Four kids. Four kids.
The words beat at him, but after spending time with her and her family, the thought didn’t hold the fear it used to.
“And what about you? How do you put food on the table or hay in the trough, so to speak?” she asked.
Nate let the question hang between them for a beat. “The horses cost more to feed than I do,” he said with a light laugh. “But I’ve managed to keep us all going with my winnings, my earnings at the ranches I work for in the winter and the sale of some horses. I’ve got two more foals coming up that I hope to sell and a couple of other horses boarded with a friend. Bella and Nola have proven themselves in the cutting horse circuit and have a great pedigree so I’m hoping for good dollars from their offspring.”
“I understand that you need to spend a lot of time working with cutting horses,” Mia continued. “Don’t you need a home base for that?”
“And how do you understand that?” he asked, deflecting her other question.
“I know how to use Google as well as the next person.” Her eyes held a twinkle of humor. “And I know that the competition you’re heading for is a big one for cutting horses.”
“It is. I’m hoping Tango will be strong enough to compete. I’ve got a lot riding on this.”
“And when is Nola supposed to foal?”
“Not for three weeks. I had figured on being in Montana by then. I was going to be managing a ranch there for a friend, a well-known trainer of cutting horses, but my plans might change.”
He wasn’t sure why he sounded so tentative. Moving to Montana had always been his plan. Staying with Arden Charles and working with him would raise his own profile as a breeder and trainer.
But now?
He gave Mia another glance only to catch her looking at him with a cautious smile as other doubts and possibilities rode into his mind. But they were saddled with a twinge of uncertainty.
He tried to clear them away. He knew he had to stick to his plans. Changing them now was like switching horses midstream.
Every good cowboy knew you didn’t do that.
Chapter 9
“Nico, honey, let me tuck your shirt in.” Mia crouched down beside her son on the carpeted floor of the church foyer, letting other people flow past her as she tidied him up. She had just brought the girls away to the nursery and had a chance to check him over. She fingered his hair away from his face and gave him a gentle smile of encouragement, stifling her own disappointment when he didn’t return her smile. This morning he had been acting up, sulking and then hiding when it was time to go to church. Mia could see he was frustrated but he couldn’t say anything. Trouble was, she was frustrated, too.
How would Nico react when Nate left?
Mia stood, banishing that thought. For now she clung to the little bit of progress she saw with Nico. She couldn’t think further than that. Yet, even as her pragmatic self thought that, the romantic part of her, buried beneath loads of laundry, endless cleaning and feeding, clung to every interaction she shared with Nate. Every touch, every look. When Evangeline had mentioned that Nate simply needed a reason to stay, the lonely part of her was tempted by the possibilities.
He’s not sticking around for a woman with four children and you can’t allow yourself to entertain that thought.
Much as Mia disliked Other Mother, sometimes she was right.
She caught Nico’s and Josh’s hands in her own, reminding herself that Al had ditched her because he couldn’t imagine being with a mother of four. How could a man who had no biological connection even be remotely interested in taking all that on?
Mia squared her shoulders, firmed her resolve, sent up a prayer for strength and started up the stairs. Then she felt Nico tug her hand and she looked up.
There Nate stood at the top of the stairs in profile, hair falling across his forehead, mouth quirked in that who—cares smile that she was sure had made the hearts of others flutter, hands tucked into back pockets, his weight shifted on one booted foot. His broad shoulders were enhanced by a white shirt tucked into blue jeans. His features were animated as he spoke to some woman. He pulled one hand out of his jeans, his smile growing.
Her heart did an annoying flop in response to seeing him so unexpectedly. She hadn’t heard him say he was attending church.
Then, as she took those last few steps up, Nico still tugging on her hand to hurry her along, she discovered the target of Nate’s captivating smile.
Young Lacy Miedema stood at the entrance to the sanctuary.
Her sugary-pink dress shimmered in the subdued lighting of the entrance; her blond hair shone and her young smile sparkled. The epitome of all that was young and cute and fun.
