“I always assumed they told you, but today your dad explained why they didn’t. He said when they received my letter, you were still getting over Tory’s death and my leaving, but you were in a much better place than when it had all first gone down. They didn’t want to disrupt your healing.”
She swallowed hard. “I guess that was probably smart, because it definitely would have made things harder.”
“They love you so much, babe.” He pulled his chair over and sat in it so they were eye to eye. “I loved your parents, and I knew by hurting you I had also hurt them. The reason I wrote to them was to apologize for leaving the way I did, and for hurting you, and to explain myself. I wrote about all the things I said to you in the park Monday night. I told them how messed up I was and how much I loved you, and that I knew that would never change, but if I stayed, you’d end up hating me. I said I worried that being with me when I was so messed up would change you and that I didn’t want that. I wanted them to hear from me that I knew my weaknesses, and I needed them to know how much I adored their daughter.”
“Enough to let me go,” she said softly.
“As cliché as it sounds, yes. Only now you know, and they know, that I was never truly able to let you go.”
She leaned in and pressed her lips to his. She didn’t say a word, but she didn’t have to. He knew that forgiving kiss was her way of saying the past was the past.
“When your father called today, he’d already spoken to your mom and to my parents. You know your dad—there was no small talk. He said that I was a boy when I left, and that he can forgive a boy, because making mistakes is how boys learn to be men. Then he said that now that I was a man, he expected that I understood that a man’s word was as good as gold. I told him I did, and he said that was good, because I was a Braden, and he also expected that I live up to that name.” Zev paused, remembering the crushing blow of those words. “When he said that to me, Carls, it was like he knew my deepest secret. I watched my brothers make my parents proud, and I know that my family is proud of all that I’ve accomplished, but that doesn’t negate the way I let them down. Right then and there I made a promise to myself to fix that, the same way I had vowed to be the best man I can for you. I want to be the guy who goes the extra mile for family and friends, for all the people I care about. The guy who goes home over the holidays and stays until everyone is sick of me. I want your father to look me in the eyes years from now and say that I never let him down again. I want to be that guy because your father was right. I’m proud to be a Braden, and it’s about time I live up to the name on all fronts.”
“YOU LIVE UP to the Braden name, Zevy, but I love that you want to do more and be around more, and I know everyone else will, too.” This was Carly’s chance to talk about their plans, but she was a little nervous to bring it up. She got up to light the candles and tried to sound playful. “So…at least I know I’ll see you at Christmas.”
“Christmas? That’s months away. We’d better see each other before then.” He smacked her butt as she went back to her seat.
“Do you have any thoughts on when that might happen?” She sipped her drink, looking at him over the rim of the glass and hoping he couldn’t tell that she felt like she had a swarm of bees nesting in her stomach.
“I don’t know, babe, hopefully pretty quickly.” He set down his fork, his expression serious, and said, “More specifically, I guess when I get my arms around things or when you get a break and can steal away for a few days. Isn’t that what we agreed on?” He rubbed his nose along her cheek, an intimate move she’d come to love. “You know I won’t be able to stay away for long. I’ll seize every opportunity to fly back and see you.”
“I know you will,” she said, believing him. “I will, too.”
She realized that trying to nail down dates wasn’t a feasible option for either of them just yet. She had no idea what events would come up or how much time Quinn could take off from the bank if she needed her to cover for her while she went to see Zev. Maybe her plan to come up with a plan was wrong, too, and what she really needed was to change the way she was thinking. They might not have dates on the calendar, but they had a plan in their hearts and they were both committed to making it work. That should be enough for now.
He ate a spoonful of soup and said, “This is delicious, even better than my mom’s.”
“Really? Thank you.”
They ate in silence for a few minutes, but something felt off. She didn’t think it was the lack of a plan. Their commitment had settled that worry for now. It wasn’t the food or Zev, and Bandit was sitting by the patio door, not off stealing her stuff.
“What’s wrong?” Zev asked.
“Does something feel weird to you?”
“Everything you made tastes amazing, and the candles are romantic.” He cocked a brow and said, “So please don’t take offense to this, but all we need is a Kenny G song playing and we could be our parents.”
“Oh my gosh!” She laughed. “That’s what it is.”
“Yeah, this is great, but it’s a bit too adult for us.”
“I totally agree. I have an idea.” She pushed to her feet, and Bandit jumped up, too, following her into the living room. She dragged the coffee table to the middle of the room and tossed two pillows from the couch on the floor. “How’s this?”
“Perfect,” he said, carrying their plates to the coffee table. They went back for the rest of their meal and the candles. “Remember how we used to sit in my parents’ living room and plan our adventures?”
“Yes. I have a picture of that! Hold on.” She ran into the dining room and grabbed the box of pictures she’d brought home. Zev was sitting on a pillow, and Bandit was lying beside him with his chin on Zev’s lap when she returned. She sat on the pillow beside them and opened the box.
“I told you your house wasn’t Zev-free,” he said cockily.
“These were in the closet in my office, smarty pants. But now that I have pictures of us in my office, I wanted to put some of these up here.”
