But there were more important things that night than sleep. He could sleep after he was done.
Rullon stared at the table in front of him, his mouth set in a grim line.
“I have to say, I knew something was going on, but whatever I had conjured up in my head, it wasn’t this.” Rullon smiled, and raised his eyebrows while he stifled a laugh, glancing towards the bed.
“You—” Troylus almost choked on his words, “You’re laughing?”
“No. But, come on. This explanation is kind of funny.”
Troylus just stared at him, his mouth hanging open.
“Okay, fine. Yes, it sounds bizarre. But you are not a liar, and I’m still going to be your dad, even if I don’t have some special light ability to fix things.” He shook his head, grabbing a smaller amount of food from the service, gesturing with his head toward the bunks, holding the food out to Troylus.
He smiled at his dad, shook his head, and brought the food to Zellendine.
She was asleep. Instead of waking her up, instead of worrying about one skipped meal when she probably needed the sleep more, he set the food down beside the bed and laid down next to her, curling around her on top of the covers.
“People are still here for you, Zellendine. I’m still here, and so is Rullon. We’ll be here for anything you need. I’m so sorry.” His voice was hushed as he spoke to the back of her head and hoped that the knowledge sunk into her sleeping mind so at least she would feel a tiny bit less alone when she woke up.
21
Zellendine
Warm. She was so warm. For a minute she thought her mother was still alive and she was wrapped in her arms.
It happened from time to time. Had since her mother passed, but she must have needed a lot of support if her dad was holding her gently, wrapped around her, with an arm draped over her side.
But… Her dad was dead too.
Everything poured back through her mind, the horror and the agony of the day before. She sucked in a breath, and it exploded from her in a chest caving sob as she threw the arm of whoever it was off her and jumped from the bed.
“Zellendine? It’s okay,” Troylus said, popping up in the bed and rubbing his eyes.
“Okay?” Her voice cracked, and she would have been screaming at him, but a hoarse scratch came out instead. “Nothing is okay, Troylus. My dad is dead, and you’re what? Fucking around? Coming into my bed when I’m asleep? How did you get in here?”
“No. That’s not what I meant.” He slid out of the bed and she backed away, slamming her back into the wet room door.
“Hey,” Rullon said, making her head snap to the side and spot him sitting at the table with a bar in his hand halfway to his mouth. “Zellendine, I’m sorry if we startled you. And more than that, I’m sorry about your dad.”
She curled over, her arms wrapping around a middle that felt like she had taken blow after blow.
But her mind was running full speed, trying to process this small part of her strange new reality.
“Why are you both here?” she asked, directing the question at Rullon.
“Leadership asked me. They didn’t want you to be with strangers, and…” He looked over at Troylus and bit his lip. Putting the bar down in front of him, he turned to face her fully and frowned before he nodded and said, “They asked Briar’s family first.”
Even though she knew exactly how Briar felt recently, even though she knew it was for the best that she not push their carefully constructed boundary, and most of all, even though she wasn’t even sure what she wanted out of her relationship with Briar anymore, him turning her away when she needed him most chipped off another piece of her heart.
“I,” she started to say, her voice nothing more than a wheeze. She coughed, and started again, “Thank you.”
Troylus stood next to the bed, wringing his hands in front of himself like he was itching to do something, but Rullon nodded and went back to his food.
She wasn’t ready to start the conversation with Troylus about why he was in the bed with her. She wanted to remember everything from the night before and she needed to drink something before she was going to even try.
Going to the service, seeing her father’s favorite treats, was like picking at a wound. She got herself something to eat and drink, although she doubted either would have any taste to her at the moment, she had work to do.
At the table, across from Rullon, Troylus awkwardly hovering about as if he couldn’t figure out what to do with himself, she said the thought repeating in her head out loud.
“My father was killed on purpose, by someone with abilities. Someone with silver eyes.”
Rullon squeezed his eyes shut, and hung his head.
Troylus stopped his fidgeting and stared at her, his breathing too fast, but he swallowed, and then nodded.
“You think so too.”
“I don’t see any other explanation. I’m sorry,” Troylus said, his voice quiet with an almost anticipatory edge to it that made Zellendine pause.
“It’s not your fault that someone with your eyes destroys people instead of fixing things,” she said, and he relaxed against the bunk behind him, his breathing calming.
“We know that’s what happened,” Rullon said, nodding and opening his eyes. “But what do we do about it? Leadership has to know there’s a problem now, there are more people with silver eyes all the time. They’re going to be looking into this. I think maybe we should let them try and figure it out.”
“For you, it may be enough to let them try and figure it out,” she said, “To trust that they will figure it out and that they’ll do anything about it. But I can’t take the chance that they’ll just look forward and pretend it didn’t happen.”
“So,” Troylus said, standing up from his leaning position, “what are you planning to do?”
