Shelly made a beeline for them and set their plates in front of them. The smell was heavenly, and it made Georgie’s mouth water.
“Thank you, Shelly.”
“My pleasure. Enjoy your meal.” Shelly was off again waiting on other customers.
“She doesn’t have waitresses?” Georgie cut a piece of steak and popped it into her mouth. “Oh, my. I haven’t had steak in so very long.” Closing her eyes as she chewed, she savored the juicy meat.
“I’ve been remiss. You can see cattle from the house. I’ll be sure you get your steaks.”
Deep warmth spread through her. His tone had been one of sweetness, and he didn’t say it as though he expected something in return. If only she wasn’t so afraid of his touch. He’d always been gentle with her, and he seemed to enjoy their nights together when he held her as much as she had.
They finished and said goodbye to Shelly with promises to be back soon. Upon their return to the wagon, they found it was filled with their purchases.
Georgie sighed. “I suppose it’s time for us to go home.”
Parker gazed at her. “Do you truly think of it as home?” He looked so hopeful.
“Most of the time,” she acknowledged with a weak smile. “I still have my moments when I want to run free through the pastures and the woods and be far away from it. But I never want to run from you.” Without knowing what else to say, she stared down at her feet.
The next thing she knew she’d been lifted up and placed on the wagon seat. Their gazes collided and his was intense.
“It’s a start.” He went to the driver’s side and climbed in. Once again, they were stopped before they could leave.
“I hope you don’t get ambushed with you not having any guns on you.” Corporal MacKen sneered. The other four soldiers laughed and opened the barricade.
Georgie held on to Parker’s arm until they passed through. “Did I hurt you? I was holding on too tight.” She looked over her shoulder expecting to see the soldiers coming after them.
Parker slowed the wagon and leaned over to kiss her cheek. “You do have quite the grip, but I’m fine.”
“I don’t understand why you’d take a chance and travel unarmed?” She furrowed her brow.
Parker held the reins in one hand and with the other opened a hidden compartment under the seat. It held three rifles and two guns. He grinned at her.
She sat there stunned as she stared at the weapons. “I assume they’re loaded?”
“They sure are.” For a moment, his eyes glinting with amusement. Then he grew serious. “I would never take protecting you for granted. Not ever again. Do those soldiers really think we’d go into a blocked off town without our guns? I know there are a few towns that used to do it because there were too many men getting drunk and shooting up the place but it was the sheriff, not soldiers, that made that rule. Most wagons around here have compartments. If you’re riding a horse you drop off your gun behind…” He swept his gaze around the area. “Well, see that big boulder over there? Then we collect them when we leave. I wouldn’t trust them to give me my gun back.”
He drove past the huge rock and stopped. He grabbed his gun and gun belt from under the seat and strapped it on. “If anyone’s compartment is found, there will be a big X on this rock, warning the rest of us. You never know if the Yankees are in a hanging mood or not.”
Her heart beat faster as she realized the danger they’d been in. “What if they’d found your guns today?”
Parker shrugged. “I’d just say I just bought this wagon and didn’t know about the secret place to stash guns.”
The knuckles on her hands turn white as she clasped her hands so hard. Would they always have to live in fear? If only there hadn’t been a war. She remembered how proud the women had been when Father and Daniel had joined up for the cause. No one expected the hardships that happened.
“You’ve been home for about two years year haven’t you?”
“About that.” He gave her a sidelong glance.
“Why aren’t you married? It seems as though there are single women in town.”
He was silent for so long, she thought he wasn’t going to answer her.
“The girl who promised to wait for me married someone else. I had no idea until I got back to Texas. She’d been writing to me the whole time. She spoke of love and a family with me. I don’t understand such deceit. I didn’t want to marry and have to pretend to love another.” He didn’t look at her he just kept driving.
