CHAPTER XVII
THE LAST CHANCE
"It's a cruel world," complained Mrs. Sheppard. "Nothing ever goesright, and no one ever thinks of anybody but themselves." She wiped hereyes pathetically. "I'm sure I've always tried to consider others. Andthis is the result. In my hour of need I am forsaken by everybody."
"It's no good fretting," Maud said very wearily. "We must think what isbest to be done."
She realized that her mother was in her most unreasonable mood, and shefelt herself powerless to cope with it. Yet the situation had to befaced, and with a heavy heart she faced it.
"My dear, I've thought and thought till my brain refuses to work," saidMrs. Sheppard plaintively. "What is the good of it? You know as wellas I that if Charlie refuses to help, all hope is gone. And you say hehas refused."
"Yes." Maud was stooping over the kettle that she was boiling in hermother's bedroom. "He has refused."
"Unconditionally?" Mrs. Sheppard sent a sudden keen glance across atthe slim, drooping figure and noted the weariness of its pose. "Maud,tell me! Unconditionally?"
Maud remained bent. "I am not going to accept his conditions," shesaid, after a moment.
"Then he made conditions?" The question came sharp and querulous fromthe bed.
"One condition." Maud bent a little lower.
"What was it? My child, you must tell me. I have a right to know."Mrs. Sheppard raised herself to a sitting position. "What was thiscondition?"
Maud did not turn. "What does it matter what it was as I am not goingto accept it," she said.
"You have refused?"
"I am going to refuse." There was utter weariness in her voice. Shespoke as one to whom nothing mattered any more.
"Maud! Then you haven't actually refused him yet?" Mrs. Sheppardsuddenly flung out her arms. "Maud--darling, come and tell me all aboutit!" she urged. "There is something behind that you haven't told me yet.Come here, dearest! Come to me!"
Maud turned an unwilling face over her shoulder. "I am too tiredto-night, Mother," she said. "Besides, there is really nothing to tell.Charlie made me a certain proposal which--which I thought for a littlethat I might accept. I now realize that I can't and--and--" a faintquiver of vehemence crept into her voice,--"I want to forget that I everthought I could. Please let me forget!"
"My dear child! Do you mean that he made you a proposal of marriage?"The eagerness of Mrs. Sheppard's query was scarcely veiled. Her eyeshad the look of one in search of treasure.
"Yes; just that." The emotion had gone out of Maud's voice again. Itsounded flat and mechanical. She leaned her arm upon the mantelpiecefor support. "I ought not to have suffered it. I was to blame morethan he. He has always been--that sort. I--haven't."
"But, my dear, you have always loved each other. Why should either ofyou be to blame? The fault was certainly yours in the first place forsending him away long ago; but now--now----"
"Now I am married to another man," Maud said.
Mrs. Sheppard clapped her hands together in a sudden access ofimpatience. "A man for whom you have not the smallest respect oraffection! A man of intemperate habits who took advantage of a weakmoment to marry you, who has made you utterly miserable, and deservesnothing from you but the utmost contempt! My dear Maud, I alwaysthought that you were proud and fastidious. Didn't Charlie always callyou his queen rose? How can you--how can you--regard that farcicalmarriage of yours as binding? How can you contemplate ruining your ownlife and Charlie's also now that another chance has been given you? Itis sheer wilful folly. It is madness. Or is it that you arejust--afraid?"
Maud shook her head. "I don't suppose you would ever really understand,Mother," she said. "Anyhow I don't know how to explain. But I can't doit--now. I thought I could. I came back because I thought I could. Butnow I am here--now I have seen Jake--I find I can't."
"That is because you are afraid," declared Mrs. Sheppard, "He hasterrorized you. But, oh, my dear, do try to break away from that! Dothink of yourself--and of Charlie who has loved you all these years!One great effort--only one--and you will be free from this horrible,unnatural bond. I know that Charlie will be true to you. You are theone woman so far as he is concerned. And he--he is the one man, dear,isn't he? You can't--surely you can't--bear to disappoint him now!Think of the years to come! Think of the life-happiness waiting for youif you only muster the strength now to grasp it! Maud, my darling, myown girlie, can't you be brave just this once when so much hangs uponit? He will take you away in his yacht, and you will be all in all toeach other. You will find all the good things you have missed till now;and this dreadful year will fade away like a dream. Oh, darling, surelyyou will make this one great effort to gain so much! The chance willnever come again to you. It is the one chance of your life,--the last.How can you bear to throw it away?"
