I had never seen her this way.
The last time I saw her cry was when she was fifteen, and she was throwing a fit to go on a beach trip with her friends and Mom had said no.
I said the only thing I could think of, “You have Lewis and he adores you…”
“You think Lewis and I are in love? God, you are more naïve than I ever thought! I didn’t marry him for love, Claire! I married him for security. For money. I saw what Dad did to Mom, and I didn’t want to put my heart on the line. Take a chance of getting hurt, like she did. I just wanted someone rich to take care of me.” She blew her nose again.
“But he seems to love you so much…” I offered.
She laughed, sudden resentment appearing in her eyes. “He loves the way I look, Claire. I’m his showpiece. Nothing more.”
“I find that hard to believe,” I offered.
“Well, believe it. He’s actually having an affair. I thought my looks were enough to keep that old man faithful, but hell no, he still went off and found somebody else. And…and she’s not even that pretty!” She began to sob again.
Oh my god, it was him in Beaufort! The image of him so clearly coming back to me.
I was stunned and had no idea what I could say to comfort her. And I couldn’t bring myself to tell her that I had seen him weeks ago with that brunette.
I walked over and wrapped my arms around her shoulders while she cried. Her body curled around itself as I held her close.
When she had finally spent all of her tears, she blew her nose again and looked at me.
“Claire, you don’t know how much I look up to you…I always have. Even when we were little girls. You are the most amazing person that I know. You’re such a generous and kind person. A great mom and wife. You know, I would kill to have your life. I wanted to have children, you know…I tried and I couldn’t get pregnant. We even went to a fertility specialist. Come to find out, all the money in the world can’t make you get pregnant.”
A deep sense of sadness came over me.
I had no idea.
“I’m so sorry, Mandi. I wish you would’ve come to me, so I could’ve been there for you. You made it seem like you didn’t want children…”
“That was my coverup. So, no one would know how much I was hurting. We spent tens of thousands of dollars on Invitro fertilization, and every time I took a pregnancy test, it was negative. All those hormones they injected me with nearly made me crazy. And God, talk about feeling like a failure. Try living with the fact that you can’t do something that every other woman on this planet can do. I can’t make a baby. I have always felt insecure around you, and this made it worse. I have never felt good enough. That I could measure up to you. I have lived my entire life in your shadow. Wishing I could be just an inkling like you. Everything you do is perfect. And everything I do…well, is not. It’s no excuse and I know it’s wrong, and I’m sorry that I am that way… but that’s why I flirt with Ben so much. Because I thought maybe, if he wanted me, that would make me worthwhile too, but I’m not going to flirt with him anymore, I promise. I know that Ben isn’t the answer, and I know Lewis isn’t the answer either. No man is. I just have to figure out how to do me and stop hurting others in the process.”
She paused and blew her nose. “And just so you know…I’m leaving Lewis…I can’t stand by any longer and be his second fiddle. God, that’s so humiliating! I know the women at the country club have already heard the rumors. I can’t even show my face there.” She laughed, but I knew it was masking deep pain.
“What are you going to do?” I asked, not knowing what else to say.
“Oh, don’t worry. I will be okay. I leased a loft apartment downtown today. Not far from here, in fact. On the bright side, this will give me more time to be a better aunt to the boys.” She smiled softly. “Lewis doesn’t know it yet, but I will be out by the end of the week.” I could see a glimmer of pride in that statement.
I stood the overturned bar stool back up and sat down on it. I was stunned. I never expected anything like this. I had been misguided by my own insecurities.
I looked at Mandi as she pulled a mirror out of her purse.
“God, what have I done to my face?!” She took her bag and went into the bathroom. When she reappeared, all evidence of her breakdown was gone and her makeup was back in place.
She took her coffee cup to the sink and dumped it. I didn’t think she had taken more than a couple of sips. Not her usual European brew.
She walked over to where I was sitting. “Look, whatever is going on with that dream of yours. Let it go. Don’t let it have power over your life.”
“But some parts of the dream have been coming true. Mandi, I’m terrified all the time. So much so that I can’t even live a normal life,” I whispered.
“Talk to Ben about it. Tell him your fears. Hell, keep him home for a few days. Can’t he take some time off for vacation or something? June 3rd isn’t that far away.”
“Honestly, I don’t think I can tell him. You know how he is about anything spiritual. He will never listen to me…” I trailed off.
“Trust in your husband, Claire. He really does love you. You guys can work through this.” Her voice soothing.
I knew she meant well, so I didn’t contradict her. But I knew Ben better than that. He would never buy into a premonition type dream. And I also knew he wouldn’t be willing to take vacation time, right now. He had just reeled in a big client and wouldn’t be able to just disappear. He would never agree to it.
I walked Mandi to the door and hugged her tightly. “Let me know if you need anything. I am your sister, you know? Let me help.” I meant every word.
She nodded, but I knew she wouldn’t take me up on the offer.