“Hear that, Bandit? Told you she loved me.” He hooked an arm around Carly’s neck, tugging her into a kiss. “It’s about damn time.”
“You’re a brat. You knew I loved you when you saw me at the wedding.”
He smirked. “How could you not?”
She blew out the candles and pushed the coffee table a few feet away so they would have room to go through the pictures.
“What do you think, Bandit?” he said conspiratorially. “Is she moving furniture to get naked, or is this a bad sign?”
“Would you stop? Bandit’s going to think I really don’t like you.”
“I think you give him too much credit.”
“Really? He stuffed my clothes in your bag. I’m pretty sure that dog is part human.” She eyed Bandit, who lifted his head and then rested his chin on Zev again with a sigh. “I was just making room so we can look through the pictures.”
“Damn. I was hoping for naked.”
She gave him a deadpan look.
He chuckled. “Let’s see what you’ve got.”
“A lot of the pictures are the same as yours,” she said as they started going through them. “This is the one I was talking about.” She handed him a picture of the two of them sitting on pillows leaning over his parents’ coffee table, writing in notebooks. They couldn’t have been more than nine or ten years old. Their hair curtained their faces and their feet were bare. Beside them were two plates, each with an untouched sandwich and potato chips.
Zev ran his finger over the picture and said, “Even then you were trying to get my attention.”
“Why do you say that?” She studied the picture. “I was working.”
“Look at those skimpy shorts. See your arm pressed against mine? You were always after me.” He stole another kiss, and then he studied the picture for a minute. “We were so young.”
“I know.” She pulled out a few more pictures of them fishing, hiking, and playing Monopoly with
Beau and Nick. “Look at the scowl on Nick’s face.”
“Ornery bastard.” Zev snickered and fished out a picture of him and Carly riding their bikes in front of his parents’ house. Jillian and Jax were sitting on the hood of their mother’s car, Beau and Nick were playing catch with their father on the grass, and Graham was pulling his bike out of the garage. “Remember how Graham used to try to follow us?”
“Yes, and half the time you tricked him into staying behind as the lookout with the walkie-talkie.”
Zev flashed a cocky grin. “Because I wanted to be alone with you.”
“We were ten.”
“What can I say? I fell in love with you the day I first asked you to be my adventure partner when we were in second grade.”
“You did not.”
“You’re right. It was before that. But that was a major day for me. When I went home that afternoon, my dad and I had a man-to-man talk.”
“I think you mean a man-to-boy talk.”
“Don’t dis my manliness. I might have been little, but I knew what I wanted. My father gave me a lecture about being careful when we went out on adventures. He said to remember that you were a girl and that it was my job to protect you.”
“I was pretty tough,” she said, loving his father even more for having had that talk with Zev.
“I told him that. I said you were tougher than all the boys in my class. But he said it was still my responsibility to make sure you were safe.”
“He’s a good dad.”
Zev set the picture down and said, “Want to know what else he said?”
“What?” She reached into the box for more pictures.
“He said if I got any funky feelings, like if I wanted to kiss you or if you tried to kiss me, that we should probably wait until we were older so it didn’t ruin our friendship.”
“Really? But we were so young.”
“I know. I was kind of floored. My father never said much. Even back then I knew that when he spoke, whatever he was saying was worth listening to. Why do you think you had to be the one to push us toward every base?” He held her gaze and said, “It wasn’t that I didn’t want you. I was supposed to be protecting you, and I was always walking a fine line that I didn’t fully understand. I had all these hormones pulling me toward doing things, but the last thing I wanted to risk was our friendship or do the wrong thing.”
He sounded so heartfelt and honest, her words came unbidden. “You’ve never stopped protecting me. As much as it hurt us both, you left because you thought you were protecting me, and you didn’t go after me when I left Mexico because you thought you were doing what I wanted. You were still protecting me.”
“And then when I saw you at the wedding, all that protecting went to shit.”
She pressed her shoulder against his. “Dream on, Braden. You’ll always protect me.”
“Oh, I’m dreamin’ all right, Dylan. Dreaming of you naked in my arms again.”
They reminisced, kissed, and kidded around as they went through more pictures of the two of them on field trips and archaeological digs, sled riding with his siblings, and bundled up in a tepee they’d built on Zev’s bed. There were holiday pictures with funny Santa hats and Fourth of July celebrations where they were running around with sparklers. There was a picture of Carly and Zev at fifteen asleep on the Bradens’ couch, fully clothed, with Zev lying behind her, his arm around her middle. Nick was standing over them, arms crossed, a scowl on his young face. Carly remembered that night well. She and Zev had asked their parents if she could stay over to watch a Freddy Kruger marathon. It was all fairly innocent, although they’d made out and gone to second base when they were alone. They’d woken up to that scowl and to Jillian claiming she had blackmail material on her digital camera—including the picture they were now looking at and one of Zev and Carly kissing. Zev had confiscated her camera, keeping the evidence.
“Babe, look at this one.” Zev leaned closer, showing her a picture of them with Beau and Tory at a Pleasant Hill Spring Festival.
“That picture was taken a few months before the accident.”
