Chapter Thirty-Two
SO ALONE TOGETHER
Lend and I were out in the woods again, kissing. It was nighttime, but I could see perfectly.
“Wow,” Vivian said, and I looked at her, then back at Lend and me. Seeing us kiss from farther away made me sad for some reason, like it wasn't me anymore. Like it never was to begin with. “Look at you two go. ”
I shrugged, uncomfortable standing there watching myself make out with Lend. “I really like him. ”
“Obviously. ” She frowned. “What is he?”
“None of your business, that's what he is. ”
“No, seriously, he's different. ”
“Yup. And mine. ”
Vivian laughed. “Oh, chill out. I won't try to steal your little boyfriend. I won't have to. ”
“What's that supposed to mean?” I glared at her.
“Do you really think he's going to stay with you when he finds out what you are?” She didn't say it cruelly. In fact, she looked sorry for me.
“He likes me,” I said, realizing how pathetic it sounded.
“You're not what he thinks you are. You're not one of them. You can pretend--pretend to be normal, pretend to be paranormal, but it never matters in the end. We aren't anything. ” Her face was empty.
“Why do you do it?” I asked softly. “Why do you kill them?”
“I'm not killing them! I'm letting them go. ”
“You don't have to kill them. ”
She looked at me, her pale eyes deep with sorrow. “It's what we are, Evie. It's what we're supposed to do. Let them go, release them. They don't belong here. And if I didn't take their souls, I'd die. ”
“You're really pulling out their souls?”
She shrugged. “Souls, spirits, life energy, whatever. It takes a huge amount of energy to sustain life, and paranormals live a long, long time. That's what I take. I figure it's a win-?win situation. They finally get a ticket out of this miserable, cold world, and I get what I need to keep going. ”
“But I don't do that, and I'm not dead or dying. ”
She raised an eyebrow. “You're brighter again today. Either that faerie's been visiting, or you've been getting it somewhere else. We don't have our own souls, Evie. ”
“I have a soul,” I said, desperate.
“We're both Empty Ones--like little, hollow china dolls. We can't keep going on our own. When we were made, they only gave us a little bit. Such a very little bit. Even humans have brighter souls than we do, and they have such a pathetic amount it's not even worth noticing. Didn't you wonder why you're always so cold? Why you always feel alone?”
I looked down at the ground, unwilling to meet her eyes. “I really don't have a soul?”
“Not your own. And I don't know how long you can last unless you start doing what you were made to. But, Evie, listen to me. ” She reached out and took my hand in her equally cold one. I looked up at her. Her eyes were shining, bright, intense. “It's amazing. It really is. That flood, that fire as it rushes in--you've never felt anything so wonderful in your whole life. It's like you're finally alive, and you're not alone. You've got all those spirits inside you, and you're not alone! And I keep them. I treasure each and every soul I've been given. They're mine, and I love them, and they keep me warm. ”
For the first time I noticed the golden flames behind her. Now I understood what they were. It should have made me sad, but I wanted them more than ever before. I didn't want to be empty.
“I'm supposed to kill you. ” Her voice was low and serious. “All their stupid prophecies, they want me to get rid of you before you figure out what you can do. And I could. Kill you, I mean. You don't understand anything. You don't even know how to take the souls, and I've got so much power now. ” She looked thoughtful. I wanted to run, but she was so still and had my hand in hers. “But I don't want to. The stupid fey, they think they know everything, they think they can control me. I'm tired of them and I'm tired of being alone. We're family. We should be together, you know?”
I didn't know what to say. How do you respond when someone tells you how easy it would be to kill you, then says she wants to be best friends, family?
“I can't find you. ” Her gaze intensified. “Even the faeries that are helping me can't find you. Tell me where you are. ”
The souls moved closer, dazzling me with their blinding beauty. She could teach me how to get my own. I opened my mouth, and then I heard Lend laugh. Looking over, I watched us. His arms were around me, his mouth close to my ear. “I'm with him,” I whispered, pulling away from Vivian.
She looked hurt, then her mouth curled into a cruel smile. “Sure. Tell him what you are and let me know if you're still with him. You'll see. I'm the only one you have. The only one. ”
She drew the flames into herself again, so bright and terribly beautiful I started crying.
When I woke up I was still crying. It was just turning light outside, but I'd never get back to sleep. I sat up and pulled my knees to my chest, wrapping my arms around them. She was right. I was empty. I was alone and cold, and I'd always known it. I pulled out the neck of my T-?shirt and looked down. My wrist hadn't changed since Reth burned me, but my heart had definitely gotten a little brighter.
And then I had a thought. A horrible, horrible thought. What if I had been sucking life and energy from Lend? What if I was killing him? I finally got a boyfriend, I was pretty sure I loved him, and here I was, stealing his soul.
I had to leave, run away to somewhere where I couldn't hurt anyone, especially not Lend. But after how he opened up to me, how much he trusted me, I owed him more than that. Trying not to cry, I padded across the hall to the room he was staying in. Lend was asleep, almost invisible, sprawled out and tangled in the blankets. He looked adorable. It broke my heart. Next to him on the bedside table was his open sketchbook.
Tiptoeing over, I saw in the pale dawn light what he had been working on. It was a portrait of me, probably one he had started in art class. I was in this sassy pose, holding Tasey and giving this awesome I rock! look to all the world. Lend drew me the way he saw me, and I was beautiful.
I totally started bawling. Lend sat up, startled awake, and color flooded into him. “Evie? What's wrong?”
I shook my head; I could barely see him through my tears. “I think I'm killing you. ”
Paranormalcy Page 32
