“Guess I need to work on my poker face,” I admit, thinking that I really do need to do that. I don’t want him to see the longing looks I send his way. I don’t want to come across as needy and desperate every time he catches me watching him. I’m a fucking sap and fool when it comes to him. Why can’t my heart just forget about him and move on? It’s as if he’s an extended part of me, something so attached to every fiber of my being that I can’t seem to escape him no matter how hard I try.
“Nah, I like your face just the way it is,” he says as he reaches out and clamps his paw on my shoulder. “Don’t change a thing about yourself, Stella.” His command is stated as he swings around me and heads over to Jaggar. He whispers something to Charlee before she nods her head and moves to me.
“Let’s get you showered and in some clean night clothes. It’s been demanded that you wear something grandmotherish,” she snickers and I clamp my mouth shut to keep the laughter from escaping me.
“In other words, he wants me in a long nightgown that doesn’t show off my new curves?” I lose the battle of wills and end up laughing at my description of nightwear.
“Girl, I wasn’t gonna bring it up, but, your boobs got huge!” Charlee’s eyes widen, mimicking that of a cartoon character whose eyes are bugging out of their head.
“Trust me, I know,” I reply, “it’s like carrying around two boulders these days.” I grab my breasts with my hands and shake them up and down. Looking up, I see Kruger holding our son, but his eyes are glued to my hands and what they’re doing. “Oops.”
“Okay, shower time before Kruger decides to not be a gentleman and ravishes you.” I don’t comment, but all I wanna say is ‘yes please’. One night wasn’t enough for me, every time I touch myself, it’s while remembering how deeply he was embedded in me. He touched places that I wasn’t aware existed.
“Um… okay, good idea. But where are we gonna get one of these requested night gowns?” I ask her.
“Well, Ma has a few stashed here. They’ll fit you, let’s get you in the tub and I’ll go find the most hideous one I can.”
“Is there one more unappealing than another?” I ask her, because I’ve never seen one that didn’t cause me to imagine being wrapped in a mumu. Hell, I sleep in a T-shirt and panties, I’m not sure I’ll be able to get a good night's sleep wrapped in such a contraption.
“Oh, trust me, I’ve seen Ma’s collection, she has one that looks like someone vomited all over it. It’s crazy patterns and in a pea green color, it’s fucking disgusting.”
“Oh joy, can’t wait,” I mutter with disgust laced in my tone.
7
Kruger
The entire time Stella’s in the tub, my imagination is hard at work. I’ve been having flashes of our night together, and if memory serves, she already had the body of a work of art. I can’t imagine how full her hips and breasts have become after giving birth. Jaggar is wide awake and cooing up at me while I hold him. “Yeah, little man, I shouldn’t be going there, I know.” I can feel his judgment coming from his beady eyes. He doesn’t like the thought of his daddy imagining his mother soaking wet, bubbles sliding down her body… fuck, here I go again. Right then, Jaggar lets out a fart that has my eyes widening and my breath hitching. The smell is atrocious, something that you imagine smelling in a landfill that’s filled with toxic materials. “Dear God, what the fuck is in that milk of yours?” He giggles up at me, and I can’t help but smile back at the cuteness that is my son.
Standing up, I walk over to the bag sitting in the chair that occupies the corner of my room, where I pick up his things. I grab a towel from the dirty clothes and toss it on my bed. Bringing it up to my nose, I’m satisfied that it doesn’t smell dirty, and lay him down on it. I only used it one time to dry my body after my shower, so it’s technically still clean. I get hands deep in the hazardous waste, all the while gagging which Jaggar finds to be hilarious. He tries grabbing his toes with his fingers as I maneuver the diaper out from underneath him. This action dislodges the cloth I have laying over his private area, and when it slips off, my face is in the direct line of fire with his piss. My mouth just happened to be open since I always talk to him, or gag, while I change him and I begin choking.
Cameron comes busting in the room; when she sees my predicament, she bursts out into loud, roaring laughter. “Oh my God, that’s fucking hilarious!”
