“Post blew a kiss to his wife Lucy and John was in the way. It was really funny to see the expression on John’s face.”
“I bet it was,” Jason admitted, holding Leia in a hug as they watched the interaction between the two men.
“That was for your wife, right?” John growled.
“It sure wasn’t for you,” Jamie grinned, and then snapped to attention, tucking his Hawaiian shirt into his blue jean shorts. “Sir.”
“At ease, you dork.”
Both men laughed easily and tipped their soda cans in a mock salute. There was so much going on around them that it was easy to get distracted. Time seemed to pass and before long, everyone was sitting in their folding chairs and enjoying overly cooked burgers. Leia couldn’t help but watch Jason’s profile as he talked with everyone, chewing occasionally as he talked.
Alaska was beautiful in a wild, different way that reminded her of Jason. He was carefree and outgoing, deep and tender, and a bit on the reckless side. He made her laugh, held her while she cried, and was about the best person she’d ever met in her life – including her dead husband. Chandler had been her heart and Leia now realized that in loving Jason, he was her soul.
It was going to be so hard to go back to talking with Jason once a week or via email. She would be able to picture his eyes, his smile, just the way he turned his head or cradled her against him. She would miss the big guy something fierce!
“What’s on your mind, Princess?”
“Oh, nothing.”
“Do you need to talk?” he asked tenderly, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. This was exactly what she meant when she analyzed her feelings. He was just pure and wonderful in a way she never anticipated.
“I think someone promised me a Star Wars marathon.”
“Do you want to borrow my discs?” Jamie interrupted, his burger hesitating just before his mouth. “I don’t mind as long as you return them. It’s the classic collection, too – not that CGI stuff that they redid.”
“Please,” Jason said, smiling at Leia. “I promised my girl a marathon because she loves Wookie’s and other hairy beasts.”
“No wonder she likes you,” Jamie teased, hitting Jason on the shoulder. “If Cooper was here, he’d have a field day with that statement. Remember the last time he called you ‘big, dumb, and hairy?’”
Leia was out of her seat before she realized it.
“Excuse me?” she bit out angrily, glaring at Jamie who looked utterly stunned by the vehemence in her voice. “Nobody is calling anyone stupid.”
“The word he said was ‘dumb’,” Tobin corrected with a wink only to have Leia turn on him.
“I won’t have any of you saying that about anyone.”
“Princess,” Jason tugged at her hand. “That’s in the past. Cooper and I are good…”
Leia wouldn’t hear it.
“You are supposed to be sticking up for one another and protecting each other – well, that is mentally and emotionally, too. Why would you let someone…Oooofh!” Leia squeaked as Jason picked her up bodily, putting her over his shoulder as he carried her away from the group.
“What was all that about?”
“Dang, I don’t know. Did you see how angry she got?”
“Protective little thing, isn’t she?”
“I think she’s probably meaner than Hody can be – and he’s a big fella!”
“I like her and she’s just what Jason needs!”
“I wouldn’t want to meet her in an alley when she’s angry.”
“Absolutely not – but we could let her loose on the front line and she could clear the way.”
“Because they’d run! Seriously!”
“I thought she was gonna rip my head off.”
“You men behave! You should be ashamed, getting her all riled up like that.”
“Lily, they were just having fun.”
“As teachers, we don’t ever like to see anyone get picked on.”
“Nobody was doing that.”
“But she thought it was happening. Perception is reality – besides, I know one or two of you who would be equally protective of someone you cared for.”
“Hey!” Leia barked angrily, swatting at his back as the conversations they left back there echoed in her head. They were right; she was angry and awfully protective of the man who struggled to read. He treated her like she hung the moon. No one was ever going to imply that her man, or anyone she cared for, was dumb.
“You need to cool down for a minute,” he said calmly, carrying her out the back gate to the greenspace that lay open towards the mountains ahead. The green gave way to bright orange and purple flowers under his boots.
“Jason! I’m fine, it’s just… where are we going?”
“Somewhere we can talk – alone.”
“I’m fine.”
“I’m not, and I think we’ve had a much-needed talk coming for a while now, but I’ve been putting it off,” Jason said firmly, sitting her down on her feet. Leia looked around at the surroundings and could see the line of fences off in the distance.
The wooden gate they’d come through was still open and Radar, the German Shephard, sat there stiffly standing guard protectively. The animal went everywhere with Lily and John, as Radar was part of their family as John’s K9 police dog.
“Sit with me.”
Jason plopped down inelegantly in the grass and yanked a flower out of the ground. Holding it up to her, he smiled. Leia rolled her eyes and sat in the grass beside him.
“That was our number one rule being broken back there,” she reminded him hotly, her temper still flaring protectively of Jason.
“I know that – and they know that. No one was calling me names and they haven’t done so since I nearly knocked the snot out of Cooper.”
“Good,” Leia said vehemently, smiling at him.
“But that was years ago and they don’t know, Leia.”
“Know what? Know about your dyslexia?”
“Yeah.”
“Are you ashamed of it? There’s nothing wrong with it.”
