by Dani Wyatt
I’m out the back door and on the way in her 2001 Buick Century. It looks just off the showroom floor, even with 120,000 miles on it.
On the drive, my mind wanders to what the surprise may be that Torin has in store. I know it’s too soon for anything significant, but somewhere deep down in my heart I have this image of us together.
Like really together. A ring on my finger and kids running around pulling on our hands and making our lives a mixture of loving chaos.
It’s too soon.
The voice in my head repeats, and I look into the rearview mirror to see a black Hummer behind me. I saw the same, or similar, car in the back parking lot at the bakery when I left. Seems odd, but I don’t think much of it as I make my way toward the store and five minutes later into the parking lot.
I pull the Buick into a space at the end of the row where there’s no possibility of anyone else dinging the pristine beige sedan.
As I gather my purse, my phone rings, it’s Torin.
“Hello?” I answer, my stomach doing a few flips.
“Hi, baby.” His deep voice resonates down through my heat and tickles between my legs. “Sorry, I had to hear your voice.”
I giggle. “Thanks. I’m glad you called.”
“I had to tell you something, over the phone is probably not the right way, but I couldn’t wait.”
“Okay.” I’m nervous as his words deepen.
“You may not be ready for this, and you don’t have to say it back, but I didn’t want another minute to go by without you knowing. I’m in love with you, Jessie. I love you. That’s all. I just had to say it.”
I sit in the car in stunned silence, listening to my heart pound in my ears.
I want to reply, but I’m frozen. I’ve never said those words to anyone before. I’ll admit, I’ve thought about it with Torin, but I never believed he was feeling the same thing and would actually say it so soon.
His voice breaks through. “Jessie. Are you there? You don’t have to say it back, but please say something.”
“I love you too,” I blurt out before I can stop myself.
“Fuck, yes,” he answers, and I can practically see him doing a fist pump to the sky. “Baby, I fucking love you. I’ve never said that to anyone before. It never felt even close to right. Oh, and now that I’m on a high from you saying it back, I have to tell you…”
He pauses, and I urge him on because he sounds excited. “Tell me what?”
“Unless something dramatic happens, it’s looking like that promotion is mine. So, unless I fall on my face, do something to embarrass the department, by this time next week you are going to be in love with the new Head Detective.”
My stomach flips and sinks, but I force cheerfulness into my voice. “That’s amazing. I’m so happy and proud of you.”
“Thanks, baby. You have no idea what it means to hear you say that.”
I hear someone in the background, calling his name.
“Baby, I fucking love you. But I have to go. I’ll see you in a couple of hours, okay? I have some meetings and things going on, might be a while before I can text or call, but I’ll be thinking about you every second.”
“Okay,” I reply, and we wrap it up, leaving me feeling conflicted but giddy as I get out of the car and start to walk toward the doors of the store.
Ten minutes later, I’m back out the door with the white plastic shopping bag with Helga’s spoons. Inside my head, I’m practicing a thousand ways I could tell Torin about my past.
None of which seem to do the job I’d like, which is to just make it all go away. I’m lost in thought as I walk and practically jump out of my skin when someone bumps into me from behind.
When I turn, my heart is in my throat.
It’s Derek.
“Hi there, Jessie Patrick. Author. Aaaaaand, wait for it…drug dealer. I told you I was coming closer. I’ve been following you on Facebook. Nice little career you’ve got going there.”
I stop in my tracks, but Derek brings a hand with something sharp in it to my side as he throws his other arm around my shoulders, leaning down to kiss me on the lips.
I freeze but he has us moving forward, and I look up to see the black Hummer parked by Helga’s car.
“The way I see it, you owe me a favor. And, for that favor, I promise not to out you to your readers.”
My stomach drops to my feet.
I’m silent as he continues. “I knew everything about you after your boss gave me your info. When I met you at the bar, I already knew who you were. Your high and mighty princess act is just that. An act. Felony drug conviction doesn’t fit with your image, does it, princess?”