We still had a long way to go yet, but we had at least made a step in the right direction.
As her Jaguar disappeared down the road, I closed the door.
Chapter 18
May 29th
The Saturday morning sunshine fell softly through partially open blinds. I pulled back the covers and stretched. I could hear that Ben was downstairs in the kitchen with the boys.
He was making pancakes, of that I was sure. Another of his specialties.
Chocolate chip pancakes with whipped cream.
I slipped down the stairs and peeked around the corner so I could watch them.
The sound of the boys’ laughter filled the downstairs as he flipped pancakes in the air. They were sitting on stools, pulled up next to the stove where Ben was cooking. Still in pajamas and the hair on the back of their heads matted and messy from sleep.
As Ben flipped one of the pancakes high in the air, he saw me and missed it when it came back down, landing on the floor with a thud as the boys roared with laughter.
“Well, hi there! Care to join us?” he offered.
With that, the boys turned around and saw me too. Oliver climbed down from his stool, ran over and wrapped his arms around my legs, squeezing me with all of his might. I squatted down to get a real hug. I walked over and kissed Grayson on the top of the head as Ben picked up the fallen pancake from the floor, tossing it into the trash. He came over and took me in his arms, kissing me deeply.
While still in our embrace, the boys starting screaming as smoke plumed off the frying pan.
“Four more pancakes lost in battle!” Ben yelled as the smoke detector blared.
After breakfast, Ben left to take the boys to the batting cages. Since Grayson would be joining Little League soon, Ben wanted him to start learning how to hit a baseball.
After they left, I cleaned up the breakfast dishes and the table. Another casualty, covered in syrup and grease.
After I finished cleaning, I threw the dirty dishrag onto to the edge of the sink basin and sighed.
This morning had been perfect. I had been able to enjoy every moment.
&n
bsp; Not thinking about the dream.
Listening to chatter of Ben and the boys, not minding the sticky mess as they fully embraced life. Pancakes and all.
But now that it was quiet…and I was alone. Despair came knocking on my door again.
I went upstairs to dress for the day, trying to pretend like June 3rd wasn’t four days away. But despair had its way with me. The countdown haunting me as I brushed my teeth.
The one thing that gave me pause. The one thing that gave me hope. Was that Ben still didn’t take the train.
How could the dream have that part completely wrong?
I was sure it didn’t.
If I could just make him promise to not take the train anywhere on June 3rd, then everything would be okay!
Could it be that easy?
He’d have no reason to take the train, anyway. So why not?
Suddenly, I heard a loud bang coming from outside. I ran over and looked out the tiny bathroom window and saw what looked like a grey cat, rummaging through the trash. The lid had fallen onto the ground.
“Teddy!” I screamed as I ran down the stairs, flinging open the back door, calling out his name.
I rounded the corner, only to scare a stray cat as it hissed at me and darted away.
It wasn’t Teddy.
Before I made it back inside, I heard another sound. This one, coming from the other side of the hedge.
My heartbeat instantly quickened.
The old man…
I listened as someone walked down the other side of hedge. I quietly followed along beside them, just out of sight. When we got to where the hedges ended, just before the sidewalk began, they turned and walked away to the middle of the yard.
Right afterwards, I heard hammering.
I jumped around the hedge, refusing to let him get away this time.
Only it wasn’t the old man.
It was a middle-aged woman with chestnut brown hair pulled back into a ponytail, wearing a grey pants suit. She was hammering a sign in the front yard right next to the walkway leading to the house.
The sign read: Holloway Realty – FOR SALE.
When she saw me, she jumped.
Apparently, jumping out from behind the hedges like a maniac startles people.
“Good morning,” she nervously offered.
I walked in closer, looking at the sign.
“The house is being put up for sale?” I questioned.
She nodded her head. “Yes! Finally! The owner, Ed, died years ago, and his brother refused to let it go. Felt like he was betraying him or something. Finally decided it was time. So here I am,” she said as she continued her hammering.
“No one lives here?” I stepped closer.
“No. No one has for a very long time. I’m an old family friend and a realtor. They asked me to put it up for sale. I thought I better get over here and at least put the sign in the yard before they changed their minds.” She laughed to herself.
“I live right next door, and I could’ve sworn that someone lived here.” I waited for her response, studying her face carefully.
“No, definitely not. The last guy that lived here died ten years ago. I guess you never heard about the scandal then?”
I stepped a half a step backward, not sure if I wanted to be in on the neighborhood gossip.
Her voice lowered to a whisper and her eyes glimmered as she spoke. “Well, it turns out that that Ed was an old sly dog. He was having an affair with the lady across the street, both still married, no less! Mrs. Parks, I believe her name was…is, actually. I think she still lives over there. They used to meet at midnight when everyone else was asleep and well ummm…you know…in his car parked right here in this driveway. Can you believe that? They would’ve gotten away with it, for god knows how long, but somebody saw them one night getting out of the car. Well, the rest was history. Split both marriages up. The crazy thing is that they never spoke after that. At least, not that any of us knew. I mean, I was a kid back then. It’s incredible. That affair went on for five years before they were found out. Then they were single and living right across the street from each other…and never spoke again. So strange, isn’t it?”
