by Whitley Cox
“You’re doing a tremendous job, Vi.” He needed to see her, plus his arm beneath her was falling asleep, so he motioned for them to change positions, and he shifted onto his back. She spun on her side to face him, draping a leg over his and bringing her hand up to his chest. “This school is going to be such a huge success. I just know it.”
Tears glimmered in her eyes and turned her lashes into points. “I hope so. I want to make him proud.”
He kissed her knuckles. “He’s already proud.”
Violet let out a jagged breath. “What about you? What’s your story? Yours and Paige’s. I don’t hear of very many amicable divorces. What happened with you guys?
Now it was Adam’s turn to let out a shaky breath. He swallowed a few times before tucking his hand behind his head. He stared straight up at the ceiling before he began. “Mira’s pregnancy was rough on Paige. Like real rough. Paige had severe morning sickness for more than seven months. She developed gestational diabetes and hypothyroidism. She was borderline toxemic by the end and had to be induced at thirty-eight weeks.”
“Jeez.”
“The labor was rough too. In and out of the hospital, being put on countless different drugs to try to get labor going, but nothing worked. Finally, they went in and performed an emergency C-section after Mira’s heart rate began to drop. Thankfully, she was perfect.”
“She still is.”
“Perfect, but sassy,” he said with a chuckle.
“All the best ones are.”
He glanced down the length of his body at her with a smile. “True. Anyway, Paige’s recovery was long, but she was happy. She had her perfectly healthy baby girl, and that helped her combat the baby blues and recover from her surgery. By six months post-partum, she lost all the baby weight and appeared to be back to her old self. She is a chef by trade, so we organized our schedules so Paige was home with Mira during the day while I taught at the university. Then we switched, and I would be on nighttime duty while Paige was at the restaurant. We rarely saw each other, but we made it work.”
“You have to do what you have to do. Good childcare can be pricey and hard to come by.”
He nodded. Wasn’t that the truth. “And Paige wouldn’t leave her baby with just anybody. She was the fiercest mama bear I knew.”
“All the best mamas are.”
“When Mira was about eleven months old, we became pregnant again. Only Paige lost the baby at nine weeks. We tried again a few months later. She lost that baby at twelve weeks. We tried a third time; this time we made it to fourteen weeks before she miscarried.”
Fingers covered her mouth as if to hold in her gasp. “Oh my God, how awful that must have been for you both.”
He looked back up the ceiling, the emotions and the memories of all that they’d gone through digging merciless claws into his throat and making it difficult to swallow. “It felt like each time she lost the baby, a piece of her was lost too. Each time she found blood, Paige became less of herself, retreated inward and began to shut out the world, even me. We became pregnant a fourth time when Mira was just shy of two, and this time the pregnancy went to term.”
Violet’s fingernails dug into his pec. She could tell the story did not get better from here. Otherwise he would be a father of two. And he wasn’t.
“The whole pregnancy, Paige was a mess. Every little hiccup, bit of morning sickness or heartburn, and she thought it was the end, thought she was losing the baby all over again. But the pregnancy went smoothly. No gestational diabetes, no hypothyroidism, no toxemia. She hardly had any morning sickness either. But she was still so worried. So much so, she wasn’t able to enjoy her pregnancy, wouldn’t let anybody touch her belly or ask about the baby either. She didn’t want to jinx it. I was hardly allowed to touch her stomach, and she flipped shit on Mira when Mira would get a little too rough with her and even touch her belly, let alone knock it or accidentally bump it.”
He took a deep breath. This part always made him choke up. The image of his son, his dead son, fully formed, completely perfect, totally healthy would be forever emblazoned in his mind. Tattooed on the back of his eyelids so that Anthony was the last thing Adam saw before he fell asleep, and the first thing he saw when he woke up. He would mourn his son until his last dying breath. He would mourn all his children that never were, and hold his one living, breathing child tight against his heart each and every day until her sunshine chased away the dark gray clouds that loomed inside of him.
