She frowned. Who was she kidding? She couldn’t possibly love someone the way she loved Jacob. Could she?
It was time to find out.
~
“Jacob!” Leah called out. Her voice sounded distressed.
He quickly towel dried his body, then poked his head through the bathroom door. “Jah?”
“Kumm! I…I need you to fetch the midwife.”
The midwife? Ach… “Jah, okay, I’ll be…just let me get dressed.”
He quickly threw his trousers on and rushed to the bedroom for his shirt.
He squatted where Leah lay on the couch. He took her hand and examined her face. “Are you…will you be okay here alone?”
She inhaled a sharp breath, then exhaled. “Could you have Rachel come over while you are out?”
“Jah, sure.” He nodded, then placed a quick kiss on her cheek.
He raced out of the house, through the adjoining door into the main house. Rachel and Marlin sat at their breakfast table and looked up at him as he entered unannounced.
“It’s Leah. The…the boppli’s coming. I need to fetch the midwife. Rachel, will you go stay with her?” His eyes pled.
She nodded. “Jah.”
“Gut.” Jacob rushed out the back door, hitched up the buggy with record speed, then took off down the road.
Ach, his boppli was coming!
TWENTY-FIVE
Rachel didn’t think Jacob’s smile could stretch any wider. Ach, the boppli looked so tiny in her beloved’s strong arms. He’d make a gut vatter for sure.
“Would you like to hold little Reuben?” He handed his precious bundle to her.
She took the boppli and held him close to her chest. Ach, the boppli was indeed schee. She bent down and kissed his forehead. Ach, he looked like Jacob.
“Our first little one.” Jacob whispered in her ear.
She stared at him, then glanced at Leah lying in her bed. Nee, this was not her little one. She had no business claiming another fraa’s boppli as her own. She was not part of this happy family. She was an interloper.
Rachel noted the pride in Jacob’s tone. She wished she could muster the same enthusiasm for this boppli. But he was a testament to the love between Jacob and Leah, not Jacob and her.
She’d go home to her house, while Leah would be the one nestled in Jacob’s strong arms tonight. Leah would be the one Jacob bestowed his kisses on.
Rachel fought hard against the feelings of jealousy and envy. It wasn’t right that her beloved had been stolen away from her. It wasn’t right that she floundered on her own, while Leah enjoyed the benefits of a happy family with her Jacob as the head.
Jah, she needed to do something different. She needed to find other dreams that didn’t include a life with another woman’s mann. She needed to move on without Jacob.
~
Jacob perused the arrangements of flowers as he entered the grocery store. Nee, purchasing flowers wasn’t typical for an Amish man, but he wanted to find some way to acknowledge the special women in his life.
The red roses were perfect for Rachel. A symbol of his undying love for her.
A colorful mixed bouquet would likely bring a smile to Leah’s face. He loved to see her smile. Colors reminded him of sunshine, and their boppli had already brought lots of sunshine into their lives.
He also grabbed a couple of small cards. He’d write on them later. He thought on the words he’d pen to Leah.
To my fraa and the mother of my boppli,
The sun rises and sets on your smile.
Love, Jacob
And then to Rachel. How much would be appropriate?
I dream of you often, Rachel!
Your Beloved,
Jacob
Hopefully, they’d both appreciate his gesture. A message to Leah, showing a husband’s kindness. And a message to Rachel, reminding her she held his heart.
He’d sneak in and deliver both of them when no one else was around. They’d be surprised for sure. He only wished he could see the looks on their faces.
~
Rachel frowned when she noticed a bouquet of red roses sitting in the middle of the supper table. When had those arrived? And more importantly, who were they from?
“Dat?” she called out but silence echoed back. Dat must still be working outside. He typically stayed out till she called him in for supper.
She marched to the flowers when she spotted a small card attached to them. Rachel, the envelope said. The handwriting was definitely familiar. She sighed and opened the card.
