by Stead, Nick
The classroom door was unlocked so I let myself in and took my seat at the back. My fellow classmates weren’t far behind. Becci sat beside me.
“Feeling better today, Nick?” she asked.
“Yeah, a bit,” I said. “Actually, I feel great. Pity we’re stuck in school – wouldn’t it be great to go see another movie? It was a right laugh. We have to do that again sometime.”
Becci shifted with discomfort and my face creased into a frown. It would be a while before I managed to retrieve the memories from these first few months of my lycanthropy, but back then everything was confused, and if I had any vague memories it was hard to make sense of it, and even harder to distinguish true memories from nightmares. That was probably as well. If I’d been aware of the way she’d run off and left me to die, especially when I’d risked my own life to help her, I don’t know what I’d have done.
I could feel a reckless energy buzzing inside, positive for the time being, though I was sure that could change at any minute. It’s hard to describe to a mortal, but it was like I’d been struck by a bolt of electricity and now I was charged with it, and I just had the sense that it could turn my mood quicker than Dad’s. If anybody angered me there was a good chance I might do something stupid, something that might lead to the Slayers discovering what I was. And according to Lady Sarah, if that happened my life was over. I didn’t even know if I could trust her, but what reason did she have to lie to me? As unbelievable as some of it was, I was already experiencing things which backed up what she’d said. Whether the rest was true or not, I had to believe it, because if I didn’t and I was wrong, I was doomed. And even if the Slayers didn’t really exist, I doubted humanity would let me remain a free man if they learnt the truth. At the very least they’d keep me locked up, but I knew they could well take my life if I was seen as a threat.
She was about to say something else but thought better of it and kept quiet. Normally I’d have asked what was up but things were still far from normal. Snatches of other conversations began bombarding my eardrums and I glanced around the room, trying to make sense of the noise. It took me a moment to refocus on my friend.
There seemed to be an uncomfortable silence between us then and I decided to change the subject.
“So, Becci, would you ever fuck a corpse?” I asked, grinning.
One of the girls in front overheard and twisted round so I could see the disgust on her face. “You’re sick.”
Becci, on the other hand, looked thoughtful. “It depends on whether it’s a fit corpse and how long it’s been rotting. Might be a problem for a woman though, if the corpse was limp. I don’t see how it would be possible.”
“It’d be possible if it was in rigor mortis,” I said, and we both laughed. Others were looking at me, wanting to know what was so funny. I doubted they’d have got the joke, even if they’d been listening.
She was about to say something else when our Form tutor, Ms Brooks, entered the room, cutting our conversation short. Silence fell as she sat behind her desk, ready to take the register.
After she had given out messages from the Head of Year, she handed me my new timetable and planner, the rest of the class having already been given theirs the day before. I scrawled my name with little enthusiasm on the front of the A5 sized book, feeling I was signing away my freedom for another year.
While I was momentarily distracted, Kerri seized her chance, snatching my bag from under the table.
Mischief resonated at the very core of her being, and it was this that led her to dig through my backpack in search of the most treasured possession she knew I would be carrying around school. With her prize clutched in her thick, chubby fingers, she dropped my bag and danced out of reach, heading for the other end of the room. Anger took control. I stood so quickly I knocked my chair over, ready to give chase, but Ms Brooks was quick to intervene.
“Kerri, pack it in; Nick, sit down,” she said calmly, her tone betraying a hint of impatience and a warning in her eyes. Most of the time she wasn’t too bad as teachers went, and she was friendly enough, but she could control the class when she needed to.
Seething, I glared at Kerri, my lips curving slightly to bare a few teeth in a partial snarl, remnants of the wolf I’d been just hours earlier. Some part of me tried to make itself heard, reasoning that a troublemaker like Kerri wasn’t worth starting to slip down the disciplinary slope before school had even truly begun, yet it was all but drowned out in the roar of emotion rushing through my veins. Books were my one source of escape, most of my spare time spent reading in the hope I would go unnoticed by the rest of the school. Kerri knew how much they meant to me and my reaction only fed her need for mischief.
“This is your verbal warning, you two. I won’t ask again,” Ms Brooks said.
Still I grappled with the desire to cross the room and physically retrieve my book from Kerri’s thieving, grubby fingers, but finally my reason won out, if only because of the thought that losing control could cause me to transform. The anger subsided enough for me to pick up my chair and do as I’d been told. Kerri was slower to respond, causing Ms Brooks to lose her temper.
“That’s it, Kerri. Give me your planner – now!”
Finally Kerri gave in, handing me back my precious book and accepting the negative comment without complaint. Comments led to detentions and detentions led to isolation, where you had to spend all day in a little cubicle, cut off from your classmates and working in silence. Next came suspension, and eventually removal from the school, though if the offence was bad enough teachers could skip the lower levels of the system. Much to the dismay of her teachers, Kerri hadn’t quite given them cause to kick her out yet, though she was getting closer by the year.