Gnashing his molars together, he steadied his breathing before he continued. “It was on Anthony’s due date that Paige went in to the doctor complaining that something was wrong. The baby’s movements had slowed down, and something just felt off. They did an ultrasound, and sure enough, his heart rate had slowed right down He was in distress.
“We rushed to the hospital, where the surgeon performed another emergency C-section, but they were too late. The cord had wrapped so tightly around his neck that Anthony was stillborn, and there was nothing anybody could do to revive him.”
“No.” He felt a hot drop land on his chest. He glanced down to find Violet crying. “Poor Paige. Poor you.” Her nostrils flared and her bottom lip wobbled. She shut her mouth to keep it still.
“Paige couldn’t even look at me afterward. Wouldn’t let Mira in the room. She screamed and cried, cried and screamed until the doctors had to sedate her. She tried taking her own life in the hospital shower, so they cuffed her to the bed and put her on suicide watch.”
“Oh Adam, I’m so sorry.” Her fingers splayed over his chest, and she kissed his pec. “That must have been so hard for you. You must have felt so helpless.”
He had.
He’d never felt more helpless in all his life.
The woman he’d vowed to protect, to love and honor for better or worse, wouldn’t let him help her when they were in the worse. She wouldn’t let him protect her and help ease her pain.
She wouldn’t even let him hold her as she wept for their son.
Once she was released from the hospital, Adam and Paige’s parents decided it would be best for Paige if she went to a remote resort in Colorado where they ran a special program for people dealing with loss, grief and thoughts of suicide. They had counselors there twenty-four seven, yoga, hikes, mindfulness workshops and more. Paige’s parents offered to pay, as she was their only child and they were beyond distraught with how she was struggling to cope with everything.
“She spent eight weeks at a grief counseling facility in Colorado. Eight long weeks. And on week nine, when she returned, she served me with divorce papers.”
It gutted him.
Here he thought he was getting his wife back, or at least a big piece of her, only instead he was losing her completely. For good.
“She moved out of the house and in with her parents. She signed over primary custody of Mira, wanting only visitation. She kept saying that she wasn’t a fit mother, that if she couldn’t keep a baby inside her alive that I shouldn’t trust her with Mira.”
“But those miscarriages, Anthony, those weren’t her fault. She loves her daughter and would never let anything happen to her.” Tears dripped down Violet’s cheeks now. Adam used the corner of the blanket to wipe them away, his heart swelling at her deep and genuine empathy.
“I told her all of that, but she wouldn’t listen. The therapist also wasn’t convinced she wouldn’t try to self-harm again if triggered. Now Paige only sees Mira when I or her parents are around.”
At first, he fought the divorce. Suggested they go to counseling together, said he would do anything to change her mind and keep her from making this mistake, from breaking up their family, Mira’s family. But she was adamant. She said it wasn’t that she fell out of love with him, it was that she fell out of love with herself, out of love with life. And if you can’t love yourself, how can anybody else? She said that it wasn’t fair to him or Mira to have to deal with what she was going through and that he deserved a woman, a wife who was present and ava
ilable, willing to give him what he needed emotionally, physically and otherwise. She said she wasn’t sure she would ever be that person again and didn’t think it was fair to make him wait with the hopes that she might be.
“I’m so sorry, Adam,” Violet said between sniffles. “I’m sorry for all of you. For Paige, for Mira. For you. Losing one child is hard enough, but losing four. I can’t even imagine.”
He tilted his head and kissed her cheek. It was warm, wet and salty. “We’re in a good place now, Paige and I. She wants me to be happy.”
“But you want her to be happy too, right?”
“I do. More than anything. And I think her dancing here is helping. She seems better. Seems to be able to find joy again.”
Violet shut her eyes for a moment before looking back up at him. Sorrow passed behind the soulful green of her irises. “That’s good. She’s a very passionate dancer. Her solos have brought a few of us to tears.”
He rolled her beneath him and gently pushed her legs apart, settling his body between her luscious thighs. “I’m not interested in solos. I’m interested in dancing with a partner, and right now … ” He kissed her cheeks, her nose and finally her lips. “You’re the only partner I want.” Slowly, lazily, he slid inside her, and their bodies began to move as if they weren’t new lovers still learning each other’s bodies, but as if they’d been doing this for years, decades. So in tune and connected, the way only longtime lovers can be.
