by Hart, Rye
“You’re not coming?” she asked.
“I promise, the next one we have will be awesome. We’ll dress up, and I’ll do your makeup. We’ll make invitations to send out to all the guests. It’ll be an all-day affair with snacks and tea and dancing and movies. How does that sound?” I asked.
“Pwomise?”
I lifted my gaze to Brian, who stood in the hallway, just outside his bedroom door. My eyes bored into him, silently demanding he take control of the situation and give me some sort to answer. But all he did was stare at me.
“I promise,” I said.
Lanie threw her arms around my neck as tears crested my eyes. I planted one last kiss on her cheek, then quickly grabbed my coat. I slipped outside into the cold before I threw it around my shoulders, then I ran for my cabin. My heart ached. It felt like it had broken into two pieces and was oozing all over the floor. I hoped I hadn’t just lied to that poor little girl. I hoped that Brian would come to his senses and talk to me instead of pushing me away. If in the end, he still decided he didn’t want to be with me, then fine. But I hoped he’d still let me have a relationship with Lanie. I couldn’t bear to lose both of them.
I ran up the splintering porch steps and into my cabin. I shivered from the cold and stopped to light a fire in the ancient fireplace. So far, it seemed to be one of the only things in the damn place that was still in good working order. I made note that I’d have to get some more wood soon. I’d been spending so much time at Brian’s place that I hadn’t had any stacked.
It looked that like was about to change.
I’d lost him.
Brian was gone.
“Amanda?”
I sat heavily on the couch as Sarah’s voice came on the line. I clutched my phone to my ear and desperately wished that she was sitting here with me instead of seven hundred miles away in New York City..
“He’s gone,” I said. “He told me to go home,” I said.
“Wait, what? Slow down Amanda. Take a deep breath and talk to me,” Sarah said.
“He didn’t even tell me to come back soon. He just told me to go,” I said.
“Hey, hey, hey. Calm down. What do you mean? What happened?”
I sniffled as I wrapped my arms around myself, trying to warm my numbing body.
“I fell for him, Sarah. I actually allowed myself to do it.”
“I know you did,” Sarah said. “I know you did.”
“Why couldn’t he talk with me?” I asked. “Why couldn’t he just talk about it?”
“Because men don’t like emotions,” she said. “Because men are dicks.”
“Big dicks,” I said.
“Yep. They’re big dicks with small dicks.”
I laughed despite myself. This was why I had called Sarah. No matter what was going on in my life, she always found a way to make me feel better. I took a deep breath and blew it out.
“Have you told him how you felt?” she asked.
“No. He never even gave me a chance. He was out for a walk to clear his head. When he came back in, he told me to go. I don’t know what the fuck could have happened on that walk, but something did.”
“Maybe he’s just freaking out because of everything going on. He’s got this custody thing on his mind and then his warehouse burns down. Maybe he’s just preoccupied,” Sarah offered, though she didn’t really sound like she believed her own words.
“But he was the one who asked me to get married, not the other way around,” I said. “I don’t know, Sarah. I’m just so confused.”
“I get it,” she commiserated. “I wish I was still there so we could order a pizza and watch a Die Hard marathon like we used to in college when we were feeling down. You know Bruce Willis always makes us feel better.”
I chuckled. “I don’t even have a damn TV in this place,” I complained, looking around at my surroundings.
“Ewww,” Sarah said. “What the fuck have you been doing with yourself?” she asked.
“Spending a lot of time with Brian and Lanie,” I answered.
“Well, now it’s time for you to get your shit together girl. You left Daryl and struck out on your own, to be who you want to be. So be her! Fix that place up if that’s what you want or sell it and move somewhere else. This is your time Amanda; don’t you forget that.”
I knew she was right. This was my time. I had made this move because I had needed a big change in my life. It was time to stop moping and make something happen. Otherwise, everything Daryl had said about me would be right.
I just wish it didn’t hurt so damn much.
