by V. L. Silva
“You just had to go after her,” Rome said.
Silas held up his hands in question. “How was I supposed to know Ax had a thing for her?”
“Didn’t you notice the way he was staring at her?”
This got my attention. “I was not staring at Hope.”
Rome lifted a dark brow on his bronzed, chiseled face. “Are you serious? I noticed it before Diana did. The moment she was in your sights you tracked her every step.”
Rome was very good at analyzing people and I hated that. I hated that he knew things about me I didn’t tell him.
“You spoke to Diana?” I asked.
“Yeah.” He turned toward me completely, giving Silas his back. “She said Hope was in your room at your birthday party months ago. She called her the cleaning lady.”
“Is this true?” Allen asked.
They waited. “I’ll fix this.”
Rome shook his head. “I didn’t waste three years of my life at this fucking school just so you could mess it up in the end.”
Silas leaned against a tree. “Hey, don’t like our school? No one’s stopping you from leaving.”
I grabbed Rome just before he could swing on him. “Rome. Silas. Enough.”
Allen asked, “What’s going on?” He was probably the only one on campus who hadn’t heard about Hope’s introduction to the student population.
“What’s going on?” Rome grunted.
Before he could say more I cut in. “I fucked up. I’ll fix it.”
“You better fix it,” Rome said. He looked at all of us before he shook his head and stormed away. “I hate this place,” he muttered under his breath.
I didn’t blame him for his anger. We’d all made sacrifices over the years, all in the hopes of finding the people responsible for killing our mothers.
We spent every precious moment we had going over the details. We’d poured sweat, blood, and portions of our fortunes into this.
Failure was not an option.
Silas asked, “Is the press conference still on?”
“Yes,” I confirmed. I’d turned twenty-one two months ago but I’d decided to wait until the school year began to make any moves where my father’s company was concerned. My aunt was in charge of it, for now, but I indirectly reminded my enemies of my presence.
Silas stepped in close. “You tried to be passive with Diana. Now, you need to be aggressive. The little princess isn’t going to waste any more time with you if she doesn’t think you’re invested.”
He was right. I’d been very passive about Diana. I’d been giving her just enough attention to make her think I wanted her without making a full commitment. It wasn’t an easy task, pretending to like someone you didn’t, but it’d been effective until now.
It was time to take action. My happiness would have to be put on hold, and unfortunately, so would Hope’s. We’d suffer together in our own ways but the reward would be sweet.
5
Hope
Walking down the middle aisle in the cafeteria was like walking down the hall of shame. Every step forward seemed to lead me to my death. The click of my heels marked with doom.
The cafeteria was wide with high ceilings and sky windows that allowed the noon-day sun in. The white tables were long and the space accommodated the crush of bodies easily with a few students forgoing the tables in favor of the stage at the back of the room.
The school’s crest with a bobcat was on the back wall.
My smile was plastic perfect as I journeyed in that direction, all the while trying to find a place to sit. I gripped my tray like it was a lifeline and looked for an open spot.
My anxiety this morning was nothing compared to what I felt now. Before, I’d been confident about making friends but after what happened with the debacle in the rec center everyone seemed to stay away from me. It was like I had the black plague or something.
I caught Victoria’s eyes but she quickly turned her back to me and hunched over. I knew the position for what it was. She was praying I didn’t sit with her much less acknowledge the fact that we’d met that morning.
The only other person who’d been kind to me was Carolyn and she was with them. I kept them in my peripheral vision but didn’t look directly at them.
But I did note Axel’s arm around the shoulders of the girl I’d met at his house briefly.
After my first class, I’d heard people whisper “Cleaning Lady” behind my back as I navigated the hall. I’d spent four of the five minutes between courses crying in the bathroom. There was nothing wrong with being a cleaning lady. It was honest work. I knew this but the accusation still hurt.
When I came back out, the hall was empty and I stepped into the computer lab just in time for the lecture to begin.
The wonderful thing about computer coding was that the lights were low enough to hide the redness around my eyes. I’d had a full hour to fix my face before natural light touched it again.
At the last row in the cafe I saw the guy from the debate team.
Johnny. I remembered his name.
His warm smile had the power to lift a weight off my chest. It was the first welcoming expression I’d gotten since I entered the room. He glanced back to the front of the room and his smile dropped. I started forward but he shook his head.
Denied.
His brows were pinched in pain. He didn’t want to let me down but he had to.
I finally looked at The Clique.
Axel’s gaze was so cold that I shivered. He wasn’t even directing the look at me but I felt it nonetheless. He was so angry. I didn’t understand it. What had I done?
Dumping the tray at the back door, I walked out and rushed into the sun. The warm weather was like a hug from an old friend. I let the wind guide me down the sloping hillside behind the cafe and down onto the grass that was surprisingly spouted with a few wildflowers.
There was no one around. The downslope in the earth was angled towards a line of trees that was empty. The rest of the school was up the incline.
The moment my head hit the ground I closed my eyes and started contemplating my life.
