by Alana Terry
But she wasn’t ever going to grovel again. For the first time in her life, she saw her stepfather for what he really was — a pathetic, lonely man with no power except what people like her mom gave him. Mom fed his ego, bolstered his twisted sadism. If Chuck didn’t have someone weaker to manipulate and terrify, he was absolutely nothing more than a potbellied man, a pathetic creature unable to wield any power whatsoever.
For the first time since she met Chuck, Kimmie wasn’t scared of him. He could do what he wanted to her, then when he was done, he’d fall down exhausted and have to sleep until morning. She was younger, stronger, and more stubborn than he could ever hope to be. She was smarter too, which meant that she’d find a way to save both herself and Pip.
The torment would end, and Chuck would be left alone in a drafty, cold trailer, surrounded by beer cans and chip wrappers, with nobody left to terrorize, berate, or clean up after his pitiful messes.
Kimmie grinned.
And then realized from the glowing hatred in her stepfather’s eyes that this single gesture of defiance might cost her very life.
CHAPTER 21
“You think this is a game?” Chuck punched Kimmie in the gut, his breath hot as he bellowed in her face. “You think you can come here and laugh at me in my own house?”
The anger that soared through her was as exhilarating as it was dangerous. Struggling for breath, she knew she couldn’t irritate him further. She had to placate him. For Pip’s sake.
But all she could think about was how pathetic he’d look in an orange prison jumpsuit, tired and weary, an old man who’d destroyed everyone around him and was finally reaping the benefits of his cruelty.
He slammed her against the wall and laughed as she collapsed to the floor. It wasn’t until he unlocked his cabinet in the corner that cold fear chilled her whole body. He’d threatened each of them before with his rifle, even Pip, but that was always when he was so drunk he could hardly stand up straight.
She’d never faced him both armed and sober. All feelings of haughtiness and grandeur vaporized when he pulled out his hunting rifle. That’s what he called it at least, because apparently before he found a woman he could send to the grocery store to buy canned chili, he actually had to work for his food. Kimmie was still on the floor, wondering if she’d have time to kick him and knock him off balance if he decided he was going to fire.
Please don’t let Pip come out, she prayed and hoped that her brother was already asleep.
Chuck took a step forward. She’d already missed the opportunity to trip him with her leg. She was paralyzed, watching every one of her stepfather’s movements as though through time-manipulating binoculars. Chuck himself was stuck in slow motion as he brought the rifle up to his shoulder and aimed, but everything else — her pulse, her eyes darting in every direction in search of escape, her choppy breaths — had sped up exponentially.
Chuck slid the bolt forward. He was going to shoot her. Right here as she lay cowering on the floor, he was going to shoot her. She didn’t even have the courage to bring her hands to cover her face but instead stared at her stepfather, totally stupefied.
A defiant whine from the hallway was both grating and freeing. Kimmie jumped into action and sped toward her brother.
“Get him out of here,” Chuck hollered.
Pip squealed angrily, pantomiming a toothbrush with his finger.
“He wants to brush his teeth.”
“Just get him back in bed.” At least Chuck had the decency to wait to murder Kimmie until Pip was safe in his room.
Heart still speeding, Kimmie led her brother down the hall. The electricity had been cut off so many times she always kept a small flashlight in the top drawer of the bathroom. She turned it on, wondering how to help Pip clean his teeth without any running water.
“Here. Open your mouth.” She picked up his toothbrush, and he grunted in complaint, pointing to the tube of Colgate.
“No toothpaste,” she told him, “not tonight. Now open up.”
As she brushed his teeth, she brought her mouth toward his ear. “I want you to listen to me. No matter what you hear happening tonight, I want you to stay in your room, okay? If Daddy gets real loud, just stay in your room, and if he comes in acting mad …”
She couldn’t finish. What could she tell him? She wasn’t even sure if Pip understood anything she said. If something happened to her and then Chuck came after Pip … He could run. He knew where Mrs. Spencer lived. But what if he got lost in the dark?
“If Daddy’s really mad tonight,” she concluded, “it’s okay to hide. You remember hide and seek at the daycare?” The thought gave her an idea. “Remember how you hid in that big house?”
Pip’s eyes widened. Did he understand? She leaned in even closer. “If Daddy gets really mad and if I fall asleep or can’t help you, I want you to hide. And if the sun comes out and you can sneak outside real quiet, go over to Mrs. Spencer. Can you do that?”
Wait. What if Mrs. Spencer just walked him back home to Chuck? It was too complicated. If Kimmie wasn’t there to offer him every single direction like she’d spoon-fed him that night’s chili for dinner, how could she expect Pip to remember everything?
Which meant that Kimmie had to keep herself alive through the night so that tomorrow she could find a way to get them both the help they needed.
By the time she got Pip tucked back into his bed, Chuck was back in his recliner. She glanced nervously around the living room until her eyes landed on the rifle leaning against the cabinet.
“Don’t forget your application.” Chuck nodded toward the pile of paperwork Kimmie had dropped on the floor.