“What do you want?” My voice shakes as he walks me around to the passenger seat of the black SUV.
“You to do what I tell you to do. Won’t take long. I’m not a guy who likes to linger. Just get your ass inside, I’ll explain what I want, you’ll do it, and balance will be restored to the universe. I need something done, and you’re going to do it.”
He opens the door to the Hummer, and I stand there shaking. I gather all my will, spin around, and cock my arm back, stomping on his foot as I swing.
But he’s ready for me this time, and with a grunt, he’s got my arm twisted behind my back, and I’m shoved face first into the opening of the door.
“I’m dumb, but I’m not stupid, bitch. You may have gotten a hit on me once, but I’m getting the last one on you princess. Hey, I tried to warn you. You should have messaged me back. I hate being ignored.”
The sharpness that had poked at my side is now at my neck.
“Get your ass in the car.” He spits the words in my ear, and I climb up and into the Hummer, shaking as he grabs my purse off my arm.
In the next seconds, he’s in the driver’s seat, the car is started, and we are pulling out of the lot, going God knows where.
“Don’t touch that.” He puts my purse down between my feet, and I start to cry.
Chapter 11
Torin
I bring my phone to my ear and listen to the ringing, then the recording of Jessie’s voice saying to leave a message and hang up for the fifth time in the last hour.
I decide to head over to the bakery and see why the fuck she’s not answering my texts or picking up my calls. My stomach churns, wondering if I scared her off with telling her I loved her.
Not that it would matter. If she’s scared, I’ll deal with it, but she’s not getting away from me. I’ll track her down, stalk her ass, making sure she gets the idea this is the real deal, and she’s not going anywhere.
I’m out the back door and at the bakery in the next half hour. When I walk in, Helga looks up at me like she’s seen a ghost.
“Is Jessie here?” I ask as she looks around at no one, then at me with distress in her eyes.
“No.” She slowly shakes her head.
“Do you know where she went?” My voice is hard, and Helga tightens her lips.
She pauses, then shakes her head, but I’m not buying it.
“Helga, tell me where Jessie is.” It’s not a question this time.
Before she can answer, my cell rings and I dig it out of my pocket and see it’s Gerald. I debate whether or not to answer but decide to take the call and make it fast.
“What’s up?”
“Black Hummer.” Gerald’s voice comes through the phone. “Tip from a girl we arrested two weeks ago. Her attorney convinced her to take a deal. She gave us a name and a description of his car. They put it out on the radio and had a hit immediately. Wal-Mart parking lot, there was a cruiser there for a shoplifting call, and they took the driver and a passenger into custody. Female had a load of crack on her packaged to distribute man.”
“Fuck yes!” I’m excited, but I have to find Jessie before I can fully celebrate. “Hey, can I call you right back? Jessie’s gone M.I.A., and I have to—”
“Dude,” Gerald interrupts.
“What? I’ll call you back, like five minutes.” I g
rit my teeth until my jaw pops.
“No, man. It’s Jessie.”
“What about her?” My throat tightens.
“Jessie Patrick was the passenger. I’ve seen her mug shot, man, it’s her.”
My world goes dark. There’s a ringing in my ears as Gerald keeps talking, but I don’t hear anything he’s saying.
“Is she okay?” I bark as I hit the door of the bakery and throw myself back into my truck.
“She lawyer’d up. Bonded out. She’s gone already, man. They should have called you—”
“Motherfucker,” I grit out as I throw my truck into gear and pull out onto the street, heading who knows where but I have to be with her.
“Man.” Gerald’s voice sounds ominous. “This isn’t good for you. You have to distance yourself. You’ve only known her for a handful of days. You spin it right it won’t affect your promot—”
Fire engulfs me. “Fuck that shit!” I bark. “There’s no distancing. There’s no spin.”