I dream of you often, Rachel!
Your beloved, Jacob
Her chest heaved. Ach, Jacob King had to be the most thoughtful man in the world! But he was not her beloved. Nee, he was Leah’s. This bouquet rightly belonged to her.
Why had Jacob brought this? It was not appropriate, in light of their circumstances. His fraa had just delivered their first boppli.
She thought of taking the roses over to Leah, but thought better of it. It might be best if she didn’t know. Nee, Rachel would hide these away in her room. Not that she needed a constant reminder of what couldn’t be.
Ach, why did Jacob have to go and do something wonderful like this? She’d been determined to date other men and try to fall in love with someone else. But when Jacob showed his thoughtfulness with romantic gestures such as this, it made it nearly impossible for any other man to measure up. Surely none of the men she’d be courted by would bring her red roses—a symbol of love.
Ach, Jacob. How can I ever forget about you when you constantly make me fall in love with you?
She’d have to get him alone and have a heart-to-heart chat. He needed to know her plans—that the two of them were truly over and she’d be seeking love elsewhere. It would be difficult, but it must be said.
TWENTY-SIX
Rachel knocked on the door of the dawdi haus, but nobody answered. She listened closely. No noise, which meant the boppli must be sleeping. She’d just seen Leah outside a few minutes ago, so hopefully Jacob would be inside alone. She’d try her luck.
The moment Rachel walked in through the door that adjoined the main home to the dawdi haus, she noticed a beautiful bouquet of flowers displayed on their table.
“Jacob,” she called out in a quiet voice in case the boppli was sleeping. No one answered.
She glanced around, then quickly tiptoed over to the flowers and snatched up the card that sat open on the table.
To my fraa and the mother of my boppli,
The sun rises and sets on your smile.
Love, Jacob
She sighed and set the card back on the table. Jah, she was sure and certain that Jacob King had to be the most thoughtful man alive.
“What are you doing in here?” Leah’s voice startled her.
“I…uh…”
“You have no business being in our home uninvited, Rachel.” Leah’s sharp words felt like a slap on the face. “What are you doing? Trying to lure Jacob into your arms again?”
“That was uncalled for.” Rachel sighed. “You don’t realize how hard it is to have the man you love—the man that loved you, that you’d planned to marry—given away to someone else.”
“Nee, I guess I wouldn’t know anything about that. Would I?”
Rachel caught the bitterness in her schweschder’s tone.
“It’s not my fault that no buwe courted you, Leah. It’s not my fault that you couldn’t find an mann of your own.”
“I found an mann just fine, denki very much. In case you forgot, Jacob married me.”
“He doesn’t love you the way he loves me.” Ach, she shouldn’t have said that. Was it even true?
“Rachel, you need to realize that the world does not revolve around you.”
“I never said it did.”
“Maybe not, but you sure act like it. Jacob doesn’t belong to you whether you like it or not.”
Rachel’s lip quivered. She knew he didn’t, but did Leah have to rub it in? The fac
t was, Jacob had chosen her. She was his first choice. His beloved. He’d even said so in his card.
“I’m the mother of his boppli.” Ach, why did she have to keep reminding her? It was quite obvious.
“Leah, I didn’t come over here to fight with you.”
“Then, why did you come?”
“I needed to talk to Jacob.” She walked to the door. “Please let him know.”
She stepped outside before Leah could protest.
Now the ball was in Jacob’s court.
TWENTY-SEVEN
Jacob took a deep breath and knocked on the door to the main house. He removed his hat, then placed it back on his head.
Marlin opened the door with a nod.
“Rachel asked to see me.”
“So she did.” His father-in-law frowned.
Rachel peered around Marlin. Her green dress brought out the emerald accents in her eyes. Ach, she was still the most gorgeous thing he’d ever laid eyes on.
His gaze flickered toward the table. The flowers he’d left earlier were no longer there. Hopefully, she hadn’t tossed them in the trash receptacle.