Sliding into Violet was like going home.
They’d both poured their hearts out, revealing their painful pasts and opening up about their grief. Emotions were raw, and his head hurt from having to relive the memories. But his heart was also full, because he was with someone who understood. He was with someone who could not only recognize his grief but share in it and allow him to comfort her in her own losses.
He was with his partner.
18
Violet swallowed down the nervous lump in her throat as she, Adam and Mira approached the big wooden door of Mark and Tori’s home.
Adam and Mira had been invited to a barbecue, and apparently, Adam had been given very explicit instructions by Tori that Violet had to be invited as well.
“You okay?” Adam asked, lifting his fist up to the door and giving it a couple of good solid knocks.
She nodded, tucking her hair behind her ear and licking her lips. She’d worn her hair down, and the back of her neck was feeling particularly hot.
Mira slipped her hand into Violet’s. “It’ll be great. Jayda’s going to be here.”
Right.
At least she’d know a few friendly faces. Her brother and Jayda would be along shortly, after a visit to their mother’s to check on the bird. So far, she hadn’t flown the coop, and there had been no calls or voicemails mentioning any profanities. Maybe ol’ Rhodo was on her best behavior to secure herself a new address? Who knew?
The door opened to reveal a very striking woman with dark wavy hair and piercing blue eyes. Her smile was warm and welcoming. “You must be Violet!” She stepped aside so the three of them could enter. “I’m Tori, and I’m so excited to meet you. Another woman in the group. Hurray!” She wrapped her arms around Violet, so Violet released Jayda’s hand and hugged her back, eyeing Adam over Tori’s shoulder. Adam simply shrugged with a smile.
“Thank you for inviting me. You have a lovely home.”
Tori pulled away, still all smiles. “Well, it’s not my home yet. But I do agree, Mark and Gabe’s house is pretty great.”
“You don’t live here?”
She shook her head. “Not yet. We’re taking it slow.”
“But she stays over most nights, so it’s like she lives here,” came a dark and sexy voice from behind them.
Violet spun around to find a very handsome man approaching. His dark hair was wildly tousled, and his grass-green eyes spoke of wisdom and intensity. He stuck out his hand. “Hi, I’m Mark. Nice to finally meet you.”
Violet swallowed. “Likewise.”
Tori looped her arm through Violet’s. “Come on, I’ll introduce you to everyone. There are a couple other women here, Amber and Daisy, and they’re just dying to meet you.”
Violet let out a puffy-cheeked breath. “That’s no pressure at all.”
Tori chuckled as she led Violet into the house, the chatter of Mark and Adam fading behind them.
When they stepped out on to the big spacious sundeck overlooking a perfectly manicured backyard, all chatter stopped, and everyone turned to face her.
Holy crap, there were a lot of men. A lot of attractive men. And all their eyes were on her at the moment.
She smiled shyly and was about to raise her hand in an awkward wave when a very muscly, very handsome, very tall man with dark red hair, tattoos on his arms and a thick neck stepped in front of her. He was all smiles, and his blue eyes, the same shade as Adam’s, twinkled in the sun. “Hi, I’m Zak.”
Zak. Zak? Zak!
Adam’s brother!
He laughed when the realization of who he was dawned on her. “You’ve heard of me, I take it?”
“All good things, I swear.”
She went to stick out her hand to shake his, but instead he brought her in for a hug. “Ah, none of that handshake crap. You’re dating DamDam, we hug.”
DamDam?
“It’s nice to finally meet you,” he went on, pulling out of the hug. “Dam’s told me a lot about you.”
A warmth at her back and a hand around her waist had her nerves ebbing and her body melting into Adam’s. “Only the best things, though,” Adam said, pecking Violet on the side of the head.
She glanced up at him. “DamDam?”
Adam rolled his eyes, a dismissive half-smile tilting his lips. “Childhood nickname. Zachary here just refuses to grow up.”
