Maybe he could avoid emails after the first one? If this mysterious woman turned out to be nice, maybe he’d ask to call, instead, to avoid the humiliation.
Jason never confided in anyone about his challenges, nor had he reported it when he joined the military. He’d gotten through by being charismatic, getting help with his paperwork by claiming he was too busy, or avoiding it all together. They wanted a man out here working, so that is what he did.
He learned everything he could by seeing or doing, avoiding reading as much as possible. When he did have to study manuals, or wiring diagrams, Jason spent hours on end talking with John those first few years, quietly away from the others. He never told John about his dyslexia, nor had he asked.
John,
I’ll write her once – as a favor to you.
Jason
“Everyone, I have a special guest for us today that has brought us all a wonderful opportunity. We’ve talked about confidence, moving forward, and growing as we heal,” Daisy began happily, clapping her hands in excitement.
“Today, I have a friend here that will be speaking about doing something for our soldiers and I thought we could all lend a helping hand. Instead of being the recipient of some hurt or trauma – we can help another remember what it’s like back home and spread some love around the world. There is nothing better than making another person smile. Lily, you have the floor.”
“Hello, everyone,” Lily started, rising from her seat.
Daisy knew this was a perfect idea by the sheer happiness and unfettered joy in the woman’s expression. She loved the idea of reaching out and making someone feel good. A perfect teacher, Daisy thought silently, realizing that Lily had such a big heart and could turn no one away.
“My name is Lily Griffin. I wanted to share with you an unspoken need from our troops overseas: keeping in touch with the world they left. This is very near and dear to my heart, as my beloved husband was stationed over there for several years.”
Lily clasped her hands together, taking a deep breath before looking up at the group. Her eyes were bright with unfettered enthusiasm and sheer joy. Daisy felt herself smiling and saw several others were watching with a surprised expression on their faces. It was a beautiful thing to see such happiness as a shining beacon among those that needed to see that light so badly in their own hearts.
“He missed home. It was the simple things that we take for granted that he needed in his life: the smell of flowers, the views of green fields, the smell of pine trees. Through our letters, we discovered a mutual fondness for Twinkies and circus peanuts – but it takes actually reaching out to make that person smile and encourage them to remember their home,” Lily said, her voice taking on a firm, yet gentle, tone.
“Our troops could use a letter, a photo, or a care package, just something,” she beseeched, her eyes looking at each person around the room, “…to remind them what they are fighting for out there. I have a few flyers and I’d like a few volunteers to help me send a package this weekend. If you need something to make you feel good – caring for a friend in need is one of the best ways to do it.”
Lily smiled, nodded and took a seat once again.
“Thank you, Lily. I’d be happy to be a part of this and will help in any way I can,” Daisy offered. “Now, that’s it for today… unless anyone else wants to speak? I’d really appreciate it if someone stayed to talk with Lily about the care packages and if we have nothing else? I’ll see everyone in two weeks.”
Daisy watched, dismayed, as everyone got to their feet and began to file out of the room, leaving the two women standing there alone. Not one volunteer stepped forward and it was a little disheartening.
Leia’s mind raced as she followed the group out of the therapy session. The parade of people reminded her of lemmings, flowing in a group. She felt a twinge of regret, as well as a bubbling anger, as she saw not one person stayed – including her. Hesitating, she stopped at the front door, realizing she was just as guilty. Her hand hovered over the doorknob for several moments, frozen.
She had nothing to offer anyone and would be a terrible friend at this very moment. Right now, she poured every ounce of happiness into the mask she wore as a teacher. No one wanted to know their kids’ teacher felt like there was a broken woman looking for normalcy hidden deep down inside. The idea that she was lonely, and felt beyond saving, would devastate some parents and cause her to lose her only source of income. She just wanted something to make her feel like she was a part of the world once again, instead of just being ‘Dr. Ketch’s widow’ – part of the reason she ran from Dallas and headed back home. She needed to find herself.
“Leia? Is everything alright?”
Daisy’s polite, sweet, high-pitched voice interrupted her thoughts.
“Yes, I’m fine.”
“Did you want to write or help send a care package?”
It was that hopeful note in her voice that made her wince.
Leia turned and saw both women standing there with wide, genuine smiles on their faces. She knew Lily from the elementary school where she currently worked. Lily was practically infamous in the teacher conference area, as others discussed her mysterious romance with her husband, and her overabundant love of Twinkies. She’d smiled when Lily mentioned the golden treat. She’d noticed that Lily always seemed to have one in her lunch box.
“I think that I would be really bad at this,” Leia muttered apologetically, backing away and holding up her hands. Her head shook vehemently as Lily stepped forward, quickly causing her to dart back and to the side, bumping into the coffee table.
“It’s not a skill,” Lily protested, straightening up and coming to a stop. “You don’t have to be good or bad at writing – you just simply have to reach out.”
The pushy tone set Leia off.
Didn’t anyone understand-or even care?
