Third One

by Roe Horvat

  He had changed during the weekend. Irreversibly.

  However shocked he’d been by the events of last week, he was even more surprised when the messages started coming. Liam was a silly texter. Luke would never have guessed.

  Liam: Help! Marcus is obsessing about dinner. He seems to think whatever he cooks can’t be good enough. Got the shopping list. What the hell is tarragon?

  Luke: Herb?

  Liam: I thought he already had like twenty different sorts of herbs in the garden. Found it. It smells weird. :/

  Luke: Should I worry?

  Liam: No, Marcus is an amazing cook. He’s just a little nervous. But he’ll live. :) You’re not allergic, are you?

  Luke: No. I’ll eat anything.

  Liam: Ha. I know. I saw. :P You looked like you enjoyed it too.

  Luke grinned at the phone.

  Luke: I did. And I had a great teacher.

  Liam: Anytime. :) I’m off to find some champagne vinegar.

  Luke: Champagne vinegar and tarragon? Please tell me he’s making homemade Béarnaise sauce!

  Liam: Shh. You’ll spoil his surprise. Go brood so you can get it out of your system and not scare him anymore.

  Luke: I will. Thank you.

  Liam: Mwah :)

  Those smiley faces. Liam used actual smiley faces. Loads of them. It was so cute. And weird.

  Go brood. Was that what he was doing? The moment he put his phone aside, he saw them in his mind. Naked skin, wide eyes, Liam’s deep dark and Marcus’s shiny green, their hands on his body, Marcus’s naked back, bent in front of him, the crease of his ass as they fucked, Liam’s face when he came into Marcus’s mouth… Brood? He couldn’t think for shit!

  He picked up his phone again and dialed the only person he could confide in.

  “Hi, Luke!” Adam exclaimed joyfully.

  “Hi, baby bird. How are you?”

  “Great. Slept off the hangover yesterday, and now we’re at IKEA.”

  “IKEA?”

  “Yeah. We…kinda broke one of the chairs outside.”

  “The patio ones? How?” As soon as he said it, he realized.

  “Luke, do you really want to know?”

  Luke chuckled. “No, I don’t. Listen… I might need some company. Feel free to say no. It’s nothing too serious. Just need to talk to someone sane.”

  “Sane?” Adam laughed. “C is here. He’s the only sane person I know. We could come and pick you up on our way back? We can have a beer at our place?”

  One hour later, Luke sat on their patio in the shadow of the pergola, watching them build a chair. Christoffer sat cross-legged, a strange position for a man that big, but he seemed at ease, and Adam flitted around, scrambling on all fours like a crab among pieces of carton and plastic.

  “Found the chubby ones. We need those first, right?” he asked, handing Christoffer a small tote with screws and plugs.

  “Wait,” Christoffer mused, studying the manual. “It looks like they changed the system since last time.”

  “What? But it’s the same chair!” Adam said.

  “Yeah. Just not those same screws. See? You have to lock these from the other side as you turn them.”

  “What the hell…” Adam muttered, peeking over Christoffer’s shoulder to look at the drawings. “That’s just unnecessarily complicated.”

  Christoffer turned his head toward his partner and smiled devilishly. “Maybe they have had complaints about stability. So they changed the screws.”

  Adam snickered. “I’m afraid we didn’t treat the chair the way it was supposed to be treated, poor thing. But if the new one is sturdier, maybe we could test it?”

  “I agree. There should be some serious material testing. Compression, crush resistance, break load… But it might get expensive if we need to buy a new one again.”

  “I can already see the customer review,” Luke commented, grinning.

  “Dear IKEA, my boyfriend and I are very satisfied with the new FUCKÖNA chair,” Adam began.

  “FUCKÖNA chair?” Christoffer burst out laughing.

  “Yeah. With the umlaut above the O.”

  “Of course. There has to be an umlaut.”

  Adam nodded in all seriousness.

  “Anyway. Do you need the backup battery for the screwdriver?” he asked. “I left it in the garage.”

  “No. It’s fine. It’ll last. But our guest is out of beer.”

