by Scarlet West
I grinned. “You mean in the service? Yeah, we have girls in the Army, man.”
He shook his head. “I know that, shithead. I meant, did you, you know, see any girls?”
I shrugged. “I wasn’t celibate, if that’s what you’re asking. But nothing serious, no.”
He nodded. “Well, maybe it’s time you got back on the horse,” he suggested, wiggling his eyebrows.
I couldn’t help but laugh. Brendan was an accountant, and the farthest thing from a playboy that I’d ever known.
“Yeah, maybe,” I replied non-committing.
My mind wandered back to the hot blonde waitress. I couldn’t help but wonder what it would feel like to have her pinned underneath me, plunging into her over and over until that defiant stare turned to one of pure lust.
Feeling myself growing hard, I fidgeted and tried to discreetly adjust myself. Shit, I needed to get a damn grip. I was vacillating from anger to anxiety or horniness quicker than a fan on high speed.
“Fizzy water?” a woman’s voice said. I looked up hopefully, and found myself looking at a different face.
This one had sleek brown hair, tanned skin, and a well-made up oval face. I felt a pang of disappointment. She was pretty, for sure. But the blonde one was something different. I cast my eyes back to the kitchen, hoping she was about to come through the doors.
“That’s for me,” Brendan said. “His is the still one.”
“Great.”
She put our waters down, and I waited for her to go, but Brent engaged her in conversation.
“You new in town?” he asked casually.
“Sort of.” The girl blushed. “I’ve come down from college; staying with my mom until I figure out my next career step.”
“I see,” he nodded.
“And you’ve worked here long?” he asked. “Say, as long as her?”
I looked around. He was indicating the blonde, who was setting teacups down on another table. I found my eyes glued to her sexy figure, watching the way she flicked her hair back as she worked. The younger woman laughed. “Um, no,” she said. “Hayley hasn’t worked here that long either. She moved to town about three months ago.”
“Oh. That figures. I thought I hadn’t seen her around before,” Brendan said.
“You’re from around here?”
Brendan grinned. “As local as the Newbridge Tower.”
Another table waved the waitress over and she was gone.
He grinned. “Well, there you are.”
“There I am what?” I asked. “Information. She’s new in town. Came here about three months ago. She’s single, too.”
“Brendan,” I warned.
“What?” he shrugged. His brown eyes danced. “She’s stunning, bro. You should think about it.”
I just looked at him. Our order arrived and she brought it to the table. I looked down, avoiding her gaze. I felt really awkward; both for the worry that Brendan was watching my every move, and for the fact that, now he had put the idea into my head, I couldn’t get it out.
I was getting uncomfortably hard.
In my mind I was touching those high breasts, maybe taking one in my mouth, and then I was pushing into her, feeling her wet tightness grip me, drawing me into her warmth. I imagined that she would be as eager as I was, gasping with excitement as I moved into her slowly.
“So,” Brendan said, making me jump. “What?”
“You coming tonight?” Brendan asked, pausing to wipe his upper lip and reach for his phone.
“Yeah,” I said, without having to think about it. “Yeah. Why not?”
It might be good to go out and have some of the fun that I’d been missing out on for so long.
5
Hayley
“Hayley come on. At least think about it?”
I looked at Ryanne where she stood on the step outside the café. I squinted my eyes against the sunlight that baked down on the tar and shook my head. It was the end of a long shift at the end of a really long week and I was completely drained and exhausted. I’d already had more than enough and I wanted a rest.
“No,” I said. “I can’t.”
“You can!” Ryanne exploded. “Damn it, Hayley! You know you can. I can ask Mom to keep an eye on Joshua for you; it’ll be easy.”
I shook my head sadly. “No, I’m sorry.”
Ryanne shook her head. “Hayley, you’re twenty-seven. That’s so young. You deserve some simple fun; some time for just you.”