“First, I’m going to look at his holo. Then, I’m going to see my dad.” She took a second to close her eyes and shove her feelings down into her toes before she went on. “Then, I’m going to find the fucker that did this and I’m going to make him pay.”
22
Troylus
Whatever Troylus expected of Zellendine that day, it wasn’t how she actually handled the tragedy.
She was so good with the people in the clinic after the accident, maybe that was why she was able to remain so singularly focused and work for her goal even though this loss was hers specifically. But he couldn’t quite square the puddle of her, the screaming in agony version of her with this one. It was as if she allowed herself that, and now she was done with it and ready to do something, or several somethings.
Halfway through the day, he was taking food that Rullon had made to her, it was the third time she had eaten already.
Troylus couldn’t help it, every time he saw the holo in her hands after looking away, the image of Stephen’s outstretched hand flashed in his head.
Zellendine leaned forward from where she was sitting on the big bed, her hand reaching for the food, while she tapped something on the holo with her other hand.
She sucked in a breath and pulled her hand back, snatching the holo up off the bed and tapping something else. Her eyes grew gigantic, and a tremulous smile formed on her face. It was the first time she had smiled.
“Did you find something?” he asked, setting the food down on the bed next to her, not sitting himself like he wanted to because he still felt awkward about that morning.
“Yes,” she said, looking up at him with her eyes heavy with tears waiting to fall.
“Are— ” he cut himself off, he didn’t want to ask if she was okay. He wasn’t sure if he ever wanted to use the word again. “What’s wrong?”
“Come here.” She grabbed his hand and pulled, he stopped to pick up and move the food before he dropped onto it and made a mess.
Sitting next to her, she tapped away at the holo and pointed out something titled: Zellendine’s Ongoing Notes.
“What does that have to do with anything? It looks
like additional notes for a recently graduated apprentice. I have one too.” The look on her face told him he was very wrong and had no idea what was in this one.
“Dad and I had a shared file called something entirely different. This wasn’t here, this is new and…” she paused and tapped on the words. Before them were only two things. An odd sketch that didn’t look like more than a cone and a dot as if it was only a beginning of something much larger. And a number.
“I don’t get it. Is that something medics understand?”
“No. Dad was looking for a way for us to send the message. This is what we need to do that.” She shut her eyes and hugged the holo to her chest. “Thank you, Dad.”
He should have been happy, well, at least appreciative of what Stephen had managed to uncover.
But all he could focus on at the moment was the very real possibility that Stephen had died for the information she held in her hand.
“Zellendine,” he said, the sadness in his own voice surprised even him. He wasn’t sure pointing out what he thought explicitly for her was such a good idea. “Do you think it’s safe to have that holo? Maybe it would be best to try and hide it.”
“I…” She looked back and forth from the holo in her hands to Troylus, her face going from clear happiness to sadness to resolve.
“No,” she said. “You’re right. I’ll memorize it, and then I’ll put the holo back in the clinic.”
She ran her hand along the edge of the holo in a loving, soft caress. His heart ached watching her.
He was haunted by that outstretched hand, but she was hanging on to this, the last thing her father touched while he was alive. Of all the things he thought he could help her through, he understood finally, that learning how to let go of this small thing, was something she was going to have to do on her own.
All he could do to help, would be to protect her while she had this terrible risk in her possession.
“How much time do I have left to be with him before…” Her voice trailed off, but Troylus, and he suspected his dad too by the small flinch that crossed his face, understood what she meant.
“No rush,” Rullon said. “After the accident, everything is a bit behind. So, you can take whatever time you need.”
When she was ready, they went with her. Their cobbled together collection of people left from other broken families, they formed their own family-like unit.
Zellendine spent an entire day with the sheet-covered body of her father, both Troylus and Rullon by her side.
There were some tears, but mostly she told them stories.
She ran her fingers along the sheet where it covered her father’s good hand, and she spoke of when her mother was alive. She spoke of her apprenticeship. She spoke of all the small and large things about her dad that came into her head in the moment.
Neither of them said a thing about her looking back. The only time it was allowed was during the mourning period. And even if it had been prohibited, Troylus didn’t give a fuck anymore.
Whatever rules the Chapter had were only a concern to him in the threat they posed, but soon he would be on the planet, and as soon as Rullon and Zellendine were with him, he planned on never following their rules again.
If someone like Stephen, who followed the rules almost every day of his life and only broke them in the service of others, was going to die for that small transgression, then the Chapter was beyond repair.
He touched the edge of the sheet, not sure if he was actually making contact with the man beneath it or not, but he wanted to promise him.
Regardless of how hard it was going to be, or what he would have to do to make it happen, Troylus promised Stephen he would protect Zellendine and that after they got on the planet, he was going to do everything he could to take down the Chapter so they couldn’t do what they did to Stephen again.