It was only the first day. It wasn’t too late to transfer out. I could go back to my school. While the academics had been found wanting, my friends were there. I didn’t have to put up with this place or The Clique. I could leave.
I would leave.
I would finish the day and leave. Amanda would be happy. My mother would be a little disappointed but she’d get over it after I told her how awful this place was.
A shadow fell over me. I looked up and saw nothing. Thinking it was a cloud I closed my eyes again but jumped when something warm and heavy landed on me.
I screamed just as Axel covered my mouth with his hand.
Oh god. He was going to kill me.
I tried to push him off but moving him was impossible. His body was like steel.
“Calm down,” he whispered.
I didn’t. I placed my hands under his jaw and tried to shove him away.
He growled, took my hands in his other one and stretched them above my head.
I tried to buck him off but bucking him was like bucking a mountain.
“Stop!” he ordered.
I stilled. Tears fell off the side of my face. My chest hurt as I struggled to breath.
“Scream and I’ll be forced to make you regret it.” His eyes told me he was cold enough to do it. He’d cause me pain. Now, more than before, I was sure he was capable of anything, including murder. He removed the hand on my mouth.
“Please. Please, don’t kill me.” I dragged air into my lungs and exhaled a sob. “Please. I’ll leave. I won’t come back. I promise.”
He grabbed my jaw and fit himself between my legs, shoving my thighs open so he could settle down.
I started bucking again but then stopped. I was never going to win a physical battle with this guy.
All bets were off. I was going to shout.
“Calm down.”
“No!” I twist
ed, just so he’d get the message.
“Hope, I’m not going to hurt you.”
I looked around for help but I couldn’t turn my head. He was holding my face. “What do you want?”
“Did you think of me this summer?” he asked.
“No.” A cool wind cooled my hot face but it also carried his scent into my nose. He smelled really good.
He chuckled. “Liar.” He loosened his hold on my jaw and stroked my chin. “I thought about you every single day.”
I tried to focus on the blue sky but it was a dull view next to Axel. He’d thought of me every day? “While you were thinking, were you plotting ways to ruin my life?”
He placed an elbow on the grass by my side and propped his head up. “No, and it’s best you don’t provoke me again. I’d prefer it if we kept our fights private.”
So would I, except for the fact that we hadn’t had a fight. He’d more so banged his chest and declared himself king. That wasn’t a fight. With words and actions he’d let me know it was either his way or no way.
But he’d thought of me every day. Why did I find that sweet?
“Do you know how much anxiety you gave me by making me wait for you to accept the Barnet invitation?” he asked.
Oh, god.
I knew he’d sent the invitation. This was confirmation.
He rubbed his nose against mine. “I thought about your laugh, your confidence. When you came over, you smelled a little like the lemon cleaner. I think this scent on you is better.”
“I’m not wearing a scent.”
“It’s perfect.”
“Stop talking,” I squeaked.
“Alright.” His mouth slammed on mine. His tongue invaded my mouth.
And for a moment, I wished this morning hadn’t happened. I wanted to go back to his room and erase everything in between then and now.
But there had been things in between and I was angry enough to try and bite down on him. I wanted to make him bleed, but the hold he had on my jaw kept me pried open for his assault.
My screams of vexation were muffled. He moaned and wedged himself until he was pressed against my vagina.
I stopped moving when I felt his cock. It was stiff! Panic and desire made my mind stop.
He ran his tongue against my lips like a painter would use a brush. Then he lifted his head. “I’m going to apologize to you only this once.”
“For what? Assaulting me?” I choked.
He frowned. “This isn’t assault.”
“Then what is it?”
“We’re having a conversation.”
I swallowed but even that was hard with the way he held me. I could taste him on my mouth. I hated him. “Talking doesn’t consist of kissing.”
“But you told me to stop talking. Actions were all I had left.” His pale eyes dropped to my mouth and I instantly regretted my words. He’d wanted to talk. Now he was thinking about kissing me again. I could see it in his eyes.
“You wanted to apologize?” I prompted.
He lifted his gaze. “Yes. I didn’t get the chance to prepare you for Barnet. I can’t expect you to obey the rules if you don’t know them.”
“I know the rules. I read the handbook, unlike you. Assault is illegal, by the way. It’s not just against campus policy. You could go to jail.”
“I don’t mean the campus rules, Hope. I mean mine.” He adjusted his weight. His chest smashed mine. His arousal was more pronounced. He trailed his fingers through my tears. “There are rules you need to obey if we’re going to work.”
“What?” He was speaking gibberish. He was clearly a madman. “That’s not how relationships work. I don’t need to obey you.”
“But you do.” He ran a finger against my lips. I tried to turn away but he tightened his hold until it was bruising.
“You’re hurting me.”
He let go my jaw but cupped my throat instead. His fingers could almost wrap around it perfectly.
Panic flared again. He wasn’t squeezing me but he could, and then I’d die.
Or I’d feel something else, something close to death that would start in my core and flare though my blood.
Concentrate, Hope.