I closed my eyes. I wanted to insist that it wasn’t safe to leave my son alone, but I knew that wasn’t actually my issue. Joshua would be fine with Ryanne’s mom – he knew her, and I trusted her. In fact, he was feeling so frustrated and tied down that something of an adventure would actually do him good.
I just don’t know if I want to go out and meet new people.
It had been years – literal years – since I went out for a girl’s night. I didn’t want to dress up and have fun. I didn’t want to party. I didn’t want, if I was honest, to draw the attention of men.
I’m through with men. They’re assholes. All of them.
I looked at Ryanne searchingly. Of all the people in my life, she was one of the few I’d taken into my confidence. She knew my history. She knew how hard it would be for me – surely she would understand that?
“I can’t, Ryanne. Please understand?”
I saw a look of actual pain cross her face.
“Honey,” Ryanne said gently. “I know. You don’t have to if you don’t want to. But trust me, it’s better if you do it now. Or it’ll just get harder to start to trust again.”
I nodded slowly. “Maybe so,” I agreed.
“I know so,” Ryanne said. She held my gaze. She was about five years older than me – maybe more. I didn’t know her whole story, but I did know she’d been through a lot. Her brown eyes, with their worry-lines around them, looked sad. It felt as if she wanted me to do it, as if she knew from personal experience that it would help.
“Okay,” I said. “I trust you. But only for a couple hours. I really can’t leave Josh for longer than that. It’s not fair.”
“Great!” Ryanne gripped my shoulder, then ruffled my hair. She was grinning and she looked relaxed.
“Hey,” I teased, and scraped it back into place again. “You’re messing up my hair.”
“Yes,” she said. “I am. It’s about time you let yourself just let loose. Come on. It’s our afternoon off. Wanna go shopping?”
“Nah, I’m good,” I said carefully. I didn’t want to say that I didn’t have the cash right then. “I should get home and finish my housework.”
“Okay,” she shrugged. “But I’ll see you at five. We can take Joshua to my place, and then get going. Agreed?”
I nodded. “Great,” I said with more enthusiasm than I felt.
“See you!” she called over her shoulder.
At home, I finished the housework and then went to the school to fetch Joshua. He was waiting for me outside.
“Hey, Mom,” he said. He didn’t look at me, but watched his feet walking over the asphalt.
“Hey, Josh!” I ruffled his hair as he got into the passenger seat, beside me. “How was your day?”
He shrugged and didn’t answer.
“Hey,” I said, reaching over to pat his knee. “What’s going on?”
After a moment, he finally spoke. “Mom, am I a bad kid?”
“What?” I stared at him. “Josh! No! Why?”
“I dunno,” he said. He was looking at his knees, avoiding my eye. “Just the way the teachers are. And I was pretty mean to you, this morning. You’d probably be happier without me.”
I felt something in my chest get close to explosive.
“Joshua Andrew Jones,” I said firmly. “You listen here. You are a wonderful, good boy. The teachers just don’t get you.” I closed my eyes, trying not to cry. “Josh, you mean so much to me. Don’t ever think that I’d be happier without you. I don’t even want to think
about not having you in my life. Understand me?”
He looked at me, a hesitant stare from cautious brown eyes. He smiled; a slow, trusting grin. “Okay, Mom.”
“Good,” I said firmly. “Now, put your seatbelt on. You’re my co-pilot, remember?”
He grinned. “You’re going over the speed limit.”
I glanced at the speedometer. He was right, I was five miles per hour over. He’d recently discovered the existence of speed limits and relished pointing out to me when I was over. Even by a mile an hour or two.
“Yeah,” I nodded. “You’re right. Co-pilot.”
He chuckled and something in my heart was filled with light. There was nothing that made me smile the way his laugh did.
At home, he exploded out of the car, running up the stairs to our apartment, arms spread out like a fighter jet, complete with whizzing noises.
“Honey?” I called.
“What, Mom?” he called over his shoulder. He shot me a look of profound impatience.
“Is it okay if you have dinner with Granny Wyatt?”
