by Crist, J. D.
"What was that?" Shawn asked, still angry.
"Hurting Hope and me. I always come home the same day until today. She won't understand, and I can't keep her from that pain. The pain that you caused by going cowboy out here."
Emily couldn't find the energy to yell anymore and allowed herself to slide down the wall of the truck to the floor. She pulled her knees up to her chest and dropped her head.
"I wasn't trying to…." Shawn started.
"Leave her alone," Sam interrupted. "She can't take anymore right now."
Shawn walked back towards the door of the truck and leaned against the wall. They all sat in silence for hours, listening to the police siren go off and the dead occasionally running into the truck. The battery had more life to it than Emily had hoped for and showed no signs of dying anytime soon.
"You need to eat." Emily looked up at Sam, who was handing her a sandwich. "Julia gave them to me before we left."
"I'm not hungry," Emily replied.
"I know, but you still need to eat."
Sam held out the sandwich, and Emily could tell he wasn't going to stop. Emily took it and forced herself to eat a bite as Sam watched. Sam then sat down next to her and began eating as well. Emily looked around and saw that he had given everyone something to eat, even Marley. Emily forced herself to finish the sandwich and drink some water. As she finished, they all noticed that the sound of the siren disappeared.
"It will still take hours for them to settle down," Cole spoke. "But we still might be able to make it home tonight."
Shawn reached beside him and cracked the door on the truck maybe an inch or two. Emily could see that the sun was long since gone, and night had already settled in. Shawn shut the door and leaned back against the wall. None of them needed to say it. They all knew they weren't making it home tonight. Emily pulled the walkie from her backpack and tried to radio home.
"Sanctuary," Emily spoke into it. She noticed that she didn't hear her voice in Shawn or Sam's walkies.
"I couldn't get it to work earlier," Shawn said, not looking at her.
"So, we have no way to call home?" Emily asked out of frustration as she stuffed the walkie back into her backpack.
"I didn't mean for this to happen," Shawn said, looking down at her.
"I'm going to get some rest," Emily said aloud. "I suggest you all do the same. We will still have to fight tomorrow to get out of here."
Emily turned and laid her head on Marley's stomach and closed her eyes. Emily knew that she wouldn't be able to sleep but wanted a reason not to have to talk anymore. Emily felt herself allow a few tears to run into Marley's soft fur.
"You had to try to be a hero, didn't you?" Sam asked after several minutes had passed.
"You wanted to hunt him down just as much as I did," Shawn said with almost no emotion to his voice.
"I did, but when the time was right. I didn't plan to sneak away and put everyone's life in danger to do it." Emily had never heard Sam sound this angry before.
"You wouldn't understand," Shawn replied shortly.
"I wouldn't understand?!" Sam raised his voice. "I was there, remember?! I helped kill those bastards to get her out! I care about her too, you know?!"
"I wasn't saying you didn't, but it's different."
"Are you telling me that if I went rogue with a half-baked plan, didn't tell you, and put everyone in danger that you would be okay with it?!"
Shawn sat quietly and didn't answer.
"That's what I thought," Sam said sternly.
The truck fell silent once more, and Emily heard a few of them lay down though she couldn't be sure who. Emily laid still but didn't cry anymore. Emily laid for a long time but eventually fell asleep despite trying not to.
"Emily," Sam's voice pulled her awake as he shook her shoulder.
Emily forced herself to sit up and look around. Everyone was standing, and Shawn was looking towards the door. Emily stood and grabbed her crowbar as Marley stood to join her.
"We haven't heard the dead in a while now," Jose explained. "It's time to deal with stragglers and get the hell out of here."
"Then let's do this," Emily said as she walked towards the door.
Shawn opened the door quickly, and the sunlight burst in. Emily held up her hands to shield her eyes until they adjusted. On the street behind the truck, there was only one zombie. Shawn jumped down without speaking and proceeded towards it. Emily jumped down and moved towards the front of the truck. Everyone worked in silence to kill the few dead that remained in the street. Once they were finished, everyone began to gather around the back of the truck.
"We should get going," Cole said, looking around.
"Not without what we came for," Emily replied. "You three load the stuff on the sidewalk while we check the hardware store."
Emily didn't wait for anyone to reply and turned to go to the hardware store. Marley and Sam followed her to the door. Emily knocked and waited to ensure no dead had gotten in during the night. When no sound followed, she looked at Sam, who nodded in silent agreement. Emily opened the door and headed inside. She and Sam loaded a couple of carts with boxes of nails, hammers, and various other supplies. Once they had everything they thought they could use, they pushed the carts back out onto the street.