Pretend to love? There were times she wished she’d never answered the mail order ad and this was one of them. She’d hoped that once she worked out her fears they’d be able to have a good marriage with love and laughter and children. But if he was only pretending to love her, then how could that be? It would just be a façade. She took in a slow deep breath and slowly let it out trying to calm herself. It wasn’t his fault; his mother had arranged the marriage. She’d known it was a chance she had taken, coming to Texas. Her eyes burned while she watched the countryside. There was nothing she could change. If he was only pretending, she’d just have to accept a loveless marriage.
If only she’d never asked the question. The house came into sight, and relief washed over her. She’d need to find some time alone to lick her wounds. She almost laughed. Ever since she’d been at the ranch, it had been one wound after another.
He reined in the horses and tied off the lines before jumping down. When he got to her side, she tried to smile but failed. She didn’t make eye contact with him. They had a lifetime together and it wouldn’t do if they couldn’t get along. Her heart squeezed painfully as he lifted her down and held her waist a bit longer than usual.
“If you’ll excuse me I’m not feeling well. I’m going to go lie down.” She hurried inside and up the stairs. Millicent was screaming and Georgie thought she might go crazy herself if she had to listen to that woman much longer. After walking into the room she shared with Parker, she closed the door and the tears came. She’d survived so much. Her family was all dead, she had fought off soldiers and worked extremely hard so the people she felt responsible for were fed. She’d managed the hardship of a wagon train and survived cruelties carried out by Millicent and Taggart. She’d even lost her baby. She had never completely broken, but now she felt destroyed.
She had wanted to be able to lie with Parker and have children. She’d been trying to work out her fear, but now it didn’t seem to matter. Who was the woman he loved? She was probably a pretty, biddable wife who wouldn’t have been any trouble. It didn’t matter, though, did it? It was too soon yet to try for another child. She had a strong backbone, but she needed to rest, both her mind and her body.
She sobbed for a bit and then just lay there, spent, clutching a pillow against her chest. She needed to get up and make supper, but she had no will to leave the room. The door opened. It had to be Parker. She hugged the pillow harder. She hadn’t a clue as to what to say to him.
The bed dipped as he lay down. He spooned her, wrapping his arm around her waist. She was too much of a mess to protest.
“Sweetheart, I heard you crying. I wasn’t sure if I should have come to you then or wait. I’m here now. Tell me what’s wrong.” He kissed her temple and pulled her closer to him.
“I’m just so tired. I want things to be the way they were before the war. I want to feel safe. I know it sounds frivolous, but I want to go to a party and be courted. I want to fall in love, and I want a family.”
He stiffened behind her.
Chapter Seven
The next morning, Parker watched Georgie make breakfast. He knew her to be capable, but her apparent skill amazed him. She had the coffee made before he was up and then helped Sondra get dressed. Georgie settled Sondra on a chair in the sitting room and brought her a cup of coffee.
She finally stopped long enough to say good morning to him. “Do you need more coffee?”
He smiled at her. “I’m fine. How’s Sondra?”
“Disco
uraged her arm isn’t better by now. It’s only been a little over a day.” She shrugged her shoulders and smiled. “She’ll have to be patient, but I know how it feels. Pancakes and bacon good for you?”
“Sounds wonderful. I’m glad you snuck off to the kitchen when you were a child. I’m reaping the benefits.” He enjoyed the sway of her hips as she stirred the thick batter.
“Seems like a lifetime ago. Every skill I learned or had to learn has helped me to get to this place in my life. I sometimes wonder if the simpering belles I knew died of starvation, though I did hear some married Union Soldiers.”
He furrowed his brow. “I never thought about it. You could have saved yourself a lot of traveling if you’d done the same.”
Her eyes flashed at him in anger when she turned around. She crossed her arms and stared at him as though she’d never seen him before. “I suppose if I wanted to be as low as those Yankee snakes. I lost so much to them, I’d rather die than marry one.” She uncrossed her arms and sighed. “I suppose you do what you have to, to survive. I’m just different is all. Now I wonder if the belles’ parents made them marry?” She grew quiet and turned toward the cook stove.