Granny Wyatt was his name for Ryanne’s mom. I saw his brows lift, and a funny expression cross his face. As I’d hoped, it looked like anticipation.
“Will she let me watch Star Wars?” he asked.
I frowned. “Probably,” I said. I considered having a word with Granny Wyatt, but decided to let it go. There wasn’t any harm in innocent fun.
“Hurray!” he shouted and vaulted up the steps to our apartment. I walked behind, more slowly, a wry expression on my face. Looked like my doubts about the evening were unfounded. “Ryanne’s right,” I told myself forty minutes later as I stood before the mirror dressed in a towel and slippers. It was way too long since I’d actually done anything purely for amusement.
I looked in my closet.
Party dresses hung there – two of them, unused since college. Beside them hung a more mature – and arguably nicer – white dress, one in soft-fabric, light and summery with a boat-neck and a filmy overdress. I reached for it, then let my arm drop to my side.
“Too showy,” I told myself firmly.
My eyes craned for the white dress, though, even as I took out the jeans.
In an instant, I was back in college. I was dressing for a party in a new coppery dress that made me feel really sexy and pretty. Joel was in the background, watching me. He had that hawkish look on his face, the one that made me feel so unsettled. His eyes were stormy.
“You shouldn’t wear that,” he said. “It’s too short. People will think you should be standing under a red light.”
“What?” I’d spun round, feeling shocked. He shrugged.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” he said. “I only said it so you don’t get hurt. You need to think more about what people will think. Wear the green one. It’s classier. You need to smarten up, Hayley. Dress more like Emilia, she’s super-stylish.”
I had worn the green dress. I’d never worn the copper one. The next month, I’d given it to a resale shop.
Now, I stared at myself in the mirror. I was not that insecure young girl anymore.
I deliberately reached for the white dress.
After ten minutes of further deliberation with myself, I went to my mirror and did my makeup and blow-dried my hair. Then I looked at myself and stared.
A petite woman with long legs and a curvy figure stared out at me. With a light peach-toned lipstick, my green eyes were striking and seemed really big; an effect enhanced by the pale dress and the way the chiffon floated round me, concealing and yet revealing the tighter dress beneath, clinging to my curves. Even I had to admit I looked striking.
“Okay,” I said, laughing a little shakily. “Maybe the dress wasn’t such a bad idea.”
I felt almost giddy with relief. I looked sexy, yes. But cheap? No. I honestly didn’t. It felt like an invisible rope that had tied me down for so long had broken, and I was free again.
I was still grinning when I went to call Joshua and take him to the car.
“Mom? Mom!”
He stared at me. The most beautiful acknowledgement I could ever have wished was in the way those wide hazel-brown eyes took me in. He gazed, then smiled awkwardly.
“You look nice, Mom.”
My heart melted. I bent down, my feet little unused to the strappy white sandals I’d put on, and kissed his cheek.
“Thanks, son,” I said.
“Mom, you got your lipstick on my cheek,” he said, smudging it with his hand.
“Sorry,” I said, giggling at his discomfort. “Here. Take this.” I passed him a tissue.
He was still scrubbing at his cheek feverishly as we piled into the car.
“Okay, co-pilot, let’s go!” I said.
We sped off, grinning and laughing, into the summer evening.
“I’ll take good care of him,” Mrs. Wyatt promised, as I waved from the front step of the house she shared with Ryanne. “If you want to stay out longer, just let me know.”
“Okay,” I called over my shoulder, as Ryanne headed off. “Thank you so much! Have fun, Josh.”
“Bye, Mom!” he called loudly from the high window. “Have fun!” He was grinning, excited already. I had been right in thinking this was an adventure for me, and for him too.
“I will!” I called, feeling my throat choke up. “You too.”
“Come on,” Ryanne said from beside me. “Let’s go dancing!”
We drove across town in her car together.
“Here we go!” she said, parking across from the busy club. “Cocoa Grove! Here we go.”