If it helped her survive to see Pip through one more night, she’d go through the motions of obedience. Kimmie stooped to pick the file up and glanced again at the cabinet, promising herself that as soon as Chuck was asleep, she’d find a way to get a hold of that rifle.
CHAPTER 22
The temperature had dropped, but the sun still hadn’t fully set. Another month or two and it would be dark before dinnertime, but for now the little bit of extra daylight still served in her favor. Pip had been snoring gently for about half an hour, and Kimmie’s eyes were strained from filling out that paperwork with nothing but the dim twilight and a cheap battery-powered flashlight.
When she heard the front door shut, she strained her eyes and peered out the window. When Chuck had to pee and the power was out, he either filled up the toilet or sprayed the area right by the front porch, but this time she could make out his fat figure sauntering toward the outhouse.
Her whole body trembled. She’d already planned what she was going to do, but what if Chuck found out? What if they ran out of time? Then what would happen to them?
Before grabbing Pip, she ran to the gun cabinet. Chuck still hadn’t put the rifle away. She’d never even handled the thing. Guns scared her, whether she was watching her stepfather aiming the barrel at her mom’s chest or just seeing a gunfight on one of his violent TV shows. But this was the only way to make her plan work. She was faster than Chuck, but she certainly wasn’t faster than a bullet.
She sprinted back into her room, trying to guess how long she had, begging God that it would be enough. Sometimes Chuck only needed a few minutes. Other times he could take nearly half an hour, although that was usually when he was in the house and had magazines to keep him busy.
She scooped Pip up, hoping he’d stay asleep until they were out of earshot. He’d be groggy and disoriented, and the last thing she needed was for Chuck to hear Pip crying as they made their escape. The biggest difficulty would be how to carry her brother and the rifle at the same time. She could just hide it. That way if Chuck went after them, at least he’d be unarmed. She didn’t have a lot of time to make her decision. Instead of taking it with her and risking falling and hurting herself or her brother, she rushed it into their bedroom and shoved it under her mattress. All she needed was a few minutes’ head start. She cou
ldn’t take Pip to Mrs. Spencer’s. That would be too obvious and one of the first places Chuck would look. They’d have to go in the other direction. Kimmie needed to end up at the highway if she wanted to find someone with a phone who could help, but her main priority would be to evade Chuck for as long as possible. That was the first goal. Everything else was secondary.
Kimmie yanked their blanket off the bed and covered her brother. Tattered as it was, it’d give Pip some extra protection from the cold. Thankful that he was still asleep, she hurried as quickly as she could toward the front door, grabbing her jacket. Where were her shoes? There wasn’t any more time to waste. She threw them on her feet, snatched up her brother’s tennies, and was out the door.
Chuck hadn’t been hunting in over ten years, but Kimmie didn’t know just how good of a sportsman he’d been in the past. Could he follow their tracks? Would he bother in this chilly twilight? She’d need to make her way to the trooper station, but first the long trek through the woods, away from the highway, away from the neighbors who might offer to help.
As soon as she stepped outside, she wished she’d brought that rifle. She wasn’t even positive that she’d know how to fire it if she needed to, but at least she’d look imposing. Then again, she couldn’t carry her brother and an awkward gun very far. Pip was getting heavy. The woods thickened just ahead. Once she was convinced they were concealed by the trees and the darkness, she’d wake him up.
She hoped she hadn’t forgotten anything.
Going back was no longer an option. No second chances, no second guessing.
She had to go forward.
Even if it killed her.
CHAPTER 23
Pip woke up when a branch pulled back and slapped his shoulder. Kimmie was panting. She hadn’t realized how tired she’d get carrying him for even this short distance. Wrapping the blanket more tightly around his shoulders, she leaned against a tree trunk and cuddled him close to her chest.
“It’s okay, Buster,” she said. “We’re going to go on a little …” A little what? What kind of name could she give to a situation like this?
“We’re going on a trip,” she finally explained. “And I want you to be strong and brave, all right? Can you do that for me?”
Pip was looking around at the trees in all directions. His eyes widened, and he clutched Kimmie’s coat.
“It’s okay,” she crooned as calmly as she could. “I know just where we’re going, and I’m going to stay with you.” She wanted to promise that he was safe now, but how could she be sure it was the truth? Instead, she bit her tongue and started to sing one of Mom’s Bible verse songs.
Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path.
It seemed appropriate for a night like this, when the deepening woods grew more and more menacing as twilight faded into darkness. Kimmie never had a great sense of direction, but without landmarks to guide her and only the light from the moon and stars, she felt even more lost. There was the big dipper, a staple in the Alaskan sky. If she followed it to Polaris, she was supposed to be able to find north, but the entire constellation tipped on its side and loomed so low on the horizon it hardly looked like it was pointing anywhere. And even if she knew were north was, that didn’t tell her which direction the trooper station was from here.
The farther she got from her neighbors or the Glenn Highway, the more lost she and Pip could get, but what other choice did she have? If Chuck hadn’t found out she was missing yet, he would any minute. Unless he was so tired he went right to his recliner after using the outhouse and fell asleep. It was possible. She doubted he was in the habit of spying on her and Pip at night to make sure they were both in their room.