“I know you met your husband this way,” Leia protested angrily, feeling her temper flare. Lily stepped backwards at the hostile tone in Leia’s voice.
She didn’t care.
“I don’t need another man in my life – I had one and he was taken from me.” They needed to understand what she was still going through and wasn’t going to let someone shove this down her throat. She was tired of people pushing her around, making suggestions or comments on what she should be doing. Chandler did that and she tolerated it because they were in love – but he was gone and it was just another jab in the heart.
“Whoa! You misunderstand what I’m trying to do,” Lily balked, holding up her hands and rapidly waving them in front of her . Daisy’s normally expressive face shuttered, giving her an impassive expression at the rage that Leia displayed.
Good! Leia thought bitterly. Daisy needed to know what she was going to be dealing with, talking with Leia during their counseling sessions. It felt good to lash out and let out some of the emotions she had pent up inside of her out.
“No. No. No!” Lily protested quickly. “What my husband and I have is a miracle – and no one is expecting that to happen ever again. I’m hoping you send a care package or a letter to a person that just needs cheering up. I wrote my letter, unsure of what I was doing, but I needed to talk to someone and felt like I just couldn’t here. No one understood because I couldn’t explain until later that I missed my friend and was lonely.”
“Plus… No one else stayed but you,” Daisy interjected quietly.
Leia’s sharp eyes swung to her counselor and searched her face. Were they in cahoots? Was this a ploy to get her to start talking with another man?
“No one is trying to set you up,” Daisy continued evenly, nodding to Lily.
“If you want to send a letter to a woman instead, I can find a female soldier for you to mail a letter to. I just know that the one on the top of my list was there when Daisy’s fiancée lost his leg and could use someone to talk to. His life changed abruptly and I’m sure you know what that’s like.”
Leia winced painfully at the candidness of Lily�
��s words. The other teacher probably knew all about her history from the gossips in the teacher conference room. It was no secret Leia was a widow.
“That was below the belt, Lily Griffin, and you darn well know it,” Leia said painfully, looking away.
“I know it was, but it was also the truth.”
“If I send a package, do I need to send a letter?”
“Not at all,” Lily assured her quietly, her brown eyes meeting and holding Leia’s. “You can send something that makes you think of your own home. Something that makes you smile or feel patriotic. Gag gifts, snacks, books to read or a magazine, are all good things to send and you don’t have to include a letter, unless you feel like reaching out. I had my class send letters…”
“So we’ve all heard…” Leia interrupted quietly.
“Then you also know that it would mean a lot to me to have some help. I send a care package every month to a different solder, because some of them have no one in their lives communicating with them.”
“And you need someone to help lift the burden?”
“It’s not a burden – it’s a joy,” Lily corrected swiftly. “But yes. I’d like to send more and I quickly run out of time and/or money.”
“I’ll send one,” Leia agreed quietly. “Just one.”
“Thank you.”
“And I’ll mention it to all my students for extra credit points.”
“That would be wonderful and all I would ask for.”
“Do you want the name of a female solder or does it even matter to you?” Lily said nonchalantly, grabbing her clipboard of names.
“Just give me the first one on your list,” Leia sighed, giving in. “I’ll go to the store this afternoon and send out a little something in the morning.”
“I’ll give you this person’s physical address and their email, too, if you want to let them know something is on the way,” Lily said happily, her demeanor changing to one of excitement.
“This is not a setup, right?” Leia said warily, accepting the sheet of paper.
“Nope.”
“How many soldiers are on that list?” Daisy said quietly, before turning to Lily once Leia left the house. She saw Lily had clenched the clipboard to her chest and was smiling from ear to ear. “If you need help sending care packages, I’d be happy to help and I’m sure Ethan would be more than willing to, as well.”
“I can email you a copy of who we still need to send something to when I get to my computer at home. I’ve got it saved in an excel file,” Lily said nonchalantly, with a secretive smile on her face.
“What about that list?”
“Oh, this?” Lily said innocently, flipping over the clipboard held to her chest. The papers on the board were blank except for several doodles in ink. There were swirls, smiley faces, flowers, and hearts, all scribbled on the sheet of paper.
“Where’s the list?”
“I didn’t bring one,” Lily replied, evenly. “John has an excellent read on people and if he said Jason is the person to bring a person out of their shell – than I trust him implicitly. I think it’s time we step back and see what happens now. I’ve watched Leia at the school and she needs a friend now more than ever. She pushes away everyone, including me, because she’s afraid. I don’t need a degree to be able to tell that. My husband is right: that loudmouth goofball Hody can reach her better than we ever could here befriending her.”
“I hope he’s right.”
“I know he is.”
Tapping her red pen against her chin, Leia stared at the papers in front of her sightlessly, lost in thought. The idea of writing someone kept replaying in her mind. She had already stopped at the store and picked up a few items she liked, as she was unsure of what to get.