I stood looking at her. I didn’t know what to say. It was strange…but not as strange as seeing that man here.
“You want to see the inside the house?” she offered. “That way you know what it looks like. In case you know anyone that wants to be your neighbor.”
I followed her up onto the steps past vibrant yellow daffodils swaying in the breeze. Flowers that were planted years ago, giving return on investment, year after year.
She led me into the white bungalow with green shutters. We walked through the front door with frosted glass panes and into a small foyer. We passed the living room as she rushed us from room to room, as if she were on a game show version of “show this house.” The floor underneath us creaked with every step. The threadbare carpet under our feet was badly in need of replacing. Dust filtered off of the large windows with olive green drapery, drifting down through strips of sunlight like snowflakes. In the kitchen, fluorescent lighting poured across ugly linoleum and outdated appliances.
She led me through the three bedrooms in a flash and into the single bathroom that was wall to wall green tile. The faucet dripped in the sink with a large rust stain underneath it.
There was an emptiness in the air. A loneliness reflected back, by empty closets and plain walls.
We ended back up in the living room again. The furniture, covered in protective plastic. There was an ornate mantle around the fireplace, and I could see that it had several framed pictures sitting on it. I walked toward them, out of compulsion.
I had to see.
As I got closer, I could see that they were family photos. There was one of a group of kids sitting on this very porch. One of a blonde-haired lady with a bouffant hairdo and a pretty smile.
I spotted a wedding picture and stepped closer. It looked to be from the fifties or early sixties. I couldn’t tell.
The realtor came up behind me. “That’s Ed and his former wife. The one he cheated on. He must’ve felt pretty guilty to leave this picture up all this time. Don’t you think?”
I could see right away that the bride was the girl in the picture, with the pretty smile.
And the groom, he had the most distinct crystal blue eyes.
The same crystal blue eyes I had seen that day on the other side of the hedge.
I looked back at the realtor for a just a moment and then ran out the front door without looking back.
She called out behind me, “Hey! You want to take some of my business cards?”
I didn’t answer her. I just ran as fast as I could back to my house and slammed the door shut behind me. My head spinning. Thoughts racing.
My suspicions had been right. It was Ed that I saw that day.
I had no explanation for it, but I knew that it was him.
Who else could it have been?
And those eyes…there was no mistaking those eyes. I’d know them anywhere.
I looked out the window and saw the sky had turned an ominous slate grey. And the wind began howling as the trees and bushes swayed hard to the right. A storm was headed this way.
Just as the sky opened up with rain, Ben and the boys pulled up. By the time they got inside, they were soaking wet. I met them at the door with towels.
“Man, it’s really coming down out there!” Ben exclaimed.
The boys were laughing.
“Mom, can we go back out and play in the rain?” Grayson asked.
Before I could answer, lightning cracked right outside the window and was followed by a loud boom of thunder.
“I think that would be a no,” I answered.
Ben chased them up the stairs to change clothes as they squealed with
delight.
The storm grew stronger as I made the boys a lunch of grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup. I let them eat it in front of the television. By the time I came back into the living room, I found them both passed out on the couch. Worn out from their day. I turned the TV off.
The lighting in the house was darkened from the storm. Ben walked around the corner and smiled.
“Hi…” he said softly.
I smiled back and walked up to him. He put his arms around me and I snuggled into his chest.
“So, is my wife back? I sure missed her…” he said softly.
No sooner did the words come out his mouth, thunder shook the house, and another crack of lightning hit in the front yard, followed by a loud smashing sound.
We looked at each other, confusion in our eyes.
Ben ran to the front window to investigate.
“Shit!” he yelled as he turned and headed to the front door.
“What is it?” I said, as he swung the door open wide. He stood in the doorframe, looking out through the rain into the driveway.
A large branch from my beloved oak tree was lying on top of his car. The entire roof collapsed under the weight of the limb.
He shook his head in disbelief and looked at me. “Looks like I’ll be taking the train for a while…”
My entire world swirled in flashes of white light.
I couldn’t see. I couldn’t think.
The next thing I remembered was waking up with Ben crouched over me.
“Claire, are you okay? Should I call 911?” His face, strained with panic.
I attempted to sit up but my head was still spinning, violently. Apparently, Ben had caught me in his arms just before I fell to the floor.
“I’m okay, now…” I said hoarsely as Ben helped me into the living room where the boys were, surprisingly, still asleep. They could sleep through anything. He seated me in the recliner before he disappeared. Reappearing a moment later with a glass of water.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” He squinted, studying my face.
“Yes, I’m fine…” I lied. Well, I was okay physically but mentally…not so much. “Ben, you can’t take the train,” I stated bluntly.
The Moments Between Page 18