CHAPTER 26
Brian
I watched Amanda run back to her house from my living room window. I knew she was hurt and I knew she was confused. I felt bad that I had been the one to make her feel those things, but I needed some space so that I could logically think about what the hell was supposed to come next.
That was the thing about Amanda. I couldn't think when I was around her. She reduced me to a pile of blubbering man parts whenever she looked at me. My brain would stop, and the only thing that would start thinking was my cock. And that, sure as shit, wasn’t going to get me custody of Lanie. Only my intelligence, my strength, and my fortitude were going to get me Lanie, and those things went out the fucking window every time those hips swayed.
That evening after putting Lanie to bed amid a barrage of questions about when Amanda was coming back, I paced my living room, watching the lights go on and off in Amanda’s cabin. The light in the living room blinked off, then the light in the kitchen. A thin curl of smoke rose from the chimney as the light to the bedroom in the back finally blinked out as well.
I found myself wondering if she was warm enough, if she had enough wood to keep the fire going. Was she still angry? Worst of all, was she still hurt? Because of me? Finally, I shook the thoughts from my head and headed to bed myself. There was no use in me playing this game with myself tonight. There was nothing I could do about it now.
I picked up my phone and briefly thought about sending her a text asking if she was ok. But I had been the one to tell her to go. It would only confuse things more if I reached out to her now. Instead, I flipped off my bedroom light and tossed and turned until I finally fell asleep.
When I woke early the next morning, realization crossed my mind. It was Monday. The day Amanda and I were supposed to be getting married. After I’d chased her out the day before though, that surely wasn’t happening now. I needed to talk to her. I needed to try and explain without revealing too much. I didn’t want to tell her that I had fallen for her, because if she didn’t feel the same for me, I didn’t think my heart could take it. I needed to apologize for sending her away and tell her that my lawyer still thought I stood a good chance, even if we were just engaged. I could play at being engaged, but marriage was no longer an option. Because if she wanted a divorce, I would fight her tooth and nail against it.
I got Lanie some breakfast, then settled her in front of a movie. I could tell she was getting sick. She had woken up that morning with a stuffy nose and tired eyes, so I called Tanya and asked her to pick up some medicine before she came to the house. I cradled Lanie close to my body as Snow White began to play, but the moment Tanya walked in with medicine I switched places with her.
“Come here, little one. I have some medicine that’ll make you feel better,” Tanya said.
I stepped out of the room and down the hallway, so I could get to my phone. I needed to call Amanda. I needed to make sure she was okay, and we definitely needed to sit down and talk. And with Tanya being here to watch my niece, it gave us some uninterrupted time to have a decent, open, air-clearing conversation.
“Hello?” Amanda asked.
“Amanda? It’s Brian.”
“I know,” she said.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
“Do you care?” she asked.
“I do.”
There was a bit of silence as I heard her rustling around.
“I�
�m fine,” she said.
I decided not to press her. She sounded pissed. “Could we talk sometime today?” I asked.
“We probably should, yes,” she said.
“How about I make some dinner tonight and we can sit down. I want to explain some things to you,” I said.
She hesitated for a moment before answering. “Are you sure that’s a good idea? I mean, I don’t want Lanie to be any more confused than she probably already is.”
Again, her concern for my niece trumped her own feelings. God damn, she wasn’t making this easy. “I promise, it’ll be fine. We’ll eat and then I’ll put Lanie down and we can talk after she’s asleep.”
The line was quiet for a moment and I thought maybe we’d gotten disconnected. Then, finally, I heard her voice. “Okay. I’ll see you tonight.”
We hung up after agreeing on a time and I let out a breath I hadn’t realized I’d been holding. I was so fucking torn inside that I didn’t know what to do. I knew I couldn’t marry her, but could I even pretend to be engaged to her? I had always prided myself on having my shit together, but now I felt like an incompetent idiot, making one bad decision after another.
I should have left her stuck in that damn staircase all those weeks ago.