When he did catch a glimpse of her face as she cooked, she looked to be brooding. “I have to ride out to the northern pasture today. I won’t be home until near dark.”
“I’ll be sure you have a hot meal when you get home,” she replied without turning around.
Maybe one day she’d say something about missing him all day, but for now, it was apparent she didn’t feel that way about him. He had thought her feelings for him to be deeper, and it had shaken him last night to discover they weren’t. How did a man court his own wife?
“Here you go.” She set a plate piled high with pancakes in front of him. Next, she put the bacon on the table. “I’m going to help Sondra.”
He watched her take a plate with only two pancakes and some bacon on it out to the other room. Maybe he’d ask a few of the married men what they did to court a woman. Flowers of course, but there must have been more.
There was a knock, and the kitchen door opened. Corporal Green entered and took off his hat. “Good morning, Captain. I thought I’d take Mrs. Eastman’s breakfast up to her and then check on Sondra. That is, if it’s fine with you.”
“It’s perfectly fine.”
Georgie joined them carrying an empty plate. “Good morning, Walter. I’ll just be a minute fixing a tray for Millie. Why don’t you go on into the other room and visit with Sondra. Maybe you can convince her she needs to rest her arm.”
Walter smiled. “Thank you, I will.” They watched him leave.
“You call my mother Millie?”
“Just behind her back.” Georgie’s eyes sparkled as she smiled. “I know it’s not right, but it makes me feel so much better. I don’t know why exactly. I’ll stop.”
“No, don’t stop if it makes you happy.”
She laughed and the sound of it warmed his heart. “You’re beautiful.”
Her face grew red. “Would you like more coffee?”
Compliments went on his courting list. “I wish I had more time to spend with you today, but I do have a lot work I need to get to.”
“Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine.”
He couldn’t read her. Was she really fine with him being away? Was she worried? He stood and closed the distance between them. Now he could read her. She tensed her body but he still put his arms around her and pulled her close. It was a very strange feeling since she was so stiff. He bent and kissed her cheek. “I’ll miss you.” He kissed her cheek again.
After letting go, he gave her a grin, and his heart lurched when she smiled back.
“I’ll miss you too.” She said it so shyly, and it made his whole morning.
He lifted his hat off its peg and went out the front door. He didn’t even bother saying good bye to Corporal Green and Sondra. He just repeated Georgie’s I’ll miss you too in his mind over and over until he got to the barn. He stopped suddenly and his eyes grew wide. He knew he cared for her but when had her happiness become his? He’d best proceed nice and slow so he didn’t get his heart trampled on again.
Mine nickered as Parker came near. “At least someone is happy to see me.” He patted the horse’s neck. “Let me get you saddled, and then we have work to do. “You know, Mine, a man ought to know better than to get involved with a woman. They turn you in circles and your heart inside out. They make it so you don’t know if you’re coming or going and what you thought was right is wrong.”
Parker finished saddling then mounted up and began to ride to the north pasture. Now, where would he find flowers?
* * *
Corporal Walter Green marched up the stairs with Millicent’s tray. A short while later, a loud crash came from the second floor. Sondra and Georgie stared at each other. Then the door slammed, and the sound of it being locked seemed louder than usual.
Walter sprinted down the stairs with a crooked smile on his face. “Pancakes aren’t her favorite. She was up and dressed. I’ll go up in an hour or so to get the tray back.”
Sondra took a step forward and touched his arm. “Did you get hurt?”
Georgie bit back a smile. Love was blooming on the ranch. Then her smile faded. Why couldn’t that be her and Parker?
“I think you might want to send for more plates. She broke another one.” Walter chuckled.
“It might be a good idea to get tin plates for her,” Georgie commented.
“That china is probably priceless,” Sondra bemoaned.