Mia glanced at her own dress. It was pretty, but practical. For a moment she wished she had taken Evangeline up on her offer to spruce up her outfit with a scarf or necklace. Then she mentally laughed at herself. As if a scarf or necklace would add enough appeal to offset Lacy, who was young, pretty and free of all liens and encumbrances.
Compared to Mia with her four kids, burned-out business and all the other stuff attached to her like barnacles on a tugboat, Lacy looked like the fairest sailboat in the bay.
Lacy gave Nate a piece of paper that he quickly shoved in his pocket with another smile of thanks.
Then Nico pulled free of her and ran toward Nate, grabbing at his hand.
“Hey, there,” Nate said, looking down at Nico. “Good to see you.” Then he looked up and his smile deepened.
“Hey, Mia,” he said, his deep voice sliding too easily into the empty parts of her life. “Good to see you, too.”
In spite of her brave self-talk, Mia was about to return his smile when—
“Wow. Are those the shirts and pants you bought the boys at the store?” Lacy asked, grinning up at him. “And how did those dresses fit the girls?”
So that’s why he bought the clothes, Mia thought, reality falling like a cold shower. To impress sweet, young Lacy.
“We should go, kids,” Mia said. But her boys clung to Nate’s hands like barnacles.
“Can you come and sit with us?” Josh asked, swinging Nate’s hand.
Nate looked over at Mia, raising his eyebrows as if in question. “That’s up to your mom.”
Great. If she said no, she would look silly. If she said yes, she was inviting him into her space. And today, of all days, she needed her time in church. Her time to be nourished and strengthened for the week ahead.
So she simply gave a noncommittal shrug and let Nate interpret that how he willed.
As he followed her, still holding the boys’ hands, she guessed he took it as an invitation.
She saw a large enough space beside Renee, her new husband, Tate, and their daughter, Addison. Renee had sent her a text late last night, telling her that she was back from her honeymoon. Mia hurried down the aisle, eager to catch up with her friend.
Renee looked up as Mia sat down beside her and her features crumpled into an expression of pity.
“Hey, girl,” Renee said, slipping her arm around her, giving her a tight hug. “So sorry we couldn’t be here for you.”
“You were on your honeymoon,” Mia said, leaning into her friend’s embrace. “I got all your texts.”
“So...is it all gone?” Renee asked, pulling back, her hands still resting on Mia’s shoulders. “The flower shop? Your apartment?”
Mia thought of the blackened remnants of her store. Thank goodness she hadn’t been able to inspect the apartment above. Seeing that one picture had been hard enough. “It needs... work,” she said, trying to sound lighthearted. “I am waiting for the insurance company to get their report on the fire and once the money comes through I’ll have to talk to Benny Alpern about rebuilding.”
The thought of all that needed to be done yet made her dizzy.
“And how is Nico?” Renee asked, lowering her voice to a whisper.
“He’s okay physically,” was all Mia could say. Her friend’s sympathy threatened t
o draw out fresh sorrow she couldn’t allow herself to dwell on. She was only managing by dint of simply putting one foot in front of the other.
Then Renee looked past her as Nate, Josh and Nico settled into the pew beside her.
“Denny’s foster brother, Nate Lyster,” Mia whispered, answering the question in Renee’s eyes.
Nate was too big a complication to explain in the few moments they had left before church started.
Renee gave her an arch look and nodded. “I’ll be waiting for more details.” Then she frowned as she looked at the dress Mia wore. “Don’t remember seeing that before.”
Mia glanced down at the simple blue-and-white polka-dotted dress she wore. “Larissa Bond came over last night. Brought some clothes for me.” While she loved the dress and the other things she’d received, to Mia it was still a reminder of how much she still depended on other people, and on how much she had lost.”
“You look cute.” Renee tilted her head to one side, her auburn hair sliding over her shoulders. “And I have a feeling this Nate guy agrees with me.”