“Look at me! I’m a big guy and immediately people assume I’m not too bright. I don’t want to give them any ammunition and it’s best if I just keep my secrets to myself.”
“Has someone hurt you? Has someone made fun of you in the past?” Leia asked candidly, realizing that this was a chance to better understand him and why he was so set on giving her plenty of space to make her own decisions.
“Of course, they did.”
“Who?”
“My mother,” Jason whispered, looking off into the distance.
“Oh my gosh, no…” Leia whispered, stunned. “I am so sorry.”
“Me, too. She was the reason I joined the military. I had to get away from it all and I never told anyone. I even had Mom sign the consent form to let me join before I was eighteen. I couldn’t take it anymore.”
“Oh, I imagine,” she breathed, realizing that the scars he had ran deep. No wonder he was afraid to let anyone in.
“Can you, though?” he said tightly, yanking up a blade of grass and throwing it angrily. “It was a part of every conversation, no matter where I went – and because my mother said it to her friends, it was everywhere in town. Pretty soon everyone was calling me ‘big and dumb’.”
“My dad left us when I was younger, and at first I thought that maybe she was just taking it out on me, but as I got older I realized that she really resented me being around. The simplest way to cope was to remove myself from the picture. I left home and never returned.”
“That was the smartest and hardest decision you could have made. I can’t imagine the fear you felt and the strength it took to be brave enough to do something like that.”
They sat there together quietly for several minutes, plucking blades of grass and watching the open horizon, as the wind ruffled gently over the field ahead. It was peaceful, serene, and she had never felt so safe as she did right now, sitting beside the man she ador
ed.
“I know what it’s like to have someone you love disappointed in you. It was my fault we were late the night Chandler died,” Leia whispered painfully. Her hand searched blindly across the grass for Jason’s, needing support, as she stared off at the mountains ahead.
“I tried so hard to make him proud of me, to be a good wife, and make sure I didn’t embarrass him. He was such a good man, a brilliant surgeon, and it was his night to present an award. I was running behind and couldn’t pick out what to wear, then I couldn’t find my shoes, and by the time I got to the car, it was a mad dash to get downtown.”
“It wasn’t your fault.”
“It was,” she countered, shaking her head as the memories of that night blinded her. Horrific flashes of that night played before her eyes. It was choices she’d made then that put her on the path she was on. She was so guilty, so hurt, for so very long… but nothing could have prepared her for how much she would fall for Jason Hody.
He was everything to her.
“I could have gotten ready earlier. I was so frustrated at how sometimes Chandler micromanaged me, like one of his office staff, that I was rebelling. Instead of telling him how I felt, I dragged my feet,” Leia let out a shaky breath as the pain she’d carried with her for so long seemed to boil forth. The tears were no longer coming; it was more the painful honesty that she’d kept hidden deep down inside because she was ashamed.
“Then, when the accident happened, I was alone. His parents abandoned me because we had no further connection to each other. They didn’t approve of him marrying me and my husband was buried before I was released from the hospital. They didn’t even give me a chance to say my goodbyes. All my cords were being cut for me, so I cut the last one: I never went back home,” she admitted.
They made her feel ashamed and worthless. What kind of family never checked on you or bothered to see if you were okay? What kind of family robbed her of a chance to say goodbye? She’d been abandoned because she was nothing to them – and it hurt.
“I sold it all. I came back to Tyler and started all over again. I had my degree, but Chandler didn’t want a wife that worked. I never had a chance to really grow into who I was – and I think that is why writing you was so precious to me. I could be myself and you liked me… for me.”
“You’re wrong,” Jason said softly, causing Leia to look at him in dismay. His warm eyes were watching her and that sweet smile that touched her heart was there. “I love you… for who you are. ‘Like’ isn’t a strong enough word for how I feel when I’m with you, Princess.”
“Oh, Jason,” Leia whispered, tearing up painfully as the lump in her throat prevented her from saying more. He leaned over and kissed her tenderly.
“I love you,” she breathed against his lips, “and I’m never going to be ready to say goodbye tomorrow.”
“We are going to figure this out. I promise,” he vowed tenderly, touching her face and tracing her cheekbone, “…but until then-I plan on kissing the woman I love senseless, so I have something to hold me through, until I can do it again.”
“I love you, sasquatch,” she teased, smiling through the tears. Jason leaned over, tickling her until she laid back in the flowers. He froze and looked at her, plucking her phone off the grass.
“Don’t move,” he ordered gently, snapping a photo of her. “You are truly breathtaking and I might need this memory to get through the weeks ahead. I love you so much, Leia.”
Jason couldn’t believe the way Leia stood up to his friends to protect him. If he hadn’t already fallen for the sweet woman and her endearing ways, he was head over heels in love with her now. He felt such shame at having problems learning and reading for so long, it seemed to be second nature to him, but if he was to have any chance at a future with Leia she needed to understand how deep the pain ran for him… and he needed to know what he was up against. He’d overheard a conversation between Daisy and Ethan that Leia’s husband who’d passed away had been a doctor.
A well-known doctor.