Two children, probably eight and ten or so, came running up to Zak. The boy spoke first. “Dad, can we have another soda?” He was the spitting image of his father, only a couple of feet shorter. Dark red hair, blue eyes and freckles on his arms, cheeks and forehead.
Zak shook his head. “No. You’ve already had one today, which is a huge treat. It’s water or flavored sparkling water from here on out. Go find Uncle Mark and ask him if he’s got anything without a shit-ton of sugar.”
The little girl, who was obviously the younger of the two and also a redhead, but with bright amber eyes and a heart-shaped face, grinned. “Can we say shit-ton when we ask?”
Zak repressed a smile as best he could. “What do you think?”
She rolled her eyes and shuffled back and forth on her feet. “Where’s Uncle Mark?”
“He’s in the kitchen prepping the steaks,” Tori cut in. “If he can’t help you, I’ll be there in a minute to help you find something to drink.”
The two children nodded and took off in the direction of the kitchen.
“That wasn’t tough at all,” Violet said, impressed that the children hadn’t put up a stink about not getting soda. A lot of kids would have turned it into a battle.
“Aiden and Tia know better,” Zak replied with an air of confidence.
“Zak owns a gym. Big health buff,” Adam added.
Violet nodded in understanding.
Tori pushed Adam’s arm away from Violet. “All right, time to do the rounds and meet everyone. Mira has already taken off to find Gabe and Jordie, so now let’s find you some new friends.”
And just like that, Violet was welcomed into the fold. Into the family. And it felt good.
She fit in with his crew, his family, seamlessly. Will and Riley’s wives, Amber and Daisy, had taken to her immediately, and Tori was exchanging contact and social media information with Violet before the sun had even started to set.
Adam let out a sigh of relief as he took a long sip of his beer and lounged on the patio in a chair, a sleepy Mira curled up on his lap. “Hell of a party, dude.” He nodded at Mark who appeared to be dozing with an equally sleepy Gabe cuddled up next to him. “You sure know
how to throw a rager.”
Mark tipped his beer toward Adam before ruffling the top of Gabe’s blond head. “Thanks. Violet seems to have gotten over her nerves.”
And thank God for that.
He glanced inside the house through the windows to see Violet, Tori and Amber standing over the kitchen island, drinking wine and laughing.
He never really had any doubts though. She was a lovable, likeable person, and he couldn’t wait to bring her into the mix and introduce her to the people that meant the most to him.
Mitch and Jayda wandered out onto the patio. Jayda was rubbing her eyes.
“I think we’re going to head home,” Mitch said with a yawn. “Little Miss here needs to get to sleep. It’s still a school day tomorrow.”
Jayda yawned. “Yeah, but it’s June, Dad. June is just the fun month. Like beach days and stuff.”
“And do you want to be too tired to enjoy the fun stuff?” Mitch asked, his brows edging close to each other as he spoke.
She yawned again and shook her head before leaning against his hip. “No.” She’d been running around the backyard all afternoon and evening with the other children and had a healthy dose of sun on her cheeks.
The sun had zapped the energy out of all of them—particularly the children.
Mira was also wiped from all the excitement. Adam needed to get her home. He stroked his little girl’s head, and she shifted on his lap, then started snoring.
Whoops.
A lot of the other fathers had already headed home. Tired kids meant cranky kids, and cranky kids meant the party was over. Only Adam, Mitch, Liam and Zak remained, but even Zak’s kids, who were older, seemed to have run out of steam and were now just sprawled out on the grass down below like little sun-kissed zombies.
Will and his wife, Amber, didn’t have children, so they could stay out as long as they wanted. Something Will took every opportunity to brag about when he could.
Violet appeared in the doorway, and Adam had to stop himself from groaning. Damn, his woman was beautiful. And with the light from the house behind her, she was as close to angelic as they came. She strode her long legs toward him, and this time he couldn’t stop the groan. He’d just imagined those legs wrapped around his waist as he hammered her up against the mirror in her studio. They definitely had to do that again.