Unless Chuck had a reason to suspect otherwise, wouldn’t he just assume they were asleep? Then she’d have until morning to find her and Pip the help they needed. Taylor and the other troopers would offer their protection as soon as she told them about the way her stepfather had threatened her with his rifle.
The rifle. Why had she moved it? Chuck would notice it wasn’t there. She should have left it totally alone. She and Pip could have been safe.
“Come on, Buster.” She slipped on Pip’s tennis shoes and tried to figure out the best way to keep him wrapped in the blanket without having him constantly tripping over the edges. “Look,” she said after she wrapped it up. “It’s a cape. You’re like a superhero now.”
Pip still looked as if he were on the verge of a meltdown. She needed help. Didn’t God understand she couldn’t do this if Pip was screaming and throwing a fit? Not that she could blame him. She was terrified, but she at least had the privilege of understanding why they were out here in the cold and dark. Pip must feel completely lost and clueless. She gave him one last hug before urging him on.
“Let’s go, Buster. We’ve got to walk a ways, but you’re big and strong and brave, right?” Even as she said the words, Kimmie wished she could feel any of those things at the moment.
A cold wind blew, and she cursed her thin jacket. At least Pip looked warm wrapped up in his blanket. She just hoped he’d be able to walk without tripping. She’d carry him farther if she had to, but right now all her energy was focused on keeping herself from hyperventilating from fear. She hummed a few lines from her mom’s Bible verse song, coaxed Pip forward, and they were on their way.
CHAPTER 24
Kimmie couldn’t believe it actually worked. She wasn’t great with gauging time, but she figured it must have been close to an hour by now since they left Chuck’s trailer. And so far, no angry yells or terrifying rifle blasts had pursued her and her brother.
She and Pip were deep in the woods now, but she’d followed a trail that was relatively straight. If she turned left and then circled back, she’d end up somewhere along the Glenn. Once she reached the highway, she’d be able to figure out where they were, and it was just a matter of time before they’d be safe at the trooper’s station. In a way, she was grateful Chuck had pulled the rifle on her earlier in the evening. It gave her solid evidence she could pass on to Taylor and the others. Surely they’d agree with her that a three-year-old shouldn’t be kept in a home with a father that volatile. She and Pip would finally be safe.
They would finally be free.
She continued to sing her Mom’s little songs. Pip would whine restlessly if she grew quiet, and if she were being honest with herself, the Bible verses calmed her down too. Her body was shivering from cold, but she warmed herself with thoughts of a future safe with Pip. They’d move to Anchorage. Life wouldn’t be a fairy tale squatting in Meg’s home, but hopefully that situation would only be temporary. There must be daycares in town that needed a full-time worker and had room to enroll one more preschooler. It might not be the easiest way to make a living, but just about anything was better than staying in Glennallen with Chuck.
And no more canned chili for dinner.
Ever.
She could take Pip to church. Chuck thought all religion was nonsense and refused to let his family attend any services, but now that they were free, Kimmie could find a church in Anchorage with a good children’s program where her brother could learn about the Lord. Even though she remembered her mom’s lessons, she felt terribly inadequate to teach them to her brother. Pip would thrive in their new environment. He might even catch up on his language skills once he settled into a home and a routine that didn’t involve watching his mom and sister get beaten up all the time.
It was happening. And Kimmie had done it. Her songs turned to psalms of praise.
Bless the Lord, o my soul, and all that’s within me bless his holy name.
For the Lord is good, yes he is. The Lord is good, and his love endures forever.
I called on the Lord and he answered me. He saved me from my trouble.
Even though Kimmie had grown up singing these songs and listening to all of Mom’s stories from the Bible, they’d never felt real to her until now. Kimmie was wrong to be angry at God for
failing to answer her prayers. All this time, he’d been working out the details — all the way down to the electric company turning off their power and Chuck’s having to use the outhouse — to secure their escape.
If only Mom had lived to see this day …
But Kimmie couldn’t think like that. Instead she shifted her thoughts to the future where she and Pip would have a nice place of their own. Nothing too outlandish. A two-bedroom townhouse would be fine. Anchorage had tons of parks. Her favorite playground while growing up sported a giant jungle gym, which was more colorful and complicated than what you could find at any of the other neighborhood parks. In fact, if she remembered right, that particular playground was located right across the street from a big apartment complex. That might be the perfect place to settle down, even more desirable than a townhouse. If she and Pip found a nice apartment, she wouldn’t have to handle any of the snow shoveling or yard upkeep. It sounded better and better with each step that took them deeper into the woods.
Wait a minute. Wasn’t she supposed to be leading Pip toward the Glenn? For as straight as the trail had seemed as she burrowed into the darkness to hide, she felt now like she’d been turned around a dozen different times like a kid spun around before hitting a piñata at a birthday party. This couldn’t be right. She stared up at the sky. There was the big dipper, and if she were trained in navigation, she could probably use the North Star to figure out exactly where she was supposed to go from here, but the stellar map meant absolutely nothing to her now. It looked just like it had when she started her trek into the woods.