Mia wasn’t going to look, but it was as if an invisible rope slowly drew her head around and then her eyes met Nate’s, and it was as if his smile illuminated the lonely places of her life she never thought would see light.
Then the worship team came to the front of the church, picked up their instruments and invited the congregation to join them in song.
Mia rose, thankful for the distraction. Thankful for this moment that she could let music and song bring her to a place of nourishment.
And as she glanced down at Nico between her and Nate, her heart hitched. Nico loved singing, but he stood beside her, leaning forward as if hoping, somehow, to catch the words needed.
Her hope must have shown on her face because, to her surprise, she felt Nate’s hand give her shoulder a fleeting squeeze.
But in that transient moment, she felt a connection and support that she had never felt from the man who had fathered her children. She wasn’t sure where to put it so she turned her attention back to the song the congregation sang, saving the moment to examine another time.
The worship service flowed on and the familiarity gave Mia a foundation she knew she could stand on. All during the ups and downs of her relationship with Al, her struggles with the life she had compared to the one she had dreamed of, she had clung to God’s abiding and constant love. Her shelter and comfort.
After the songs were over, they sat down and Pastor Blacketer came to the front and welcomed everyone.
“And before we go to God in prayer, I want to mention how thankful we are that Mia and her family were not hurt in the fire that consumed their building last week.” Pastor Blacketer scanned the congregation as if looking for her then made eye contact with her. “We’ll be praying for you and for your family as you get through this time.” Then he looked around the congregation, pulling them into the moment. “There is a special fund set up for Mia and her family. Contact the deacons if you want to participate.”
Mia’s spine stiffened at the announcement. Even as she sat straighter, she could feel Renee slip her hand through her arm and bend her head closer. “Just relax. People want to help and it’s okay to ask for help.”
Mia nodded, tight-lipped. She knew she was being proud but still...
Her neck warmed, then tingled and again she found herself looking over at Nate, who gave her a faint wink and a smile. As if he understood. She returned the smile, suddenly thankful for his presence. Then, Nico yawned and to her utter surprise, leaned over and laid his head on Nate’s lap. She wanted to catch him, pull her against her side.
But Nate didn’t move. Didn’t object. Instead, he lifted his hand and carefully brushed Nico’s hair back from his forehead, then rested his hand on Nico’s shoulder, as if anchoring him.
Mia couldn’t look away from the sight, her heart both full and weightless with a peculiar emotion. Then Nate looked over at her and their gazes meshed and held and it was as if her being, so long dry and empty, was slowly being nourished and filled by this man.
You can’t let this happen. Not with this man.
But even as Other Mother chided her and made her turn her head back to the pastor, the lonely portion of her soul was fully aware of Nate during the rest of the service.
He was looking forward to the day ahead.
Nate splashed water on his face, toweled off, then gave his reflection in the mirror a quick grin. It had been a while since he was excited about what the day would bring. Part of the reason for his excitement was Tango’s progress. Today, he wanted to put Josh on him.
The other was the thought of spending time with Mia and the kids again.
For the past couple of weeks his life had fallen into a rhythm that, surprisingly, created a sense of grounding.
Each morning this past week, Mia brought the boys out to the corral for them to ride the horses. Mostly, she and the girls would sit on a blanket by the corrals and when they got fussy, she would bring them inside for a nap.
When he was done with the boys, he brought them to the house. Each time he did, he meant to drop them off and then leave. But each time he got to the house he found himself lingering. Tuesday, Mia had just made cookies and asked if he wanted some and wouldn’t lemonade go well with them?
Each day he would stay longer, talk more. They discovered a joint love of mystery novels and biographies. They had read many of the same authors.
Josh and Nico would hang around for a while and then go play. Nico was still locked in his silence but he always had a special smile for Nate.
But each time Nate left the house, it was with a curious reluctance. And a growing attraction to Mia and her quiet strength in the face of everything she lost.