  Adam lifted his eyes to Luke. “You want one more?”

  Luke nodded. “Thanks.”

  “The beer is coming,” Adam said and hopped up. He trotted into the house on bare feet, whistling as he went.

  Luke followed Adam’s form with his eyes, watching him through the glass walls of their living room. “He’s so happy,” he said more to himself than to Christoffer.

  The big man put the manual aside and smiled up at him.

  “Really,” Luke continued. “Before he met you, he was a different person. I love how he glows when he’s with you. It’s a beautiful sight.”

  “Thank you for telling me. It goes both ways, you know,” Christoffer said, and his smile became wise, meaningful.

  “Yeah, I know.”

  Adam and Christoffer radiated love and happiness to the point where Luke sometimes felt like he needed to hide from them, or he’d get some kind of an emotional sunburn.

  “Here you go!” Adam said, returning to the patio with two opened beer bottles. He handed one to Luke and the other to Christoffer. The big man took a swig, put the bottle on the low table, and started organizing small wooden planks on the floor. Adam sat down next to him, eyes fast on Luke.

  “You wanted to talk,” he began.

  Luke took a deep breath. “Adam, I’m freaking out.”

  “What? Why?”

  “You two stayed late at Liam’s on Friday, haven’t you?”

  “Yeah. But Marcus didn’t feel well. After you left, Liam asked us to help him to close the house down. It was easier than I thought. We turned the music off, and within half an hour, the house was empty. Tyler and Joel gently pushed the crowd out, and C did some dishes. I hope Marcus is okay. Do you think he still has problems because of the concussion?”

  “Marcus is fine. And I didn’t leave.”

  “Huh?”

  “Sweetheart, you’re sitting on the manual,” Christoffer said.

  “Oh, sorry!” Adam shuffled to the side and handed Christoffer the papers.

  “I stayed with Marcus and Liam on Friday,” Luke said.

  Christoffer paused with the manual midair and lifted his eyebrows. Adam’s enormous eyes grew even larger. “You slept with them?! Dude! You slept with Marcus and Liam? Wow!” Adam actually clapped.

  Luke looked down, shaking his head at his best friend’s enthusiasm.

  “I didn’t even know they did that. Dude! How’s Liam in bed?” Adam asked with glee.

  “Adam.” Christoffer sighed, smiling. Apparently, Christoffer had already understood Luke wasn’t just telling them some fun hook-up story.

  “What?” Adam asked.

  “Adam, I said I’m freaking out, okay?”

  “Why? You quit. It’s not like you need to face Marcus after the vacation. But I must!” He laughed.

  Luke waited until Adam caught his gaze. Adam’s smile fell.

  “I’m missing the point,” he mumbled.

  “Pretty much.”

  “But you said it was just a crush,” Adam said, a faint accusation in his tone.

  “I’m sorry.” The “I lied” went unsaid.

  “What happened?” Christoffer asked, putting the manual aside and picking up his beer bottle again.

  “I spent the weekend with them.”

  Adam frowned, but Christoffer seemed to get it. “Not just sex?” the big man asked.

  “Not just sex,” Luke confirmed. “And I don’t know what I’m doing. It’s insane. I had to leave this morning, or I swear I’d self-combust. Marcus… he…” Luke trailed off. The guilt made his chest
ache. Marcus seemed to genuinely think he was losing Luke. On the one hand, Luke felt exhilarated by the knowledge Marcus cared so much, but on the other, he felt like a heel for causing Marcus any kind of pain.

  “I don’t understand,” Adam said, looking at Christoffer and then back at Luke.

  “They didn’t invite you to be their third just for one evening, did they?” Christoffer asked.

  Luke shook his head. “In that case, I would have said no.”

  Christoffer’s kind gray eyes swept over Luke’s face. Luke stayed still, not averting his gaze. He and Christoffer hadn’t spent much time together, but he knew how Christoffer treated Adam. And a man who worshipped Adam like Christoffer did, who made him this happy, had Luke’s absolute trust.

  “I’ve been in love with Marcus for some time. And I think Marcus feels the same,” he admitted. He turned to Adam. “I’m sorry I was dishonest with you, but I was really trying not to…dwell on it too much.”

