you need to know and I won’t say them over the phone. I have my own demons too, you may not want to know me once you know what they are,” I can hear the sadness and fear in my own voice.
The slight wobble to my words. The way I inhale and have to force them out, there’s no way he’s missed it either.
“Leighbear, of course we’ll talk when I come back. There’s actually something I want to run by you but it’ll have to be later, will you be okay if I go?” Selfless Noah, wanting to make sure that I’m okay.
“Hey sure I will, go spend some time with your mum. I’ll speak to you soon,” I don’t release my sigh until I disconnect the call.
I better go to the canteen and see what I can scrounge up, it’s going to be a weird summer and I’m going to miss Noah and Amias like crazy.
Luckily, I can get a hold of a sandwich but I’m not really in the mood to socialise, that feeling only intensifies when I get to my room and find an envelope on the floor.
The minute I look at the handwriting on the letter I know it’s going to cause me turmoil, it’s not from one of my bullies. It’s from my mum.
I sit on the edge of my bed, the sandwich all but forgotten. Am I ready to read this? No, but I’m still going to do it.
Henleigh
I did not think you would appreciate it if I used one of your nicknames, and for my therapy to have any effect I really need you to read this.
I want to start by saying how much I love and miss you and how sorry I am, not just for the substance abuse and all the times you came home to find me high or out of it. But for the things I have and have not said.
I know what you did to that girl is partly my fault, I never should have put the blame for Elliott’s death on your shoulders, I’ve struggled with his loss every day since the police came to our door. I could not deal with the pain and I took the easy way out.
We have both said and done things we regret, and I hope that we can apologise and move on and perhaps forge a new relationship.
I lost my son; I do not want to lose my daughter too. I really am sorry for blaming you, telling us wouldn’t have changed the outcome, it may have only delayed it. I love you Henleigh.
Mum
X
She wants me to apologise to her, for what? There is only one person who deserves an apology and it certainly isn’t my mother. I really want what she said to be true, it would be brilliant to feel like I have a mum again, but I don’t know if I can just forgive and forget. Not yet at least, I can’t say I believe that time heals all wounds but maybe it could make this one just a little easier to bear and move on from.
By the next day I’ve done everything there is to do before school breaks up, and we only have three days left to go. They mainly just let us watch films, play games and even take a few field trips. We went to the miniature village yesterday and it was like being a giant for the day. I didn’t try to go to the hospital at that time, but I have every intention of visiting him at least once more before I leave for London. Elijah’s really excited for me to meet his family and although they don’t approve of the fact I’ve lied to my father, they’re willing to give me the benefit of the doubt.
I can’t say how much Elijah has told them about me, and it’s nerve wracking, but it will be worth it in the end, I hope.
I spend the evening with Amias, and we cuddle up on his bed and watch an endless array of films. I don’t even know what we saw but it was nice not being inside my own head for a little while.
I know that Harrison has had his surgery and they had to remove a section of his skull to help with the swelling and they also drained some of the fluid away. We still don’t know if he will wake up, and my warrior is struggling more and more with every day that passes.
He keeps hinting that he wants to see me over our six-week holiday, and yeah of course I want to see him too, but I refuse to make concrete plans. Not unless he’s willing to go where I go. I feel so selfish thinking like this, but my mind can’t be changed.
Damn, the last day of school is here, I can’t believe I made it this far. The guys are way too hyper for me at six in the morning, but I’m determined to go running and I’m making Amias, and Elijah come along with me. I just didn’t anticipate that Elijah would be his usual self no matter the bloody time.
“Cheer up baby, it may never happen.”
“Hey, why do you get to call her baby?” Amias asks as he starts jogging backwards. I’m rolling my eyes, it’s too early to be dealing with their antics.
“Because she didn’t hate your choice of nickname and her eyes always go a little glassy when I say it. Win, win for Elijah,” h
e says, no idea why he refers to himself in the third person though.
“I swear, you get all the luck,” Amias throws back but there isn’t really much to say in response.
Amias is in a confrontational mood it seems, and Elijah is the worst person to have around when you’re in that mood. He can antagonise anyone, it’s his superpower for sure.
“You two pack it in or I’ll run alone, don’t test me you know I’m serious.” Like I said, way too early, and I’m not having it.
“Sorry little cub, I’m just not looking forward to leaving for the next six weeks. My folks won’t be back for another two weeks and that’s only if they don’t get delayed or side-tracked.” He sounds so despondent and I don’t like it, maybe I can cheer him up a little.
“I guess that means I’ll have to try and pay you a visit as well then or you could join us. I don’t know how fun it would be. But I’d love to have you,” I say, staring straight into Amias’ eyes, and he shoots a smirk my way.
“I’ll think about it,” he shouts over his shoulder, and I tell him he better.
Seventeen
All packed up and ready to go, Elijah has a car waiting for me and I’ve already said bye to everyone. I just can’t leave without going to the hospital to visit, it’s almost like a compulsion now. Forget it Henleigh, this will never make up for what you did. I know that but I still can’t stay away, I can’t think of a single thing I like about Harrison, but it doesn’t mean I want him to suffer.
“Hey H, I’m going to be gone for a couple of weeks. But I’ll try and come by while school is closed, I hear your surgery went well and you’re holding on. I’m glad you’re fighting and I’m certain you’re gonna come back as strong as ever. I wish I knew why you hate me so much, I just can’t ever see you being in a place where you would tell me honestly.”
