by Rowan Massey
When I opened the door and saw inside, I was almost scared to go in. It was much nicer than Doc’s house. It was decorated like a damn palace. I went in slowly, shut and locked the door, and just looked around, feeling like I was in a movie set. The stuff all looked old and expensive. Things were perfectly cleaned, perfectly matched.
I thought about the phone I needed and opened the drawer of a piece of furniture near the door. Empty. I tried the others, and they were all completely empty. In the nearest room, which had a ton of books in bookshelves, I tried poking around, but it really was like a movie set. There was nothing to show that anybody had ever lived there. It was strange.
Since I figured the upstairs wouldn’t be any different, I walked around and looked for a way into the basement. The doors I opened led to a bathroom, a closet, and a dining room. There was a big kitchen and some other rooms without doors, but no basement. I stood there and felt lost. Doc sucked at giving me instructions when he sent me places.
I walked back and forth through the house and even went outside again, but even though there were basement windows to be seen, I didn’t see a way in. I figured I should try the back yard. Dragging my boots back through the house one more time, I fiddled with the keys until I found one for the back door and went down some stairs to the back yard.
Finally. A door into the basement level.
Again, I played with the keys, but I was getting better at doing it fast. Inside the completely empty basement was a strong metal door like Doc had said. Feeling incredibly pissed off with the keys, I opened the door with a few minutes of frustration and found a hall with concrete walls. It was creepy, and I had that feeling again that Doc might be getting me into something I didn’t want, but I kept going out of curiosity. Leaving the doors open behind me, I took two turns down the creepy hall only to run into another fucking door.
My fists jabbed the air above my head, jangling the fucking keys, and I hissed at the door before fucking around to get it open. If it hadn’t been the last damn door, I would have turned around and gone back to Fiona.
Inside was what I figured was the bunker. It looked like a nice, cozy house, but there were no windows. I walked around, turning on lights and running my hands along the furniture. The sofa looked cushy and comfortable for cold nights. The bedrooms were simple but homey. The kitchen was packed full of awesome food. There was a storeroom full of junk and a ton of bottled water. The water in the bathroom and kitchen was nice and hot.
Now I was going to look for a phone. The place had definitely been lived in, and there were a lot of drawers and closets to poke around in, but I didn’t find one. Disappointing, but just my luck.
There, I’d checked on the bunker. Job mostly done.
But I didn’t want to leave. I looked at the keys in my hand. What if I could just lock myself in and never come out? I could make that food last months and months. If I snuck to the lab first and stole all the fielders I could find, I wouldn’t be able to dance outside, but I’d have escaped the entire world. Yes, that would include the good parts and everyone I loved, but there was a lot to crave in the fantasy.
My body and mind told me to crash. To claim that sofa, scarf down some food, and sleep for an extreme amount of time.
Spitz. Nando. Spitz. Nando.
I wanted to shut my brain off. In a fog, I shut out all the lights, and went back the way I’d come, locking all the doors. At the front of the house, I sat on the red rug that spread out in the area by the front door and waited.
With all I’d been through, and all the care Doc seemed to show me, he’d never once mentioned trying to give me a place to live. He probably owned empty places like this all over town. Shit, all over the damn world. But he let me be homeless. He tried to keep me from having a day off with my boyfriend, but instead of giving me a cozy bunker, or even just my own apartment, he let me live with Nando. It didn’t make any sense. What was it about the sick guy and his friend that made them worthy of that sweet setup down in the bunker?
Some of my anger turned into sadness in the long minutes that I sat there waiting. I’d been sitting perfectly still on the floor for a long time, and I started to feel like I was sitting underwater, everything slow and thick around me, muffling the world outside.
When they showed up, I didn’t know if I could make myself stand and open the door for them. Footsteps came up the stoop and someone rang the bell. It didn’t just ring. It made a little cheerful tune. I hated it.