Rachel turned to her father. “We’ll be on the porch, Dat. I’ll make coffee when I come back in.”
Marlin grunted, but nodded reluctantly.
Rachel stepped outside and closed the door behind them. “We can sit on the swing.”
Jacob swallowed. How many nights had the two of them spent out on this swing? Laughing, talking, singing, and, of course, kissing. “You wanted to talk?”
She nodded and stared at her hands. He sensed that she fought back tears. “I’m releasing you from our promise.”
“What? I don’t want to be released, Rachel. I—”
“Think about it, Jacob. This isn’t fair to any of us. It’s already been over a year. My sister could very well live a full life. How many more years will pass before we can marry? Decades? It might never come. Do you really want to sit around waiting, hoping for your fraa to die? Leah deserves better than that. Your boppli deserves better than that.
“I’m not getting any younger, Jacob. If I’m going to find someone who will have me, it has to be before I’m an alt maedel. I love you, Jacob, but this just isn’t going to work.” She brushed away the tears on her face, but didn’t look at him.
“Rachel…Wha…? Not going to…” He squeezed his eyes shut. He wouldn’t cry. He. Would. Not. “Is there anything I can say to make you change your mind?”
She shook her head.
“You’re giving up on us?” His words came out on a whisper. Could she sense his devastation?
“I…I plan to see other men. For real, this time. To try to find someone who can love me and me alone. Freely.”
“I can hardly believe…but I…” Anger welled inside him. “Rachel, this was for you. If I had any doubt that you wouldn’t eventually become mei fraa, I never would have agreed to this. I would have moved on. Moved away. Something. But I… I’ve really, truly lost you?” His throat felt raw. This wasn’t happening.
“I can’t do this anymore, Jacob.”
“I thought our love was stronger than that.”
“Jacob, I love you with every breath I take. But sometimes love is just not enough.” She sobbed.
“Love is always enough.” He spoke the words gently.
“Nee, not this time. Not this time, Jacob.”
His arms ached to clutch her to his chest. To rub her back, her hair. To press her against him and graze her cheeks with his fingers. To kiss her into changing her mind. To assure her time would pass quickly, if she could just wait—if she could just hold on a little longer.
But even he didn’t have that assurance. What if she was right? What if she lost her chance at happiness? Of a life-long love? While he played husband and father to Leah and their kinner. What if what Marlin feared for Leah became true for Rachel? She was right. It wasn’t fair to her.
“Jah. Okay, then.” They were the saddest words he’d ever uttered. Did they convey the turmoil in his heart?
He didn’t know how he found the strength, especially with how heavy his chest felt, but somehow he managed to stand from the porch swing.
He took a step away from the swing.
Then another.
And he walked away from the life—the love—he’d always dreamed of.
~
It was at least two hours before Jacob returned to the dawdi haus. He couldn’t go inside. Not until he and Der Herr had a conversation.
He’d cried out to Gott. Yelled at him, in fact. Gott knew this would happen and He hadn’t stopped Jacob from marrying Leah. He hadn’t prevented Marlin’s interference in their lives. He demanded to know why.
Was Der Herr sitting up in Heaven on His holy throne laughing at him? Was He enjoying his anguish, his turmoil? It sure seemed like it.
Jacob received an answer, but it was not the one he wanted. What he wanted from Der Herr was to rewind the last year and a half and place Rachel at the marriage ceremony with him instead of Leah. Surely even that wasn’t too hard for Der Herr.
Instead, Jacob had heard these words. Ones he’d read over and over again. Be still, and know that I am God. My thoughts are not your thoughts neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. Those and, Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thine own understanding.
The words hadn’t been what Jacob had wanted to hear, but they humbled him. He wasn’t God. God’s ways were perfect, his were not. All he could do was trust.
Either that or do things his own way. That had never worked out well in the past. It likely wouldn’t now either.