Jason had never felt so low at that moment. What would a beautiful, smart, giving woman want with him? His own mother made him feel ashamed of how dumb he could be sometimes; surely a woman who’d married a doctor would be embarrassed at how he acted at times. She was probably used to fancy dinners and champagne.
He’d taken her to a karaoke bar and gave her beer.
Instead of taking her to a museum to see an exhibit, he’d taken her fishing.
She probably drove a fancy vehicle.
He had a jalopy of a car that he was always working on and let the other guys rent it to pay for parts. It was part Mitsubishi, part Toyota, and part Peugeot at this point. A jumbled, mixed-up mess that somehow seemed to make it to where he needed to go.
Yet, when he confessed his history, instead of feeling embarrassed or ashamed, he felt like a weight was being lifted off his shoulders. He’d been rejected so many times in the past by family, friends, and women for being ‘stupid’ that it was the immediate ground rule he’d made when they first started communicating. He was a good man and didn’t deserve the shame he would feel when he made a mistake – and he would make one.
Her words had touched him.
She thought one of the smartest and bravest things he’d done was to extract himself from a bad situation and better himself. That is how he’d seen it, but no one ever seemed to understand what he meant when he felt guilt and shame for doing so. Just when he was about to question her on what she thought she understood, she began to speak.
Leia had dealt with guilt of her own, but in a different fashion. Both of them felt like they’d gotten the raw end of the deal and had to pick themselves up in order to feel like they could go on.
He couldn’t help the words as they fell from his lips. There was no more hiding how he felt and he didn’t want to give her time to decide if this was right between them. He wanted to tell her just how he felt.
He’d almost told her there beside the creek and again under the aurora borealis, but he knew deep in his heart that telling her right away would only scare her off. Even now, he was taking a chance; but with them leaving tomorrow – it was a chance he was willing to take because he craved that tender look in her eyes when she gazed at him and saying those important words over the phone or in an email for the first time was sacrilege.
“Your wrong,” Jason breathed softly, as she glanced up at him with this crestfallen look that felt like a stab to the heart. Didn’t she know how much he cared? “I love you… for who you are. ‘Like’ isn’t a strong enough word for how I feel when I’m with you, Princess.”
“Oh, Jason,” Leia whispered. Those beautiful eyes glistened and stared up at him in sheer wonder and happiness. He leaned over and kissed her tenderly, treasuring this very moment and so glad they were away from everyone when he was confessing his feelings to his beloved princess.
“I love you,” she breathed, her lips tickling as they moved softly against his. He would always treasure the way she made him feel invincible. “…And I’m never going to be ready to say goodbye tomorrow.”
“We are going to figure this out. I promise,” he vowed tenderly, touching her face and tracing her cheekbone, “…but until then-I plan on kissing the woman I love senseless, so I have something to hold me through, until I can do it again.”
“I love you, sasquatch,” she teased, smiling through the tears that traced down her cheeks. They were tears of happiness and her smile was one for the record books. Jason leaned over, tickling her until she laid back in the flowers.
He froze and looked at her, plucking her phone off the grass. He had never seen such a thing of beauty in his entire life. Love shone from her eyes as her dark hair was spread out among the grass, the bright orange and purple flowers framing her head perfectly.
“Don’t move,” he ordered gently, snapping a photo of her. “You are truly breathtaking and I might need this memory to get through the weeks ahead. I love you so much, Leia.”
&
nbsp; Jason put the phone down and joined her in the grass, drawing her into his arms, pouring every ounce of love he felt into the tender embrace. He would miss kissing his princess and had to figure out a way for them to be together.
Chapter 17
Jason lay beside Leia in the grass, just watching her as he used a small flower to outline her face. They did nothing but lay there in the grass together, talk, and kiss in between confessions of their most private worries, hopes, and fears. There was so much to him that she found absolutely enchanting. She told him about Spud and her desire for children that she’d once assumed would be with Chandler.
“To me, children have always been proof of love between two people.”
“That’s so beautiful and how it should be.”
“Are we talking about our future, princess?”
“I guess it depends on what our next step is,” she hedged, feeling a flush of embarrassment heating her cheeks. It seemed to be progressing so fast between them; yet they’d known each other over a year, corresponding and talking practically every week.
“I think we need to keep going down this road together and enjoy what it feels like to be in love with each other. That gives me time to figure out how to be closer to you,” Jason said huskily, rubbing his nose against hers before kissing the tip. “When I come home to you, Princess, we’ll talk about our bushel of future children then.”
“A bushel?” Leia laughed, pushing at his shoulder.
“Yes, and we’ll name them after all sorts of Star Wars characters. Needless to say, I’m an overachiever! When we have twins, I bet you can’t guess what their names will be?”
“Mork and Mindy?”
“C’mere you,” he growled playfully, nibbling at her neck and causing her to squeal with laughter as he rolled her around in the grass. A dogs’ loud barking alerted them both that company was coming and their idyllic interlude was over. Reality was stepping in.
“Get a room, you two,” Jamie called out playfully, waving his arm. “C’mon back up, Lucy made a trifle for dessert and the fireworks will be starting soon.”
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