Hating that tune and not wanting to hear it again made me get up and open the door. In front of me was a guy about my age and another who was in his twenties. The second guy was looking at me like I was trash, even though he looked like a prostitute.
“I work for the doc,” I said.
“I’m Jace,” the younger guy said, and held out his hand for me to shake. He didn’t look sick to me. I slammed the keys into his hand.
“Hey, what’s your problem?” his friend snapped, stepping closer in a threatening way.
For a split second, I felt bad for not acting like myself and for being such a dick, but I pushed past them so I could get out of that place. I just wanted to go back to Fiona.
I walked away without looking back. Fuck them. Fuck Doc too. Why did he act like he cared when he didn’t? What kind of asshole did that? I wasn’t going back to the lab to feed the damn mice. Not yet anyway.
Trying to hurry all the way back to Spitz and Fiona’s place, I wore myself out, going at a pace I couldn’t keep up without turning my legs into aching jelly. I hadn’t eaten in a long time, but the anxiety shocking my body kept me from wanting to.
At one point, I came to a corner that gave me the choice of either going to check if Nando was back home, or going to meet Fiona like I’d promised. It was enough of a choice to make me stop for a moment, but a promise was a promise. I went to meet Fiona.
I got there with a throbbing headache, barely able to lift my boots anymore. The same pudgy man opened the door and let me go upstairs. I knocked on the door, almost panting from the effort of the stairs.
Before anyone answered the door, I heard an unmistakable sound. Spitz’s voice. My hand went to the doorknob, and I opened it without being invited in. Spitz was there, sitting on the bed, body stiffened despite Fiona’s arms wrapped around him. She looked up at me, but he didn’t. She looked terrified.
“Spizzy?” I went over, sat next to him, and put an arm around him too, which was when I noticed the handgun on the pillow. Staring at it, my chest tightened until I could barely breathe.
Spitz hadn’t budged. He was staring at the floor with an unblinking stare, as if he were looking deep into space, and space was terrifying. I started to cry. I couldn’t help it. Sobs broke out of me until I shook so hard the bed shook with me. Fiona buried her face in Spitz’s neck and cried too. We cried like babies on both sides of him, and he only sat and stared.
Chapter Twenty-One
Spitz and Fiona were safe and curled up in bed together at home, so I took the cart to Nando’s, leaving them some space. We’d gotten Spitz to drink something, and I’d promised Fiona I’d get some fielders to him right away. If Nando wasn’t back yet, I’d bike to Doc’s lab and find some.
Someone was guarding the door to Nando’s building again when I unlocked it and walked in. I’d never met the guy. He was an older man with a big gut and frizzy, balding hair. But apparently, he recognized me. He gave me a silent nod and let me walk past.
My stomach twisted when I got to the apartment door. If Nando was back, what would he be like? I was so worried about him, but scared of him too. The room was dark when I opened it. Nobody home. I sighed and looked around. Losing my pack meant I’d lost a lot of things, but some of my stuff was laying around the room. First, the fielders. I got on my hands and knees and felt around under the bed, pulling out a few open boxes to fish around inside. I’d seen him stash pills under the bed before, but sometimes he brought drugs home, and sometimes he didn’t. I found a change of clothes that
were Nando’s, but they would fit me. I wanted to get a quick shower to get the smoke off of me.
I hadn’t closed the door, and there were heavy boot steps coming down the hall. By the sound, I knew it was Nando before he reached the doorway.
“You little shit! Where have you been? I was worried!” He did look worried, but I was still seeing the warrior in his eyes. I dropped the clothes and took a step back.
“I was…Spitz…” I said, looking him up and down. He looked fine this time, but I wheezed air into my lungs when I saw the bulge in his jeans.
“Spitz? What about him?” He came towards me with his arms out and grabbed my arms. It seemed like he’d gotten taller and stronger overnight.
“He’s traumatized. He won’t talk, or eat, or drink…”
Like he hadn’t heard me, his hand went to his crotch to adjust his boner.