When they went back out, Emily saw that all of the boxes on the sidewalk were loaded. Emily and Sam pushed their carts over to the back of the truck to be loaded. Emily then turned and went to get into the back of the pickup with Marley, and Sam climbed into the driver's seat of the box truck. After a few minutes, Jose joined Sam in the box truck. Shawn looked at Emily as he walked by to climb into the cab of the pickup. Emily could see in his eyes that he was sorry, but she wasn't ready to forgive just yet. Cole walked to the cab and climbed inside, where Emily would typically sit. Emily was grateful that he did not join her in the bed of the truck.
Emily sat by Marley as the truck roared to life and began down the road. She heard muffled voices in the cab for a few minutes but couldn't understand what they were saying. Emily didn't turn to look through the window but instead watched the side of the road as the scenery whizzed by. Emily didn't look around until the truck began to slow. Emily turned to look at the station but couldn't get a good luck at it. Emily stood in the truck's bed and jumped out before Shawn could bring it to a complete stop.
"What the hell are you doing!?" Shawn yelled at her as he climbed out of the truck.
"My job!" Emily yelled back as she reached the station.
"Sanctuary, do you copy?" Emily spoke into the walkie. "Sanctuary?" Emily repeated after a few minutes. "None of the walkies are working," Emily said to the others.
"This is Sanctuary." Margaret's voice came through the walkie. "Emily, is that you?"
"Yes," Emily replied. "We ran into a complication but are on our way home."
"How far out are you?" Margaret asked.
"About an hour," Emily replied.
"We will see you then." Margaret sounded relieved.
Emily returned the walkie to the station and jumped back into the bed of the truck with Marley. Shawn walked past her without speaking and climbed back into the cab. Emily heard the muffled voices once more, and then the truck began to move. Emily continued to watch the trees go by and felt the truck turn onto the logging road after about an hour. Emily watched as they passed by the old SUV, showing that they would soon be home. Emily could tell that it was nearly noon and was sure that everyone was concerned they wouldn't be coming home.
Emily felt the truck come to a stop and knew that they had reached the wall. She climbed out of the truck with Marley and entered the code on the keypad. The gate roared to life, and Emily walked through the gate before the trucks could. She ran the stairs to the control room and entered the code to close just as the last truck passed through. Emily ran back downstairs and immediately spotted Julia holding Hope. Emily dropped her backpack and weapons at the base of the stairs and ran towards them.
"Hope." Emily to
ok Hope from Julia and wrapped her in a hug.
Emily breathed in Hope for several minutes and had no plan ever to let her go again.
"What happened out there?" Julia asked.
"I can't talk about it right now," Emily forced herself to look at Julia. "The important thing is we all made it back."
"Was it Jeff again?" Ben asked.
"No, this was…this was…." Emily couldn't find the words.
"You're all safe," Ben smiled. "That's all that matters."
Emily nodded and shifted Hope to her hip. Emily looked towards the inner gate just as Shawn as the others entered.
"We brought back quite a bit that will need to be brought in, sorted, and inventoried," Emily said, looking away from Shawn.
"Sounds like I'm up," Jessica spoke as she walked towards the gate.
Julia and Isabelle followed Emily towards the gate. Emily knew they were eager to see their husbands. Emily focused her attention on Ben.
"Was everything alright here while we were gone?"
"Derick tried to get an election this morning to put him in charge," Ben smiled. "We may have accidentally locked him the construction trailer."
Emily felt a smile spread across her face.
"Someone should let him out and give him the good news," Emily replied. "I take it that everything else is okay."
"Oh yeah, we all knew what we were supposed to do, and it got done," Ben smiled.
"I'm glad to hear it," Emily smiled. "If you'll excuse me, I think it's time for a diaper change."
"Of course, she's probably beyond ready for a nap. I know she kept half of us up all night screaming for you to come home."
Emily nodded and walked with Hope and Marley to their house. Emily opened the door and took her family inside. Emily closed the door behind Marley and walked upstairs to change Hope. Emily took her time with the diaper change and laid Hope in the crib. However, Hope refused to let go of Emily's hand. Emily picked Hope up once more. Emily carried Hope over to the rocking chair and sat down. Emily held Hope in her arms and began rocking back and forth. Marley laid in front of the chair a little way, most likely to protect his tail from the rockers. Hope tried to fight sleep, but she was fast asleep in Emily's arms after fifteen minutes. Emily knew that she should lay Hope back in the crib, but she wasn't ready to let go yet. Instead, she continued to rock.
"Can we talk?"
Emily glanced up to see Shawn standing in the doorway.
"Not now," Emily replied, looking back down at Hope.
"Please?" Emily could hear the sound of pleading in Shawn's voice.
"Shawn, I just can't," Emily replied, still not looking at him.
"I'll be downstairs if you change your mind." Emily heard Shawn walk away.
Emily continued to sit with Hope for a while longer. Then she stood and placed Hope in the crib. Emily headed to her room, and after washing up, changed into a fresh pair of clothes. Emily then headed downstairs to find something to eat. Emily stopped at the bottom of the stairs as Shawn stood up from the couch.