“She was so young,” he said sadly. “It’s hard to believe so much time has passed. I wonder how her parents are doing.”
“I visit them when I’m home. They’ve never been the same, but I don’t think anyone who knew Tory was ever the same after she was gone.”
“Yeah,” he said, sounding choked up. “You should hang that up, keep her spirit alive. We had a lot of fun with her and Beau.”
“You’re right. Those were really good times.” She reached into the box and pulled out a picture of her and Zev taken the night of the Maroon 5 concert. He was holding her from behind, kissing her cheek, and she was smiling from ear to ear, reaching over her shoulders and holding his face. She set the picture on his lap and said, “I’m definitely hanging this one up.”
“The concert. That was a fantastic night.”
“You just liked making out in the car afterward.”
“Damn right, I did. And as I remember, so did you.” He looked at the pictures they’d set aside to hang up and said, “I guess you need to buy some frames.”
“I stopped at the craft store on the way home. They had frames on sale, so I bought about twenty of them.”
“Great, let’s hang some of these up,” he said, pushing to his feet.
“You don’t mind? It’s our last night together. You sure you want to waste time putting up pictures?”
He helped her to her feet and held her against him. “It’s not our last night together. It’s our last night for now, and bringing our memories into your home is not wasting time. It’s honoring our relationship.”
“You always know just what to say.”
“No I don’t. Most of the time I’m just hoping I don’t mess things up. But some things come easily, like being honest with you. I want to be here with you, Carly, and it doesn’t matter if we’re making out, making love, or hanging pictures. I want you to have happy memories of us that make you feel good when I’m not here with you. Memories of going through these pictures and of the way we suck at doing normal adult things like sitting at a regular table.” He glanced at the coffee table and said, “You worked hard to make a special dinner, and we haven’t even finished it yet. Some guys would feel guilty about that, but I know that you know how much I appreciate your efforts and that this is who we are. We follow our hearts wherever they take us, and sometimes that means we forget to eat. Right now your heart needs pictures on the walls. Later, we’ll heat up dinner, and we’ll enjoy every last bite.”
She kissed the center of his chest and said, “See? I told you. You know just what to say to make me happy. Come on, let’s get the hammer and nails.”
“I’ll wield your hammer if you wield mine,” he said, following her into the dining room.
“Okay, Thor.” She pulled a pink-handled hammer out of the hutch, set it on the table, and began taking the frames she’d bought out of the shopping bags.
“It’s pink,” he said. “And tiny.”
“You said it, not me,” she said with a giggle, earning a scowl. “If you can’t handle the pink handle, maybe you can’t handle the girl who owns it.”
He pulled her into his arms and said, “There’s nothing about you I can’t handle, Carly Dylan, except maybe that smart mouth of yours.”
“But your massive hammer loves my smart mouth.” She wiggled out of his arms and said, “Come on, Thor. Let’s frame the pictures and see how well you bang nails. Then maybe later you can bang me.”
“Now who knows just what to say?”
She flashed a cheesy grin. “You’re lucky I’m not making you do it wearing nothing but a tool belt.”
“You think I’d complain?” He started to unbutton his jeans.
“I’m kidding!” She fell into his arms, laughing. “I love that you would do that for me.”
“I’d do anything for you, and to you.”
He squeezed her bottom an
d went to let Bandit out to play in the fenced backyard, leaving her to mull over all the naughty possibilities.
“I’ll be right there. I bought Bandit a few new chew toys. I’m just going to throw them outside for him.”
She watched him as she paired frames with pictures. When she’d been cooking dinner, she’d wondered how it would feel to have Zev in her home after all the years she’d spent denying her feelings for him. But it felt as natural as everything else had, like he really had been there with her the whole time.
After they chose frames for the pictures, they placed a few of them on the mantel and the half wall between the kitchen and the living room. They hung pictures on the wall beside the spiral staircase, and Zev stole kisses after every nail he hammered. He nibbled on Carly’s neck as she assessed the angles and groped her every time she walked by. She was far from an innocent victim, egging him on by rubbing against him and brushing against his back as he hammered. She loved teasing him, earning greedy sounds and feeling his muscles taut with restraint. She took it a little farther every time, running her hands over his chest, and when he moved to the next spot, groping him in places that made him moan. He followed her up the spiral staircase, stopping her midway as he felt her up, kissing her so deeply, her knees weakened.
“What’s next, sexy girl?” he whispered in her ear.
Your mouth on my naked body. “Office,” she said breathily, and made her way up the rest of the way on shaky legs. Her office was the only room on the second floor. It had a peaked ceiling with a skylight so she could see the stars, an antique couch on its last legs, which she’d bought at a secondhand store, a matching end table, and a chic green desk that had been her aunt’s.
“Mm. I like this room,” Zev said heatedly, eyes locked on her as he dragged his fingers along the length of the desk.
She set the pictures on the desk, swamped by titillating memories of what he’d done to her on the kitchen table at the inn. She leaned both hands on the desk and closed her eyes, trying to remember how to breathe as a montage of dirty images hit her like a hurricane.
Searching For Love – the Bradens & Montgomerys (Pleasant Hill – Oak Falls) Page 31