Anger continued to smoulder beneath the surface of my being. It surprised me. Yes, Kerri was annoying, but she had never invoked such a strong reaction in me before, especially when I hadn’t even been trying to read the book that morning. I realised with a jolt I’d been ready to fight her over it, right in front of a teacher! And much as I hated the bully, she wasn’t worth that. I’d have been straight in detention at least and probably grounded by my parents, neither of which were particularly appealing prospects to my teenage self. The anger had been stewing inside me for years; anger at Dad, anger at everyone who bullied me, anger at myself for not doing anything about it. But I’d always kept it in check. Now it seemed to have deepened, no doubt as a result of my lupine half’s awakening, and I knew I was going to have to work harder to keep it under control.
Form was nearly over by the time Kerri had been dealt with, and I realised I didn’t know what lesson I had first so I checked my timetable. Maths. Well that wasn’t too bad I guessed. Then the bell went, signalling the end of Form and the beginning of the first lesson, and I walked out of the room with Becci, picking up the macabre conversation from where we’d left it.
“Well, Becci, you can fuck me when I’m dead, I don’t care. If I’m lucky I might even be able to feel it in the afterlife.”
She laughed. “Maybe I will!”
“Maybe? Come on, am I not Satan’s gift to women? I bet every girl in the school wants me really. And just wait till I’m famous! Every girl in the world will want a piece of the action, and I’ll be all too happy to share.”
The girl who’d been sat in front of us ended up behind us on the stairs up to Maths. She must have overheard again. “Do you have to be so sick? Why can’t you have normal relationships like normal people?”
“’Cause I ain’t normal. Anyway, love is overrated. All it causes is pain and sadness; it’s a useless emotion. Just get ’em to bed and move on – saves a lot of pain and heartbreak. That’s all relationships are good for. But falling in love with a corpse, just imagine it – all the sex you want without the arguments, and you don’t have to sacrifice a single thing for your lover. Isn’t that anybody’s ideal relationship if they’re being honest?”
“You’re insane,” she said, and I imagined there’d be a look
of sheer disbelief on her face if I turned round. “Love is real. It can make you stronger, give you something to live for. It isn’t useless – it can do a lot for the soul. You’ll see someday.”
“Ha, yeah right. I’ll stick to the shagging side if it’s all the same to you, whether they’re dead or alive.”
“I have to agree with Nick on that one, sex is the best part of it,” Becci said.
We were now in the Maths corridor and it was time to go our separate ways. I was in the fourth classroom along, while Becci and the other girl were in the fifth. Any further discussion would have to wait.
The day dragged after that. I wouldn’t bore you with the details even if I could remember them, though it was the start of the year which probably meant we were just going through what we’d be studying in the months to come. I switched off while teachers droned on, everything I learnt back then long forgotten. It didn’t help my concentration that I could hear all the other teachers in the classrooms around us, and even worse were the mouthwatering scents of covert snacks in blazer pockets. Hands dipped in whenever the teacher wasn’t looking, and I couldn’t keep my head from turning towards the rustles and crunches. The hunger was back. It was all I could do not to wrestle the culprits for a share.
French was one of the better lessons I had. It was one of the few classes with Lizzy, and talking to her helped keep my appetite at bay.
“Hi, Nick,” she said. Fiona took the place beside me and Lizzy sat behind. “I wasn’t going to come in today but I thought I better do, just to check you were still alive.”
We laughed for a moment, then Lizzy sobered again.
“Seriously though, you’re okay after the other night, aren’t you? I can’t believe the others ran off and left you like that.” She shot an angry look at Fiona who stared fixedly at the table, avoiding our gaze. Realisation struck. So that’s what Becci had been hiding. I felt another rush of anger and forced myself to take a deep breath.
“Yeah, I’m fine, thanks. It wasn’t as bad as it looked. They were just flesh wounds, that’s all.”
“Good. I can be angry at you now then.”
“Why, what have I done now?”
“You could have texted to let me know you were okay, you dick. You had me worrying all day when you didn’t show up yesterday! I tried ringing but your mobile was off and I couldn’t get through to your house phone.”
“Ah, sorry about that. I just needed a good sleep afterwards so I was in bed most of the day. Never even thought to turn it on.”
“You’re clueless sometimes, you know that?” But she left it there. Mostly I think she was just glad I was okay.
Talk turned to a virtual pet site we all played on.
“So will you be online after school?” Lizzy asked.
Fiona looked up again. “I will be, after dinner. I feel like roleplaying tonight.”
“Nice, I’ll definitely be joining in the guild roleplay later,” Lizzy answered. “I need to work on earning more points in the arcades as well, then I’m going to do some battling.”
We were interrupted by our new teacher’s attempt to start the lesson. Usually we would have had the same teacher throughout our GCSEs, but Mr Andrews had left at the end of Year Ten.
“Fine morning, class,” she began in a thick French accent. “My name is Miss Dubois and I am taking your French this year. Today let’s talk about, er how you say, hobbies from the summer. Did anyone do anything nice they are wanting to share with the class?”
As she talked, she wrote her name on the board and underneath she made a heading ‘My Summar’, to a chorus of sniggers at her bad English. The classroom chatter started up again.
“I dunno if I’ll make it on tonight,” I said, not bothering to keep my voice down. “Dad’s going through another of his bad years and you know how he is with me being on the computer ‘too much’.”