But, no. If I’d done that, my life wouldn’t have been enriched by her laughter. My bed wouldn’t have been warmed by her incredible body. And my niece wouldn’t be happier than I’d ever seen her. All I knew was that I was in deep shit, and I didn’t know how to get out of it. I was fucked if I did,, and fucked if I didn’t.
But this wasn’t about me, was it? This wasn’t even about Amanda. It was about Lanie and what was best for her. And though I didn’t know Amanda as well as I wished I did, I knew enough to know that she would never let Lanie suffer through what she had when she was a little girl. Whatever I asked of her for Lanie’s sake, she would do.
I walked around to Lanie’s sniffling form and bent down in front of her. She leaned into me and I gave her a kiss on her forehead. I smoothed her wispy hair back and looked into her tired eyes, my stomach dropping to my toes. I hated it when she didn’t feel well. She always slept with me whenever she was sick. I grabbed another blanket from the couch and fluttered it around her body as Tanya ran her fingers through my niece’s hair.
“That better?” I asked.
“Mhm,” Lanie said, humming.
“Listen, Amanda is coming for dinner,” I said.
“Good. I miss Mommy,” Lanie said sleepily as her eyelids drooped.
I was stunned as an unexpected warmth trickled through my veins. Mommy? Had Lanie been calling Amanda that?
“Lanie. Have you ever called Amanda that?” I asked.
“Uh huh. She smiles. And I feel happy,” Lanie said.
“She smiles?” I asked. “Are you sure?”
“Yeah. Smiles and hugs me.”
I sat back on my heels and looked down at my niece as her eyes fluttered closed and her breathing evened out.
Once she was sure Lanie was asleep, Tanya cleared her throat, causing me to look up at her.
“Sounds like she’s pretty attached,” Tanya said quietly, studying me for a reaction.
“Yeah, I guess she is,” I said.
“And from the looks of it, so are you,” Tanya observed, with a sly smile.
Before I had a chance to answer, my phone rang in my pocket, saving me from having to have this conversation with my nanny. I stood and pulled the phone from my pocket as Tanya continued to stare up at me with a shit-eating grin on her face.
“Hello there,” I said. “Are we all set for tomorrow?”
“I was calling to ask you the same thing. Run down for me what’s going on with you,” my lawyer said.
“Amanda and I aren’t going to be getting married before the court date tomorrow,” I said.
“I figured. I hadn’t seen any paperwork hit the system yet. But I do have proof that you filed for a marriage license, and I received your picture of the receipt for the ring. That’s a hell of a ring to buy a woman for this type of situation.”
“Yeah, well. It needs to look real,” I said.
“And this woman will be accompanying you to court tomorrow, yes?” he asked.
“Yes. If I ask her to, she will be there. She’s willing to do anything to help me win custody,” I answered.
“If she’s there, she needs to be wearing that ring. And the two of you have to look like you’re in love,” she said.
“Don’t worry. We can pull it off. Did you get the pictures I sent of Amanda playing with Lanie?” I asked.
“I did. They’re wonderful pictures. The judge will love them, I’m sure. Just get that ring on her finger and make sure you’re on time. Everything else is set up well for tomorrow.”
“Have you heard from my P.I. yet?” I asked.
“The last time I talked with him he said he was onto something, but he didn’t want to bother you until he had something concrete. But he did inform me he wouldn’t have anything for tomorrow, so we’re pushing forward until I hear from him again.”
“Damn, I was really hoping he had some dirt that we could use,” I said.
“What you need to do now is take some deep breaths. I can hear the nerves in your voice. Settle your body down. We’re not going to give Lanie to his man. Trust me.,” he said.
“Thanks. What time is appropriate to be at the courthouse?” I asked.
“Thirty minutes before should do it. But give yourself fifteen to park and get inside the building. You don’t want to be running in and looked frazzled.”
“Will do. See you tomorrow around nine thirty.”
“See you then.”