"And what of Jake?" Maud spoke the words as though uttering her thoughtaloud. She was gazing downwards at the steaming kettle and the red-hotglow of the fire.
"Jake!" Mrs. Sheppard's reply was instant and contemptuous. "He willmarry a girl in his own station who will satisfy all his desires. Youcan't honestly imagine that you have done that, that he regards hismarriage with you as a success! He may be annoyed at your preference,but he will be as glad as you are to be rid of his bargain. It will bethe greatest kindness you can do him--if you want to be kind. You knowyou hate him from the bottom of your heart."
"Mother! You're wrong!" Sharply--as though stung to action--Maudturned. "I don't hate Jake. He--he is too good a man--too upright aman--to hate. It is true I haven't been happy with him, but that hasnot been his fault. Our ideas of happiness are not the same, that'sall."
Mrs. Sheppard stared in momentary discomfiture at this sudden display ofstrength. She had not expected serious resistance in this quarter. Butshe was quick to rally her forces.
"Oh, I don't blame him entirely," she said. "As you say, you areutterly unsuited to each other. But it is sheer nonsense to call him agood man. I know that he is often the worse for drink. I have seen himmyself flogging his horses down on the beach as no man in his sobersenses would dream of doing. He is an utter brute at heart. There isno getting away from that fact. He may not be a wholly bad man. I havenot said that he is. But he is a man of violent impulses. He knowsnothing of the refinements of life. He is a brute."
Mrs. Sheppard paused. Maud was standing mute and motionless with tragiceyes fixed before her.
After a moment or two to give her words time to sink in, Mrs. Sheppardcontinued on a note of pathos.
"You may say to me that I have made exactly the same mistake myself.But then, I did it for you children. And it was not the whole of mylife that I had to offer. But you,--you are young. Your good time isyet to come. And think, dear, think how much depends upon you! IfCharlie dies unmarried, there will be no one to succeed him. He is thelast of the Burchesters. And if he doesn't marry you, I am sure he willnever marry any other woman. He loves you so devotedly. Through allhis peccadilloes, he has always remembered you, come back to you. Areyou going to let him be lonely always because of his love for you? Hehas laid the greatest gift in the world at your feet, dear. Oh, graspit while you can! Don't let the whole of his manhood, your womanhood,be one long and fruitless regret!"
It was the climax of her pleading. The tears were running down her faceas she reached it, and she did not check them too readily though sheknew that she had made an impression. Victory would not come at once,she fully realized. The stony immobility of Maud's attitude told herthat. But she had laid her plans with craft. She believed that by theexercise of extreme patience victory might ultimately be achieved.
"There, darling! You're very tired," she said, as she slowly dried hereyes; "much too tired to see anything in its proper light to-night. Youmust go to bed and sleep. You will see things much more clearly in themorning. And shall I tell you a secret?"
She smiled, a wistful, lovingsmile. "Charlie will be at the Castle to-morrow afternoon."
"How do you know, Mother?" Maud spoke quickly as one suddenly awakened.
"How do I know? But everyone knows," Mrs. Sheppard answered vaguely."The yacht is in the harbour, and they are getting her ready for a trip.Darling, the kettle is boiling at last. Mind how you take it off! Ohdear, I'm very tired. I hope I shan't end my days in the workhouse. Sotrying to have to make one's bed every day. Good night, darling! Notea for me, thank you. I haven't the heart to drink it. There's a bedmade up in the room next to this. I hope you will find it comfortable.Good night, dear! Good night!"
The words went into a deep sigh. Mrs. Sheppard sank down upon herpillow. And Maud turned with a set face, and prepared to leave her forthe night.
Yes, her mother's words had made an impression upon her. They hadvoiced all the doubt and turmoil in her own sad heart. But they had notblotted out that vision of the precipice, the rocks, and the black,black whirlpool that awaited her at the end of the downward path.
Neither had they wholly taken from her the memory of a man's eyes,straight and honest and strangely appealing, that had looked into hersonly a couple of hours before.
Above her mother's warnings, above all the trouble and the tumult of hersoul, she heard a voice within, clear, insistent, indomitable: "Love isonly gained by love. We must pour out all we have to win it, purge ourhearts of all selfish desire, sanctify ourselves by the completerenunciation of self, before the perfect gift can be ours."
The perfect gift! The perfect gift! She had almost ceased to believein it. But that night she dreamed that she had it in her grasp.
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