Each evening, however, after spending the afternoons cutting hay and fixing fences for Denny on the ranch, he would head to town for dinner in spite of Evangeline’s objections. For a reason he couldn’t entirely explain himself, he wanted to keep his time with Mia and her children separate from Denny and Evangeline. He wasn’t sure himself what was happening, but he did know that for the first time in years, he felt a quieting of the restlessness that had been his constant companion since leaving the Norquest ranch.
He stepped out of the trailer and strode across the yard, the cool of the morning a harbinger of the fall that hovered around the corner.
As he caught Tango, his mind slipped to the futurity and beyond. The ranch he was supposed to be working at in a month. Getting the job there had been like a dream come true.
But now?
He brushed the questions aside as he saddled up Tango, running his hands down his legs, sending up a quick prayer of thanks for Tango’s healing.
“Another week and you’ll be ready, I think,” Nate said as he buckled the bridle on.
He felt the usual clench of tension when he thought of the futurity and what was, literally, riding on it. Everything he had done, every decision he had made, had been working toward it. It was going to be his way of proving that Karl was wrong.
Then he heard the excited chatter of Josh’s voice and he turned in time to see Nico and Josh clambering up the fence. They were good listeners, though, and as he had taught them, they didn’t come into the corral until Nate told them they could.
Mia was behind them but she was alone.
“Where’re the girls?”
“Evangeline is home today,” Mia said. “She offered to babysit and I accepted.”
“Wow. Letting people help you,” Nate said, unable to keep the faint teasing note out of his voice.
“I let people help me,” she protested as she crouched down to pet Socks.
“Not very often,” he said, thinking of the many times this week he had offered to carry the girls into the house and her steady insistence that no, she was fine.
She shrugged as she flicked her hands through her hair. He caught the glint of gold hoops dangling from her ears. She looked brighter today. More cheerful.
/> And as he looked at her more closely he realized what was different. Instead of her T-shirt and pants that she usually wore, today she wore a light blue shirt with a white skirt that flowed around her knees. She also looked as if she was wearing makeup.
If it was possible, she looked even prettier than she did before. More feminine.
“So why are you using Tango?” Mia asked.
He pulled his attention back to his horse as he let the final stirrup fall. “Nola is kind of cranky. I’m afraid she might be foaling sooner than I thought. I put her in the barn just to be on the safe side.” Nate thought of the extra complication this situation could create for him.
“I really, really want to see a baby horse,” Josh said, his voice taking on a dreamy tone. “That would be so cool.”
“If she foals, you’ll see one,” Nate said.
“Promise?” Josh leaned ahead, his eyes gleaming with anticipation. Beside him, Nico almost quivered with excitement, holding out his hand in entreaty. As if he was making his own silent request.
Nate looked from Mia to Josh to Nico, then nodded. “Sure. Of course you can see it.” He turned back to Josh. “So, buddy, let’s get you mounted up.”
“Will Josh be okay?” Mia asked. “Tango’s bigger than Nola.”
He glanced back and caught the flash of worry in Mia’s face. “He’s a good horse,” he assured her. “Completely bomb proof.”
“And you would know this how?” she asked with a hint of humor. “I don’t imagine you tested this theory with actual bombs?”
Nate returned her smile. “Of course not. I wouldn’t put Josh on Tango if I didn’t trust him completely.” Nate’s smile deepened. “I hope you trust me.”
Mia held his gaze a beat longer then looked up at her boys, perched on the top of the corral fence, silhouetted against a glorious blue sky. “I’m trusting you with what is most important to me.”
Her words created a consolation that he didn’t realize he needed until she spoke. “That means a lot to me.”
Then before he could reveal too much more of himself, he looped the reins around the saddle, caught Tango by the halter rope and brought him to Josh. He helped the boy on, got him settled and then handed him the reins. “Remember what I showed you last week?” he said to Josh. “How I showed you how to steer a horse?”
Ever Loving Page 11