"I just want to say I'm sorry," Shawn said, not moving from where he stood.
"I know you are, but that doesn't make it all go away," Emily felt all of her anger boiling back up to the surface.
"I thought if I killed him, it would protect you and Hope. I never wanted to hurt you."
"But you did," Emily spat back at him. "You were so set on your belief that I need a hero to save me that I ended up having to save you."
Emily worked hard to steady herself before she went on. She refused to allow tears to fall in this moment.
"I need time to sort through everything," Emily said, looking at him once more. "Until then, none of you are allowed outside the walls."
"I understand," Shawn nodded. "I just want us to be okay."
"We are not," Emily interrupted. "But that was your choice, not mine. Please, I need you to go."
Shawn stood still and showed no intention of leaving.
"JUST GO!" Emily yelled at him.
Shawn turned and headed out the door without looking back. Emily looked around the now empty living room and felt darkness trying to swallow her from all around. Emily fell to her knees and allowed the fear she had felt the night before to explode out of her. She felt the fear of losing the guys in the dealership, of never seeing Hope again. She let it all out until there was nothing left. Emily sat back as she felt the last of her fear drain from her body and looked around the room.
Emily forced herself to stand and walk over to the pictures she had hung on the wall just a few days ago. Emily looked at them each slowly but had to force herself to look at the picture with Shawn. She smiled, looking at him in his bear costume. Emily wanted to go back to that night when everything was perfect. Emily jumped as a knock came at the door. Emily dried her face and opened it.
"I just wanted to ensure that you were okay," Father Nathan said.
"I'm alive, and so is everyone else," Emily replied.
"I saw Shawn leave, and he looked to be upset." Father Nathan pointed in the direction that Shawn must have gone.
"I don't care if he is." Emily didn't look in the direction Father Nathan pointed.
"What happened out there?" Father Nathan asked.
"My best friend lied to me and put us all in danger."
"I'm not sure I understand," Father Nathan asked.
"Neither do I." Emily felt herself wanting to fall apart again. "I just want to be alone right now, Father."
"I understand," Father Nathan smiled. "I wanted to say thank you for the box of bibles you brought back."
"To be honest, I didn't know what was in most of those boxes," Emily admitted. "It was just luck that they were in there."
"Still, thank you," Father Nathan smiled. "I will be around if you need to talk."
"Thank you, Father." Emily didn't wait for a reply as she stepped back and closed the door.
Chapter 16
Emily spent the next few weeks avoiding Shawn, Cole, and Jose. Shawn seemed to know that she was not ready to talk and gave her space. Their conversations were short and only about Sanctuary. Hope didn't understand and but was upset by Shawn’s absence. Emily couldn't help but feel her pain every day in not understanding why Shawn didn't stop and talk to her. Emily tried her best to comfort Hope and distract her from what was going on in town.
To help make things like the world used to be, they were all planning to celebrate Thanksgiving. While they did not have turkeys, they did have plenty of chicken for each household. Emily was finishing her walk with Hope and Marley around the wall to check on everyone before heading home to start their dinner.
Emily was nearing the final checkpoint and slowed her pace as she saw Shawn standing ahead. Emily steadied herself and began walking in his direction. Marley seemed to understand that things were not okay with Shawn and didn't run ahead. Marley stayed by her side and paid Shawn no attention.
"I just wanted to let you know that no one has objected to the shifts. The wall will be fully guarded through the night, and I don't have another shift until tomorrow."
"I'm glad to hear it," Emily said as she continued on her way.
As she continued, Hope began to cry in the carrier. Hope continued to cry for the rest of the walk to the store. Emily wanted desperately to calm her, but she knew she could not give Hope what she wanted. Emily tried to look calm as she entered. Jessica was waiting for her by the counter.
"Hey, Jessica," Emily smiled. "I just wanted to make sure that everyone got their chickens this morning."
"They did," Jessica smiled. "I only had to put three into the freezer."
"Who didn't take theirs?" Emily asked.
"Father Nathan invited Derick over for dinner. I think that he is still trying to save Derick's soul," Jessica laughed.
"Well, I wish him luck with that. And the other two?" Emily asked, laughing.
"Shawn said he was just going to have a sandwich tonight and refused to take his." Jessica was looking at
Emily with knowing in her eyes.
Emily knew that everyone saw the rift between her and Shawn, but she still had not discussed it with anyone.
"Well, I'm sure that's a single guy's idea of
Thanksgiving." Emily tried to hide the concern in her voice.
"Maybe," Jessica replied. "Here's the stuff you asked for," Jessica said as she handed Emily a bag. "If there's nothing else, I'm going to head home and get to work. Sarah and I are planning to have dinner together."