“Soon as I saw you were here, I started getting hard again,” he said in a gravely voice. Taking my jaw in his hand, he kissed me with hungry thrusts of his tongue. When I pulled away a little, he kept talking. “Fighting makes me so fucking horny. I’ve been dying to see you, but don’t think I’m not still pissed about you showing up like you did. We’ll talk about it after.”
“Nando, wait,” I said, putting a hand on his chest. “I need fielders for Spitz. He’s really fucked up.”
Again, he ignored me and slammed the door shut instead.
“Okay, but later,” he said, and crowded me until I backed up to the bed and was pushed down onto it hard enough to bounce. I landed on my back. He kissed and sucked at my neck and pulled my shirt up over my head. His eyes were focused on my body, and he was already breathing hard.
I tried to trust him, pretend we’d only kissed that first time, but I couldn’t. I scooted up the bed to get some distance.
“What’s wrong? C’mere, babe.” He reached to pull my pants down, hooking his fingers into the waist of them, but he paused long enough to look me in the eye. “Don’t be scared. Are you seriously scared of me?”
“This is what happened last time you were in a battle.” My voice was small and too high. “I don’t want to right now, okay?”
“Are you serious?” He sat back on his heels and stared at me, offended, but his hand still went to his crotch, undoing the button of his jeans. “I’ve been hard forever. I’m going fucking crazy here. Another guy offered to fuck, and I said no because I didn’t want to cheat. Now you treat me like…like…c’mon. You promised me we’d say we only kissed that time. Now you’re going back on it? That’s not fair after everything I’ve done for you.”
I sat up and pulled my knees up to my chest, rubbing my face.
Fielders. I wanted fielders. Both me and Spitz really needed to dance. Anywhere. Indoors. Tied down. I didn’t care. I couldn’t deal with Nando’s rage boner.
“Please,” I said. “There’s too much going on. I just don’t want to right now.”
He was quiet, but he looked angry, and his hand went into his pants.
“I love you. Do you know that?” he said.
I looked up at him. What?
He slowly slid his hands over the blanket to grab my ankles and pull my legs out straight until he was pulling my body down to lay on the mattress. I put my arms against my chest and froze while I watched him crawl over my body and straddle me.
“All I want is sex from my sweet boyfriend after I could have died. I want you to make me feel alive after all that. Not to mention, you made me fucking rescue you. After all that and giving you a place to live, you’d think my own boyfriend would just have sex with me to help me relax after a seriously fucked up battle. Instead, you want to hold my one mistake over my head? I’m not going to…to rape you.” His face twisted in disgust.
I couldn’t believe he’d said that word. I swallowed hard, not knowing what to do.
“Don’t you trust me by now?” he asked.
“Yeah,” I answered automatically, defensively.
“Then let me make love to you,” he said sweetly and kissed me again. This time it was soft and slow. That’s all we did for a long minute. It did help me to relax. I put my hands on his shoulders, and he took it as a sign and let his weight rest along my body. It pushed the air out of my lungs. “Do you love me?” he asked.
“Yes.” Maybe I did. I didn’t know anything for sure right then. In his note, Doc had told me I would always make bad decisions because of the fielders. Maybe the fielders couldn’t make me like that anymore, and now maybe I was seeing everything in the dark way that ordinary people saw things.
“I’ll be quick, and then we’ll take care of Spitz.” He lifted himself with his elbow and undid my pants, yanking them down until I lifted my hips so he could pull them all the way off.
He was breathing heavy again, and his movements were fast and jerky. Taking off his pants, he quickly got on top of me again and pulled my legs up. His cock was hard and leaking precum. He got into position with a fast move and pushed his cock against my hole.
I panicked and scooted up the bed, pushing him off.
“What are you doing?” Shit, he wanted to rape me again! I tried to get out of bed, but he blocked me with his arm.
“Jesus Christ, will you calm down?” he snapped. “It’s me. I love you. I was just getting excited. I’ll get the lube and finger you and all. I just wanted to rub on you a little.”