  Adam’s lips parted, but he said nothing.

  “What about Liam?” Christoffer asked.

  “He’s always known. Even before Marcus realized,” Luke said.

  “And this weekend? How was he toward you?”

  “He’s…lovely. He says he wants me to stay.”

  Adam’s face brightened, and Luke could see the giddiness rising again.

  “Do you want to?” Christoffer asked.

  “A part of me feels like I might as well cut my heart out if I say no. But…” he trailed off.

  “But?”

  Sighing, Luke rubbed his forehead with his thumb and forefinger. There was no point in talking about this, was there? There was no advice, no solution. He knew what he would do already. But he still had to talk about it with someone. To make it real, if nothing else. “They have been together for more than a decade.”

  “So what?” Adam said. “You’ve spent five days a week with Marcus for the past five years.”

  “I know.”

  Christoffer leaned back, stretching his legs in front of him, ignoring the wooden pieces of the future chair spread everywhere, and gulped more of his beer. “Here’s what I think. I’m no expert on relationships, and I have never been in a poly one. But I guess balance is the key, right? You love Marcus. You want to be with him. And he wants to be with you. But he and Liam love each other. See the geometry in your head? One side of the triangle is missing.”

  Luke understood before Christoffer finished his explanation. “Liam.”

  The big man nodded. “You have to figure out how you feel about Liam.”

  You don’t love him like I do! Luke knew Marcus had said it in the heat of the moment. It had been stupid but true.

  “What if he’s only doing it for Marcus?” Luke hated even thinking about it.

  “Is that your only worry?” It was Adam who asked this time, gently smiling. Christoffer lifted his eyebrows. They had a point.

  “I don’t know… I… He is… too much. There is always too much of him. It’s like he takes up the whole room anywhere he walks in. It’s always been like this.”

  “I like Liam. He’s nice,” Adam said.

  Nice? Luke had many adjectives in his head to describe Liam, but nice was not one of them. It was too plain, too simple. Liam was magnificent. He was not nice. And oh god, Luke had asked the man to fuck him. Liam hadn’t, but still, with Liam’s mouth on him…it had been the best orgasm of Luke’s life. No contest. He could have died and been happy. He remembered snippets of fantasies, broken images he saw during those minutes of ecstasy…Use me, make me serve you, keep me, need me... The dream that used to terrify him and made him hate himself was now within reach. And Luke wanted it. Craved it with his whole being.

  “You feel like Liam takes up the whole room?” Christoffer asked.

  Luke rubbed his neck self-consciously. “Just me, then?”

  Christoffer nodded. “I’ve known the man for years, Luke. One thing I know for sure. Liam doesn’t do things halfheartedly. If he wants you to be with them, he’s not saying it to placate Marcus. But there is one more question you should have an answer to before you dive in headfirst. How do you feel when you see them together?”

  Luke used to feel minuscule. Invisible. For the past two days? Lust. Violent, mind-numbing lust. Not helpful when one was supposed to think things through. Could there be any substance in all the passion? But could he be so passionate and open with Liam if his feelings weren’t substantial already? Christoffer must have seen the answer in Luke’s face because he smirked knowingly.

  “Can’t you just take it slow? See what happens? Just go on a normal date?” Adam suggested.

  Luke pondered the possibility. And he knew they wouldn’t manage to hold back. Not a chance. “I don’t think we can take it slow. It’s too intense already. If we do this, it will be all or nothing.”

  Christoffer reached for Adam’s hand, and Adam looked at him with gentle eyes.

  “I know the feeling,” Adam said.

  Luke loved staying at their house. Not too far away from the city, hidden in a small pocket of flat land between the rugged hills and cliffs of the northern west coast, the place felt like an oasis of peace and calm. Adam’s and Christoffer’s presence only made the impression stronger. Harmony was the right word. All those small things—how they talked to each other, how they moved around each other, their touches, even how their home was designed around their personalities and needs… they lived in complete harmony. Luke might have felt like a disruptor, but his hosts seemed at ease and welcoming. He ended up staying for dinner; Adam cooked, and Christoffer gave him a ride to the bus station at half past nine.