Fiona frowned. “What do you mean another of his bad years?”
“Every couple of years he starts getting angry for no reason. It lasts for about a year, then he’s back to his other self who can be a good laugh when he wants to, like fucking Jekyll and Hyde or something. That’s okay while it lasts, but then we have to suffer another year of his mood swings. It’s like this constant cycle with him.”
“Your dad’s always been nice to me when I’ve been round,” Lizzy said.
My tone turned bitter. “Of course he has – you’re not family. He puts on the friendly act for the rest of the world, but he takes it out on me and Mum when it’s just us. Not his precious Amy though – she can’t do owt wrong.”
Gloom descended at the thought of the atmosphere waiting for me back home. Even if I returned to find him in a good mood, it never lasted long during his bad years. Mum had often said to him he needed anger management and he’d even agreed with her, but he’d never been.
Sympathy filled Fiona’s eyes. “That sucks, Nick.”
“It’s okay, I know I’m a huge disappointment to him. I don’t give a damn anymore. In a few years I’ll be free of him anyway.”
That was my one comforting thought whenever things were bad at home, but sometimes that day seemed an eternity away. I often thought about just running away from it all. I couldn’t leave Mum and Amy behind though. There was no telling what might happen without my scrawny arse diffusing some of the tension. They needed me.
We were interrupted by Miss Dubois again, whose voice had been drowned out in all the chatting. The lights flicked on and off and silence was restored as we all looked round to see what she was doing.
“Merci.” She resumed the lesson, and we returned to our conversations.
The lights flicked on and off for a second time. It might have worked on primary school children, but of course it had no further effect on a room full of teenagers.
“I will have more quiet!” she shouted. Someone threw a paper aeroplane which hit her forehead and fell to the ground. She was fuming but she didn’t have the same presence as other teachers in the school, and no amount of shouting was going to control our class.
Most French lessons would be like that over the year, but I wasn’t complaining. It became a chance to talk to Lizzy and Fiona for fifty minutes, which felt like a nice break to the tedium of the school day.
Lunch came and went. I was relieved to find Mum in her office when I went to see her.
“You’ve spent your lunch money already?” she asked. “You best not have been filling up on crisps and chocolate all morning!”
“No, I wanted breakfast today. Think it must have been from not eating all day yesterday.”
“Go on then, take this.” She handed me more pound coins. “It’s all you’re getting though – see that you spend it on a proper meal.”
I gave her my biggest smile. “Thanks, Mum, I will. See you later!”
The food wasn’t brilliant – a plain burger was the best they had in the way of meat. But I tore into it with the same gusto as breakfast, then it was back to being bored out of my mind in the afternoon’s lessons.
When the bell finally rang at the end of the day, my energy boost had all but died. The feeling of being so alive was long gone. My lunar activities were beginning to take their toll, and twenty four hours without sleep left me exhausted. I stumbled back towards home and up to the safety of my room, collapsing onto the sofa beneath my bed as I listened to my parents rowing about something else. My eyes were drooping and I longed to give in to sleep, but the hunger wouldn’t let me rest yet.
With a sigh, I forced myself up and changed out of my uniform. My stomach was growling louder than ever but I waited for the argument to die down. Then came the sound of the door slamming and a car starting up outside, and I went downstairs to find Dad had gone to the gym.
Mum’s eyes looked a little on the moist side and there was a slight waver to her voice when she spoke to me.
“Ah, I’m glad you’ve come down, Nick. I need to talk to you about dinner. We’ve got chicken in breadcrumbs, spaghetti bolo
gnaise, or that chicken in red wine sauce you like.”
I shrugged. “Whatever’s easiest for you.”
“Are you okay, love? You look tired – early to bed tonight.”
Normally I’d have argued against an early night, but I was too knackered even for that. “Yeah, I’m fine – just tired like you said. Didn’t sleep last night.”
“How did you cope without your glasses today?”
“Fine. I think my eyes are getting better again – I could read everything on the board no problem.”
“I still think you should see the optician.”
I just grunted.
“Okay, well you can have the chicken in breadcrumbs because that cooks at the same temperature as ours. What do you want with it?”
“Whatever.”
“How about a jacket potato and peas; is that okay for you?”
“Yeah, that’s fine. Two pieces of chicken, please.”
She turned away, busying herself with cooking. I wasn’t fooled though. The sound of her stifled sobs carried through to the lounge as I sat and read more of my book, and my exhaustion grew.
CHAPTER SIX
Nightmares Awaken
The ground rushed by beneath my paws, a dark blur of fallen leaves and dry soil. I was panting with the effort, my breath steaming out before me. A thread of drool dangled from my lower jaw and fell amidst a knot of roots, an explosive vibration for the invertebrates lurking within. My prey was just ahead and I was closing the distance between us with every bound. She was beginning to tire – I could hear her heart pounding against her chest and her lungs gasping for air. The chase wouldn’t last much longer.
A fallen log barred my path. I leapt over it with ease and sprinted on, almost skidding as she veered to the left, my claws digging into the dirt and making deep grooves as I sought to keep my balance. Fast and agile as I was, wolves aren’t built for sharp turns.