I can’t say a word in response, I’m currently wiping out my mouth with the edge of the towel Jaggar is laying on. I simply lift my middle finger and make sure she sees it over my shoulder. “Watch him,” I manage to wheeze out and sprint for the bathroom. Not even thinking about the fact that Stella’s in there with Charlee… nope, my only thought is brushing the enamel from my teeth and gargling some mouthwash. I slam the door open and rush over to the sink, I take the tube of toothpaste and slather the entire head of my brush. Not even running it under the water, I toss it into my mouth. I hear a screech and a what the fuck, but I don’t let that deter me from my mission. My eyes don’t even shift in their direction, once my teeth are fully encased in the paste, I then take the lid off the mouthwash and toss the entire cup worth into my mouth. I gargle, toothpaste and all while I feel eyes watching my every move.
“Um, naked here,” I hear Stella shyly report.
“Kruger… the fuck is wrong with you?” But I can’t answer Charlee’s question, my only thought is getting my mouth as clean as I possibly can.
“Oh fuck,” Cameron comes into the bathroom with Jaggar on her hip. “H-he got p-pissed, oh shit, I can’t,” she barely gets out through choked laughter.
“Seriously? Did little man pee in his daddy’s mouth?” Charlee asks, with mirth coming from her tone as she questions this.
“Oh no,” I hear Stella gasp.
“Sure. The. Fuck. Did,” Cameron finally manages to stammer out. “Hilarious, should have seen him ducking and weaving.” Her words are choppy as she still tries to gain control of herself.
I personally don’t find this funny in the least, but women have a warped sense of humor. I’ll let them rib me and poke fun at me all they want, as long as my mouth is cleansed from my boy’s urine.
“You need to write that shit down in Jaggar’s baby book, Stella. That’s a memory he needs to know about,” Charlee informs her on a chuckle.
“Oh God, I just can’t,” Cameron states as tears fall down her cheeks in streams. I look back at her through the reflection of the mirror and narrow my eyes in her direction. This is all good and funny, unless it was them, then they’d be a lot more dramatic than what I’m being.
Once I feel as if I’ve done the best I can, I turn around, grab Jaggar, and leave the laughing hyenas all by themselves in the bathroom.
Fucking women.
Stella
My eyes stay glued to Kruger’s tight ass as he walks out of the bathroom. Once he’s cleared the doorway, I lose all of my control and join Charlee and Cameron. “Why do none of us ever have a camera ready when shit like that happens?” I question through my unrelenting snickers.
“Swear, I heard what sounded like someone choking which is why I came barging into your room. When I saw what really happened, I lost it,” Cameron informs me. “I thought the two of you were going toe to toe, I had no idea that Jaggar decided to pay his dad back for being a dick.”
“Jaggar’s the only one who could get by with a payback of that caliber,” Charlee states, and all I can think is isn’t that the damn truth. That kid could commit murder and Kruger’d still find a way to bury the body and evidence, then pat him on the back before lecturing him. Jaggar can do no wrong in his daddy’s eyes, even while giving him a golden bath.
“Okay, ladies, I think I’m as clean as I can get, my fingers are pruning,” I say, as I look down at my good hand and see the wrinkles forming on my skin.
Once Cameron and Charlee leave, I look over at Kruger who is now shirtless with Jaggar laying on his chest. He has his radio playing in the background as he listens t
o rock. Jaggar’s eyes are scanning the room, once they land on me, a small smile graces his face. Seems I’m gonna have to get over a schedule where he’s concerned now that Kruger has entered our lives. I need to make sure that the two of them have as many opportunities to bond as they are now… but I don’t see a way to add that to a schedule seeing as Kruger’s days aren’t nine to five.
“I have a glass of ice water on the nightstand and your meds set next to it,” Kruger informs me, breaking me from all thoughts. Thank goodness, I don’t want to be led down the path of least resistance when it comes to my guilty conscience.
“Thanks,” I reply before heading that way. I hadn’t noticed while admiring the two of them together how badly I was beginning to throb.
“Need help?” he asks as he watches the way I wobble over on the crutches.