“Torin, your promotion is dead if you don’t.”
“Then it’s fucking dead,” I spit the words, blood pounding in my ears.
“It might not be just the promotion, man. You have to think. This is your career.”
I hang up, do a U-turn in the street, park and march back into the bakery. Helga is standing there, wide-eyed.
“Listen. I love Jessie. Do you hear me?” The sturdy older woman stares back, then finally nods. “I love her, and she’s in trouble. I have to get to her.”
“But she doesn’t want to see you,” Helga replies, crossing her arms over her enormous chest, but there’s a hint of sympathy in her severe glare.
For a moment I’m taken aback. In a situation like this, I should be the first person she wants to see.
“Why not?” I want any and all information I can gather.
“I can’t tell you.” Helga stays steady, but her manner tells me otherwise.
“Helga, have you been around Jessie the last four days? Have I done anything to hurt her? Done anything that would make her or you or anyone think I want anything but the best for her? I’m a cop. I can help her.”
Helga shakes her head. “Four days.” She huffs. “And that’s right. You’re a cop. And a promotion coming. Don’t you think Jessie loves you too? Think. Wants what best for you.” She jabs a finger to my head.
I take a moment and let my brain catch up.
Helga continues, “I shouldn’t tell you this, Jessie going to tell you herself, but you need to know. She told you she takes medications. She told you her struggle. But she didn’t tell you everything.”
I stare at her, feeling my stomach drop, something is coming.
“Jessie did something a few years ago after something bad happened to her. Tried to hurt herself. She better now, I know she tell you she have therapy and you understand she take medicine. You make sure she take her pills right, and you don’t judge her. But you push her right now…” She glares at me and stabs a finger in the air toward my face. “You lose your promotion because of her? I don’t want anything to push her back where she was. You want what’s best for her? Right now, you leave her be. She couldn’t handle guilt if she hurt you with all this nonsense going on. She has enough right now not have to worry about wrecking your life too. She’s fragile. Do right thing and stay away for now. Give her time she needs.”
“Fuck.” I shake my head, running a hand through my hair and gripping the back of my neck. The thought of losing her has me cold. Knowing she was in such a dark place at one time makes me sick. I want to protect her and make sure she feels loved and happy for the rest of her life.
How can this be happening?
All the memories of my brother come flooding back, and my eyes burn. If I lose Jessie, if something happened to her because of me, you might as well take me down with her because I wouldn’t live through it.
Helga raises her eyebrows and flutters her eyes. “You’re smarter than you look.”
“Did you see her?”
“No. She called. She’s with Heather and her husband. They good people. They will take care of her.”
“That’s my job.”
“You leave her be!” Helga shouts behind me as I turn.
I’m out the door and back in the truck. Jessie had me drop her at Heather’s one morning, so I know where she’s at. Conflict rages inside me. I’m her protector. I’m the one that can help her. I want to know what happened to her. Why she didn’t share it with me.
Why doesn’t she know I don’t give a shit about anything but her? But us.
On my way, I try her phone again, but she doesn’t answer. I try Gerald because I need to get a few things straight.
“Hey,” He answers.
“What’s the driver’s name?”
“Why?” Gerald’s voice deepens. “He’s still waiting for his bond to post.”
“Name, Gerald.”
“Derek Melrose. I’ll text you his mug shot and email you the report.”
“Thanks.” I swerve past a slow-moving car and take a right into the subdivision where Heather lives.
“There’s one thing,” Gerald says.
“What?”
“She’s got a record, man. Felony conspiracy to distribute.”
“What the fuck?”
“I’m sorry man. She was young, just turned eighteen. No suggestion that she’s done anything since, but it’s still there. People can surprise you.”
My stomach is in knots as I pull up in front of Heather’s house and put the truck in park, turn it off and head to the door. My phone in my hand dings and I bring up the text from Gerald.
I think my head is about to explode.