“Here are the rules, Hope. They’re very simple. Obey me and do it the first time so that you don’t have to feel my anger. If you have questions about me, ask me. If you need clarity about anything, come to me. Don’t force me to make you regret your actions. I don’t have time to chase you down. I don’t have time to dedicate to you. Not now. You’ll have to wait and be patient.”
I narrowed my eyes. “I only understood half of anything you said but it doesn’t matter. I’m not coming back.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’m leaving Barnet. Happy?”
The lowering of his brows told me he was not. “You can’t leave.”
“Why?”
“I haven’t given you permission to leave.”
A crawling sensation went up my arms and I knew it wasn’t bugs. The disturbance came from him. “I don’t need your permission.”
He looked at my hair and his expression cleared. “You wore the pin I gave you.”
He was talking about the gold pin in my hair. I had worn it for him. Now, I regretted it. “You didn’t give me this pin. My father gave it to me.”
“And then I stole it and gave it back to you.”
That was the most twisted logic I’d ever heard. “You’re barbaric.”
“Yes.” His Viking side was showing.
He said yes in the same finality he’d used when I’d asked him if fighting was his passion months ago. Evidently, all those MMA matches and kicks in the head had knocked a few of his screws loose.
I wasn’t coming back to Barnet but I kept that information to myself and decided to stay quiet. It had taken a few tries but I’d learned I couldn’t win a battle against Axel. My only option was to run and I felt no shame in that. He was illogical, and the best course of action was to stay away and remain as invisible as possible.
“Can I get up now?”
“In a minute.”
“What are you doing?”
“I’m looking at you.”
And he was. He was just staring. The sicko. I could feel his eyes like he was using his hands to sculpt me. There was something very wrong about the way he looked at me. It gave me the same feeling I was sure butterflies felt when they got pinned into a display case.
My mother was a vegan and when I used the word I didn’t mean one of the gentle, sweet ones that happen to make sure all their chocolate chip cookies are only made with all non-animal ingredients and occasionally sent money to P.E.T.A. No, she was an activist who’d forced me to watch a video about butterfly display kits.
The butterflies were held down until they relaxed. Then a pin was driven through their thorax. They died in place.
That was how Axel made me feel. I felt the pin sinking into my skin, through my heart, and out on the other side. I was pinned down in every way you could use the expression. I felt trapped in the vortex of the storm in his eyes.
I nearly wept with happiness when the bell tower rang.
He shot off of the ground and helped me up. He wiped my face and then lifted my chin.
“Remember the rules,” he warned.
I stayed where I was until I was certain he was gone.
Then I ran to my next class and kept my head down. I didn’t try to make friends or draw the attention of any of the professors. I was in survival mode.
My next easy breath wasn’t made until I got home.
Amanda heard me coming up the apartment building and stuck her head out the door. “Hey! How was…” The answer to her question had to be written on my face. “Oh no.” She closed her apartment door and followed me into mine.
I’d known Amanda since kindergarten. Our parents had become friends because of us. When Dad died and the insurance company refused us the life insurance, Amanda’s parents suggested Mom take the apartment next t
o them.
Amanda used to come over to my house to use the pool. Now, we shared a pool with the rest of the community.
I’d been humbled very early in life.
I collapsed on my sofa.
While my mom had been forced to sell the house to pay bills and debt, we retained all the priceless objects we’d had while growing up. Our apartment was beautiful with soft beige and turquoise shades and spots of yellow and pink.
“I’m not going back.”
“What happened?” Amanda sat on the seat next to me. She was already dressed for our shift at Greener Day, wearing ripped, faded denim overalls over a pink paisley shirt. Amanda and I did everything together. How did I ever contemplate not finishing college with my best friend?
Today’s disaster was a sign. Amanda and I were meant to stick together. “I met the mean kids and they ruined my life.”
She scrunched up her nose. “What? Really?”
“Yeah.”
“What happened?”
I shrugged, unable to believe how out of hand the day had gone. When Silas demanded my name I should have given it to him.
And then what? Live my life forever in submission to him? No thanks. I told Amanda about Silas but avoided the topic of Axel all together. The injuries I’d sustained under his next signals still hurt. I could still taste him, feel his tongue and his junk on my junk.
“This guy thought he could tell me what to do. I didn’t back down so he and his friends harassed me. I’m not going back.”
She jumped in her seat. “Hope, that’s… Oh my god, I can’t believe that happened to you. I’m so sorry.”
“Well, I’m not.” I slapped on a smile. “Now, I can walk away with a clear conscience.” I thought about the school sweater I’d bought on a whim a few days ago. “Do you think the school will take the sweater with the emblem back?”
She giggled. “I don’t know. I think you should keep it. You can totally wear it to work.” Greener Day’s uniform consisted of anything worn from hit shows like Boy Meets World to One Tree Hill, though I considered the latter cheating since the show didn’t actually air until 2003. The owners, Chris and Charlie, often debated over whether or not the early two thousands should still be considered the nineties. Chris said it counted. Charlie said otherwise, which then led Chris into pointing out the fact that Green Day—the restaurant’s namesake—started back in the late eighties.