CHAPTER 27
Amanda
I walked into the cabin, and my eyes fell immediately onto Lanie. She was sitting in her chair, but I could tell she wasn’t feeling well. I rushed to her side and wrapped my arms around her, pressing kisses against her forehead as she leaned into me.
“Hi, Mommy,” Lanie said.
My eyes shot to Brian as Lanie called me ‘mommy’ and I was afraid of what I might see on his face. Instead of concern or disdain, I saw a look of genuine appreciation.
And it confused me more than ever. This man was the most difficult person to read that I’d ever come in contact with. One moment we were rolling around in his bed talking about getting married, and the next he was asking me to leave, his voice devoid of all emotion. Then he calls to ask me to dinner and looks pleased when his niece calls me ‘mommy’. It was almost too much to wrap my head around.
We sat down to pizza and Lanie was insistent that I sit by her. I helped cut her pizza and rubbed her back as she ate. It broke my heart to see her not feeling well, and I wished there was something more I could do for her. When she’d barely eaten half of her dinner, I wiped the sauce from her face and cradled her head against my side where she rested it.
At that moment, there was a knock at the door and Brian immediately tensed. We shared a look that said, ‘who in the hell could that be?’ I picked Lanie up and held her close to me as Brian got up to answer the door.
From where I was sitting, I could see out onto the porch and I gasped at the sight that stood before Brian on the threshold.
“Sarah!” I exclaimed, rising from the table with Lanie in my arms.
My best friend stood in front of Brian with her hands on her hips, giving him the evil eye. It was all I could do not to laugh out loud. Sarah was even shorter and more petite than I was, and the sight of her squaring off with a man of Brian’s size was nothing short of hilarious. Still, I was shocked by her presence.
“Sarah, what are you doing here?” I asked, going over to give her a hug.
Her eyes went to the little girl in my arms and I could see her gaze soften in an instant.
“You were sad, so I came,” she said, again turning a critical eye on Brian. “You weren’t at your place, so I figured you’d be here.”
“I can’t believe you came all the way
here and up the mountain,” I said, overwhelmed by emotion.
“You’re my best friend, and you needed me. So here I am. You must be Brian,” she said, swinging her gaze back to him.
“I am,” he said, looking down at the small spitfire standing in his doorway.
“Well, are you going to let me in, or are you going to leave me out here to freeze my ass off on your porch?”
Brian chuckled low in his chest and stepped aside so Sarah could enter. She had dropped everything and flown here from New York, and I truly loved her for it. She stepped over the threshold and took off her coat and scarf, handing them to Brian as if he were the butler. The look on his face, had me stifling a giggle.
She was going to give him a run for his money.
“And this must be the lovely Lanie,” Sarah said, coming over to smooth the girl’s hair from her forehead.
“Yep,” Lanie replied. “Who are you?”
“I’m Sarah. Amanda here is my bestest friend in the whole wide world and I came to visit her,” Sarah said, smiling widely at the little girl.
“Uncle Bwian, I’m tired,” Lanie said.
“All right. Let me get the table cleaned up, and I’ll tuck you in,” Brian said.
“Could my new friend do it?” Lanie asked.
I watched Brian as his eyes ventured over toward Sarah and then to me. I nodded that Sarah would be fine with her.
“Sure,” he said. “If Sarah wants to tuck you in, she can.”
“Come here, beautiful,” Sarah said. “Let’s go clean you off with a warm washcloth before we get into some jammies.”
“No bath,” Lanie said.
“Nope. No bath. Just a warm washcloth to get the rest of that pizza sauce off your face and hands. Then we’ll wrap up you tight, lay you down, and I’ll read you a book. How does that sound?” Sarah asked.
“Good,” Lanie said sleepily.
Brian hovered the majority of the time Sarah was tucking Lanie in. He listened as they giggled at the sink and watched as Sarah put Lanie in her pajamas. He stood by the door as Sarah read her a book and was there when Sarah came tip-toeing out of Lanie’s room.