The ferhoodled thoughts in his head told him to escape the Amish with Rachel—now that she was of legal marrying age, divorce Leah, and leave his boppli fatherless. But he couldn’t and wouldn’t do anything of the sort. Ach, the devil would surely rejoice if Jacob succumbed to a ridiculous scheme like that. He had to keep his head.
Nee, he did care for his fraa and boppli. He wasn’t about to give them up. But he didn’t want to lose his beloved either.
“Help me to trust You, Gott. Because I can’t do this on my own. You know how much I love Rachel. I don’t understand Your ways. Somehow, Gott, make this all work out.”
TWENTY-EIGHT
Jacob strummed his fingers on his pant legs. He was ready for Sunday meeting to be over with and it hadn’t even begun yet. Not the best attitude to have, especially on Der Herr’s day.
“Rumor has it that Rachel’s back on the market,” the young man next to him whispered.
Jacob frowned. He didn’t even want to acknowledge Jeriah’s comment.
“So, does that mean she’s free? Like totally? Because if she is, I’d really like to court her.”
Jacob grunted.
“Are you okay with that? I mean, I know the two of you dated for a long time and planned to marry.” He shrugged. “But you’re married to Leah now, so…”
“Rachel can do whatever she wants. She doesn’t need my permission.” Anger simmered beneath his words. Nee, not anger. Hurt. Devastation. Sorrow.
Jeriah sighed contently. “Good. Because I plan to ask her to ride home with me tonight. Ach, she’s sehr schee.”
Jacob shot up from the bench and raced outside. Ach, he couldn’t spend another moment in that stifling house. He’d miss meeting, and he’d likely be reprimanded for it. But he couldn’t sit there and just pretend that everything was okay.
Everything was not okay. Not even close. He had wed Leah for Rachel. He was producing bopplin for Rachel. He would eventually become a widower for Rachel. Rachel was his life. His breath.
The thought of losing her for good to another man was more than he could take.
Why had he ever agreed to Marlin’s ferhoodled plan in the first place? How had he thought this would ever work out?
But Jacob knew. He’d had faith in his and Rachel’s love. That it was strong enough to weather any storm. That it could withstand anything.
N
ow, he wasn’t so sure.
Rachel had given up on them. And that wounded him more than any sword piercing his flesh ever would. Ach, his heart was surely bleeding.
He wanted to beg her. To fall at her feet and plea for a stay of execution. Wasn’t love loyal? Didn’t love suffer long? Hope all things? Believe all things? Endure all things? Didn’t she have faith in their love?
He needed to talk to her again. Reason with her. Convince her to change her mind.
~
“Where are you going?” Leah called to Jacob just as he placed his hat on his head, ready to escape the house and scurry outside.
“Out. I have something to do.” He grumbled.
“Now? On Der Herr’s day?” Her disapproval was evident.
“Jah.”
“Jacob, whatever it is, you can talk to me about it.” She was likely concerned about his departure from church this morning, although she hadn’t brought it up, to her credit.
“Nee. I can’t.”
“Is it Rachel?”
He opened the door. “I have to go. Don’t wait up for me.”
“Jacob…”
He stepped outside before he heard all her words. He didn’t have time for a conversation right now. He needed to get back to the Millers’ place, where they’d be having the young folks’ gathering tonight. He had to stop Rachel before she made a terrible mistake and ruined everything.
~
Although Jacob wasn’t much older than the young folks present, he felt like a chaperone rather than one of the attendees. Especially with his beard.
Ach, it seemed like forever since he’d been to one of these gatherings. How many times had he escorted Rachel home from a singing?
As a matter of fact, she’d been the only maedel he’d taken home in this district. Since they’d fallen madly in love, he never had a reason to take anyone else home.
Perhaps tonight, he could rekindle that flame. Make Rachel remember the reason she’d chosen him in the first place.
An Amish Deception Page 10