“Nah, I’m really feeling much better. That bath helped loosen my muscles.” All things considered, I’m very lucky to have come out with the small amount of injuries I obtained. From what I understand, that’s all thanks to Matthew who shoved himself in front of me and took the brunt of the impact. If he hadn’t done that, I’d be the one being lowered into the ground inside of a pine box. He sacrificed his life for mine. That’s the kind of man he is… was.
Sitting on the bed, I swallow my pills and lay down. I turn to my side so that I can watch the two of them together. Kruger is softly speaking to Jaggar who’s hanging on to every word leaving his mouth. “Time for lights out, little man.” Kruger stands up and walks Jaggar over to his portable crib before tossing a pacifier into his mouth. “Sweet dreams, Mom and I are right over there.” He points to the bed as if Jaggar understands everything he’s telling him. I think my ovaries just exploded as I witness the way he talks and treats our boy.
“I’m gonna hop in the shower, do you need anything?” Kruger asks me.
“I’m good, the meds are kicking in, I can barely keep my eyes open as it is,” I inform him.
“I’ll shut the lights out so the two of you can sleep. I’ll be quiet when I get out, I’m gonna go down and hang out with the guys once I’m done. I won’t be long though.”
“Kruger, Jaggar’s gonna be out for a while, go and enjoy yourself and relax, we’re gonna be fine.”
“I’ll be back before he’s ready for his next feeding. Get some sleep, Stella,” he issues before shutting the radio and lamp off. I fall asleep to the sounds of the shower raining down in the bathroom.
All I can think about as I drift off to slumber is how this isn’t gonna be easy. Being in the same bed as him and not seeking out his warmth, co-parenting a child and not getting to do the couple thing. I need a job and my own place as soon as possible. There’s no way I can stay here and watch Kruger gallivanting around with the club bunnies.
I need to make a life for myself.
8
Kruger
Creeping quietly out of my room so as to not wake the two sleeping bodies, I slowly close the door. Taking the key to my room off the chain around my neck, I lock them in. Not because I’m keeping them hostage, but because I don’t want anyone disturbing their sleep. Stella needs to heal and Jaggar needs to have a peaceful slumber. He’s become more alert in the week I’ve had him, each day his eyes stay open longer and he has become more vocal where it comes to me.
Stella, God damn that woman makes my dick hard. I can’t be in the same room as her without wanting to tie her to my bed and fuck the life right out of her. My desire to stay away weakens with each passing minute. Every time she smiles, I want to push her to her knees; the way she mothers our boy, makes me want to plant another one in her belly. When it comes to her, what’s right and what’s wrong flies out the fucking window. It doesn’t help that Gunner keeps planting ideas in my head… the fucker. Speaking of, he’s sitting at the bar, watching the comings and goings of the clubhouse.
“Cam asleep?” I ask him as I take the seat next to him.
“She’s crashed. I heard about your adventure in parenting today,” Gun laughs.
“Yeah, gotta say that was a first for me,” I grumble out as I reach across the bar and grab a can of beer from the cooler.
“Makes me happy that Mane came out a girl. Although, I must say, I’ve experienced the exploding diaper from her and it’s not fun.” I watch as Gunner’s mind goes down the avenue of past memories. It’s fun to watch the different expressions coming and going from his face.
“At least with that, you can bathe her, I had to scrub the fuck out of my teeth and mouth,” I express comically. “I hope that I never have that experience again. I’m looking forward to each milestone, but that’s not one I wanna go through again.”
We sit for another hour shooting the shit and talking about fatherhood. Finally, a yawn escapes me and I call it a night.
The next morning, I wake up, groggy from getting up with Jaggar every couple of hours. When I begin to fully become alert, I realize that something warm is on top of me. My hands graze down and I feel the warmth of a body. My eyes peel open and I look down to see Stella’s head nestled on my chest. As I take her in, ugly nightgown and all, my dick begins to rise and tent under the sheets.