The mug shot looking back at me is the little fuck from the bar that first night I met Jessie. Something doesn’t smell right, and there’s no way my girl is mixed up with that little piece of shit.
My gut is telling me something is very, very off here.
I close my fist and pound on the door at Heather’s place, and it opens almost immediately.
“Where is she?” I ask, but Heather shakes her head.
“She’s gone, Torin. And don’t ask me where she went. I’m not going to tell you. She’s okay. She left you this.” She hands me an envelope with my name on the front. “She’s not a bad person. She wants the best for you.”
I snatch the envelope and rip it open.
Torin,
‘I’m sorry’ doesn’t begin to help this situation, I know. You’ve been amazing. But with things how they are, I can’t keep going on with you. It’s not our time. You have a life. A career that I will inevitably screw up and I can’t live with that.
Things went so fast with us. If you do love me, please, just leave this alone. Don’t come and try to find me. Heather won’t tell you where I am. Eventually, I’ll have to show up for the legal stuff, and with your connections, I know you could find me but please just stay away. I’m begging you, don’t. I can’t take it. I’m already on the edge. Go on and live your life. Get your promotion and don’t give up on your dreams. It will be your gift to me, maybe the one thing that keeps me going is knowing I didn’t screw up your life too.
I’m probably going to prison. I’m sure you know by now, and I should have told you, I have a prior conviction. I won’t go into the details of how that happened, well my side of things at least, just know I’m not a bad person. I’ve never done drugs in my life, not even smoked pot. I just seem to keep putting myself in the wrong place at the wrong time. Unfortunately, the law doesn’t cut you much slack for poor choices and naivete.
Take care. Know the last week has been the highlight of my life.
Jessie
I turn back to see Heather looking at me.
“Where is she?” I demand.
“Like I said, I’m not going to tell you, Torin. It’s not just for you, it’s for Jessie. She needs her space right now. Her life is upside down and backward, and she doesn’t need the guilt of ruining your life too. Ok
ay? Try to see it from her side. Don’t make it harder on her. If you find her, it’s not going to change what’s going on with her, but it could change the good things that are going on with you. Don’t put that on her, it may just be more than she can take.”
As Heather closes the door, I see her eyes well, and she puts a hand over her lips.
My chest tightens as I turn and make my way to my truck.
Inside, hands on the wheel, I lower my forehead and bite back the scream that wants to rip from my throat.
This can’t be happening.
I can’t get a glimpse of everything I’ve ever wanted just to have it torn from me.
I don’t feel connected to the world. I feel like I’m floating, but there’s an anger burning inside me that needs an outlet and that outlet’s name is Derek Melrose.
Chapter 12
Jessie
You know that scene in the Twilight movies where the girl is sitting in a chair in front of her bedroom window? The seasons fly by, but she just sits there.
That’s me.
I’ve been numb since the day the officer dragged me out of Derek’s truck and put the handcuffs on me almost two months ago.
The only grace in all of this is that Heather told me Torin got his promotion. He’s Head Detective now, and it’s the only solace I have in all of this that I didn’t ruin his life in the process of ruining mine.
The only other grace I suppose is all the unprotected sex I had with Torin didn’t produce a baby. That thought has me on the verge of tears. I’d wanted that in a way I didn’t know before Torin. I never understood the miracle of creating a new life out of love.
The thoughts turn me cold, knowing if that had happened, who knows what would have happened.
The thought of having a baby in prison…
“Jessie.” My mother’s voice comes through my bedroom door as the early morning sunlight streams through the Waverly floral curtains in the guestroom of my mom and stepdad’s absurdly large home in the gated community where Stepford is alive and well.
“Yes, Mom?” I answer, looking down at the screen on my phone, reading and re-reading the texts from Torin that he still sends daily. He made it clear the day of the arrest after he’d left Heather’s house that he didn’t expect me to respond, but he needed me to know every day he was thinking about me. And he understood.