“It isn’t expensive china. I’d hate to lose more though.” Georgie lifted a big straw hat down off the peg and set in upon her head. “I’ll be out gardening for a bit before the heat sets in.” She took a small spade and a basket off the shelf and headed out the back door.
Gardening gave her much time to think. Part of her was more than grateful for the life she was living. The selfish part of her wanted Parker to love her. It had been a blow to learn that he didn’t despite him having told her he did. Sometimes she was so stupid. He had gotten past her guard. It seemed a man either loved someone or he didn’t. They’d been together long enough for him to know.
A terrible tightness lodged in her throat. He was her strength, and it was wrong. Her confidence had waned. She’d been proud of the way she’d held soldiers off in Tennessee, but that didn’t mean anything to her now. She wasn’t brave, and she certainly wasn’t the woman who had met Parker for the first time. She was capable and could do anything she set her mind to, but she now questioned her every decision multiple times.
Parker had called her beautiful, but did he mean it? Maybe he thought it was something husbands said to their wives. She wasn’t the pretty one, her sister, Amy, had been the pretty one. That’s probably why she was killed first. Amy had gone to town the day before the attack and Georgie often wondered if Amy hadn’t attracted one of the soldier’s interests.
A rare cold breeze hit her and she shivered. Standing she peered all around but she didn’t see anyone. It felt as though she was being watched. After shaking her head at her foolishness she picked up all her garden supplies and the vegetables she’d picked.
She made enough noise coming in just in case Walter and Sondra were having a private moment but they were just sitting at the table talking. “It looks like we’ll have a good supper.” Georgie held up her basket of vegetables.”
Sondra grinned. “You have a way with plants. All I saw when I first looked at the garden was a patch of weeds.”
“Would anyone like more coffee?” Georgie held up the pot. They both declined, so she poured herself a cup and sat at the table with the couple. She traced the rim of her cup with her finger. Finally, she just had to know.
“Do you know the woman Parker thought was waiting for him so they could marry?”
Walter shifted in his chair. “So he told you about her. It near broke his heart. It was mean spirited of her to play with Parker’s affections
like she did. Even after she married another, she wrote to Parker declaring her love. It was a slap in the face when he rode to her home and was told by her mother that she had married almost a year ago.”
Sondra nodded. “They’d been promised for a year before the war. He wanted to get married before he left, but she refused. Why she’d marry a man who faked an injury to get out of service is beyond me. Rose Mc, er Callen now, did Parker wrong. If you marry another, then you tell the truth. Poor Parker thought he had a sweetheart waiting for him. I heard it was an awful blow to him. We didn’t see much of him. People said he’d thrown himself into making the ranch a success. Besides losing Rose, he lost his father and brother. He’d known about his brother, but finding out his father was dead too was a shock.”
“You two certainly know more than I had thought.” Was it town gossip or was it the truth?
Sondra gave her a weak smile. “His mother told everyone she could find. It was as though she wanted sympathy for his tragedy. We’d already treated her gently when her son and husband died. She is one for attention, and she didn’t spare the details in her storytelling.”
“Where is Rose now?” Georgie stared down at her coffee almost afraid of the answer. If Parker’s former intended lived close, they might never be able to have a good marriage. Parker still loved Rose.
“Her and her husband lived on his ranch, but after Parker came back, her husband sold the land, packed them up, and moved them farther west. I’ll never forget how Parker looked. He’d been so thin when he came home, but after the news of Rose, he was a shadow of the man he used to be. But he grew stronger, and the ranch prospered.” Sondra reached across the table and squeezed Georgie’s hand. “He seems content to be your husband.”
Surprised, Georgie glanced up. “Does he really? I’m just not sure. I don’t know if he has any love left for me. Things might have been different if our child had survived. A child might have brought us closer.” It hurt to swallow, and her eyes burned with tears. “I didn’t mean to lay my problems at your feet.” She turned her head away from them, shamed that she wasn’t loveable.
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