I didn’t know what to believe, but he reached for the lube near the bed, and gently pushed me back down, his hand on my chest. When he got some lube on his fingers, I spread my legs for him.
“I really could have fucked that other guy you know,” he said as he slipped a finger in. I was tense, and it burned a little. Why did he have to talk about cheating while he was fingering me? But he stopped talking and leaned down to kiss me while he prepped my ass. His other hand rubbed slowly up and down my chest and side. I took a few deep breaths and made my muscles relax.
It was just sex with my boyfriend. I wanted to trust him, and maybe I was in love with him. If he needed sex after fighting, I could do that. It shouldn’t be such a big deal. The panic making my mind fly to the memories of the time he’d raped me was because I needed to dance, not because he wasn’t okay this time. He wasn’t acting crazy, just horny and irritated.
His lips kissed all over my face, neck, and chest. When he started kissing my nipples, letting his teeth scrape over them, my dick started to get a little hard. He hit my spot up in my ass and made me moan.
“You’re so hot when you do that,” he said. “So sexy. I love your body.”
He was adding a finger, scissoring. But then he added a third before I was ready for it, and I hissed. He took it out and rubbed the opening of my asshole for a few seconds.
“Sorry, babe,” he said in my ear. “See? I’m being normal.” But his voice was tight. It was hard for him to hold back.
But he was holding back for me. I knew he cared about me. It made me feel safer seeing him control himself, and my body relaxed a little more.
In half a minute, he tried a third finger again, and it felt good this time. He smiled at me, and I smiled back. His other hand found mine, and we laced our fingers together. I looked down and saw how hard he was. It wouldn’t take him long to come, then I would find fielders for Spitz.
His fingers left my body, and he got on his knees between my legs. I lifted them and he looked at me with a groan before leaning over me on all fours and lowering his dick. This time when he pushed against my hole, it went in easy, and I wasn’t thinking about rape stuff. The fingering had made me horny too. I closed my eyes and focused on the way he felt inside me. Soon he’d be throbbing, his cum…
My eyes flew open, and I lifted my head.
“Condom?” I said, unsure if he’d forgotten or what.
“No, no,” he said, thrusting into me and making me gasp. “I like feeling you like this. God, you feel so good. You’re so hot. Fuck.”
Doc wouldn’t like it, but it wasn’t his business. I let my head drop
back and started jerking off. Nando’s hips slapped into my ass, his balls swinging against my skin. His mouth was open and panting. I looked down at where our bodies met and couldn’t get enough of the way he moved his hips to fuck me. It was almost like a dance move.
For once, I was aware of the noises I was making. I sounded like I was whining, almost crying. Was that what I usually sounded like? He didn’t say anything about it.
He sped up for a moment, making me slap my hand up against the headboard, and he came, pushing deep as he shot cum inside me. Thinking about his cum up my ass got me closer to cumming too, and I sped up my strokes. He pulled out, and I lifted my legs high so I could look down at myself and see the clear and white stuff spilling out.
“Holy shit!” He breathed, and put his hands on my ass, wiping some of the cum off my skin with his thumb. Pulling my legs down, he reached his hand up to my face and spread the cum over my lips. Watching me lick it off, he laughed.
I grinned. It hadn’t been bad at all past the first part. All that worry over nothing. But I still hadn’t come. I looked down at my dick where I was still jerking off, trying to give him a hint, and he picked up on it.
Nando’s hand went around my dick and he licked and sucked on the head as well as he could with a fucked up jaw while he fingered and stroked me. It only took me a couple of minutes. He got a mouthful of cum, smiling like he was proud of making me shoot in his mouth, then moved up close and kissed me without swallowing it. We moved it around on our tongues in a deep kiss until it had gone down our throats.
When he sighed and rolled away from me, he was carefully working his jaw. He sat up and fished around in his jacket pockets, finding a capital P Pain Pill.
“Do you have any fielders?” I asked.