  “Good luck, man,” he said, patting his shoulder as they said good-bye in the car.

  “Thank you.”

  “And you’re welcome here anytime. I hope you know that.”

  “You have no idea how much I appreciate it.”

  “Adam misses you,” the big man said softly.

  “I’m sorry. I miss him too.”

  “Then visit more often, okay?”

  “I will. Thanks again.”

  “My pleasure.”

  The bus took one hour, but Luke was grateful for the calm evening ride. He watched the sun change color as the nearly empty bus meandered between the sprawling suburbs. Sunset was late at this time of the year. He would be at home around eleven, and there would still be light outside.

  As soon as he opened the door to his quiet apartment, he knew what he would do the next day. There had never really been a question. He had never really had a choice. How could he say no to Marcus, his muse, his mentor, the love of his life? And Liam, that side of the triangle wasn’t really missing, was it? Luke felt his connection to Liam grow stronger every minute they spent together. What had begun as an unwilling fascination had slowly become a need. Luke paused in his hall with one shoe off and stared into the darkened room, not seeing anything. What if Marcus was suddenly single? What if Luke could be with Marcus, just the two of them? Would he want that? Before his brain could react properly, his chest squeezed with loss and fear.

  I don’t want to lose Liam. I’m…falling for him.

  He picked up his phone and typed hastily.

  Luke: I’m at home, thinking of you both. What time should I come tomorrow?

  Liam: After seven? I miss you. Marcus sends his love.

  Luke: Tell him not to worry.

  Liam: I will. Can’t wait to hold you again.

  Luke cradled the phone to his chest. They were waiting for him. What was he waiting for?

  The next day, Luke tried to stay busy. He went online to check the courses he registered for in the autumn semester. He put all the important dates and tasks into his calendar. Then he perused the literature lists and requirements. He went to the gym and then swimming. He needed to keep moving. After years of practice, his muscles screamed at him if he didn’t give them enough work to do. He even did his hair, dousing with saltwater hairspray, styling it back and then ruffling it
again, feeling silly because of the time he spent in front of the mirror. Liam and Marcus wouldn’t care. Still, he shaved more thoroughly than usual and put on his best jeans.

  Even so, he left too early. He realized it when he got off the tram at Frölunda, and the bus to Näset was just arriving at the bus stop. The earlier bus. He hopped on anyway. He couldn’t wait; he’d bite his nails off.

  He watched the city change through the bus’s window, tall buildings giving way to small villas and gardens. A bright orange car passed them, low, no roof. Luke didn’t know shit about cars, but there were none like this one in his neighborhood. His parents still owned the same old Volvo he’d learned to drive in. The houses behind the glass grew bigger and the gardens more intricate as the bus moved at a snail’s pace. Sometimes small pools flashed turquoise between the fences.

  By public transport, Marcus and Liam’s house was more than forty minutes away from the city center. But if Luke used the bike, his commute to the university wouldn’t be as long. He caught himself thinking about it for the first time. Living there in that imposing villa had seemed impossible. That was what had Liam meant, though, wasn’t it? I want you to stay with us. Just like that.

  Could he do it? Leave everything, give up his apartment, his safe place, and move out there? He could never even afford to rent a room in this part of the city. Could he ever feel at home in a place like that? Take the risk based on a weekend of mindless pleasure and stunned joy?

  Still struggling with the same thought, he quickly walked along the driveway. A small robot lawnmower roamed the grass along the asphalt, and Luke smirked at it before he paused at the foot of the stone stairs. Half of the large, two-story house sat on a flat field, and half of it was on a rocky incline, sheltered from neighboring villas by the cliff on one side and a tall wooden fence on the other. Wild vines crawled up the fence. There were pots of blooming lavender by the stairs, and heather grew from the cracks in the granite. The white-painted walls glowed in the sun, and a fake eagle fluttered above the light gray roof, just a piece of cloth on a stick, to deter the seagulls. Luke wasn’t sure it worked. The noisy critters could be heard not far away.