23
Zellendine
Watching her father being sent into the stars was so much worse than she thought it was going to be. She had in her head that somehow seeing him sent out of the chute would be a kind of catharsis. That it would somehow magically provide an end to her grief.
She was wrong.
The pain in her heart lingered as she, Troylus, and Rullon finally lost sight of him and then walked away. The missing piece of her life, the giant gaping hole that was normally filled with her father, was still as empty and black with just as much gravitational pull as before.
Part of her wanted to compare it to when her mother died, but she was much younger then, and there was so much she had pushed out of her mind to allow herself to move on that there were big patches of missing memory.
But at least she had the holo in her hand. At least she had the number to memorize. At least she had a mission.
“It was radiation,” she said, once they were all back in their quarters and she was eating another helping of Rullon’s food.
“What was radiation?” Rullon asked, pausing with a bite halfway to his mouth.
“One of the things that Stephen found when he scanned me was that my cells had responded to some kind of highly focused and apparently benign radiation,” Troylus said, sitting on a small stool he had pulled over to the table to act like a chair.
“Yes, but that same radiation reading was on my dad’s wounds.” She stared off into space for a moment, one hand feeding herself, the other tapping a steady beat on the holo beside her.
“So, it was for sure one of us who did it.” Troylus didn’t ask the question, he said it as a statement of fact.
“How did you find that out?” Rullon asked.
“While we were in there with my dad, below the table I had his holo run scans.” She was still staring into the middle distance, tapping away on the edge of the holo she used, but she looked back at them, just in time to notice as Rullon’s jowls grew more pronounced and a line appeared between his brows.
Rullon looked to Troylus who just nodded in response.
“What?” she asked, looking back and forth between them.
“I’m just letting him know that, yes, that makes sense to me,” Troylus said, “And that he should consider people like me dangerous.”
“Stop it,” she said, shaking her head and bopping Troylus on the shoulder as she stood up to get something to drink. “We already know that you’re not dangerous. Some people probably can’t control themselves, like whoever exploded and killed themselves and a bunch of others. But not everyone is a good person, so the likelihood that someone who developed abilities would turn out to be fucking horrible was high as long as more people were getting silver.”
“Getting silver?” Troylus asked, he said it like the combination of words felt wrong and clunky in his mouth.
“I don’t have a good way to say it. Until we come up with something, we’ll all just have to know what we mean.”
“A good way to say it,” Rullon said, shaking his head. “Even that doesn’t sound good. It sounds like this is a disease. Are we sure this won’t make people sick in the long run? And do we have any idea where the radiation is coming from?”
“You’re right,” Zellendine said, bringing her drink back to the table. “It doesn’t sound great, but no. It all seems to be beneficial side effects. And also no, I know dad was going to do some testing all over the ship, to try and find the source of the radiation. Some of those scans are still up on his holo, but as far as I can tell he didn’t find anything. If he had, I think he would have kept the scan, or at least mentioned it in that secret message file to me.”
While the guys talked about theories on the source of the radiation, Zellendine put it out of her mind to focus on who she thought could have been responsible for her father’s death.
Of all the things she didn’t know, there was one thing she did, where she found his body.
So, the next day she was going to make her way to that hallway, to that room. She was going to make note of her surroundings in ways she hadn’t before. And maybe, if she got lucky, she would find something
.
The only question left in her plan was how she was going to make sure Troylus didn’t follow her.
24
Troylus
She was up to something. He knew she was scheming. She was going inside herself, and she was keeping something secret. He couldn’t be mad, because maybe it was just how she was compartmentalizing to save herself from her own grief. But he couldn’t help thinking she was up to something that was going to get her hurt.
There were silver-eyed people all over the place. Their abilities were volatile. He didn’t trust anyone anyway, and right at that moment he wanted to keep all the people he cared about hidden away from everyone else.
What good was his ability if he couldn’t use it to help protect people?
“I’m heading to the clinic,” she said after getting ready in the morning and grabbing her dad’s holo.
“Are you putting that away in the clinic?” he asked, popping the last bite of food into his mouth.
She looked at the holo as if it were a lot more than a standard issue device many had used over the years. Part of him wanted to tell her to hang onto it, but it was as dangerous to her where leadership was concerned, as it was sentimental to her personally.
But she nodded. She folded her arms around it and nodded to both he and his dad, and then she was gone to brave the hallways.
“I should walk her to the clinic,” Troylus said.
“You can’t escort her everywhere,” Rullon said, slapping his hand on his shoulder and passing him for his turn in the wet room.
“Fine. But I can’t stand around. I’m going to the office.” Rullon nodded as he shut the wet room door and Troylus left, diving into the human chaos that the hallways had become.
No matter what Rullon said, or that he knew he was starting to piss Zellendine off by being too there all the time, Troylus still scanned the people ahead of him, trying to pick her out of the crowd. Often, it worked. He could usually spot her, but not that time.
The Spindle Page 8