Fuck. I do not need this shit. Slowly, I slide my body out from under hers, as to not disturb her, and replace my body with a pillow. She’s sleeping well and I want to keep her that way as long as possible. Looking over to Jaggar, I see he’s still passed out and sigh a breath of relief. I need a cold shower and to obtain some control over my dick before dealing with anything else. Stella mumbles something underneath her breath as I grab my clothes from my dresser. Trying to tune into what she’s saying, I don’t get a chance to understand much since she passes out again.
I did happen to catch my name in there somewhere, just don’t know if she was murdering me or if it was something good. I’m gonna choose to go with the later, because Lord forbid my mind wanders down that road. I know I’m an asshole, but there’s a damn good reason for me being the way I am.
And fuck anyone who wants to lay judgment at my feet, I promise they’ve never experienced half the shit I’ve been through. Fuck Kadence, and fuck my piece of shit father for making my stomach sour with every pending thought of a possible relationship. They can both suck a goddamned dick. I hope they choke on the fucker and die. Each of them are a thorn in my memories—they’ve each taught me invaluable lessons when it comes to love and relationships.
Do not trust.
Do not give your heart to another.
Do not believe in happily ever after.
That shit’s for suckers, and I’m not a naive asshole.
Not anymore.
Never again.
The noise running through my head needs to be drowned out… at least my dick has deflated from those memories floating around in my brain.
Stella
I slowly come awake as a new day dawns. I feel better today than I have in the last week or so. Looking over at the nightstand as I stretch my tired and sore limbs, I see a fresh glass of water and pills laid out to the side of it. He’s always one step ahead of me, knowing that even though I’m not feeling pain right now, that’s not to say I won’t in thirty minutes. Need to stay ahead of the pain, my doctor said. Not one to dismiss that advice, I pick them up and swallow them. I then proceed to drink the entire glass of water. Standing, I notice I’m still a little wobbly, but nothing I can’t handle on my own. Once I feel steady on the crutches, I head to the bathroom and take care of business. I see my suitcase set out and open in the corner of the bathroom.
Grabbing my essentials, I brush my hair and teeth then get dressed. Not without difficulty, though, seeing as I can only bend certain ways without pain shooting through me. But I’m happy at the end of the day, that even though it took me forever to get dressed, I did it. Through the exertion, I notice that I’m tired again, but I can’t sleep the day away, I have a son who needs to see his mother. Since he wasn’t in his crib, I’m assuming he’s with his father.
Walking li
ke an old woman, I limp my way down the hallway and take my time going down the stairs. I’m getting better on the crutches, but falter a bit when I reach the stairs since no one is nearby to carry me down. Taking a deep breath, I start down the stairs, hopping on my left leg while keeping my right one up. My hand stays on the railing as I take my time going down each individual step. What would usually take me two minutes, ends up taking me ten since my right leg is wrapped thanks to the sprained knee and ankle. I’m a sweaty mess by the time I reach the bottom. As I stand there, taking in deep breaths and trying to steady myself… once again, I’m met with a sight that brings tears to my eyes and causes my heart to pitter patter. Kruger is on the floor, a blanket spread out underneath him and Jaggar; he’s sprawled out on his back as his dad plays peekaboo with him.
“That always gets me too,” Charlee says, coming up behind me and scaring the ever-loving life right out of me.
“Jesus, Charlee, when did you become a stealthy ninja?” I ask, hand clenched tightly on my chest. “What always gets to you?” I finally ask, once I have my heart beating normally again.
“When I watch Country playing with Hunter. It always causes my ovaries to burst and I want to jump his bones,” Charlee tells me.
“Is that so, Charlee girl?” Country strides up to us and takes Hunter from his momma. “Let’s go join your cousin and uncle, Hunter boy, that way your daddy can reap the benefits of your momma’s ovaries exploding.” He gives Charlee a wink over his shoulder as he takes off, and I watch as a slight blush covers Charlee’s cheeks from his actions and words.
“That man is still capable of making my knees go weak,” Charlee admits as she fans herself with her hand. “While the men have the kids occupied, let’s head into the kitchen and get some coffee. Cameron’s already started on breakfast for everyone, I should help her.”
Shattered Trust : DreamCatcher MC Page 6