“Okay,” I said, swallowing hard. I was nervous, now. It really had been ages since I’d done anything like it. The club we had arrived at – contrary to its name – was surprisingly fancy-looking. I stared up at the stairs going up to the entrance and heard music and laughter. I wanted, very badly, to run.
“So?” Ryanne looked at me as she got out of the car. She was wearing all black and I couldn’t help but feel like we looked like two opposing chess pieces standing next to one another.
“Um…” I licked my lips, then checked my lipstick carefully. I was nervous. I looked up at the building and took a deep breath.
“Let’s go,” I said.
We went up the steps and into the building together.
6
Reid
“Damn it, Brendan,” I whispered. “Can’t we just get in, already?”
I was standing at the door of the club, waiting in a press of other people. I was sweating in my button-down and jeans. I felt uncomfortable, like I stood out from the crowd. These were all normal people – they hadn’t led their units into danger. They hadn’t shot other men and seen them die.
Somehow, somewhere, there must be a mark on me that would let them all know I was different; an outsider who didn’t belong.
“Relax, man,” Brendan said cheerily. He gave me a happy look that suggested to me he’d already started drinking before arriving. I felt my temper fray. I would kill for a drink, right then.
“You might be relaxed,” I said crossly. “But I’m not. I hate this already.”
I felt somebody jostle me from behind and I tensed, fighting the urge to swing around and punch them. I hated crowds. I hated being touched unexpectedly – I never knew how I was going to respond. I was on edge all the time; why couldn’t anyone understand that? Why had I agreed to do this?
“Brendan,” I hissed in his ear. “I think we should just…”
“Come on,” he said, cutting me off and walking into the bar as the bouncer lifted the rope to let us pass. I followed Brendan through the door, to our right and through another door.
He turned and looked at me, reaching up to put a hand on my shoulder. “Why don’t you hit the bathroom and splash some cold water on your face? It’ll help,” he suggested.
I nodded and headed to the restroom in the corner of the bar. I looked at myself in the mirror over the sink. I looked haggard, at least to my eyes. I co
uld see dark-blue prints of exhaustion under my eyes, and I was pale from lack of rest. I washed my face, wiping damp fingers over my hair to rearrange it. I eyed myself in the mirror, almost nervously.
“You don’t look so bad,” I reassured my reflection.
I was wearing a navy button-down, which somebody had once told me brought out the blue of my eyes. It clung to my biceps and stretched over my broad chest. My long legs looked thickly muscled in tight dark jeans. All in all, I was a pretty decent looking guy. I shrugged at my reflection and headed out into the bar. I couldn’t help but have a fleeting consideration about what Ms. Green-eyes would think, if she could see me.
She’d probably just look straight through me, I told myself angrily.
After all, that was all she’d done in the coffee shop, after our encounter. I hadn’t realized, before now, how pissed of that’d made me. I knew I shouldn’t have expected her to greet me warmly after I’d been such a dick to her that morning, but still. I had wanted her to look at me.
I shouldered my way through the crowd at the bar door, heading across to the front. Brendan was there, leaning on the bar.
“I got you a beer,” he said. “The others aren’t here yet. Relax, man.”
“Thanks,” I said, drawing a mouthful of the beer. I knew I was drinking too fast – a bad habit. I was nervous and uneasy in the crowd. The room pulsed a little, going fuzzy at the edges, while my view tunneled in on Brendan. I felt myself start to feel better.
“So?” Brendan grinned at me. “Not bad, huh?”
I nodded. “Not so bad,” I agreed.
We chatted. I knew I was talking nonsense, but I was out of practice. What the hell was a person supposed to say in everyday conversation, anyway? When you have looked down the wrong end of a gun, and shot and killed, and seen blood and guts spilled on the sand, asking people about the weather feels a little silly.
I ordered another beer. The first one had calmed me down, maybe the next one would calm me down more.
As it happened, it was a bad mistake. I should have known, by now, it would only make matters worse. Zippy and the others were arriving, and I was starting to undergo that shift from relaxed and mellow to edgy and unpredictable.