Lily mentioned that she sent a snack, so Leia did as well. She picked up a few more items that would possibly travel well in a box. She had the small box ready to mail, but hadn’t brought herself to seal it quite yet, as the idea of writing some stranger tickled the back of her mind.
What would it be like to write someone? To have someone to pour everything out to? Would she scare the person off if she told a stranger how bitter she felt at being abandoned, or admitting how scary it had been to learn how to get back on her feet again? Sighing, she shoved the ungraded papers to the side and got out a tablet of paper.
This seemed crazily old-fashioned compared to her fancy cell phone or laptop, but there was something succinctly satisfying in writing out your feelings. It was as if it took more from her mentally to pour her feelings out with a pen, rather than typing them on a cool, unfeeling laptop.
Getting up from her seat, she opened the sliding glass door for some fresh air and stepped out into the sunshine. Taking a seat in her blue mesh outdoor chair, she began to write on her notepad.
Dear Mr. Hody,
I feel so strange actually writing to another person. As I write this down, I realize it’s more for myself than for you. I guess I’m selfish like that. My name is Leia Ketch and I work as a teacher at the same school Lily Griffin does. I understand that her husband used to work with you. Let me throw this out there right now – I could use a friend to talk to and if there is any weird inclination for more… you don’t want any of this in your life.
I’m damaged goods.
I could use a friend - nothing more.
I could use someone to talk to, or spill my guts to, when I feel like the world is overwhelming out there. I look around and feel like others are staring, thinking ‘oh look at the poor lonely widow’.
I’m not lonely though – and I feel bad about it.
I feel like I’m betraying my dead husband’s memory by even admitting it aloud on paper. I should be despondent, only I’m not. I’m angrier at what his death did to my life. I was spoiled, pampered, unencumbered by stress before all of this happened, and now I have nothing but that – and I get to handle it alone. No one understands what ‘alone’ can really feel like.
When Chandler died, I realized that he did everything and I did nothing but exist as ‘eye-candy’, as he put it. I was a doll that he dressed up and showed off to his friends. Now, I’m having to discover myself and it’s a brutal, humbling lesson.
I get dressed and wonder if things match.
I teach class and wonder if they are actually listening.
I go to the store to pick up things and feel such a lack of confidence in what to purchase because while I care – part of me just doesn’t anymore. I feel like I’m existing until I finally break down mentally.
Pretty messed up, huh?
Like I said, I’m writing this for me. Therapeutic, they said… Ha!
I wouldn’t blame you for not writing and I may not send this out to you. If I do send this letter, it’s a sheer moment of weakness and need for an understanding friend - with no strings attached.
I hope you like the goodies in the box as they are some of my favorites. I wish I could send a pint of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream in the box but it would be milky, funky, moldy soup by the time you got it. Ice cream, tissues, and potato chips have gotten me through some really rough spots.
I miss Chandler – but more than that - I miss myself, and don’t know where to find that woman anymore.
~ Leia
Ripping the paper off the pad violently, Leia started to wad it up and stopped. Why get rid of it? It was the most truthful, honest way to express her innermost feelings and she felt so much better putting it out there. Instead, she smoothed out the paper and folded it in thirds. Getting up from her chair, she walked inside, slipped the paper down in the box around the items she’d bought earlier in the day, and quickly taped the box shut.
“I’ll just mail it and then be done with it all,” she muttered aloud to no one.
Picking up the stack of ungraded papers, she decided to sit in the sun for a while longer. Flipping through the sheets, Leia realized that between the sunshine and the feeling that she’d made the first step in making a friend, she smiled to herself.
Chapter 5
October 2017
“Hody! You got a package!” Ben Watson hollered over his shoulder as the men of their barracks surrounded the soldier holding several boxes. His dog, Paladin, barked excitedly several times as the soldiers crowded the man.
Tossing the box over his shoulder, Watson lobbed it into the air, aiming it directly at him. Jason quickly caught the box, giving a mock salute. Watson only glared at him, rolling his eyes and turning back, as he received his own box in the mail. Jason saw Watson disappear further into the barracks with Paladin close on his heels, the dogs’ tail wagging happily.
Looking down at the box he held, Jason’s eyebrows shot up in surprise just before he sighed heavily. This was obviously going to be the package John Griffin had warned him about. Be nice, he’d said.
He was always nice, Jason thought wryly.
Whipping out his pocketknife, he slid it carefully under the tape. Pulling back the flap, he couldn’t help the smile that hit his face at what he found before him.
The box was crammed full of sugary goodies – and Jason loved sweets!
A carton of Whoppers candy lined each corner carefully, keeping the box intact during shipping. The inside was packed full with bags of sour Warheads candies, a single serving box of red wine, a package of disposable razors, several comic books that were rolled tightly in a sleeve, a few packages of bubble gum and a folded-up piece of paper. Opening the candies, he popped one in his mouth as he read the letter slowly. The sour explosion in his mouth made his expression squinch up painfully at the tartness, but the words he read kept the expression plastered across his face.
Remember Laughter Page 4
